Chapter 30: 30

Returning to my room, I surrendered my whole body to the bed.

Dear Lady Aileen— Firman’s letter started with these words.

 

Dear Lady Aileen,

As a holy knight, I hesitate to speak of this directly, so I have chosen to write them instead. After reading this letter, please do dispose of it into the fire.

I have something to apologize to the lady.

The pope has tasked me to be your guard, but his orders were not limited to safeguarding your person.

The pope hoped to bring her ladyship to the side of the church.

For that reason, I have approached you too become your personal guard.

The pope’s principal aim is to have a church associate as your spouse.

When the news of your departure to the duchy was announced, the main candidate to be your spouse was Rev. Robert Lichtenburg.

I was tasked to guide you in and out of the church and help restore your relationship with the Reverend.

Of course, it also matters not if her ladyship prefers another church associate. His eminence’s orders was for any clergymen to be intimate with the lady.

Having read this much, I believe the lady should have deduced everything on her own.

That is all correct, Lady Aileen. I am also a man of the church.

I realized her ladyship’s attachment to me on the way to the duchy. At that moment, the idea dawned on me to make myself your spouse instead.

I cannot tell you in detail but I deeply hold his eminence in high regard and is sworn fealty to him.

These sentiments allowed me entertain the idea of his eminence being delighted of me becoming your spouse instead.

Her ladyship is not very mistrustful, which, to be honest, had allowed me to get into your heart effortlessly.

I believe the lady should have realized everything that followed.

I will not ask her ladyship for forgiveness.

After all, I believe that this letter will wound the lady’s heart nonetheless.

However, I did not want to lie to the lady anymore. This letter is written for nothing but my own self-satisfaction.

My sincerest apologize for having hurt you.

I hope that her ladyship will find a gentleman that will treasure her not as a saintess, but as a woman in the future.

With regards, Firman Adler.

 

 

I crumpled the letter and buried my face into the pillow.

How could this be? For me to be dumped by two men in a single month; this is way too much.

Furthermore, for the both of them to not have loved me from the very start; isn’t this way too cruel?

You hope for a gentleman who will love me for myself, you say? But aren’t all those letters for marriage proposals in the capital are only in for the title? Didn’t you also just approach me for being a saintess, too, Firman? Where in the heavens am I supposed to search for that man who would not love me for the title?

I may be a fool who could only push all the faults to you, but Firman, you’re terrible.

Wouldn’t all this make me doubt whether the person I fallen for will truly love me for myself from today onwards?

Suddenly, I heard a knock on the door and felt someone approaching my bed.

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I can already figure who he is on his footsteps alone, perhaps due to how long Maynard and I have been together.

Maynard halted his steps right beside the bed, but I am not raising my face from the pillow anytime soon.

I am not crying! Of course I’d rather bear the tears than cry for something like this. Which is why I’m not raising my face to meet yours. As I’m desperately holding the tears with my all, I must be making the ugliest of faces.

‘…Looks like they’ll be planting flowers in the garden today.’

What’s with that; so sudden.

‘We’ve plucked out all the weeds after all.’

Well of course, we did. Maynard visited everyday, and I had no choice but to weed with him.

‘With a garden so wide, it may take three days to plant them all.’

That’s true. There are some transplanting to be done too, aside from just planting new seeds. I guess it should take about that long.

‘After three days– When we’re done planting the flowers, let’s return to the capital.’

My shoulders suddenly jolted at his words.

‘Return to the capital with me, Aileen.’

The bed shook a little. I knew then that Maynard laid his hips on the bed.

‘Don’t worry, I will always protect you, Aileen.’

How strange.

Even though you’re the first man to hurt me.

Even though you’re the first man to turn my heart into shreds, this time you’re the one mending it.

But still, I am a little wary to trust any men.

After all, Maynard is one of those people who wants ‘saintesses’

Only fools would trust men who had previously hurt them with a smile in their face.

I raised my face a little and held out my hand at Maynard’s way.

After the prince held it back gently, I buried my face to the pillow once more.

Don’t misunderstand, readers. This does not mean that I have chosen Maynard. After all, I don’t think I’m going to be giving my heart to anyone for a while. No matter how well-mannered and how agreeable their faces are, I don’t want to fall in love for now.

‘I am not staying at the royal castle.’

‘I know.’

‘But wouldn’t our manor in the capital be hard to protect?’

‘That doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Will you return with me?’

‘…Okay.’

Maynard suggested returning to the capital for my sake.

Remaining here would leave me vulnerable to my thoughts while I have my family and friends to brighten my feelings in the capital.

When I realized that, I ended up agreeing to his suggestion.

I’ll return to the capital then.

Together with my former fiancée who promised to protect me always.

 

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