Chapter 6: 6

“…I don’t know why you brought her up. Mother has nothing to do with this.”

 

“Nothing to do…? What kind of attitude is this towards your father while you defend your mother?”

 

“It’s a bit awkward to hear it from Duke, who doesn’t even treat me like your daughter in your life and has never been a father to me.”

 

Charelize, shocked at the absurd words from Duke Marsetta, let out a smirk and brushed her hair up.

 

“Ah, I will correct it. Not a bit, but a lot.”

 

Hearing that, Duke Marsetta was very perplexed. Charelize was a child who kept her eyes on him and worked tirelessly to avoid offending him, so he couldn’t believe what Charelize was saying. He came to his senses belatedly and tried to discipline her.

 

“What kind of manner—”

 

“Don’t worry about the annulment. I’ve already taken measures to prevent damage to our family. Well, you’re the one who only showed your face briefly at my engagement ceremony, so you don’t have the right to say anything if our family relationship with Marquis Radiasa’s family got worse.”

 

“…”

 

“Then, I will leave now, Your Grace.”

 

Charelize went out without hearing Duke Marsetta’s reply. Only then did Duke Marsetta realize that Charelize didn’t call himself ‘Father.’

 

* * *

 

It was too easy to give up her hand that stretched out to Duke Marsetta. What she had been trying to get his affection for was in vain, so even tears didn’t come out of her.  

 

They only exchanged a few words. Nevertheless, she felt uncomfortable inside. What’s worse, she hadn’t eaten anything yet. What happened made it unbearable if she didn’t vomit. Her chest was stuffy, so she hit it hard several times.

 

Duke Marsetta not only denied that she was his daughter, he even erased her name from the family register. It left deep in her heart with scars worse than being stabbed by a sword. He turned a blind eye to all the effort Charelize had made in her life to be recognized as his daughter.

 

Charelize recalled the memories of her childhood, where she spent her nights in tears, missing her father’s touch.

 

“Lona.”

“Yes, Princess.”

“I miss father so much.”

“He must be in the office. Shall I ask the butler if he has free time?”

“But, if I go, father will not be happy with it, so I have to put up with it.”

 

 

When she was six years old, she pressed her desire to go to her father.

 

“Princess, never do that again! Do you know… how surprised I was?”

 

“…how about father?”

 

“Is he… not coming? I haven’t heard the news yet. Hurry up and tell me, Nanny. Hurry.”

 

“Princess… Your Grace has put you on probation for a week… I think he knows that you fell off the stairs on purpose.”

 

“…I see. Please tell him that I’m sorry for disappointing him.”

 

At the age of ten, she rolled down the stairs to get his father’s attention.

 

“A-A Villa…?”

 

“That’s right.”

 

“Thank…you, Father. I will cherish it. Thank you very much.”

 

When she was fifteen, she received a birthday present directly from her father.

 

The things he had given her so far were precious and luxurious, but she found out that the butler had sent them in his father’s name instead. That’s why the villa she received at that time was more meaningful and precious than anything else. In fact, she didn’t even want a present. She is just happy that her father remembers her birthday. No matter how busy Charelize was, she went to the villa she received as a gift at least four times a year.

 

One day, even though she knew it would be rejected, she suggested that they go together to the villa just in case. Then, she stopped going there often from the moment he left, saying, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” and “I’m busy, that’s why I forgot about the existence of that villa.” That night, she had a particularly high fever. Even though they brought a priest early in the morning, there was no improvement.

 

Her legs’ strength was depleted when she thought about her foolish days, and she slumped to the floor.

 

“Young Master! Are you okay?”

 

“…I’m okay. Get back.”

 

The knight who was passing by hastily came to her. He quickly tried to support Charelize, but she refused with a single gesture. Even if she had a weakness, she shouldn’t show it to others. So it was the moment when she decided not to regard anything precious.

 

Charelize couldn’t even remember with what spirit she returned to her office.  She did more than she needed to get rid of the constant thoughts.

 

“Your Highness! What… What should I do?”

 

Lari’s eyes were full of anxiety, and tears were welling up from there.

 

“Lari? Is something wrong?”

 

“Madam is in a very, very hard time…”

 

Hailey replied on behalf of Lari, who was too shocked that she couldn’t speak properly.

 

“Madam is in critical condition. I think Your Highness should visit her right away.”

 

It was a bolt of the blue that her mother’s condition was deteriorating. Charelize barely calmed her heart, which was beating uncontrollably. It was still earlier than the day her mother died. So it won’t be, no, it shouldn’t have been.

 

“Young Master!”

 

In front of her mother’s room, there was the head maid who cried for a long time.

 

“Head maid.”

 

“Our Madam, what should we do?”

 

“What are you talking about? I spent time with her just until a few days ago.”

 

“Young Master…”

 

“It’s been a while, but mother has improved noticeably enough to be able to go for a walk outside.”

 

The head maid looked at Charelize with pity.

 

“For now, please enter. Madam is waiting for you.”

 

Upon entering, the attending doctor, who had been examining her mother’s body as she lay on the bed, shook his head.

 

“I did my best, but… I don’t think Madam will make it through tonight.”

 

The doctor bowed his head. At his words, Charelize slowly approached her mother. The short distance seemed far away as if walking a thousand miles.

 

Her mother was resting, barely breathing. When she heard her mother would pass away, Charelize couldn’t deny it. Because her condition was the same as the day she saw her for the last time.

 

God was cruel. They gave new life to those who wanted rest and death to those who wanted to live.

 

“All of you.”

 

“…”

 

“Get out. I will be here, so don’t let anyone come in.”

 

The servants with gloomy faces around them reluctantly left the room.

 

Charelize could only hear her mother’s breathing, who was struggling with irregular breathing. She remains silent. As if it was God’s will to spend comfortably, there was only silence.

 

“Mother.”

 

“…”

 

There was no answer. It made Charelize could talk more comfortably.

 

“I heard about it in the morning. When I heard that you passed away alone at dawn… do you know… how much my heart was torn to hear that?”

 

“…”

 

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“So, this time, I wanted to spend a little more time with Mother. I wanted our relationship to be an ordinary mother and daughter.”

 

“…”

 

“When I was young, I hated Mother, who was always keeping distance from me…”

 

“…”

 

“Still… on the very occasional day when you stroked my hair, I liked it so much…”

 

“Just… normal, even if it’s not as much as others do… While eating together… sharing small stories… on a tiring day, having a rest without saying anything… I wanted it to be like that.”

 

“…I still remember. The day I shook off Mother’s hand.”

 

It was the day when she heard that because of her mother that she was hated by Duke Marsetta. Upon hearing that, she was upset and said something she didn’t even mean.

 

“The truth is… I didn’t mean it. I always regretted it. Not being able to say sorry. I regretted hurting Mother so much that I couldn’t sleep. You risked your life to give birth to me and sacrificed many things… but I said those words…”

 

“…”

 

“You erased being called with your name from the world and lived only as my mother for the rest of your life…”

 

As Charelize bowed her head and sobbed, Duchess Marsetta gently grips on her hand. Her skinny hand, in which you could only see her bones, was placed on Charelize’s cheek and stroked it.

 

“I thought you were all grown up, but you are still a baby, Charel.”

 

“Mother…?”

 

Charelize was unfamiliar with how her mother called her nickname, which she hadn’t heard in a long time. Her mother has been calling her ‘Princess’ for quite some time and distanced herself. So it was awkward when she was called by her nickname.

 

“The day you cried because you shouldn’t show your emotions. I knew I was an ugly mother who couldn’t do anything for you…”

 

“…”

 

“I thought that the only thing that would protect you, who had me as your mother, was the status of a princess.”

 

“…”

 

“Even when I saw you fall when you were running at me… I was so weak that I couldn’t even hug you, let alone run up to you like other mothers. Not being able to hug you has always been a regret for me. You feel the burden of being a princess made me sad and angry at myself.”

 

“…”

“As time has passed, you will understand. I’m not angry with you. I’m angry with myself for not being a mother who holds your hand and walks together.”

 

The figure of Charelize was reflected in the eyes of Duchess Marsetta.

 

Despite Charelize already going through this once, she’s not ready to let her go yet. She resented God for being cruel to her. At this moment, she couldn’t stand it unless she blamed others.

 

“Around this time… Did you know that even in the cold North, flowers bloom there?”

 

“…”

 

“I saw it on my last trip with my sister… Even in the cold weather, the appearance of its petals that opened up looked strong and solid. It was amusing. It turns out that flower is a flower that brings happiness and is treated preciously by people there.”

 

Her mother smiled as she said it. The slight smile was so warm that it couldn’t be compared with anything else.

 

“The moment I first met you, I gave you the name of that flower, hoping that you will be loved by those around you like that flower.”

 

“…”

 

“Charelize, it’s okay not to be loved by everyone. You don’t have to trick yourself to be loved. Someday in your life, you will surely meet someone who will love you without any conditions.”

 

“…”

 

“My daughter… deserved to be loved. You’re so precious that I could give you everything.”

 

The eyes of the Duchess Marsetta, looking at Charelize, contained her love.

 

“You always… distance yourself from me. I thought you only regretted giving birth to me… But why…”

 

“…I didn’t want you to see me getting weaker, Charel.”

 

“…”

 

“It’s absolutely… not because I hated you. How could I… hate you.”

 

“…”

 

“You are… my… most beloved baby… in this world.”

 

Charelize didn’t know that she was sent out because her mother didn’t want to show her sick side to her. Her mother couldn’t protect her, and couldn’t be a mother that would walk with her, so she had no choice but to be like that.

 

“E-Even though I didn’t do anything for you. Charel, this mother…was…happy that you were born as my daughter.”

 

“…”

 

“Charel, the person who is by your side is not a weakness, but the strength that keeps you alive… You can’t… feel it… if you keep… run away…”

 

“Mother!”

 

Even in the midst of suffering pain from breathing, her mother only worries about Charelize until the end.

 

If this is her last moment, it’s right to look back on the life she has lived so far.

 

“N-Not yet… not now. Wait for a little, please wait a little, Mother…”

 

“I really hated spring… Your Majesty father, my sister, and the people I care about leave and go away one by one… Contrary to my heart, the weather has always been good.”

 

It was the first time Charelize heard about it. Her mother didn’t say a word until the last day she saw her face to face. She turned her back without asking anything. Charelize knew it was too late to change what could be changed at any time with a little effort.  

 

“It’s only happened twice in my life… when I like… spring.”

 

“…”

 

“The first time when you were born as my daughter and held my hand for the first time…”

 

“I always resented Mother, but why…”

 

“And… now… spend my last time… with you…”

 

“Please not yet. It’s not the time. Mother… Mother please…”

 

“In the next life… Find a mother who can wipe away these flowing tears… and give you love, Baby.”

 

“…”

 

“If I had known it would be hard… to leave you alone in this wide place… I would have held your hand sooner…”

 

“…Mother?”

 

“I… love… y…”

 

A hand that lost its strength fell from the air. Unable to fully say what she wanted to say, her mother closed her eyes. Her mother’s last words echoed like tinnitus in her ear, making her unable to move her body or fully exhale her breath.

 

A long time passed, and Charelize rested her face on the cold body as the sun went down. She whispered slowly, in a very low voice that anyone could hear.

 

“In my next life… I want to be born… as Mother’s daughter…”

 

“…”

 

“No… I will be your mother… then I will hold your hand. So… we could walk together, say love to each other countless times, and live that way.”

 

“…”

 

“I love you, Mother. I really love you so much…”

 

“…”

Despite confessing that for the first time, the breath of the person who had left didn’t come back. 

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