Chapter 4: 4: Stable Studying and Strange Stupor

I woke up feeling surprisingly well rested and decided to go ahead and get the call with my parents out of the way after eating a small breakfast. It started out fine enough, if a bit awkward. It started going downhill quickly though when they started talking about my schoolwork. And then the guilting began. Money was the most obvious source, but they loved to mix it up by comparing me to my sister. Or holding their love hostage or whatever else was their latest choice. Today they decided to throw in that I needed to be the man of the family and carry on their name since they had gone through the effort of raising me. As if they hadn’t signed on for that when they had a second child. And then politics came up and my annoyance became full-on anger and discomfort.

By the time the call ended I seriously needed a palate cleanser. I put on some gym clothes and made my way over. After an hour of working my frustrations out with strain and sweat, I figured my mind was clear enough that I’d be able to study for a few hours. It was by no means a permanent solution, but usually time was the only thing that could properly help. I jogged home, hoping to burn off a little more steam. I spent a little longer than I usually would have in the shower, letting the warm water wash away some of my tension along with the sweat. I had to admit the water also just generally felt nicer against my skin than usual too.

As I was getting my bag together, I got a text from Melissa informing me that she was on her way back and would be home in a few hours. As I walked to the library, I weighed my options. I really didn’t think I was going to be in a good mental space to talk, but I really did need to figure out what was going on with this damned spell. As I walked up to the door of the library, I pressed send on a message I had deleted and retyped no fewer than five times asking if we could just talk tomorrow. As an afterthought, I sent a follow-up message explaining that my parents had pissed me off again and I didn’t want to misdirect my ire her way. Slipping my phone back in my pocket, I made my way towards the back of the library. There was one particular corner tucked away on the second floor that was my little secret. I had rarely ever seen anyone on the second floor in general and had only found the hidden nook due to wanting to avoid an ex during finals week my first semester. It was nestled in a dim alcove at the end of a hallway made up of two bookshelves. The armchair set there had seen better days as evidenced by the faded pattern on the cushion. Said cushion was nothing short of divine though and I could curl my legs below me comfortably while going through my notes. The only thing that could make it a better spot would be if there was a side table of some sort, but I was fine with the missing amenity as it probably kept people away from my precious hideout. After getting myself settled, I slipped some headphones over my ears, and checked my phone again, seeing that Mel had simply sent a hugging gif with the text ‘feel better.’ I smiled at how cute it was and got down to work, turning my phone on do not disturb mode and my music on full blast.

I took a few breaks to wander around and stretch my legs, but otherwise stayed in the zone surprisingly successfully. I started by studying for the 3 classes I had a test coming up in, switching between them every time I started to feel my eyes begin to glaze over. The breaks just so happened to be timed around those times usually too. Once I hit my breaking point for studying, I did the more pressing task of working on the homework I had due on Monday and Tuesday. It went significantly slower due to the simple fact that working on my computer was too tempting a distraction to stay fully on task. Around 9, I was taking another break for my legs when Rachael surprised me. When I returned to my nook, she was casually lounging across my chair studying one of my books very intently, nodding occasionally as she turned the page. It was upside down so I knew the scene was purely for my entertainment, but nonetheless I humoured her. “Wow, didn't realize you had such an interest in machine learning. Honestly I had no clue you even had the requisite knowledge for learning about it, given how's little time you seem to have.” At the sound of my voice, she jumped a bit and almost dropped the book on her face, getting a chuckle out of me. I carefully snatched the book out of her hands as I continued. “So what can I owe this visit to?”

“Well, my sister senses were telling me you were having a rough day and knowing you, I figured you buried yourself in work and forgot to eat anything. So here I am to make sure you don’t die of hunger. After all, who’s supposed to beat up my creep of an ex if he tries to bug me if you die?” she ribbed. I sighed, knowing that not only was she right, but also that there was no use resisting when she was like this. She knew me too well and was too stubborn about my well-being to let me be when she knew I was having a time of it. It may not have been a blood relationship, but there was a reason some mistook us for siblings even without our shared joke. Well, at least those who believed in siblings that had a good relationship. The other half thought we were just a very odd couple. “Good. I’ve trained you well.” she sassed at my reluctant nod. “Get your stuff and let’s go get you some food. Craving anything or am I choosing for you?” At my noncommittal shrug, she made the decision for me “Pizza it is!” With my bag packed, she promptly grabbed my arm and started dragging me out of the library with purpose. We got a few confused looks but she paid them no mind, even waving with her free hand and wishing the desk clerk a good night as we were exiting the building.As we entered the pizza shop, the scent caused my long ignored hunger to hit me full force and I hastily ordered two slices and a soda as Rachael got an overpriced slice of cheesecake. I felt a little guilty realizing she had already eaten dinner and was doing this just for me, but the thought quickly passed as I dug into the heavenly meal. While I knew I was hungry, I was still a bit shocked when I polished off my slices and saw that Rachael wasn’t done with her single slice of cheesecake yet. She was giving me an odd look, her fork absentmindedly tapping her against the cheesecake’s crust. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” She suddenly asked. I cocked my head in confusion. “I mean you’re obviously upset and you can talk to me if you want to. Whether it’s classes, or your parents again, people getting on your nerves, or um…whatever else might be going on?” she trailed off, seemingly unsure of herself by the end of the list, though I could see a glint of hope at the end.

Sighing, I looked up through the window at the sky. “You’re right. As per usual. I had to talk to mom and dad this morning. It went about as well as it always has the past couple years. They started off nice enough, asking about how life was going. When I started talking about classes, dad decided it would be hilarious to joke about whether his money was going to a good use. And that led to the normal stream of questions. Am I studying enough? Am I lifting weights every day when I’m not studying? Am I becoming friends with professionals for future connections?” I felt a hand rest softly on my arm and looked back down at my friend as I realized my voice was getting louder. She had finished her dessert and inclined her head towards the door. Once we were out, she motioned for me to continue. I took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts and calm down. "They started talking about Julie and asking why I haven’t found a long term partner like her. Why I'm not dating a doctor, or some other smart young woman. Asking whether I was sure I wasn't one of 'those gays' considering they never hear about me dating and the whole fiasco around you and I being meant for each other or whatever bullshit expectations they’ve set up." I took another breath, pausing as I closed my eyes and took another couple steadying breaths. I continued walking as I continued talking "obviously politics came up too. But the real fun part was when they started talking about my need to be more successful than Julie since I've gotta be the man of the family after all. And how it was up to me to show that she made a mistake cutting us off by being better than her." I felt her hand give my shoulder a gentle squeeze. After a minute of silence I continued, "you know sometimes I really hate Julie even though I know it's not her fault. Hell, I know she must have gotten worse than me, considering. Even then though, it feels like she had so many less expectations put on her and sometimes it makes me wish I could have been a girl like her." I paused for air momentarily before chucking bitterly and muttering to myself "though I guess Mel has kind of started me down that path huh. Maybe I'll get to find out how much worse it could have been."

It took me another few steps before I realized Rachael had stopped walking with me. I looked back to see her staring at me with eyes as big as saucers "what do you mean by that?"

"I mean sometimes it just feels like it would be have been bet-"

"No not that, the bit about Mel starting you down that path." I shoved my hands in my pockets, looking at the ground in response to the intensity of her stare. As the seconds ticked by, I fidgeted with the lint inside my pockets and looked at my surroundings. We were about two blocks from the small apartment she shared with a couple other students, which was on the opposite side of campus from mine.

"Can I ask that we go to your place since it's pretty obvious we were heading there anyway? I don't know if I can answer that out here." I continued, avoiding her eyes as I spoke. I saw her nod and she passed me by, walking towards her place a bit quicker. I followed, working through my conflicting feelings. I felt like I was in a lose lose situation due to my unfortunate slip of the tongue. Either I lied to my best friend of over a decade or I broke my promise to Mel about not talking about magic. No, that wasn't right. I couldn't lie to Rachael. She would see through it and just get mad with me. Angering my best friend vs pissing off a witch that was already mad at me. I guess when put that way, it wasn't much of a choice.

I made my decision just in time as I found myself in her room and she pointed at her desk chair. "Sit. Talk." The last time I had seen her this serious was when she had heard I was planning on following my dad into law. At the time she had not only talked me out of doing what he wanted but also went so far as setting up a PowerPoint presentation and actually presenting to him in detail why it was a terrible idea. It was a terrifying experience for me but he reluctantly had allowed me to choose a different major as long as it was in a stem field. Both now and then, I could see the undercurrent of compassion in her eyes but it was hardened into defiance that surpassed my understanding. I took a few deep breaths, trying to clear the brain fog that was causing my head to pulse in pain.

"Ok so I don't know if anyone told you that Mel had set up a punishment for me after how I'd been acting recently. Mostly towards her and Amanda. And maybe a couple of her friends. She was hoping it would mean I would cut down on saying dickish things like that thing Amanda told you about last night." I paused, trying to figure out a way to get around explaining the punishment. Thinking better of it, I continued, "I know it's not very believable but she placed some sort of curse on me." I swiftly continued as her eyes hardened into annoyed disbelief, "I didn't really think anything of it at first but after what I said on Friday I felt weird and yesterday morning I swear I got smaller! Hell I'm wearing a belt on some of my normal shorts and you know how much I hate wearing these infernal things! I was gonna talk to Mel about it tonight but with my mood the way it was, I figured I'd go off on her if I did. At this point, I just want to get rid of this stupid thing. It's a shitty joke and I can't deal with her using me as her guinea pig for stupid shit. I mean she said that the curse would activate any time I was sexist and shit or was a dick to a girl and like that's so fucking vague? Those are two completely different things and that doesn't take into account what I'm supposed to do when people like Vanessa are being confrontational bitches to me and I guess I understand where Mel's coming from. I could bear to be nicer and everything but she could have just asked me or whatever. I'm sure there are better ways than making me question my world views and feeling like I'm losing my mind or bodily autonomy. Why can't she be normal like my mom and just manipulate me in a way that I don't realize what's happened for 3 years? Ugh I'm usually so good about not letting my dad's way of thinking infect me but everything just kee-" I started going off track and was interrupted by a soft slap across my face. Something clearly meant to snap me out of my rant more than anything else.

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My best friend gave me a hard look. A pointed one that stated I was crossing a line or about to if I continued down this road. The pain in my temples ramped up to nausea and I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as I continued. "Fuck I'm so sorry. I’m still doing it. You're totally right. All of you are. I've been letting him get in my head too much and I'm being just like that piece of shit. Y'all deserve a better friend. I never think about how much my words affect the women around me. I mean hell, I shouldn't have even made that dumb comment cuz now I've told you about something Mel told me not to-" I found my vision tipping as I heard my voice fade away into the background. I saw Rachael's fuzzy silhouette getting closer. Was that worry I saw on her face?

I came to, feeling clammy. Despite that, the cool wood on my back felt pretty nice. It felt strangely warm and cold simultaneously; a perfect counter to how my body felt. Wait, wasn’t that the floor the only wood I was normally around? What was I doing down here and when did I get here? Opening my eyes, I realized I had made a huge mistake as the sun blinded me. Slamming my eyes shut, I tried to make sense of those two pieces of information together. No, that hadn't been the sun, it was just the light in the ceiling. Had it always been that bright? I realized I must have also lost my hearing as sounds slowly were pulled back into my skull. They started flowing in slowly. Or maybe so fast they seemed slow? But after a few moments they came into focus. It sounded like Rachael was to the side of my head while there was a low humming from my other side. It took my brain another few moments before I could understand the words she was saying. Focusing on them was oddly hard between what must have been the sounds of a fan and someone groaning, or maybe whining? Oh. That was lining up with my breaths, wasn’t it? Did that mean those noises were coming from me? They sounded weird. I tried to push myself up a bit. “Hey. Hey, stay still Natty; you just barely avoided hitting your head on my desk there.” The concern radiating from my friend's voice kept me from moving significantly more than the small hand she held against my shoulder. Well that and the fact that I quickly realized I didn’t actually have the strength to lift myself. “Fuck.” At the rare sound of a curse coming from her, I had to brave the light to crack my eyes open, angling my head towards the sound of her voice as I did so. “This is bad.” She had a few tears tracking down her face. A face which was creased in a look of stress almost as intense as I had ever seen it. The last time it was this bad was when she showed up at my door during highschool needing a ride to the hospital after hearing about her dad being in an accident.

“It’s ok Rach” I rasped out. Even rasping, my voice sounded higher. Her head snapped towards my face in concern.

“No you’re not! You just passed out in the middle of us talking! You’ve never done that!” I opened my mouth to argue, but was met with her fingers lightly pinching my lips together like she used to when we were kids. “I have known you for my entire life and I’ve never so much as heard of you fainting! And you look different! I literally just watched your features change! It’s freaking me out! Appearances don’t just change! Even your voice sounds different! And you fell off the chair! And you could have hit your head! What would I have done then? How would I explain what happened or why you look different?” She was getting more and more worked up. My mind raced as she continued.

I slowly removed her hand from my lips and placed it over her own as I slowly sat up. “Rachael. I know you’re freaking out. Please take a few deep breaths for me though? I think I can explain, but it’s gonna be hard if you can’t breathe. Then I won’t be the only one on the floor. It doesn’t feel like I hit my head. I’m gonna guess I have you to thank for that?” at her hesitant nod while she started taking in deep breaths, I continued. “I don’t feel any other injuries on me either. So I’m really fine. As far as the fainting goes… Well you’re right, I’ve never done that before. Definitely an unpleasant experience that I’d like to avoid in the future. I think I might have an explanation though? I did mention that Mel had cast a spell on me. I guess calling someone a bitch might have triggered it? When I was going off on Amanda the other day I had felt a bit like I did before passing out just now. Not nearly as strongly, just dizzy for a moment I guess. Maybe it has more intense effects when I am more…intensely dickish?” I had to admit I was guessing more than half the things I was trying to pass off as fact to the one person most likely to understand how my brain worked.

“Okay. I believe that you feel fine. So let’s say you’re right about all the other stuff. Which it doesn’t sound like even you’re sure of. You’re expecting me to suddenly believe that magic is real. Which I guess I can’t completely discount considering I did just watch your body shift in front of me. What was the spell doing? And why’d you let her do it? And how could she be so rash as to do something that would put you in danger? What if you had been drunk and hit your head? She didn’t think any of this through! Can she reverse it? If so, let's go get her right now and make her!" I sometimes forgot just how fiery she could get when she felt a situation called for it.

"Before you go and tear her apart, please let me straighten some things out. Mel might be a bit of an idiot sometimes but I doubt any of this was purposeful. I didn't really put the nausea together with the spell until just now since that only happened the one other time. I didn't exactly 'let' her do it either. It was more of an ambush that I thought was a joke to scare or punish me honestly. And as far as the spell goes…" I chuckled nervously, feeling oddly on display all of a sudden. "It uh. It was a spell that makes me more feminine every time I insult women? Or am a dick in general? I think that was the general idea behind it at least. She thought it would be a funny punishment for me." I could feel my face heating up. I didn't really understand why I was so embarrassed considering it's not like I had asked for this. As the awkward silence stretched, I added “oh right and yeah she added a reversal method into the spell. All she has to do is say that I’ve learned my lesson or something and it’ll stop. Or wear off or whatever” I trailed off, realizing that the wording had technically only said the changes would stop, not reverse. I internally shrugged it off. I was probably simply misremembering. And worst case, she could likely cast a spell to undo the changes if she could cast a spell to create them. I suddenly chuckled, remembering a story I had once read in which the main character used a true form spell to fix a transformation and ended up with animal ears.

Shaking my head out of my thoughts, I looked over to see Rachael giving me a concerned look as she tilted her head “Are you feeling alright Natty? I didn’t really think this was the type of thing that you would be laughing about.” The tilt of her head made me apply those same animal ears I was thinking of to her and my chuckle turned into a laugh. I stopped almost as soon as I began. It was just so strange hearing a laugh that was recognizable as my own but pitched up. Seeing the look on her face brought it right back though. “What is happening? Am I missing some huge joke? Have you finally lost it? Why are you only laughing more?” she kept asking more questions as I only laughed harder. I held out a hand to stop her from continuing so that I could catch my breath.

It was a tense few moments, physically for me, emotionally for her, as I put myself back together. “Sorry. Sorry sorry. I just thought about something funny related to animal ears and then you tilted your head in the same way a dog would and I imagined you with them.” The incredulous look on her face almost made me start laughing again, but I held it together. “Short story is I’m fine? This whole voice thing is gonna take some getting used to. And oh shit. My clothes are probably gonna be even looser now. That’ll probably be annoying” The look Rachael was giving me made me feel like I should be freaking out about that. Clothes were just clothes though. Changing the topic very smoothly, I asked “hey so how about we try calling Mel and having her come here instead? She made this mess and I don’t wanna walk across campus if you don’t have to.”

The tiny redhead continued glaring at me suspiciously for a few moments before deflating with a sigh. “Fine, I suppose that works.” Almost quietly enough that I couldn’t hear, she muttered “it’ll make it a lot easier to hide the body if she can’t fix it too.” I was reminded as to why, even during my ‘girls are the worst and I hate them because they’re super mean’ phase in middle school, I had stayed friends with her. I tried calling Melissa three times without a response as Rachael got her bag ready for the morning. I followed up by calling Jacob, knowing he’d be home and gaming at this time on a Sunday. He answered on my second attempt, explaining he was in the middle of a ranked game in whatever he was playing. I kept it brief, asking him to get Mel to call me as soon as he was done. Getting an affirmative grunt from him, I hung up and cautiously stood up. As I thought, there was no return of nausea or anything I thought might be associated with my earlier fainting session. I still felt a little off, but I couldn’t say that was entirely unexpected considering I had apparently changed even more. The other thing I did notice was that I was completely and utterly exhausted. More so than I thought made sense, but I guess it had been a longer day than I realized. Or maybe getting magically transformed simply took a lot out of you. Or maybe fainting was really tiring. Oh right, or maybe it was just the massive amount of stress I was undergoing from everything happening and my brain trying to fight itself over every physical and emotional feeling that came out of the changes. I threw myself diagonally across Rachael’s bed as I waited for my housemate to get back to me. He did so a few minutes later. Much to my disappointment, Mel was apparently out. I tried calling her one last time with no response. So much for that plan. Rachael seemed annoyed by the news, but told me to just stay at her place for the night, just in case something else happened. I was about to work up the energy to move out to the couch when she simply pushed my legs over and slid behind me. “I’m glad you’re ok” she murmured as she hugged herself close to me. Initially I tensed up as I always did, but as time continued its flow, I slowly let myself relax into her embrace. I had to admit I felt more at ease in her arms than I had in weeks. Rather than wade into the swirling void that made up my thoughts, I focused on listening to her breathing as it steadied into the rhythmic pattern of sleep. As she didn’t seem to be letting go of me even in the realm of dreams, I allowed myself to fall asleep not too long after that.

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