Chapter 166: Chapter One Hundred Sixty Seven

We didn't end up staying down there. Cark had things to think about,  and as much as I would have liked to pressure him, I knew this decision  was going to be extremely important to him. However, I was pretty sure  of one thing. I was almost positive the Flame Riot Militia wasn't the  faction backing the other candidate. Burning Fist and Sage had been far  too interested in Cark. Blue flame pyros might be rare, but a wishmaster  candidate at my level could turn some kid into one for them to raise.

As  an E ranker a decade or two would be nothing to Edgar. His eagerness to  get his hands on Cark didn't make sense from that perspective. I  mentioned that to Callie, and she nodded along, but she seemed  distracted. We split up when we got home, and while Cark went to think  things over I dragged Callie to my room. Sitting her down to check in  with her. She'd been the one who got us through today, and she'd done a  great job, so I could only really think of one thing that could be  bothering her. "You're upset that Burning Fist complimented your dad  over how you were raised."

Her head snapped up, and I saw  that she'd been so lost in her thoughts she hadn't even processed where  we'd been going. When her eyes met mine though, they looked clouded and  uncertain. "I...it's silly. It's just some E ranker. Who cares right?  But how could he think that? How could he look at me and see someone  that HE made. Do I remind him of my father? Do I come across like he  does?" Her voice was raw, aching and afraid. I was shocked at how upset  this had made her.

I took her hands in mine. "Holy shit  Cal, are you alright? What is this about?" This seemed like a much  bigger reaction than what was warranted. Like, I understood her being  upset about the comment, but this seemed like...more. Something bigger  was going on here. I hadn't noticed any sort of issue with her lately  really. She'd been a bit wrapped up in making sure the team functioned,  but she didn't seem upset or depressed or anything.

Her  eyes welled up with tears as she stared at me. "I've been trying so hard  Shane. So hard to not be anything like him. He's selfish and vindictive  and only cares about power. I don't want to be like that. I want to be a  good leader. I want to be a good friend. I want to treat the people I  love like they matter to me. Have I not been doing well enough? Have I  been selfish? What makes me so much like him?" She was openly sobbing  now, big heaving gasps, and I was pretty much frozen solid.

I...I'd  missed this. I'd missed the whole thing. Missed how she was torn up  being so close to him. Missed how she was ripping herself apart trying  to be a perfect leader and even, I suspected, a perfect girlfriend, just  so she could prove to herself she was different. I'd been so happy  being with her I hadn't even considered the reasons why she was doing  what she was doing. I was...kind of an asshole. I'd paid attention to  Benny, to Jessie, to me, but I'd ignored the person who mattered most to  me. I'd just written Callie's drive to improve off as some kind of  counterpoint to my need to get stronger. I knew she wanted to prove  herself in the future, but I'd ignored what that meant for right now.

I  leaned forward and kissed her. Softly, reassuringly, just to get her to  breathe for a second. Her eyes drifted closed, and I pulled back,  keeping my hand on her face. "You are not your father. You are nothing  like him. You are smart, and funny, and brave, and caring, and a million  other things I don't even have words for. Is this why you've been  trying so hard? Been doing so much? To show all of us that you aren't  like him? You know we don't see you that way right? You don't have to  prove anything to us."

She gave a shuddering sob. "But  I...I came here. I was never going to come here. I was never going to do  what he wanted me to do. I played right into his hands. This is all his  idea, it's all what he wanted. I'm the daughter he always wanted me to  be. Making waves, spreading my name, and people hear it and they think  of him. I'm doing exactly what he wants." She gritted her teeth, eyes  flashing. "I hate him! I hate him so fucking much! He's awful and  selfish and ruthless and I don't want to be anything like him!"

I  kissed her again, if only to break her train of thought, and then I  pulled back. "Hey. You are NOT like him. You came here for us, you came  here for ME. And I love you for that. But you're allowed to want things.  You're allowed to have whims and throw fits and make things about you  sometimes. You don't have to be perfect and level headed constantly. The  world is not divided up into perfect people and your dad. Wanting  things for yourself, or not bending over backwards for people will not  make you like him."

She looked embarrassed. "I was that  obvious huh? I just...I wanted to do all the things he never did right. I  wanted to be a good person in spite of him. Is that so wrong? Wanting  to be myself? Wanting to define who I am on my own terms? I get that I  was kind of trying to live up to an ideal, but isn't that what  cultivation is? Becoming an ideal? Becoming the people we could never be  as mortals?" Her voice was vulnerable and a little lost, like she was  looking to me for answers, like she wanted me to tell her she was making  the right call.

Sadly I couldn't do that. I stared into  her big shining blue eyes and smiled sadly. "Of course it's not wrong  Callie. But did you forget what Zeke said? We lose so much of our  humanity as we ascend. We have to guard what we can. Besides, your idea  of what you want to be isn't recursion. You can force yourself to act  like something, but that doesn't make it true. You aren't perfect. I'm  GLAD you aren't perfect. Perfect people are boring. But you're going to  lose those things that make you human over the years as it is. Don't be  in such a hurry to give it up early."

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I didn't tell her I  was afraid it would work. That she would pretend so hard people would  believe it and that I would lose the person she was. I didn't want to  see her become some sort of ideal. I loved the person she was, flaws and  all. She looked a bit shocked at that concept. That she might be  hurting herself, hurting the people who loved her. She bit her lip.  "I...I can't just...not feel this way. But I can try. I can do my best  to make sure that I don't get lost in not being him. I might need a  little help though. Think you can give me a hand?" She gave me a  hopeful, if shaky, smile.

I grinned at her. "Are you  asking me to help you be more selfish? I can't decide if that's ironic  or really on the nose. But sure, I'll do what I can. First step, you  aren't allowed to do anything productive until we hear back from Cark.  I'm going to cook you anything you want to eat, and you better ask for  something complicated or annoying to make." I pointed at her accusingly.  "And don't you think about skipping dessert."

My nonsense  succeeded in eliciting a series of giggles from Callie as she buried  her face in my chest, and I grinned to myself at having accomplished my  goal. I'd wanted her to smile more than anything. This kind of problem  wasn't something I could just wave away or talk her out of. She was  hurting, and I could distract her, but actually helping was another  matter entirely. It would take real time and communication to help get  her past feeling like she constantly needed to justify herself in spite  of her dad.

I wasn't an expert on relationships, Callie  was really my first. All I could really do was my best, and my only idea  how to handle this was to be there for her when she needed me, and to  try to keep her mind off her dad whenever possible. It was probably a  less optimal solution than someone with more an idea what they were  doing could come up with, but it was what I would need in her shoes, and  if she needed something else I had to trust she would let me know. I  just had to actually listen this time, instead of ignoring her  unhappiness like I had before.

She  stared at me for a bit, a strange, silly smile on her face. "I'm glad I  met you Shane. I feel...different around you. Like I'm just me. I'm  pretty sure that you literally don't care about my dad at all besides  being annoyed he makes me unhappy.  Your point of view is so weirdly  different than anyone else, I think you're really the only person I can  really trust sees me for who I am." She leaned in for another kiss, this  one much less soft and much longer. When she pulled back she was  gasping. "Plus, you're really good at that. Not sure if I ever  mentioned."

I  shot her a cocky grin. "You didn't, but I picked up your approval from  context clues." She rolled her eyes and tackled me, knocking me over to  the bed. She laid her head on my chest, ear against my heart. I leaned  down to kiss the top of her head. I was trying to figure out what to  say. I didn't want to bring up work or Ascendant nonsense when we were  trying to get her to separate herself from that kind of thing. Finally I  settled on a topic that was much more personal. "So, did you get in  touch with your mom yet? To tell her we were coming?"

She  nodded against me, her voice a bit muffled as she spoke. "Yeah, she's  really excited. I didn't give her an exact time table but she's been  wanting to meet you. I think she's more excited to see you than she is  me honestly. I think her squeal about ruptured my ear drums when I told  her I was bringing you. I've never brought a boy home before." I felt an  irrational surge of pride and satisfaction at that, but I was smart  enough not to say anything to that effect out loud.

I  decided to mention an idea I had to her. It was something I'd been  thinking about for a while, but I figured it would be a good time. "Did  you know I can awaken an Ascendant ability in a mortal? If they wish for  it. I did that for Benny. I wasn't sure if I told you. I don't really  want to make a habit of it because pretty much nothing would give away  what I am faster, but if, say a specific mortal was interested in a  point of Impact to put them on the path to a longer life I could do  that." Her head snapped up, and she stared at me in wide eyed  astonishment.

I  kept talking, not wanting to lose my train of thought in case I screwed  things up. "Of course, if someone was going to wish for that I couldn't  tell them to do it. That would be too close to manipulating value. But  if, say, someone told a relative to ask me about something like that  because they heard about it, that's no direct benefit to me. So I think  it would be fine." Callie gaped at me for about a full minute before she  tackled me again, smashing her mouth into mine. This time she didn't  come back up for air. But I wasn't complaining. I HAD just told her to  do things because she wanted to.

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