“I’m a really terrible person. I really deserve to die…”
“Mm, well. I don’t know what’s going on, but good luck. There’s no one in this world who’s entirely terrible.”
“The Lady is very kind. Perhaps, do you have a lover?”
“Huh? N-No…”
“Me neither.”
“Ah, alright.”
It’s been a long time since he had a day off, but like a habit, I was about to go into the library, so I turned and went to the garden. I was already thinking of heading in, but I heard someone crying when I was about to go. My own life was sad, but here I was comforting others.
The crying man was a very delicate-looking man, with amethyst-like eyes and purple hair that was a little long. At first glance, his physique was so slender that I was confused about his gender for a moment. If it wasn’t for his low voice, I might have misunderstood because he was wearing accessories though his clothes were plain.
I don’t know what’s going on with him, but as soon as I was going to stand and head back—I refuse to be involved in complicated things—the man who was bowing glanced up at me and cried even more forlornly. So right now, I was crouching down with him and comforting him.
“I was such a pretty child when I was young.”
“I see.”
“Aren’t I still pretty now?”
“Yes. Very pretty.”
“Thank you. You’re very pretty, too. My heart…”
“Ah, yes.”
But this guy. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, but… I don’t know what exactly he was talking about. I’m also not good at leading a conversation, so I was just answering half-heartedly.
Looking at his well-trimmed nails, his elegant features and luxurious looking clothes, it seemed like he was a noble. But when he was crying like this in self-deprecation, saying that he was a terrible person and that he’d be happy if he was alone, his demeanor really wasn’t great.
How long will I have to sit like this? I almost sighed without realizing it.
“Do you believe in God, Lady?”
As he suddenly asked this question, the man slightly lowered his eyes. Did I believe in God… I didn’t know I’d hear such words inside Ciel’s Imperial Palace, not anywhere else.
Was he trying his best at missionary work? I looked at the man, whose expression was disheartened, then shook my head.
“I don’t know if there’s one or not, but I don’t really like talking about this topic.”
It would be funny if a succubus was pious, but I didn’t want to believe in one after all that I’ve gone through. However, I was curious why this man asked.
“Actually, I feel the same way.”
“…Then why did you ask?”
He replied with a wide smile, but at this, I frowned. Why did he ask if he didn’t like talking about it that much? I continued staring at the disheartened man, then he soon answered.
“I have friends who are very precious to me.”
“Ah, yes.”
The topic changed again. I’ve kind of gotten used to his strange way of talking after speaking with him for a short period of time, so I nodded again.
“Lady, you know. Since I was young, I was a shy, pretty child who was very timid and couldn’t talk to people I didn’t know.”
“Ah, yes.”
“Because of my appearance and because of what I have, there were countless people approaching me and trying to steal my possessions, but it was only my friends who saw me for who I truly am. We became very good friends and they listened to me every time even though I was stubborn. I trust them. No matter what they’ll ask, I won’t refuse.”
“…I see.”
He was choked up by the words that he was saying, especially when he said that his friends saw him for who he was. But then again, what the hell does this have to do about believing in God? While thinking that I might not have listened to him closely, the man lowered his head again.
“I… I’m a terrible person.”
“……”
“I’m really so terrible that I can’t even listen to my precious friends’ request. But I hate it…”
“What do you hate?”
“Hu… I don’t know if I can say this to a Lady I met for the first time.”
“No, well, you don’t have to…”
“To be honest, my mother forced me to dress up as a woman since I was young.”
This guy. I think he just wants to talk to someone. In fact, it was a heavy story that you wouldn’t expect to hear from someone you met for the first time today, but no matter what he said, it still looked like he felt uncomfortable talking about himself.
It’s a pity that he came all the way out here when there was no one for him to talk to. I have a lot of time anyway, so it wouldn’t be bad to listen a little more.
·
Although his story changed several times, I just nodded with a generous heart.
To sum it up, this man had a good relationship with his siblings, but his mother abused him and said that he shouldn’t be so close to them.
He also said that he had to do prayers while being under water that was so hot that he shed tears several times a day the moment he heard that he’d have to recite the word of God. He had to pray to a God whose name he didn’t know, all throughout the dawn. And the reason why he dressed up as a woman was because that God liked girls… What?
“Um… Is there a religion like that?”
“It was a ridiculous pagan belief. But then I learned how worthless an individual’s beliefs change under the guise of ‘faith’. Violent acts based on faith are exposed casually and…”
“Ah, yes.”
The man had only been either crying his eyes out or smiling brightly, but for the first time, his expression was distorted. He spat out these words as though he was truly disgusted. Though it was something I didn’t go through, I think I could understand where he’s coming from.
I nodded seriously, but I realized that my legs had begun to go numb from crouching for such a long time. Is he okay now? I took out a handkerchief from my pocket and laid it on the floor. Then, I spoke.
“Please sit here.”
“……”
“Why are you looking at me like that, Milord?”
“I heard that this is usually what men do for women.”
Seeing his wide eyes, I smiled awkwardly. It was just the consideration that came out unknowingly while subconsciously thinking about how difficult it would be to wash off the dirt that might stain the man’s clothes. For my clothes though, it doesn’t matter since I can do my own laundry.
I wanted to sit comfortably on a chair, but I figured that he wouldn’t want to be in a bright place or that he didn’t want to be seen by others. But seeing him so touched, I was somewhat embarrassed.
“Mm… So that’s why you said you don’t like talking about it. But how does religion relate to your friends?”
“That’s…”
Sitting on the handkerchief, the redness of the man’s cheeks subsided as he considered my question. For a moment, he licked his lips and bit his lower lip, but then he soon spoke.
“One of my friends asked if a guest could be invited home.”
“An invitation.”
“Yes. But that guest is from the temple. I don’t want such a dirty person to come to my house.”
“Do you live with your friend?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, I see. By the way, is that friend a girl?”
“He’s a man. Oh, gosh. You mentioned that you don’t have a lover. Would you like me to introduce you to him?”
“Ah, no. I’m good.”
“I’m worried that if I let them continue on like this, they’ll die as old bachelors. I’m only saying this to you, but I don’t think they’d ever met a woman. They’re both handsome and have great abilities and assets, but I don’t know why they live like that.”
I don’t know how the topic changed again. I was a little surprised to hear that he so firmly said that he was living with his friend, but it might just be because I’m not familiar with the culture in Ciel.
Until a while ago, he was depressed because of his friends, but now he was smiling brightly again. It felt like I was talking to a child who had severe mood swings.
After organizing my thoughts a little, I told him.
“Those guests. Do you really have to meet them?”
“I don’t have to meet them, but my friend said he has to.”
“You said you don’t want to bring them home. Then why can’t the appointment just be in that guest’s house?”
“Ah…!”
I don’t know what’s going on, but I had a hunch that the important guest that this man’s friend was bringing home was a bride, even if the friend knows that this man hates religion. I might be being uselessly nosy here, but this was the only thing I could come up with.
The man, who was blinking as though he was considering something, spoke with a happy expression.
“That’s right. That’s one way.”
“Will that be alright?”
“Yes. I don’t have to meet them. Thank you, Lady. But, your name is…”
“It’s Lily.”
“Yes. Lily. Thanks to you, I don’t have to avoid my friends anymore.”
“…You’ve been avoiding them?”
“Yes. For a few days now.”
Maybe that’s why he was hiding at such a remote place. I’d be glad if what I said would help him… I wondered how severe the trauma he experienced was when he was young. He looked to be a really pure person.
The man rose to his feet first, then he held out a hand to me. I thought he just wanted to help me up, and it wouldn’t be right to refuse such kindness, so I gladly took his hand. His grip was surprisingly strong, or maybe he was just holding tightly.
I stood up and shook my clothes. He picked up the dirty handkerchief and folded it carefully, then he tucked it into his shirt pocket.
“I’ll return this when we see each other again.”
“Huh? Oh, it’s alright. You don’t have to do that.”
“I’m just trying to make an excuse so that I can see you again.”
“…Ah, yes.”
What a weird guy. When I let out a small smile, the man smiled beautifully again.
When we walked towards the fountain, there were still no people around, but there were more people walking along the main path compared to before. I bowed slightly and said.
“Then, I’ll get going now.”
“Thank you so much for today. See you next time, Lily.”
“Yes.”
The man waved languidly. When I inadvertently looked back while walking along the flowery path of the garden, I bowed once more when I saw him still waving at me.
After a while, I could still feel his gaze, so I looked back and saw that he was still waving. It seemed a bit comical that I kept smiling.
It wasn’t until I came back to my room that I realized that I didn’t catch his name. If I asked around, other people might know him since he has such a unique appearance. But he asked me to see him again later, so I decided to just ask him personally then.
It was a strange encounter, but somehow, it left me in a good mood.