You'll Regret It
***
“I admit I was trying to get rid of you back then.”
“….”
“So? Are you dead now?”
Yuri’s fists trembled. Was it the end of things that she didn’t die? Yuri had almost died. In fact, she was bedridden for a long time after she crashed out of the window.
“Count, if I didn’t die…… .”
“…”
“Do you think everything is okay if I didn’t die?”
She bit her teeth so as not to stutter. She didn’t want to stutter in front of someone like this. She couldn’t forget the incident. She was injured in the accident at that time, and there were still places that had not been recovered.
“Yes.”
Larkshid replied briefly. He spoke so calmly that Yuri lost her words.
“If you don’t die, you can get it back.”
“Now, now…”
“You don’t like me. I know.”
“Ah, you know!”
Larkshid sighed. He didn’t try to make her understand. He simply spoke calmly, as if conveying information.
“I want to get my relationship back with you.”
He sat down on the bed. Yuri grabbed her neck a little tighter.
“And, I think you……”
Yuri looked at his hand grabbing her wrist. Contrary to his coercive tone, his actions were quite cautious. He gently grabbed Yuri’s wrist as if it were a precious piece of pottery.
“I want you to live for me.”
He grabbed her hand that was holding her neck, and lowered it down.
“Not afraid of me in front of me.”
“…”
He smiled softly. Yuri tilted her head. She couldn’t understand it in her mind. Even if she tried to understand, she couldn’t understand anything with her little head.
“I want you to look at me properly.”
He grabbed her chin against, and forced her face to face himself. Yuri avoided his eyes.
“What do you think?”
“I…, I don’t know.”
Seeing Yuri like that, he spoke softly as if he was okay with it.
“Yuri, as long as you are alive, a lot of things change.”
“…”
“Life changes a lot.”
“…”
“For example, you went from being a prisoner to the Countess of Erentail.”
“…”
Yuri looked at his face. His eyes were not as cold as before. Rather, his blue eyes felt warm.
“I want your feelings to change.”
“…”
“As my feelings had changed.”
Larkshid soon let go of her chin. Yuri frowned. He looked at her very sweetly and smiled.
“…… I, I, do not believe that.”
His words didn’t seem like a lie. From the subtly lowered eyebrows, his relaxed and friendly voice and atmosphere shook Yuri’s heart.
“Yes. It’s understandable if you don’t believe me.”
“But….”
Yuri didn’t like him.
“……But?”
“….try, I will try.”
The day she swallowed poison, he really ran towards her. And he sat by her side and guarded her seat until she woke up.
“You ……you were trying to kill me.”
“…”
“But you were also the one who saved me… .”
Not all of his actions were false. All of his attitude he showed her was true.
“Yes. Thank you for that.”
“…”
“I don’t think what I did to you was a good thing.”
“…”
“I’ll atone for the rest of my life.”
Larkshid smiled. Seeing him smiling brightly at her, Yuri could not speak any more.
***
The daily life after that was as sweet as a dream. In the spring, Rabin began his studies with Edrato and was doing well.
‘It’s really cold in the north.’
A cold wind blew in through the tightly closed door. When it was winter, Yuri liked to sit with a blanket in front of the fireplace.
‘What a joy it is to be able to burn firewood at will…’
To see if the fire would go out, the servants came from time to time to check the stove. Watching them put in new firewood, Yuri felt good.
“Count Larkshid….I have a favor to ask.”
“No.”
“If you don’t listen…”
“Of course, you’re talking about going out.”
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“No, all the doctors were against it.”
Yuri couldn’t go out, so she decided to try making a few small hobbies instead.
‘Embroidery…..’
It was one of her specialties. Yuri looked at the fireplace and the cloth.
“If you have time to do this, you’d better put at least one more line in that stupid head.”
Herian’s voice seemed to hit her ears. Every time she grabbed the cloth, the memories of that time came back cruelly.
“…I want to give it to Rabin.”
Now that the weather has cleared, he may be going out and playing. There were not many worries that Rabin might catch a cold.
‘Should I knit?’
Yuri didn’t want to embroider anymore. No matter how colorful birds and flowers were embroidered, it seemed that in the end it would be a handful of ashes.
‘I want to give Rabin warm clothes.’
Yuri fiddled with the needle and thread. It didn’t seem too bad about starting a new hobby in the North.
***
“Yuri.”
“Ah. Yes.”
“Do you always stutter?”
After she recovered a little, Larkshid went to Yuri and ate meals with her almost every day. The reason was that he was concerned that she might be poisoned. Naturally, the number of conversations increased. Yuri dropped the salad she was eating.
“…. Yes.”
Yuri stared at him, wondering if he was displeased with her stutter. Yuri thought it was frustrating to stutter, but she had no problem with her life.
She was worried that he might ask why she stuttered, or why she didn’t fix the stuttering. She glared at him with high tension.
“I see.”
Surprisingly, Larkshid said nothing. He nodded his head and started eating again casually.
“Oh, nothing, ah, don’t you ask?”
“Anything to ask?”
He replied so casually that Yuri had nothing more to say. Seriously, what kind of interest does he have in Yuri to even care about such things? For some reason, the salad didn’t go down well.
“…… Just in case you misunderstand me.”
“Yes?”
“I thought you were stuttering because you were scared of me.”
In the first week, Yuri grabbed her neck whenever she saw him. It was the behavior left behind by her deep trauma. But after a few more days of seeing him, the behavior gradually faded away.
“…well, that’s not it.”
She thought that stuttering was also part of that tension. But she was glad it was not. Larkshid didn’t think it was a fault that Yuri stuttered.
“Okay then.”
“I…aren’t you frustrated with my stuttering?”
Yuri grabbed his skirt tightly with her little hand. People around her often said that her stuttering was annoying.
“Well, if you don’t feel frustrated.”
“…… really?”
“Yes, it’s true. Why do you keep asking the same thing?”
It was the first time anyone did not point out her stuttering. He was slicing meat again as if nothing had really happened.
Larkshid noticed that Yuri had suddenly stopped eating. He was worried that he might have made a mistake. Although he had done things to Yuri because he wanted her to be less wary of him, he knew that those things alone would not make her like him.
“Did I make a mistake?”
“It’s not that………”
Then why? He sighed in frustration. Was she criticized for stuttering?
“Did anyone say anything?”
“Stutter …Everyone hated it.”
“Why?”
Larkshid really couldn’t understand. In the North, where hunting and mercenary work was mainly done, stuttering was not a fault. The scars on the body from fighting with wild animals were medals, and some of them even asked the doctors to leave the scars as they were.
Stuttering was just that. There were also quite a few acquired stuttering, and there were quite a few people who could not speak properly due to their tongue cut off.
“That’s the appearance of wealth and lack…..”
“I don’t understand.”
Were all easterners like that? Larkshid murmured softly, shaking his wine glass.
“Ah, thank you.”
“Yes. Okay. Anyway, why don’t we finish eating? The cook will be sad if he finds out his food was left behind.”
“Yes. Ah, I see… .”
It wasn’t her fault that Yuri was stuttering. For the first time, love began to come to this cold north. It seemed like he would accept her like this if she came from here.
Yuri looked at Larkshid. The fact that a few tears welled up in Yuri’s eyes and how she held it back was a secret he would never know.
***
It was only because of Larkshid that Yuri thought that this was a pretty decent place. There was no inconvenience in living here. Her bedroom was cleaned every day, and the flowers in the vase were changed every day.
“Count.”
“Call me Lark.”
He was a stubborn man. It would be fitting for Yuri to call him ‘Count’, but he corrected her whenever Yuri called him.
“… La, Lark.”
“Yes. That sounds better.”
He nodded and replied as if satisfied. It was a fact she didn’t notice because she got used to being with him, but he was always with Yuri, except when she slept.
“Why…..Are you still in my bedroom?”
Yuri’s awkward voice filled the room. As Larkshid recalled what he had forgotten, he told her.
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“Did I not tell you?”
Yuri, who didn’t even know what it was, shook her head cautiously. Was there something she didn’t know about? The book about northern culture that Herian gave her did not say anything like this at all.
“This is my bedroom.”
Chapter 23: 22
“I admit I was trying to get rid of you back then.”
“….”
“So? Are you dead now?”
Yuri’s fists trembled. Was it the end of things that she didn’t die? Yuri had almost died. In fact, she was bedridden for a long time after she crashed out of the window.
“Count, if I didn’t die…… .”
“…”
“Do you think everything is okay if I didn’t die?”
She bit her teeth so as not to stutter. She didn’t want to stutter in front of someone like this. She couldn’t forget the incident. She was injured in the accident at that time, and there were still places that had not been recovered.
“Yes.”
Larkshid replied briefly. He spoke so calmly that Yuri lost her words.
“If you don’t die, you can get it back.”
“Now, now…”
“You don’t like me. I know.”
“Ah, you know!”
Larkshid sighed. He didn’t try to make her understand. He simply spoke calmly, as if conveying information.
“I want to get my relationship back with you.”
He sat down on the bed. Yuri grabbed her neck a little tighter.
“And, I think you……”
Yuri looked at his hand grabbing her wrist. Contrary to his coercive tone, his actions were quite cautious. He gently grabbed Yuri’s wrist as if it were a precious piece of pottery.
He grabbed her hand that was holding her neck, and lowered it down.
“Not afraid of me in front of me.”
“…”
He smiled softly. Yuri tilted her head. She couldn’t understand it in her mind. Even if she tried to understand, she couldn’t understand anything with her little head.
“I want you to look at me properly.”
He grabbed her chin against, and forced her face to face himself. Yuri avoided his eyes.
“What do you think?”
“I…, I don’t know.”
Seeing Yuri like that, he spoke softly as if he was okay with it.
“Yuri, as long as you are alive, a lot of things change.”
“…”
“Life changes a lot.”
“…”
“For example, you went from being a prisoner to the Countess of Erentail.”
“…”
Yuri looked at his face. His eyes were not as cold as before. Rather, his blue eyes felt warm.
“I want your feelings to change.”
“…”
“As my feelings had changed.”
“…… I, I, do not believe that.”
His words didn’t seem like a lie. From the subtly lowered eyebrows, his relaxed and friendly voice and atmosphere shook Yuri’s heart.
“Yes. It’s understandable if you don’t believe me.”
“But….”
Yuri didn’t like him.
“……But?”
“….try, I will try.”
The day she swallowed poison, he really ran towards her. And he sat by her side and guarded her seat until she woke up.
“You ……you were trying to kill me.”
“…”
“But you were also the one who saved me… .”
Not all of his actions were false. All of his attitude he showed her was true.
“Yes. Thank you for that.”
“…”
“I don’t think what I did to you was a good thing.”
“…”
“I’ll atone for the rest of my life.”
Larkshid smiled. Seeing him smiling brightly at her, Yuri could not speak any more.
***
‘It’s really cold in the north.’
A cold wind blew in through the tightly closed door. When it was winter, Yuri liked to sit with a blanket in front of the fireplace.
‘What a joy it is to be able to burn firewood at will…’
To see if the fire would go out, the servants came from time to time to check the stove. Watching them put in new firewood, Yuri felt good.
“Count Larkshid….I have a favor to ask.”
“No.”
“If you don’t listen…”
“Of course, you’re talking about going out.”
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“….“No, all the doctors were against it.”
Yuri couldn’t go out, so she decided to try making a few small hobbies instead.
‘Embroidery…..’
It was one of her specialties. Yuri looked at the fireplace and the cloth.
“If you have time to do this, you’d better put at least one more line in that stupid head.”
Herian’s voice seemed to hit her ears. Every time she grabbed the cloth, the memories of that time came back cruelly.
“…I want to give it to Rabin.”
Now that the weather has cleared, he may be going out and playing. There were not many worries that Rabin might catch a cold.
‘Should I knit?’
‘I want to give Rabin warm clothes.’
Yuri fiddled with the needle and thread. It didn’t seem too bad about starting a new hobby in the North.
***
“Yuri.”
“Ah. Yes.”
“Do you always stutter?”
After she recovered a little, Larkshid went to Yuri and ate meals with her almost every day. The reason was that he was concerned that she might be poisoned. Naturally, the number of conversations increased. Yuri dropped the salad she was eating.
“…. Yes.”
Yuri stared at him, wondering if he was displeased with her stutter. Yuri thought it was frustrating to stutter, but she had no problem with her life.
She was worried that he might ask why she stuttered, or why she didn’t fix the stuttering. She glared at him with high tension.
“I see.”
Surprisingly, Larkshid said nothing. He nodded his head and started eating again casually.
“Oh, nothing, ah, don’t you ask?”
“Anything to ask?”
He replied so casually that Yuri had nothing more to say. Seriously, what kind of interest does he have in Yuri to even care about such things? For some reason, the salad didn’t go down well.
“…… Just in case you misunderstand me.”
“Yes?”
“I thought you were stuttering because you were scared of me.”
In the first week, Yuri grabbed her neck whenever she saw him. It was the behavior left behind by her deep trauma. But after a few more days of seeing him, the behavior gradually faded away.
She thought that stuttering was also part of that tension. But she was glad it was not. Larkshid didn’t think it was a fault that Yuri stuttered.
“Okay then.”
“I…aren’t you frustrated with my stuttering?”
Yuri grabbed his skirt tightly with her little hand. People around her often said that her stuttering was annoying.
“Well, if you don’t feel frustrated.”
“…… really?”
“Yes, it’s true. Why do you keep asking the same thing?”
It was the first time anyone did not point out her stuttering. He was slicing meat again as if nothing had really happened.
Larkshid noticed that Yuri had suddenly stopped eating. He was worried that he might have made a mistake. Although he had done things to Yuri because he wanted her to be less wary of him, he knew that those things alone would not make her like him.
“Did I make a mistake?”
“It’s not that………”
Then why? He sighed in frustration. Was she criticized for stuttering?
“Did anyone say anything?”
“Stutter …Everyone hated it.”
“Why?”
Larkshid really couldn’t understand. In the North, where hunting and mercenary work was mainly done, stuttering was not a fault. The scars on the body from fighting with wild animals were medals, and some of them even asked the doctors to leave the scars as they were.
Stuttering was just that. There were also quite a few acquired stuttering, and there were quite a few people who could not speak properly due to their tongue cut off.
“That’s the appearance of wealth and lack…..”
“I don’t understand.”
“Ah, thank you.”
“Yes. Okay. Anyway, why don’t we finish eating? The cook will be sad if he finds out his food was left behind.”
“Yes. Ah, I see… .”
It wasn’t her fault that Yuri was stuttering. For the first time, love began to come to this cold north. It seemed like he would accept her like this if she came from here.
Yuri looked at Larkshid. The fact that a few tears welled up in Yuri’s eyes and how she held it back was a secret he would never know.
***
It was only because of Larkshid that Yuri thought that this was a pretty decent place. There was no inconvenience in living here. Her bedroom was cleaned every day, and the flowers in the vase were changed every day.
“Count.”
“Call me Lark.”
He was a stubborn man. It would be fitting for Yuri to call him ‘Count’, but he corrected her whenever Yuri called him.
“… La, Lark.”
“Yes. That sounds better.”
He nodded and replied as if satisfied. It was a fact she didn’t notice because she got used to being with him, but he was always with Yuri, except when she slept.
“Why…..Are you still in my bedroom?”
Yuri’s awkward voice filled the room. As Larkshid recalled what he had forgotten, he told her.
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“Did I not tell you?”
Yuri, who didn’t even know what it was, shook her head cautiously. Was there something she didn’t know about? The book about northern culture that Herian gave her did not say anything like this at all.
“This is my bedroom.”
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