Chapter 17: Chapter 17

Aoi watched as Yanagi fell asleep on the futon and he flumped to the bed.

He really needed to remind himself that Yanagi's emotions and mentality weren't exactly as stable as average people's. Depending on the situation, Yanagi had a different mindset and emotional tolerance.

Still, he understood what Yanagi was feeling. This time, it was completely his fault.

To be honest, half of the reason he said those things was out of spite. When he heard Yanagi was becoming popular, one side of him was happy and proud since Yanagi changed because of him. The problem was, the other side of him was anxious and he took it out on Yanagi.

He should've anticipated that Yanagi would feel such a way towards his classmates. It was childish of him. Though he didn't have any traumatic episodes in his life, he easily reached the same conclusion towards people.

For Yanagi, it was only for his classmates but his trust issue towards them was definitely several times worse than his.

After being gloomy the rest of the day, Yanagi finally passed out from mental exhaustion after taking a hot bath. He was like a baby.

Aoi got up from his bed and silently left his bedroom to take some water. Passing by the living room, he saw that his mother was still awake.

"Mom, you're not going to sleep yet?" he asked.

His mother turned to look at him from the sofa and shook his head, "I'm waiting for your dad to come home."

Aoi nodded in understanding and went to the pantry to get his glass of water. When he was about to go back upstairs, his mother called out again.

"Have you made up with Yanagi-kun?" she asked in concern.

"Hm? We're not really fighting or anything," Aoi looked at his mother in confusion.

"Yanagi-kun looked really down throughout dinner, so Mom was worried," his mother got up from the sofa to face him properly. "Yanagi-kun is a good child. Don't bully him too much, okay? If you go out of line, make sure to apologize afterwards."

"…" Aoi rubbed his glass with his thumb, "…I know."

His mother smiled helplessly, "Mom wants you to be happy, but in the end, it is up to you whether you can find happiness or not. Now that you've found it, it is up to Aoi you well whether you can hold on to it or not."

"I know, Mom," Aoi went to kiss his mother's cheek. "Thank you. Good night."

He went back to his room and put the glass of water on his desk. Kneeling down next to Yanagi, he watched his sleeping face thoughtfully. After a while, he turned off the light and returned to the futon. He carefully uncovered the quilt and tucked himself in next to Yanagi.

The next morning, Yanagi woke up earlier than usual since he slept before his usual bedtime. When he shifted his position, he felt a weight on his body.

Turning to his right side, he opened his eyes to see a bunch of soft, black hair in front of his eyes. It tickled his nose slightly and he could smell the familiar scent of fresh menthol shampoo. The familiar scent and the warmth pressing onto his body unconsciously made him pull its source closer to him. He closed his eyes half-soberly to go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, his eyes shot open again and looked down in fluster and disbelief. His breathing became rapid with his heartbeat quickly becoming chaotic.

Aoi!?

Why was Aoi sleeping with him??? Did he fall from his bed?

No, no, if he fell from his bed, he should be on his left side and wouldn't be inside the quilt!

Yanagi stiffened further when Aoi moved to hug his waist and shift himself closer to him. He was so scared of waking Aoi up or accidentally touching places he shouldn't that he brought his hands up and let them stay there.

He thanked the gods that Aoi's head was resting on his chest instead of the pillow. He didn't know what he would do if Aoi's sleeping face was directly in front of him right now.

The conflicting thoughts of both wanting Aoi to sleep longer and needing Aoi to wake up soon were killing him…

He was prepared to stay as a dead object until Aoi woke up and he heard him mumble.

"Yanagi, you're too noisy."

"I-I'm sorry…" Yanagi whispered as low as he could and instinctively covered his mouth.

Aoi slowly opened his eyes. He shifted his position to press one of his ears to Yanagi's heart and poked at his chest.

"It's here that's being noisy. What are you covering your mouth and nose for? You're only making it louder," Aoi sleepily protested.

Yanagi felt embarrassed by his own heartbeat and covered his whole face instead, "I'm sorry…b-but it's impossible to quiet it down."

"…"

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Aoi slowly propped his body up and lay next to Yanagi together on the pillow instead. He draped his arm on Yanagi's chest and closed his eyes again.

"Are you going to help Mom cook breakfast?" he asked.

"Um…" Yanagi lowered his hands and glanced at the digital clock on Aoi's bed's headboard, "…it's still 5 AM, so maybe later."

"Hm…" Aoi hummed. "Are you feeling better?"

"Eh?" Yanagi then realized Aoi was talking about how he acted yesterday and guiltily nodded. "Mn…I'm sorry for throwing a tantrum."

"It's still 5 in the morning and you're already apologizing three times," Aoi pinched Yanagi's ear without any strength. "That's a new annoying record."

"I-I'm so–"

Aoi's eyes opened a slit to glare at Yanagi, making the latter shut up and zipped his mouth.

"…I also need to apologize," Aoi uncovered the quilt and groggily sat up. "In the future, you can tell me if you don't like anything or don't want to do some particular things. I'll try to be reasonable."

"Aoi…" Yanagi also sat up. He took Aoi's hands and held them firmly, "I…I'm fine with you being unreasonable. The more selfish you are, the happier I am."

Aoi, "…"

"But then I realized yesterday," Yanagi rested his head onto their connected hands. "I was really sad and scared when you pushed me away. When you left my classroom, it felt as if you were going to abandon me for good. It was terrifying."

If Yanagi was someone else, Aoi would already say that he was overreacting. But Yanagi was Yanagi. The trembling of his hands was enough proof of how true his words were.

"You can tell me to do anything. You can ask anything from me and I will do everything for you," Yanagi gazed into Aoi's eyes solemnly. "But never. Never. Tell me to leave you. Don't make me leave your side for something or someone else. Because I won't, I don't want to. And it hurts me to disappoint you, Aoi…"

"I understand. I won't do it again," Aoi pulled his hands away to hug Yanagi's neck. "I'm sorry. Yesterday…I got upset and said those things out of spite."

"U-upset? Did I do something that upset you, Aoi? I'm sorry," Yanagi hugged Aoi back as he tried to recall what mistake he did.

"Idiot. It's not your fault," Aoi flicked the back of Yanagi's head. "Someone told me that you're pretty popular in our year now and I got upset when I saw you getting surrounded by those girls as if proving his words."

"It's impossible for me to be popular. They're just being nice because of guilt," Yanagi reassured. "But if that nonsense makes you worried, I'll make sure everyone hates me starting next Monday."

Aoi hand-chopped Yanagi's head, "I'm not worried, so don't do that."

"Then…what should I do?" Yanagi backed away to look at Aoi in askance.

"I don't know," Aoi tilted his head in thought. "I'm not even sure what made me upset."

"For me…" Yanagi stared at Aoi's face, "…it makes me upset when someone is too close to you. It makes me upset, jealous, afraid, and all sorts of unpleasant feelings like a lump of thorns in my chest."

"…" Aoi looked away with a faint blush, "…You're really amazing, you know?"

Yanagi, "?"

"You know your own feelings so well that you can even describe them in words. I can only tell whether I like or dislike something," Aoi lamented in both admiration and hopelessness.

"That's because Aoi is too busy understanding other people's feelings instead," Yanagi refuted. He fiddled with Aoi's fingers, "Then, um…can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"Between your like and dislike…" Yanagi meekly glanced at Aoi, "…which one am I?"

Aoi lightly laughed and kissed Yanagi briefly. His eyes turned crescent from how wide he was smiling, "Which one, I wonder?"

Yanagi knew that Aoi wouldn't yield so easily, but he didn't regret his attempt. He pulled Aoi in for another kiss.

"Next week…Can I spend my Christmas with you, Aoi?" Yanagi carefully asked.

"Who else am I going to spend it with?" Aoi flicked Yanagi's forehead.

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