Chapter 17: 17

After that, Maynard returned crestfallen like a low-spirited flat-eared pup.

When Firman returned by the evening, he inquired about my day over dinner. He always does so whenever he returns from the church.

Speaking of which, Firman eats in the main dining hall because he is my lover. Selma initially grimaced at the idea, but I persuasively convinced her.

I usually tell him of the books I have read and sweets I have eaten, which are not much of a topic to talk about, but every time Firman smiles at these chatterings, it makes me feel deeply loved and happy.

However, Firman was slightly different today.

When I mentioned Maynard’s visit, his face immediately turned into a frown.

Was he feeling jealous? That would’ve been great! But then again, Maynard came to do nothing but pluck out weeds and leave, and there’s hardly anything to be jealous of that.

By the way, I did not tell him of the bouquet of roses from the prince because Selma said that it was better untold. Certainly, no man would be able to keep his peace of mind knowing that his lover received a bouquet from another man.

Firman thereafter finished his dinner with a frown the entire time and promptly withdrew to his room.

Dear me. In the end, that sweet ambiance was elusive today too.

As I begin to feel despondent, Selma threw a severe look towards the door where Firman had just left.

‘Lady is sure that she is in a relationship with Firman, is she not?’

‘Hmm? Of course. We kissed, and he declared our relationship in his highness’s face. If they do not make us officially dating, what would?’

‘…If the lady says so.’

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Selma seems to have her misgivings. Did we look far apart from lovers that much?

Well, we haven’t gone for any date yet because Firman always leaves for the church.

A daily tight embrace would’ve been enough for me too, but none of that either.

But Firman did say that we are lovers, so shouldn’t that be enough for me to believe so?

‘Well, I wonder if we are too far apart in age. Was I that childish? Am I unattractive?’

As I was starting to feel dejected, wondering if that was truly the reason why the lack of romantic contact, Selma flatly denied it.

‘While the ladyship may have her childish side to her, I assure you that you are lovely enough.’

‘Really? So much that they would want to kiss me?’

‘That I cannot tell. I cannot possibly offer a valid answer as the same gender.’

‘That’s true.’

But I wonder how can I really get along well with Firman more.

(Love is so complicated…)

At a loss to what to do, the rosy life that I initially thought to be at hand suddenly felt slightly beyond grasp.

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