Chapter 313: How Did You Turn Into Something This Surreal?

“Okay, so a lot has happened while we were there but… at least our plan, Operation: Prevent Mishaps on Grace Day, was a success!” Baiyi exclaimed as he stepped out of the portal. He proceeded to pour himself a drink to enjoy in the familiarity of his Magus Lab.

“Are you sure you escaped, bruh?” said a voice suddenly from the Void. It belonged to the Bard Walker, who was trying to strike a conversation with Baiyi purely because he did not contribute anything to the Voidwalkers’ previous brainstorming session. “I mean, if we calculate the time properly, wasn’t the day you were floored by that leather suit exactly Grace Day?”

‘Tsk… Damn it, he’s right. It’s as if I didn’t escape at all, did I? ‘ To him, his ordeals had been better than the kids’, who got the shorter end of the stick and had to camp in a woods far away from civilization, for days.

The more Baiyi thought about it, the more he felt sorry for them. Thus, in an act of generosity, he declared, “Seeing as all of you have been through quite enough these past few days, let us extend our holidays so that there will be more rest before we begin classes again.”

“Eyh?! Sir…You… planned to start class immediately?” Tisdale exclaimed.

“Cough! Oh, heavens no. Now go along and rest up.” He waved, dismissing the kids. In a flash, they were all gone.

Baiyi had a more pressing matter to attend to, and he was going to do it right there and then. In large strides, he marched to the yard… straight to his potted plants.

Before their trip, Sunny, the sunflower, had suggested to Baiyi that he leave the plants at home. Furthermore, before their trip, the sunflower had given Baiyi specific instructions on how to take care of the plants, and Baiyi passed these instructions to Vidomina’s butler.

Hence, now that some time had passed, Baiyi believed that his plants would have grown up strong and healthy, right? Happily, the Fifth Walker pushed open the door…

The sound of the door opening was followed by the sound of the door closing. Then what followed was a few moments of complete silence, and immediately after that, the sound of footsteps hurriedly going up the stairs broke the serene quiet. The footsteps stopped at the second floor, and a door was opened; Baiyi rushed into the room and swiftly swiped Sunny out of Zakum’s raised paw, then he carried the sunflower out into the yard.

“Explain. What. Have. You. Done to them?” Baiyi shouted at the sunflower. “I thought you said you could understand plants! That you would know exactly what they want, and so you could fulfill their need to grow up healthily! …Seriously, what the hell are those?”

He pointed at the potted plants.

The plants had grown, albeit too much. One plant now resembled a large spherical cactus, and it was growing out of a bear-shaped flower pot. This plant had needles all over it, and it also had what seemed to be a pair of human eyes. The eyes blinked as they stared at Baiyi with curiosity.

Another plant that had been incubating in a whale-shaped flower pot had now mutated so much, Baiyi could no longer identify its species. The plant had somehow developed a huge maw that contained razor-sharp shark teeth, and the maw kept opening and shutting as though the plant was chewing something.

A dog-shaped flower pot Baiyi owned housed another plant which had now mutated into a pumpkin that had the shape of Baiyi’s helmet. On its pumpkin’s smooth surface was a face so human-like, it seemed like the face was grafted onto the pumpkin; and now, that face was staring at Baiyi with an expression of displeasure.

Some other plants now resembled cabbages so big, they looked like they could be launched from a catapult. Huge watermelons could also be seen amidst the cabbages. Both the enormous cabbages and watermelons were growing from the soil on the ground. Some other plants were growing from the ground as well, but instead of plant parts to surface from the ground, only large pairs of eyes could be seen protruding from the soil. Although Baiyi was not sure if some other plants were actually moles or landmines, at this point, he did not care any longer.

However, none of these freaky plants could be crowned the most horrifying. That honor went to whatever the f**k had been germinating in a cat-shaped tin can. Although the other possessed bad attitudes and shocking looks, they still resembled flora, somehow; however, the thing growing out the cat-shaped tin can looked nothing like any flora currently in existence. It was just a huge cat head.

The cat head was furry and fluffy — just like a real housecat. Its looks could almost fool everyone, making them call it ‘adorable’. All that could be seen was a head; its entire body was still buried underneath the earth. Only its head was visible ¹ …

‘Gawds, these things are downright chilling! Are they even plants anymore? They are demons; that’s what they are!’

“So you tell me what the bloody heck did you do?!?!” Baiyi’s hands closed in on Sunny’s steam as he screamed each word. He seemed to have the sunflower in a choke hold, then he began to shake it.

Poor Sunny the sunflower was so shocked that its attempts at offering Baiyi an explanation — which required it to twist its tendrils — were incoherent because the tendrils were twisting at askew angles, making the explanation the sunflower was trying to convey unreadably.

According to the sunflower, Baiyi’s plants adopted these forms by their own free will. Baiyi had been taking care of his plants with a lot of effort, even going as far as to water them using water created from mana. Furthermore, these plants all grew within a mana-filled environment, which was protected by a variety of magic barriers; sometimes, Baiyi even kept them inside his chest armor. The sunflower, Sunny, only guided Baiyi’s plants in their growth… That was how all this all came about.

Not only was their present appearances surreal, but they had also even displayed a minor degree of intelligence. In other words, they were no longer common plants; they were now magical beings.

“Okay; I can buy that they are trying to evolve into something more, and honestly, that is fine by me. However, why must they walk a path opposite of, you know, beauty and moe? Why must they choose to look like freaks?” Baiyi cried.

He had only just said that when he heard a delighted shriek from behind him. “Aaaah! What an adorable kitty!”

When Baiyi turned around, he saw Mia already rubbing her cheeks against the cathead-plant, seemingly enjoying every moment of contact with it.

The other students heard the commotions from the yard, so they came to see what the fuss was about. Mia was quick to spot the cathead-plant and was even quicker to give it her own display of affection.

“Mia… M-my turn to hug-hug…” Attie stood beside her and muttered insistently.

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Mia nodded and passed the pot, which had the plant in it, to the Kitty Cat Maid. Attie, however, chose to examine the plant carefully.

Suddenly, she opened her jaw wide and took a large bite out of the leaf behind the cathead! When she tried to swallow it, she gagged a few times before it finally went down her throat.

“What do you think you’re doing now?!” Baiyi panicked and snatched the pot away with one hand and grabbed the Kitty Cat Maid by the nape of her neck with his other hand.

He planned to teach the girl a good lesson because, although the plants may have resembled demented anime tropes, they were still the same lot he had so lovingly cared for!

Baiyi raised the girl by the nape of her neck till her eyes were level with his, and just as he was just about to open his mouth to deliver a long speech, he noticed something off about Attie. Her eyes were unfocused; it looked like she had lost consciousness. Suddenly, she jerked around a bit, then her arms wrapped themselves around Baiyi’s neck.

“Lik—like… Master…” Attie slurred, as though in some sort of trance, then suddenly, she planted a kiss on Baiyi’s mask so forcefully that it was audible.

‘Is she intoxicated? Did that leaf contain some sort of trance-inducing toxin? … That cat thing can’t honestly be catnip, right?!’ Baiyi yanked Attie off himself and randomly tossed her away towards the others. Then, he said, “I think that leaf she ate contains some kind of drugging effect. Please help me take care of her!”

Coincidentally, Nota the fairy had been standing beside him for a while; when she saw him toss Attie away, she rushed to catch Attie, then she looked at Baiyi and shakily replied, “R-Right…”

She had caught Attie’s and was hovering in mid-air, but the Kitty Cat Maid’s weight soon overwhelmed her frail physique. Attie may have been flat in every body part that mattered, but she was still at least much heavier than the gaudy Nota. Without the necessary strength to lift the falling Kitty-cat maid, Nota and Attie crashed downwards together and rolled across the ground for a while, before coming to a stop, with Attie laying on top of the fairy.

The Kitty Car Maid look at the very nervous Nota with her blank eyes, and she began to sniff the fairy before speaking with a slur once again, ” Nota… Sweet…”

She extended her tongue and got close to the fairy. Nota let out a shrill scream and struggled, but her strength was no match for Attie’s, and because of this, the fairy got licked.

However, Attie seemed to be dissatisfied. She also seemed to decide to enjoy Nota even more, and so, in a trance, she pursed her pink lips and began inching it closer and closer to Nota’s lips ² …

Fortunately, Baiyi looked up at them just in time, after inspecting the cat-head plant for a while. “The hell are you guys are doing!?”

He yanked Attie by the scruff of her neck again and lifted Nota with his mana. “You alright?” He asked the fairy in concern.

“F-Fine…” Nota replied bashfully, with a crimson face.

‘…. Why are you blushing instead of turning red in rage?’

In the end, it was all thanks to the strongest girl of them all, the Village Maiden, Laeticia, that Attie was finally subdued and whisked back to her room.

Baiyi turned and looked at all his students, then he grabbed the sunflower, Sunny, which had only been moments away from sneaking away. “So what should we do now?”

The Fifth Walker’s attitude had softened up. What could he do? He could not bring himself to uproot the very plants he had loved for so long. He could not strangle the Sunflower to death, either, because it was his student. So really, when it came down to it, the only thing he could do was accept the reality.

“It’s alright, Mentor. We will just continue to groom them, for their intelligence will only develop as they grow; and eventually, they will become like me… or even surpass me!” The Sunflower replied.

‘What?! That’s worse! Why do you even need plants to become powerful? To fight off zombies?!’

“They just wanted to better protect this yard. It’s their home! When they spotted some intruders break in, a few days ago, all they could do was gawk, instead of helping out. Ever since then, they had been focused on improving themselves!”The Sunflower continued. Baiyi was not even sure if the sunflower’s explanation was real or not.

“Broke in?!” Baiyi froze. ‘No way, it can’t really be zombies, right?!’   ³

“They said that the intruders had all been wearing black cloaks. Perhaps they were the same attackers who had gone after you, Mentor?”

‘Oh, really? Well, I suppose the plants have some heart…’ Baiyi was surprised to find himself quite moved. At least his affection was reciprocated!

“But they need not fret about fighting or defending our home. Plants don’t have much ability in fighting, do they? I just want them to grow up happily,” Baiyi muttered as he released his grip on the Sunflower.

Just as he finished his words, however, Baiyi heard a loud whimper. He turned and found a few small plant spines on the fox’s nose, which caused the beast to roll around in pain. It turned out that the fox, Zakum, had been sniffing the mutated cactus and tried to take a bite, out of curiosity.

Unfortunately, the cactus was sorely unamused. To make its sentiments obvious, it shot out some spines in retaliation.

The fox that had been injured was no common fox, however. The sturdiness of its skin had always been pretty impressive — but now, some fine needles had actually pierced through its skin…

“Oh-kay. That was interesting…?” Baiyi sighed.