Chapter 16: 15

***

Yuri tried to figure it out, but the memory no longer came to her mind. If it was about the curse of the Slevard family, it would be best to ask the Duke.

‘But… His Excellency is a little strange.’

She wasn’t sure Aslan would give her the right answer. And he has been very strange these days.

‘I’ll ask later.’

Yuri closed her eyes. She tried to calm her heart, but it wasn’t easy.

‘But when?’

She soon had to leave for the cold north. There was no time to ask him.

‘Everything is strange.’

Yuri turned the page. She felt like she was going to remember something different. She began reading each page carefully, grabbing her aching head, lest she might recall any other memories soon.

****

The result was failure. Yuri read all the books, but nothing more comes to her mind.

“Usually, a lot of handkerchiefs are presented as a sign of nostalgia.”

“Ah… that’s right.”

“It’s a gift that people who are getting married often give to their families.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“It’s not enough, but shouldn’t it be appropriate to present something like this?”

It was Madame Vanessa, Yuri’s etiquette teacher. Somehow, Vanessa was much more gentle with Yuri than before. When Yuri was not sure, she didn’t hit her any more. She has been teaching embroidery these days.

“Not bad.”

“Ah, thank you.”

Yuri’s face brightened. In the temple, Yuri would fix clothes on her own. Although Mrs Herette and other wives fixed her clothes, most of them had to be done by Yuri alone. There was no way that Yuri could let go of embroidery. It was the only field in which Yuri was confident.

“But…It would be better to start all over again.”

She became gentle. But that didn’t mean she liked Yuri.

‘Was she threatened by someone?’

If it was before, Vanessa would sarcastically say, ‘It’s not bad to use it as a rag’.

The corners of Vanessa’s lips were trembling strangely. As if she had been threatened by someone, she was showing mechanical kindness.

Yuri was again unwound and started embroidering.

‘I thought it wasn’t that bad.’

To be honest, Yuri’s embroidery wasn’t bad. Rather, her embroidery went beyond a pretty decent level, to the point that it could be said that it was a work of art. Vanessa couldn’t have known that.

“Do it again.”

So Vanessa ordered it to be embroidered again. Yuri was contemplating whether to embroider flowers this time, and soon she started embroidering one stitch at a time.

***

Vanessa kept telling Yuri to embroider again, and whenever she did, she loosened the thread and began to do the embroidery again. But Yuri’s hands were much faster than Vanessa had expected.

In the end, Madame Vanessa, who was defeated in the speed match against Yuri, gave complements, not praise, and closed the door loudly and left.

“Uhhhhhh…”

After class, Yuri calmly embroidered. Embroidery was good for thinking differently. She recalled an earlier memory.

Yuri remembered the ‘darkness’ that was always by her side.

‘Darkness is perfectly playing the mother I want. If she can read my mind, then she can read my memories.’

Darkness seemed to know something. Closing her eyes, Yuri called for darkness.

‘Dark. If you are listening, please answer me.’

Everything around Yuri began to turn dark. Soon darkness covered all the windows and the whole room darkened as if there was no light at all. 

“Darkness!”

“I, I am getting married soon. Uh, just like Darkness said.”

“Oh, you knew…”

Yuri smiled slightly. Yuri’s prediction was correct. The reason he brought up the subject of getting married was to turn her assumptions into certainty.

“Hey, there’s something I want to ask you.”

“I, I… … I don’t remember any of my childhood days.”

“Those times….… I want to remember.”

Yuri put her hands in front of the darkness and said in a desperate voice. Darkness was clearly expressionless, but Yuri could tell that the Darkness was bewildered.

“Can you find my memories?”

“Yes, yes.”

“……you did.”

Yuri’s voice was quiet.

”It’s too much! You can tell me at least one thing!”

Yuri’s lips protrude.

“No…… ”

To be precise, Yuri was sad.

“I am feeling sad right now!”

Yuri covered her mouth. Come to think of it, it was the first time she felt sad. All of a sudden, she could see how dependent she was on the Darkness.

Never in her life had she ever felt sad. Even if people treated her coldly.

“I… well, I guess I have changed a lot.”

Yuri nodded. The Darkness soon caressed Yuri’s cheeks like she was a child.

The Darkness’s hand was cold enough to shiver, but it didn’t feel that way anymore.

“Yes.”

Yuri nodded. She had never been to a wedding in her life, but usually when asked if she would love the man forever, she would formally say, ‘Yes.’ And the man would answer the same.

If that was the case, it was a victory for Yuri.

“Yes….”

“Really?”

Darkness put a finger on Yuri’s lips. The Darkness soon whispered a very precious secret in Yuri’s ear.

“…”

The main character of the memoir was ‘Arion Slevard’. The content of the curse of choice that was placed upon him… 

‘The life of the woman you love, or sleep with someone you don’t love.’

The desperate words written in the handwriting lingered.

Yuri knew the meaning. The current Duke, Aslan Slevard, must have made the same choice. And, he chose to embrace Yuri’s mother. 

‘That’s why I was born.’

And it was clear that Yuri was born and that his beloved wife was murdered in exchange for the curse.

This could not have been true. Yuri looked up at the Darkness. It smiled slightly at Yuri with a subtle face.

‘After all, that ‘Darkness’ was the curse. I am the heir of this generation.’

The curse of this generation must have been this bet. Yuri was already cursed. She was cursed to become unhappy. Her face began to turn cold. 

“….”

Darkness was still a friendly face. A chill was rising from the floor where Darkness was standing.

At that moment, all the candles in the room went out. Even the bonfire that was burning brightly went out. Yuri’s whole body became so cold that it was unbearable.

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“If it stays like this…… I’m going to freeze to death.”

Yuri told Darkness. With a face similar to darkness, she forced a friendly smile.

“Okay. I have no more doubts.”

Darkness smiled grotesquely with a twisted face. Yuri blinked. To figure out other things, she had no choice but to win the ‘bet’.

‘It wasn’t on my side.’

Yuri recalled what she knew once again. Darkness wasn’t on Yuri’s side. It was just a demon who came to have fun.

After giving Yuri one warning, the Darkness soon disappeared under Yuri’s feet. With a familiar feeling, her head began to cool. Fortunately, Yuri was used to giving up. She immediately wiped her face.

‘It’s okay.’

When she first heard about her parents, Yuri’s simple dream was shattered at once. When she first met Aslan, she had hopes of being recognized by him. That hope too was shattered, but Yuri endured it. If she thought it was okay, it seemed like it would be really okay someday.

‘It’s okay.’

She kept whispering to herself. She was terribly lonely. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she was alone in the world. She pretended to be positive and bright, but behind her was an ugly self.

She didn’t like the way people resent and torment others, so she built a wall to prevent them from being seen.

‘No, it’s not okay.’

The wall kept falling down. Yuri hated Darkness. She hated her father, and her brothers. The ugly raw self kept whispering that she hated them.

She would never have accepted such a bet if they hadn’t thrown her like that in the first place.

Yuri clenched her teeth. Otherwise, it seemed like she would collapse at any moment. As her anger slowly began to cool, she was soon able to give up all. It was a resignation, an utter resignation.

‘Really… I shouldn’t have been born.’

She was soon able to accept the hatred towards her. She was able to accept it now. Her existence was wrong from the start.

‘I thought that you gave birth to me, because you wanted me.’

Yuri thought so. She was born because someone wanted her. 

‘Even if I was born by mistake, I thought it would have been a blessing.’ 

If not, she thought it was a one-night mistake. She thought her father held her mother because he wanted to.

But the only reason the Duke held her mother was because of the curse. He held her mother in order to save his wife. And Yuri was born.

‘ …I was just a by-product of the curse.’

Yuri bit her lips.

“… Then, do all people with such a fate commit a sin?” 

“Yes. From birth, there are some people who are born like that.”

When she was very young, in the temple, Yuri saw someone who had sinned since childhood. All the priests agreed and said that the man was destined to do so.

“Destiny is determined from birth. Some people are destined to be like that.”

If they were born like this, they shouldn’t have been born. If they were the crumbs left by the curse from the beginning, they should have stopped breathing the moment they were born. And… 

‘Neither did I want to be born like this…… .’

Yuri was resentful. She was cursed. She was in despair. She didn’t know where to turn this feeling.

‘Now I know.’

When you see me, why do you always turn your head? Why does Herian look at me like a dirty thing? Why is Adres so eager to bully me?

‘It’s because there was something here that shouldn’t have been here in the first place.’

The arrows of negative emotions left behind were soon directed at Yuri.

‘The master … Knowing this, he brought me this book.’

No one wanted her. Nevertheless, she was born and survived even after being punished. That was her mistake. That she didn’t die. That was her biggest mistake.

***

How much time had passed, Yuri’s wedding was approaching. Soon Yuri would be nineteen.

Yuri was confined to the room under the Duke’s orders. Her skin disease had improved a lot with the treatments so far, and her hair has regained her original pink color to some extent.

“Yuri.”

“Yes, yes, yes.”

If there was one thing that still hadn’t been fixed, it was that Yuri was still lame and stuttering. These two things were not fixed in any way.

“Yes. Not much time left now.”

Herian said while looking at Yuri. Aslan was just too busy to take care of Yuri’s wedding, and Adres never wanted to take on anything related to Yuri.

There were several dress shops that said they would not make Yuri’s dresses, but the imperial family and the duke’s family made them send a dress to Yuri.

“It would have been better to gain a little more weight.”

Herian spoke as if it were a pity. It was like he was complaining about a doll he didn’t like.

However, to some extent, Herian was right. Yuri’s weight was not much different from when she first came to the Duke’s residence. She was still very thin, and her health was not good.

“I’ll have to pray that the Count’s taste is this way.”

Herian raised one corner of his mouth and smiled.

After that, Yuri would skip most meals. At some point, eating felt unnecessary. Even chewing a piece of bread and swallowing it was a pain.

Then she didn’t think anything of it, so shenspent her time sleeping every day.

All that was left for Yuri was the compulsion to somehow make use of herself. If it wasn’t even for that purpose, she would give up her life on her own. Horrible feelings caught hold of her ankles.

‘Useless Yuri.’

In the air, someone shouted every day. The sound did not stop even after Yuri fell asleep. Putting on the blanket, she whispered.

“This…”

“What?”

“Ah, I hope you accept this…”

Herian’s expression darkened. Yuri remembered the words that Madame Vanessa mumbled as if passing by. Yuri has always thought that Madame Vanessa had told the story because she hated her.

‘By the way, has Madame been wrong?’

There was nothing wrong with her words. It was useless to Yuri, and she was a child that no one welcomed.

“If it weren’t for you, that vile woman would never have set foot in the Duke’s mansion.”

Rather, if Yuri had not been born, Yuri’s biological mother would not have entered the Duke’s family with Yuri, and she would not have killed the Duchess out of lust.

‘I, I will be recognized by my family… Then I…’

There wasn’t much she could do, so she tried harder. Yuri held out a handkerchief embroidered with Slevard’s crest to Herian.

“This….”

“This….”

“I, I hope you accept this……”

It was said that it was a tradition for the married person to give a handkerchief to the rest of the family. And, embroidery was the only specialty Yuri had.

She spent several nights making this. Even if her hands were hurt by the needle and her nose bled from fatigue, she made it with patience.

“Ah, if you take it…… You think of me as family….”

Even an illusion was good. All she needed was a sweet fantasy. It was good to be fantasy. It was good even if it was just her own imagination.

‘Because I don’t have the family I wanted anyway.’

She knew they didn’t want her. However, Yuri was able to live her life with only such hope. That alone could comfort her.

“Yuri.”

Herian said in a friendly voice. Hearing his sweet voice, Yuri raised her head with a face full of hope.

“If you have time to do this, you’d better put more words in that stupid brain.”

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Herian smiled very beautifully. Then he threw the handkerchief into the fireplace. 

“I’ll leave now.”

Bang. Yuri’s door was slammed shut. Yuri looked at the fireplace with a stunned face. The handkerchief filled with hope and sorrow for Yuri was becoming ashes in the flames.

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