Chapter 118: 118

Rixus’ eyebrows furrowed slightly in the sunlight.

Sunlight shining on his wide chest and waist.

It was the morning light.

“….…”

Rixus woke up vaguely and looked for Berylia, who should have been in his arms.

But he couldn’t feel the body temperature of his lovely wife, which he had held onto day and night.

When he opened his eyes fully to the emptiness, he saw her standing tall in front of the mirror, tidying her hair. 

Rixus slumped down on the bed like a happy beast that was full, and then he stood up at once.

Thud, thud.

He walked over to her, wrapping a silk cloth roughly around his waist.

“…Rixus.”

Then he hugged her from behind, who was sitting in her chair.

“My Queen, why did you wake up early?”

Rixus looked at Berylia’s face reflected in the mirror.

A soft smile was on her lips.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen your peacefully awake face.”

It was true. When he opened his eyes, she was always tired and asleep.

After waking up such a Berylia with his kiss and sharing passionate love over and over again, she fell asleep as if she had fainted.

But waking up this early in the morning?

“Let me see your face properly.”

Rixus spun her around and faced her. It was morning and her pale face was cute.

“I haven’t seen you since I slept all night, so I miss you.”

His long fingers caressed her cheek.

The look in her eyes was full of affection and tenderness. He could feel the love she had in her heart.

“….…”

Berylia tried to placate her crushing heart and gaze calmly at his purplish-blue eyes.

As if to show her face completely, even for a mere moment.

Immediately, Rixus smiled. A languid, sweet low tone that could wet the base of her neck came out.

“You’ve gotten prettier after a night, Candy.”

Berylia’s eyelashes trembled slightly and went down.

Kissing her on the cheek, he glided down the tip of her nose and kissed her neckline.

Clasping her hands slowly, he whispered,

“Shall we go back to bed?”

Berylia replied painfully as if in a whisper.

“……No.”

“Then in the morning? No wonder, you’re hungry.”

“……It’s okay.”

“Shall I wash you?”

“….…”

Rixus’ lips touched her shoulder this time.

For a moment, Beryllia took a deep breath and a step away, then she backed away from him.

Rixus’ eyebrows stiffened slightly.

Berylia lowered her head as if to bring her eyes away.

She pulled down her robe, which was hiding her body from her shoulders.

Then she opened her mouth.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go, Rixus.”

“……Already?”

Rixus removed all schedules for the week yesterday.

He was thinking of spending time with her doing nothing.

It was too harsh to have to go already.

“The nobles of Spinel are here. There are a lot of things to deal with.”

“Our Queen never knows how to enjoy a vacation.”

Rixus frowned and approached her again, stroking her arm, and gently gently pressing her back with his other hand.

“Ah.”

Berylia groaned slightly as if uncomfortable.

“Besides, it’s unreasonable to work right away with this body condition.”

“….…”

“Get some rest. I’ll try not to touch you as much as possible and endure it.”

Berylia blushed and fell away from him again.

Upon seeing her retreating again… Rixus’ expression jumped out very subtly for a second.

Just like someone who had read a strange atmosphere.

“I’m okay.”

“I’m sorry, but I have to eat breakfast alone, Rixus.”

Like that, Berylia left Rixus and the room.

Rixus stood by the door and watched her disappearing back.

Rixus sensed her strangely changed attitude.

It was then when he was tenaciously chasing the swaying platinum hair with his eyes.

Ires, who was walking down the hallway, called his owner.

“Your Highness the Crown Prince, I can finally see your face… Huh?”

Without looking at him, Rixus grabbed Ires’ collar and dragged him towards him.

Then not taking his gaze away from Berylia even as she turned the corner and disappeared, he said,

“Send a doctor to Berylia because she’s not feeling well. Select a female doctor.”

* * *

The tears I had been holding back burst out.

Alone in the dark room, I bit my lips, controlled my breath, and wept.

It felt as if my heart had melted into a liquid and flowed out.

In the place where the tears had escaped, the feeling of despair gradually increased and filled my chest like it was about to burst.

Panting for breath mixed with weeping, I called his name, gasping.

“…Rixus.”

My poor man. What would happen to him now?

The man who fell in love with the woman he had to kill in the future.

Could he afford all of this?

If the oracle that I was a monster which would annihilate the innocent lives of this land came down soon…

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Even if he chose to get rid of me in order to save countless lives, he would be heartbroken for the rest of his life.

‘Because he will have to live with the weight of hurting the woman he loves with his own hands.’

I couldn’t breathe well.

The pain that seemed to break a bone came over me with regret.

Why didn’t I keep the line and ended up getting close to him?

Why did I foolishly hold on to hope again?

Even after going through so much over the past years, did I still not realize it?

Abandoned more cruelly when I met my mother with hope.

Just like in the past, when I was killed more brutally every time I struggled to live.

It was clear that the same thing was happening again.

I looked in the mirror with a half-crazed expression on my face.

“If I end this life in advance…”

I felt like a little devil was whispering in my ear.

‘If I kill myself, the oracle won’t come down in the future.’

How could the oracle come down when the object of the oracle disappeared?

If I could end my story here with my own hands.

Rixus wouldn’t have to make a difficult decision.

If I end my life, my life would restart the same as usual.

I would again be abandoned by my parents and return alone to the cold swamp.

And then again.

Never, ever, ever again!

I wouldn’t be able to pretend to know Rixus.

This love that only I could remember, it would only be buried in my heart… I would be repeating the boring past.

The past where I was killed and ruined.

But at least Rixus wouldn’t suffer from that choice.

He would be doing nothing more but destroying a demon that would destroy the world.

“….…”

With trembling hands, I pulled out a thick, sharp dagger from the drawer.

The hands aiming at my own neck trembled.

‘Is going to be good for Rixus?’

Could he be sane once he found my body?

I was choked with the thought of his face, from which he had whispered love countless times last night.

At my funeral, he would weep bitterly.

He would be the hapless man who lost his wife after he barely won her heart, and as soon as they spent their first night together.

What if he lived his whole life alone?

“…Uh-huh.”

Clank—

The dagger dropped from my trembling hand and I collapsed.

The whole future was terribly horrifying.

It didn’t seem like I could stand any of it.

Leaving his side with my own hands.

Facing Rixus who completely forgot me, and being killed countless times by his hand again.

Those warm lips.

Friendly eyes.

The hands that touched me…

Forget all that and live.

“Help me, please help me, if anyone is listening!”

Foolishly, I cried and prayed for the slightest bit of help.

But the moment I begged, a cold wind blew into my heart.

I suddenly came to my senses.

“……”

With a tear-drenched face, I looked in the mirror and asked myself.

‘When you asked for help, did heaven help you?’

So far, I have come this far on my own will.

If I couldn’t die and I couldn’t accept this reality…

Wouldn’t I have no choice but to try my best?

‘I’ll hold myself by the neck, I have to take a step forward.’

That was a courtesy to me. And it was a courtesy to my life.

Even if it was a miserable life with a fixed beginning and an end…

Wasn’t life always precious to me?

There was still time left for me to give up and die like this.

“……”

I took a deep breath, bit down hard on my trembling lips, and looked in the mirror.

Then I forcibly lifted my heart that had fallen into despair.

“…Yes, there is no way at all.”

Poison passed through my reddened eyes.

The time left for me was too short, because I had been desperate and broken for a long time.

I wiped away my tears and changed my clothes with vigour.

In the meantime, I put aside and hid them, the emotions that had earlier burst out in a mess.

When I finally exited through the door, I had a more rational and calmer face than ever before.

* * *

“Your Majesty the Queen looked for me first.”

Johnan warmly welcomed Berylia.

“It’s an honor.”

He nodded his head playfully.

Wasn’t she the one who treated him as a bother for sending countless messages?

Last time, he was even kicked out of the house by being treated like an uninvited guest.

‘But you come to me as soon as you’re in trouble… You’re cute.’

This made him want to keep pushing her into a corner.

Johann hid his dark side and looked at her with kind eyes.

“What have you come to see me for, Queen?”

The corners of Johann’s lips rose smoothly.

Berylia looked at Johann quietly.

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