Chapter 15: Part 15

  I got to learn what it was in the hedge, or at least what the thing in the hedge looked like. An immensely long snake, is what it looked like. I had scarcely passed the spot Boddy had pointed out when the wild construct rolled out of the hedge. Not like a sidewinder does in nature documentaries. Along its whole length, like a length of pipe set on a slope.

There was a sharp clang from nearby. Rookie! I managed to think at my self-policing thought construct. What the hell was he doing?

Just keep moving. Rookie answered. He sounded strained. And uh…don’t let that snake touch you.

Wasn’t planning on it. With a brief bit of energy I redoubled my pace, until I nearly overtook Boddy. The snake, or whatever it was, was not fast in a straight line. We started to outpace it. As we ran, I realized that what I had thought were gaps in the alley wall were in fact doors. Tiny, misshapen, but absolutely gates, every one of them. Each was decorated with a House Crest, now that I knew what to look for. I tried to commit some to memory so I could ask about them later.

I lost my footing suddenly as the Alley went from rough cobbles to…water? I seemed to be running on the surface of a fast river. Boddy and Maps were slowed by the unusual construct as well, though they didn’t seem surprised. Fortunately, my feet didn’t sink in---

I should have known better. No sooner had the thought occurred to me than my next step sank into the river, tripping me into its rapid current. No wonder Rookie seemed strained. He was pulling double duty keeping me from reacting to the constructs in the Alley in addition to avoiding creating new ones. Boddy saw me as I was carried past him and managed to snag one of my wrists before I was too far away. Planting his feet, and with the help of Maps, they hauled me back to my feet. I allowed myself two deep breaths, and then nodded. Maps started into motion first. Boddy gestured for me to go in the middle so he could guard the back.

I don’t know how long I was in that Alley, in the end. I was attacked by constructs taking the shape of three lizards, the negatives from a roll of film, every verse of the Twelve Days of Christmas (including duplicates for each item based on how many times it was sung, meaning there were in fact twelve partridges in pear trees), and a grandfather clock. I lost my hatchet after the second lizard. My survival knife I kept until maids-a-milkin’. Boddy emptied his revolver, and his quick loader.

In between and all around us and the wild constructs, the Alley did everything except continue straight ahead. It was as if it was constantly trying to be the opposite of everything the Lane was. The road changed from river, to the color blue (every time I try to mentally recall what that was like I get a headache. But I know it was the color blue), to sand. At one point, the road was a plastic sheet above us. I could see our footprints indenting the sheet.

In all, I would not recommend it. To anyone. It was a horrible experience and I still get vertigo every time I think about my first time in the Alley. After…all of that, and presumably before more of similar could happen, Maps hauled open one of the twisted doors. I got a brief glimpse of a House crest as Boddy and I dove through.

I landed heavily, on what my brain told me was my elbow. It hurt. That was reassuring, in a way. All of the senses and physics were behaving in the way I expected them to. Boddy was a couple feet away. I took in our surroundings. We were sitting on…honestly it was a lawn that was set out to compete with Carver’s. I was bemused to see that the gardens were filled not with ordinary flowers, but with gemstones apparently in the shape of flowers. A topiary near the…compass directions were meaningless here, so the side of the main building that was currently on my right…seemed to be gilded.

I turned back to the gate, which Maps had closed behind us. The Alley waited serenely on the other side, having shed all signs of its hellish chaos. Rookie expressed a conspicuously loud sigh of relief. I’m going to go take a nap. Apparently, thought constructs take naps. Who knew?

I examined the crest, stamped into the elaborate brassy gates. It looked familiar to me, somehow. Three overlapping circles formed a vertical row. Crossed through each of them was a sword, alternating directions. Where had I seen that before?

“Well, we’re here!” Maps said, oddly cheerful.

“Umm…Maps. Do we have to go back down the Alley after this?” I asked.

“Probably. You should have kept a better grip on your weapons.”

“The…nature of the Alley was not in any of the documents Carver showed me!”

“Oh yeah,” Boddy cut in. “I remember Driver suggesting he leave out some key details. Like the actual possibility of a threat on your life.”

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“YOU DON’T SAY!” I exploded. Then I swore. For good measure, I swore a second time. The third time I added a kick to the frame around the gate. That raised something in the Alley and I reconsidered swearing a fourth time. I did it anyway, but quietly.

Okay. I still had copies of what documentation Carver had given me about my delivery. I moved a little distance away from the hobs for privacy and rummaged in my bag until I produced the folder containing my copies of everything Archie had drafted for me. Too late, I realized that I was very lucky. Carver had warned me about talking about the item during transportation, but I hadn’t considered whether written language constituted a breach of the same…I don’t even know. Code of the Lane?

The delivery instructions said I was to wait near the House gate after arrival, and a…huh. A leprechaun would be sent to recover the box. I was not to open the box until the leprechaun had it in his hands, and then I would leave with my escort at earliest convenience.

I looked up towards the house. More of a palace, really, if a rather tastelessly ostentatious one. Nobody had yet emerged to meet us. I chalked it up to us being late. Turning over the delivery instructions, I found the second page in the folder. The one that I should probably have not carried. It described the chain, down to recreations of each of the symbols that had been carved into the hoop and the one in the handle.

That was where I had seen the crest for this House before. It was the symbol carved into the handle of the object I was delivering. I tried to recall any other House crests I had tried to memorize. My recall isn’t exceptional even under normal, static conditions. None of these symbols were a match for anything I could dredge up. One of them might have been Lady Liu’s Heron, torn apart into its barest lines. If you squinted and were willing to fill in missing details based on no evidence. I tucked that mystery away for the moment, using a small charcoal pencil I didn’t remember packing and an equally small little notebook I also didn’t remember packing to copy down each of the symbols, other than the one for the House we were currently at.

“Mister Carver said someone would meet us here. I guess we should try to get comfortable for the moment?” I announced, tucking the folder away in my pack and drawing out the wooden box containing the delivery.

The hobs both nodded, and we made ourselves a nice little picnic camp just inside the House’s gate. I drew out some of Cookie’s food and munched, and considered. “Does every House have a crest?” I asked, almost-but-not-quite remembering to cover my mouth. I was hungry. I shouldn’t have been, because hunger was a physical response, but apparently I was. Stupid mental trickery. I felt tired too, because now I was thinking about how I should. Right. Rookie was napping. I’d have to police my own thoughts until he awoke.

Maps and Boddy exchanged a look that suggested I had flunked out of kindergarten, then Maps answered. “At the very least, any House that’s stable enough to need the services of a Master. Some, but not all, of the ephemeral ones have a crest as well.”

“Why didn’t I notice it until we were at Lady Liu’s? It seems like it’s stamped on every gate but I can’t even remember what Mister Carver’s crest looks like?”

“I would hazard to guess,” Maps said, sitting up straight and looking down his nose at me. “That you are just a uniquely unobservant individual.” I swear I saw a monocle for half a second. After the Alley, I just accepted it. Him having a monocle but only when he wanted to be pompous was honestly pretty on brand for this whole place.

“Humans sometimes don’t realize what they’re seeing when they see it,” Boddy offered. “I felt like that the first few times Master Carver asked me to accompany him to realis. That world is so…” he waved his hands in a vaguely ball-shaped motion. “Ugh,” he concluded. I considered that to be perfectly adequate. At that particular moment, I would have described irrealis pretty much the same way.

“Okay. How many crests do you guys recognize?”

“All of ‘em,” both hobs answered over each other. After a brief bit of verbal shoving, Maps was chosen to continue the explanation. “We can identify any crest or reasonably allowable substitute for a crest on sight. It’s part of our nature as fragments of this place.”

“How many do you know?” I asked, recognizing the distinction between what I thought I had asked previously and what I had meant to ask.

“Just a few. Our House and several allied Houses, as well as a couple of potent rivals. Archie knows many more than I do. Sterns too, believe it or not.”

I nodded, then began to tear the little pages from my notebook one by one. I passed each of the hobs a pencil and half of my stack. “Can you tell me what Houses these crests belong to?”

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