Chapter 8: CH 8

After calling Piao Zheng from the car and explaining things to him, I closed my eyes and tried to calm my mind – what I had to deal with next would make me exhausted. Jian Zhenlin was still here.

The maid opened the door when I arrived, but this time she did not turn me away and politely led me to the study. I followed her through the long, empty corridor, with its dark wall lamps and carved wooden banisters.

We passed by the backyard, and I noticed that the bamboo was gone. It had been replaced with a garden full of begonias blooming delicately in a white world of snow and ice.

As we reached the last room, the maid opened the door. 

“Sir, Miss Jian is here.”

The bright lights, the meticulous furnishings, the cabinets full of books, all signaled the rigour and prestige of a successful businessman. I turned my head to look at the middle-aged man standing by the window looking at me. I was face to face with my father, Jian Zhenlin.

“There you are.” 

There was an unnatural tone in his voice, and a hint of nervousness. It was interesting to see that the Jian Zhenlin who was usually articulate on-screen was nervous around his own daughter.

“Little Jie, you must be tired from the journey.” He approached me speaking kindly. 

“I’m fine.”

“Have a seat. What would you like to drink first? I’ll have the maid bring it up, tea or…?” 

“No, thanks.” 

My visit shouldn’t last long enough for a cup of tea. 

He looked a little bemused by my lack of enthusiasm, and became embarrassed and speechless until the maid came knocking on the door. 

“Sir, Mr Xi is back. Should I invite him up?”

Jian Zhenlin turned, walked over to the mahogany table and sat down. 

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“Let him come up.” 

He pointed to the sofa not far away. 

“Little Jie, you can sit down too.”

“Uncle Jian.” A low voice sounded accompanied with the sound of the door opening. I stood still, neither moving nor sitting down. 

“Oh, Xichen, you’re back.” Jian Zhenlin didn’t ask why we had come separately. Xichen brushed past me as he walked to the desk and sat down.

Jian Zhenlin looked at me, his eyes repeatedly signalling for me to go and sit down as well, but I didn’t. I remained standing, my back ramrod straight. 

After a moment, he sighed and stood up with a sense of powerlessness in his eyes. 

“Little Jie….” His lips moved silently before he continued, “I know, you must still be blaming me for what I did back then. “

I was a bit confused. I hadn’t expected him to mention this topic so quickly and so bluntly.

“Little Jie, I’m relieved that you’re willing to come back to Jian’s house today. Your time outside must have been very hard. It’s been so many years, yet I haven’t done my duty as a father should. Not even a little.”

These words should have sounded pathetic, but in the moment, all I could feel was numbness and indifference.

“You don’t have to.” 

These false promises, these courtesies, these touching words, they didn’t need to be used on me – at least not now.

Jian Zhenlin’s face looked a little embarrassed. He opened his mouth several times without making a sound, then finally said, “Little Jie, you are my only daughter.”

Those few words cut deep into my heart. They were not very painful, but they left a scar. 

“Dad, I know I’m your daughter, but you have a son don’t you?” It was sarcasm that could no longer be disguised.

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