Chapter 9: 9: Diligent Dreaming Develops Direction

I found myself standing in front of a door on the second floor of an apartment building a couple hours later. The outside seemed pretty nondescript but I was imagining a fae wonderland on the inside as I knocked. “That was quicker than I was expecting. I suppose I should say welcome to my humble home now that you’re here though.” Estus waved me in as they let me into a disappointingly normal entryway. They did have quite a few pretty pictures hung up that were gorgeous landscapes of overgrown wilds. That was something I considered a win at least. As they led me into the living room of their one bedroom apartment, I examined everything we passed, hoping to find something mystical. As if reading my mind, Estus grinned and stated. “I know it’s not what you probably expected. It’s not bigger on the inside. I don’t have jars of eyeballs lining the walls. I haven’t turned the entire room into a garden for any plant companions. At some point, you’ll have to realize that magic is rarely what you’d expect though. Even if I might not consider myself normal, I’m still a creature of society despite my access to magic. Wait until you learn that I even use a laptop for gaming like some kind of normie.”

The last statement got a laugh out of me, and I gave up on my intense scrutiny of every new object I came across. Their living room was a simple, but elegant, space. There was a large rug that covered most of the hardwood. A coffee table with Mel’s papers was up against the far wall, though I would guess it normally resided in the middle of the rug. A TV was set upon a stand against the left wall. It held a couple speakers and a game system along with a handful of games. There was a bookshelf on each side, both of which were packed with literature. Against the right wall, a comfortable looking couch sat against a counter that opened up to the kitchen. Finally, there were lights strung up around the room.

"Oh right! I wanted to cast a quick spell on you if you're alright with that. Can you step into the middle of that rug for me for a minute?" Estus queried. At my curious look, they explained their intent. "I’m gonna make sure we’re going down the right path. I’ve been keeping an eye on Mel’s aura whenever I’ve visited so I think if I get a good look at yours I can see if both of you are connected. Might be able to get an idea as to why you could see those enchantments too.”

It seemed like a smart idea, so I did as I was told. “A little further to the left.” Again I moved as they said, confused. They spoke several words in what my uneducated ears guessed was an Eastern Asian language and I felt a slight shift in the air. “Oh. Damn. That. That is something. Huh.” They paused for a moment, thinking. "Can you step back to the right?"

My curiosity couldn’t help but make itself known as I complied. “What is it? Why are you looking at me like that? Is it related to what’s happening to Melissa? Why'd you want me to step to the side? Is something wrong? Or is something right and I can maybe learn magic after all?!” I almost jumped at the thought. They continued staring at me for another few moments, going so far as to step around the circle to get other angles of view.

With a shake of their head, they waved a hand and spoke another word. I felt the air lose some of its vibrancy. “Well, it’s certainly related to what’s going on with her, yes. That’s the simple part luckily. Well, simple being a relative term I suppose. It seems like it’s drawing more power than it should, but I had guessed that much already. I simply don't know what's going on with you.” They were still looking at me similarly to how I’d seen professors look at experiments. I didn’t like it. Seeing my discomfort they continued, “I don’t think it’s bad or wrong though. No need to worry about that. I asked you to move since I wanted to see how you affect your surroundings. Magic seems almost… allergic to you? I don’t know how better to describe it. It seems to move away from you. Normally I'd tell you anyone can technically learn magic, but in your case I really have absolutely no idea.”

“Awww. That’s lame. I mean I guess it’s kinda cool that I’m weird? The confirmation that I'm the reason Mel's in a coma kinda sucks. But mostly, I was really looking forward to learning magic…” I couldn’t help but verbalize my disappointment. I crossed my arms, feeling petulant as I did so. I guess everybody couldn’t be cool witches. Or wizards. Or whatever you’re supposed to call people who can use magic. What would someone who was allergic be called? A witchn’t? A draziw?

“You really had already been planning on someone teaching you, weren’t you.” Estus interrupted my thoughts with a grin. “Or I suppose maybe you were planning on trying to figure it out no matter what. You definitely seem like that type of stubborn. As I said though, no need to be prophesying doom already. Your aura doesn’t look like most folks either, so who knows. I’m not exactly an expert in auras after all.” I brightened at their words. They were right of course. “Anyways, now that we know we’re on the right track, wanna go back to the fun task of going through Mel’s notes? I disabled the enchantment on them for the night so we should be able to read them without trouble.”

“For the night?” I asked, letting my curiosity about everything magical override my worries about any potential impotency in the realm. “Oh and what language were you speaking? It sounded too short to be a poem. Ooh! Is that another way to cast things? Saying them in some fancy old language or something?”

Estus rolled their eyes even as a smile made its way to their face. “You’re not gonna give up. Guess I’m really gonna have to give Mel a stern reminder of what ‘secret’ means when she wakes up. And why she’s supposed to keep things that way. Too late now though I suppose. Don’t go telling all this to your friends though. That includes the ones that already know about magic. Still not sure what to do about them. You’re not allowed to say anything I tell you from here on without my express permission, understand?” At my eager nod, they sighed and took a moment to gather their thoughts, sitting down on the couch.

“Ok so you already know about poems. Magic likes them for whatever reason. Not gonna go into them since they’re arguably the most complicated.” As they explained, I grabbed the stack of notes and we started going through them, checking both sides this time, as almost every page was revealed to be double sided. “The next most complicated is through the use of glyphs. They’re basically a science of their own. The most common usage for them is to amplify ritual circles like the one on the rug. In conjunction with other forms, you can stick to the simple—”

“Wait there’s a circle on your rug? Is that why you had me stand in a specific spot? Why can’t I see it?” I interrupted, pausing in my skimming of a poem about how cute girls were. I didn’t think it actually had any sort of magic involved but I may have just been enjoying the prose. I mean being thorough. I was being very thorough.

With a devious grin, they replied by flicking two light switches above the couch. The main lights in the room went off, while the strings of the lights flickered on in a dim, almost eerie glow. I gasped as I saw a circle appear below me. It had a pentagram inside of it, but there were several other shapes between the lines. It was a beautiful array of various forms of symmetry. “The pentagram was more of an aesthetic choice for the record. Got any other questions or do you want me to continue?” I could hear the grin in their voice, but I still felt a blush light up on my face. They flipped the lights back to their normal configuration as I nodded.

“Ok, so as I was saying.” They emphasized their words with a wink to make sure I didn’t take it the wrong way. “Most people stick to the simple forms of glyphs. That's basically any shape you can think of. You usually see things like a circle, pentagram, the spiral, yin and yang, etc. They're mostly used to supplement other forms of magic though you can do some things with them alone such as warding. That leads perfectly into the third method. If you want to call it that. I was speaking a form of Chinese earlier because over time anything can become a spell if it’s used as one often enough. It’s a simple spell to see auras that originated from China sometime during the Zhou dynasty. Roughly translates to aura vision. I’m honestly not sure how accurate it is to the time period but—” They stopped themselves waving a hand. I stepped over to them, thinking they had something to show me. 

“Oh I didn’t find anything yet. Sorry, I was just trying to stop myself from getting too far into a tangent. I could talk about history and etymology for hours. Anyways, that factors into the power of other spells too. Older spells that used specific glyphs or a poem or even just a powerful phrase can build power over time. I like to think it causes some sort of resonance over time." They paused for a few minutes. We simply sorted through our respective piles in silence.

They began speaking again while I was staring at a paper covered in what I assumed were glyphs. "I suppose I should give a sort of shout out to enchantments before I get to the simplest, but most important type of magic. Enchantments function a bit like glyphs in the way they work. Glyphs work by affecting the areas they encapsulate usually. Alternatively, you can make them such that they affect the object they're inscribed upon."

I interrupted again, "wait so how does your rug work? Is it the first way?" I felt like I was back in chemistry class, getting to learn about how to create mixtures. I always loved the idea of crafting controlled chaos. Not that any teacher ever let a student do such a thing sadly.

"Yes, the form in the rug essentially strengthens spells cast within its lines. You can think of it as a focus if you'd like. I placed mine on the rug instead of the floor so that it could be easily moved whenever I change apartments. Anyway, enchantments differ because they don't need to stick around. Where glyphs only affect objects in their vicinity though, enchantments are permanent effects that leave no physical signs on an object. That is to say they are essentially permanent spells?" They trailed off as they looked up at the ceiling with a look of concentration. "Honestly I'm not really doing a good job explaining them. They're complicated and I never liked them. Moving on, the final type —”

“Oh shit I found it!” I jumped up in the air, almost dropping all the other pages in my excitement. “It’s a tiny bit off I think but it seemed like she wasn't reading off the sheet when she was casting so she might have changed some things on the fly. I doubt there’s anything more accurate than this!” I hopped on the couch next to Estus showing them the page. They had to extricate the paper from my grip to read it as I was bouncing too much otherwise.

Estus spent a few minutes reading through the scribbled notes. They then stood up, walked over to one of the bookcases, and grabbed a notebook. They scribbled a copy of the spell down, circling specific parts as they went. “You sure she wrote this in 5 minutes? I mean sure it’s not perfect, but it still seems like more thought went into it than just that.” They asked as they copied it down.

“I mean, you might be right. I’m just going off of what I saw honestly. It sounded like she might have been borrowing certain parts from other poems? She said she didn’t want it to be too good, but I guess some of these do seem like strange word choices.” I responded, doubting myself. Something about the poem felt wrong to me, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

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“Don’t worry too much. This is still going to help a lot. You mentioned it seemed slightly off; does anything stand out to you specifically? Maybe about this stanza in particular?” Estus pointed to the 3rd grouping of lines. 

Reading them over, I shrugged. “They seem a little off but I can’t really remember how? Maybe try chanting them? Maybe hearing them verbally like when she had been casting the spell would trigger my memory? Is that something you can do or will it cause it to happen again?”

“Yeah that’s totally fine. Smart idea Sophia.” I smiled at the use of my name. I kept forgetting how much I liked it. “I guess I can answer your question by explaining the last type of magic like I was about to. It’s more a rule than a type in and of itself. The most important thing about magic is imbuing intent to your words. You can actually use any word or phrase to cast a spell, if you still want to call it that. It’s a crude technique to use power that way, but it can get the job done. Simple things like getting somebody to sit down or stop speaking for a moment can be accomplished with a single word that way. It’s also supremely easy to resist, especially for anything mind altering.” I nodded at the explanation.

“That’s how you helped me calm down earlier, wasn’t it? When you told me to breathe?” I asked, remembering my library freak-out.

Estus looked a little surprised as they dipped their head in affirmation. “Surprised you caught that. Still feel guilty about doing that. With the way magic seems to stay away from you, I’m surprised it worked at all. The fact that your body probably wanted to comply is probably the only reason it did would be my guess. Anyways, let’s try this.”

They stood up as I sat down, trying to remember how I felt in Melissa’s room almost a week ago. The recognition that it had only been 6 days since I had started down this transformative path shocked me. It almost made me go off down a mental rabbit hole, but I reigned myself in as Estus cleared their throat.

“For each act that is sexist. He shall remember good tact. His own ego to subsist. For better manners to extract.” Estus ran through the stanza without much more drama than one would narrate what they had eaten for breakfast. They looked back at me as they finished. “Did that sound right?”

“No offense Estus, but please never become a lecturer if that’s how you’re going to present. That was almost as bad as one of professor McHall’s lectures.” They rolled their eyes at my commentary. “I think that second line was something to do with my body instead? Maybe something like ‘with his body will interact’ or something? Why are you asking about that part specifically?” I tilted my head up at them as I asked, repressing a yawn.

They paced back and forth as they answered. “I was really hoping you’d say they used another word than ego. It’s a really…annoying word.” They walked over to one of their bookshelves and rifled through it. “I think she meant to use your egotism against you. From the rest of the poem here that would make sense. Only problem is…” They paused as they pulled a large book from the top shelf. “It’s also a word tied deeply with one’s definition of self. The fact that it’s also even based on the Latin word for I etymologically makes it even worse.” They flopped down on the couch next to me and started leafing through the book.

As I continued staring at the page, I got that same strange feeling of pressure from last week and it made me remember a little more of the wording. "I definitely remember the word ego. It was one of the words I thought was an odd choice. It felt sour for some reason. Oh! Also I think some more of these are slightly off.” I tried crossing some words out and replacing them on the copy Estus had made as I spoke. As I read over the spell again, I asked, “Is it normal for people to tie themselves into spells? I would think the line about using her own powers in the first stanza wouldn’t be needed, no?”

As I looked over at Estus, I found them studying me intently. After a moment, they started speaking slowly. “The answer to that question is complicated. Short answer is yes though. It’s a way to limit the effects of a spell. Backing up though, you just said the original spell felt sour. Why did you use that phrasing?”

Their intensity made me nervous, and I felt myself lean away as I eked out my answer. “I um. Because it isn’t like I could taste anything? But I got that feeling you get when you eat a lemon?”

Estus put their hand to their forehead, leaning back against the couch as they sighed. “You… you have no idea what you’re doing to my brain right now. Bear with me for this next question. Are there any other weird things you noticed about the spell? Hell, since I’m asking anyway, did you notice something when I looked at your aura? I assumed you were basing your questions on my words, but did you feel something too?”

I let myself think back as I responded. “I don’t know what counts as weird? If you just mean anything that I’ve noticed when spells have been cast I can do that though?” They nodded at my query. “When you cast that spell earlier, I felt the air shift. Like it felt like the air was excited? I figured that’s just what happened whenever anyone cast magic though. I think something similar happened back when Mel cast her spell.” I wracked my brain for the feeling. “I remember her coughing after she finished. I think I felt my ears pop or something maybe?” I looked at Estus. They were chewing their lip in thought again. They turned to me and were about to say something when I jumped up, feeling something click together in my memory. “Wait! Also! I had to cough a whole lot when I was looking through Mel’s notes earlier! I had thought I was allergic to one of her plants but if you think I’m allergic to magic, could that be what was happening?”

Estus flinched at my sudden enthusiasm, but seemed to consider my question before speaking again. “That’s…” they sighed. “That’s so far beyond my capabilities to answer. It’s possible that you’re simply highly sensitive to magic for someone that hasn’t been around it much. It would make sense if you were allergic I suppose? Maybe? This will have to be something we look into after we get Melissa back, if that’s alright?”

I could tell they were starting to get a little frustrated with how many questions I was creating and I sat down, feeling a little guilty. I had to repress a grin at the idea that I was an oddity when it came to magic. I was so normal otherwise after all. “Of course. Sorry I’m so easily distracted and excitable. Now that you’ve seen the spell, do you think…” I had to pause to yawn, “do you think we’ll still be able to just sever the connection and I’ll be able to stay like this?”

“Hey, no apologizing for being yourself in this house. There will also be no puppy dog eyes.” Estus said, shielding their eyes. “The reason I was looking into the word ego was in hopes of answering that question. It’s going to complicate this entire thing. Everything else in the spell is straightforward, but if I’m right, you might be under the effect of mind-altering. If that’s the case, I’m going to have to completely undo the spell.” They lowered their hands to watch me as they continued.

I opened my mouth to argue, but closed it almost as quickly. If I was under the effects of a mind altering spell could I trust any of my thoughts from the past few days? I picked up the dropped page that held the marked up copy of Melissa’s spell and stared at it. It still felt wrong. What if there was something I was missing that changed my personality. Could that explain why I had been losing my temper? Was that worth a more comfortable body? Was this even—I cut off my thoughts and used a wavering voice to respond. “I don’t like it but you’re right. That’s probably dangerous.” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and I bit my lip to stop them. “Could we come up with another spell that would give me back the body though?”

“Of course!” They slid over to me and hugged me. “Luckily for you, you’re being hugged by one of the foremost experts in gender magic. I should be able to find something for you if we need it. Hell, I can make it so it’ll work even better than the current one.” I hugged them back tightly as they told me. As I continued holding onto them I couldn’t tell if my tears were sad about the possibility of losing this feeling or if they were happy that I’d be set either way. It wasn’t until they loosened their hold on me that I realized just how exhausted I was and yawned. I giggled at the idea that sleep was the only thing that could defeat tears. I pulled out of their grip and rubbed sleep out of my eyes as another yawn overtook me.

“What’s your day look like tomorrow Soph?” Rather than mumble a reply, I pulled out my phone and showed Estus my schedule. “Alright, how about this. I’m going to continue looking into this and some solutions for a few hours. Go crash in my room and I can drive you over to campus in the morning.” I tried to work up the energy to argue, but they placed a hand on my head, scratching lightly. “You are changing none of my plans and you’re obviously exhausted. I’ll even sweeten the deal with the promise of home cooked breakfast.” I lost all my willpower as they found my biggest weakness. With how nice the head scratches felt, I might need to update that to weaknesses though. A moment later, they stopped and pointed me to the bathroom and their room, explaining that they had recently bought a pack of toothbrushes so I was to brush my teeth before sleeping. I rolled my eyes at their parenting but followed their instructions, collapsing into their plush bed a few minutes later. I thought I might have trouble sleeping from how busy the day had been but I was out moments later.

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