Chapter 4: 4 – Gag

"It's not like we haven't done that before," Conor smirked.

"You definitely are crazy, man! Why would you want to do that."

"To see how far you will go," he smirked at me. "And to see if you really have no problem with me being gay."

I shook my head and laughed it off, as this had to be a joke. Without waiting for a response, I followed a red restroom sign emblazoned over a small corridor behind our table. Several posters advertising food options on the menu and wishing me happy holidays were draped on the walls. The voice of a guy sighingly singing echoed through the corridor, getting quieter and quieter with every step, revealing a soft rustle behind me. Someone is following me. I glared over my shoulder, and as soon as I saw him, Connor smirked. He likes to go pretty far with his gags.

There were two separate one-person-sized restrooms with unisex signs next to them. I went to the one further in the back to see if Conor was going for the other one or if he kept following me. It was dark inside, and I searched for a light switch. Conor waited behind me and continued to look at me belligerently and amusedly.

"I don't have a problem with you being gay, Conor," I said to see if that would throw him off his tracks.

"Cool," he shrugged, looked into the restroom, and then back to me as if he wanted to tell me I should finally go inside. Did he really want me to show him my dick? He was right. We have done this at a summer camp with five other guys, and it had no meaning or sexual connotation whatsoever. It was just boys being boys. But this time, it's different. Is he provoking me? Would he stop if I showed him I would go through with it? I should not be the one chickening out of a bet I've suggested. So I held the door open to invite him in with a big smile.

"I'm game," I said and copied his smirk. His eyes widened as if he didn't anticipate me to do this.

"So, you are fine with showing me your dick?"

"It's just comparing. Nothing else," I replied and tried to stay as cool as the weather outside the airport while a storm wanted to break loose within me.

"Crazy," Conor laughed and turned away.

"Where are you going?"

"Back."

"You know that you wanted to do this? Come back here."

It's always like this. He didn't want to do this. Conor just wanted to provoke me. It was just his way of having fun messing with me. But two people can play this game.

"Who is a chicken now?"

Conor stopped and slowly turned toward me, now probably thinking about what to do. I could see that he was just as competitive as I was. But I am not going to lose this one. Conor probably thought the same when he passed me and walked into the restroom, slowly pulling down the zipper of his pants.

I walked in, closed the door, locked it, and slowly opened my zipper too.

Accompanied by a loud whirring of the ventilation, the white light over the mirror made the room feel cold. Our eyes locked on each other, and it felt like round two of our staring contest had begun. I will not back out because that is what he is aiming for. But before the fight really began, Conor laughed, closing his eyes and turning his head toward the ceiling.

"I thought you were bluffing, Ash. But your not." He pulled up his zipper.

"No. You wanted to do this. Now let's go through with it." I opened the upper button of my pants. As I revealed my black underpants to him, Conor glared for a moment. But his head turned slightly red, and he instantly searched for the door behind me. His eyes widened as he probably realized that I was blocking his only escape.

"You win."

As I made no effort to move out of his way, he turned around and walked to the sink.

"I'm sorry I tried to provoke you," he said with such a sad voice that I felt terrible for pushing it this far. I wonder what he is thinking now. He turned on the tap, putting his hands under the constant stream of steaming hot water, almost as if he wanted to wash off the situation he had provoked. What motivates him to do this shit when this obviously is not what he wants?

"I'll leave you be now." He shook off his hands and tried to squeeze himself past me. I grabbed his right wrist as my gut told me I shouldn't let him go. Water dripped from his damp hands, wetting my palms. And still, his skin felt soft and warm, as if he was the solution to the freezing cold outside.

"I hope you don't mean that in an absolute way."

He looked scared, ready to run at any second if the need arose. As if he had decided to secretly leave while I was still occupied in the restroom. But I couldn't shake off the feeling that his own actions caused this, not me.

"You better be still at our table when I am done here."

I let go of his wrist and made room for him to leave. "I don't mind that you tried to provoke me. But let's better stop testing each other."

A sad smile flashed over his face.

"Feels just like in the old days, doesn't it," said Conor confirming what I also thought before. It does feel like back then, but simultaneously in a good and a wrong way.

He closed the door softly behind him, leaving me alone to do what I came here for.

---

Conor looked at his phone when I returned to the table. The third burger he ordered was waiting with him. He shoved the plate toward me when I crawled onto the upholstered bench across from him.

"Sorry again. I think I wanted to take a little revenge on you."

I shrugged. "Can't blame you." It was still harmless to what I did.

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"You know, I never was mad at you?"

"For what?"

"You know for what."

The image of him falling into the pool was planted back in my head. How I told the others that he was gay and that he tried to hit on me, even when it wasn't true. Why the fuck did I have to do that?

"Why not?" I stared at him in disbelief.

"I think you didn't know how to handle the information that I was gay, and a fuse in your head just blew."

This confirms that he really didn't know that his outing wasn't a problem for me. Never. Not back then, not now. I mean, come on, that's like the ultimate proof of trust. Why should I be mad about that? He's still the same person. No, my problem was something else. Something I regret now profoundly as it not only killed our friendship but also drove our whole group apart.

"Conor..." I started, thinking about if maybe now was the right time to talk about what had happened. I felt the urge to clear things up for him. To tell him what really drove me that day.

He kneaded his hands, waiting for me to go on. I took a deep breath. Talking about my feelings is definitely not one of my strengths.

"We don't have to talk about that, Ash."

"No, it's just...."

Before the right words came to my mind, the waiter guy, Joshua, gave us the pleasure of walking up to our table with the check in his hands. There is no way I can say anything now. Not with him eavesdropping.

"Can't wait to get us out of here, huh?" I confronted him as we didn't even finish our food yet.

"That's my revenge for you guys not inviting me to your little soiree in the restroom."

Conor's and my eyes got big, surprised and ashamed that he had noticed.

"Here is your dick... Sorry, check, gentleman."

We were too perplexed to say anything else, and Joshua left us with a triumphant smile. We didn't even do what you think we had done. I searched for Conor's face, hoping to find support for the awkward feeling that lured in the back of my head. But he was already flying through the air, unable to hold back the biggest laugh of tonight anymore. The sense of freedom I suddenly felt as I joined in was so loud that even the other servers stretched their heads over the bar to see what was happening. After some minutes, the music finally drowned our glee, brushing off all eyes set on us.

"Let me invite you," stated Conor.

"What? Never. I can pay for my stuff."

"I insist. You already had to pay for your flight. And I want to make up for how I treated you."

My stomach was growling, ordering me to be fed, so I didn't fight his invitation. Conor pulled out his wallet and put forty bucks on the table while I grabbed the extra burger and bit into it. We didn't say anything until we left, as we both knew that the moment to talk about our past was gone for now.

---

7:24 pm. We walked through a vast hall, smelling like someone was cooking all the dishes in the world simultaneously.

"I guess it's my turn to decide what we are doing now."

"Even though we didn't do my thing."

"Yeah, but because you backed out."

"As if you would have shown me your dick."

"You should know I go through with stuff to stand my ground."

Conor nodded slowly as if he somehow regretted missing his chance and suddenly wrinkled his nose as we walked by a place looking like a Japanese street restaurant smelling like rotten fish. The closer we got, the more the stench worsened. So we moved as far away from the food court as possible and came across an expansive sitting area that was still decorated in the holiday spirit but somehow looked sad. The brightness of the neon tubes at the ceiling overshadowed the tiny fairy lights draped around the windows. A life-size cardboard cutout of Santa Clause ordered us to "take one," but whatever candy was once in the plastic bowl he was holding was already gone. I spotted a plan of the airport next to a Christmas tree, and we headed over to see what attractions they had to offer. The airport was only two stories high but spread out into a vast jumble of hallways.

"They even have a cinema here," I pointed to it.

"And a swimming pool!" Conor glanced at me. "Life-saving to have that here!"

"You are right. A pool can be quite entertaining when you have so much time to kill," I glared at Conor, who made a face as if I wasn't right in the head. "It is decided then!"

I turned around and walked in the direction shown on the map. Conor didn't move at all.

"You realize that this means that we will have to take off almost all our clothes in front of each other?"

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