Chapter 5: Cosmic Soup

 

And then it was gone. All that pain, anxiety, and fear. It washes away on a tide of calm and understanding. I am free from my body. All confining feelings and thoughts are gone, I expand. I am one with something, it is infinite and all knowing. We are one but I cannot tell what I am now. What is left of my consciousness, small and insignificant, vibrates in fear.

 

What am I doing? Where am I? WHO AM I?

 

That is the question. I am sure of it. Someone told me to ask that. But who do I ask? Looking around, or at least the equivalent of looking around my consciousness is doing, reveals nothing except a black expanse. It would seem I am to be my own expert advice in this case. Was I just meant to contemplate my own existence? The bear mentioned that this was a temporary enlightenment from the system. That would imply I am to have some profound epiphany here. Am I to decide who I really am now? How could I possibly know that? I had asked myself that question countless times over the years. Am I what I can do? Am I just my physical body? A collection of electrical impulses housed in a wet meaty  bag? Very unprofound of me. I don't feel inexplicably wiser, or really enlightened in any way.

 

I existe here for days I am sure. I feel something slide against my existential existence, maybe I am moving and don't know it. Maybe that is what time feels like in an unfilter form as my being moves along the river of time. Maybe an invisible cosmic hand is stroking me in its gentle loving embrace but I'm in the wrong dimension to see it. I WANT TO KNOW.

Hmmm something feels weird. I felt something in what I am temporarily calling my soul for lack of a better term. A niggle, a wiggle, possibly even a nudge, deep within whatever I am at the moment. Interesting.

.

.

.

Time drags on, I assume. I ponder. I pine. I curse my forefathers and their forefathers. Anything to try and free me from this prison. I am helpless to understand where I am still. Without direction or any evident progress I turn my musings outwards. There is still an expanse of blackness. It appears empty but I know otherwise. I can't put my tendril of consciousness on it but I know, there is more out there.  If I just move the curtain aside, if I push the veil of the world aside for a moment I’ll see something. I’ll learn something.

 

I reach out.

 

I grasp.

 

I tug.

 

I plead.

 

I grovel.

 

It is all for not. Nothing moves, nothing is unveiled. I still KNOW nothing. This is driving me to insanity. My curiosity, my drive to KNOW will not let me rest. I wrestle with the fabric of the world I am in. I have no limbs, no body, nothing I can feel. My mind still rails against the unknown.

 

My very soul vibrates with the need to UNDERSTAND. But I am blind in this place where I have no eyes. I cannot peer into the darkness and pry out its secrets. I will not yield to this ignorance. 

 

I need LIGHT. I will see what is out there. I will KNOW. I will UNDERSTAND.

 

My thoughts become hazy. My only coherent choice is to keep striving to see. To ILLUMINATE the unknown. I feel a vague pain. Like a writhing mass in my center is unraveling and realigning. I ignore it, I must KNOW.

 

I strain what is left of my willpower. I am breaking apart. I will destroy myself in this pursuit, I can feel it. This darkness is not meant to be KNOWN by one such as me. I struggle on.

 

I am exhausted. I feel my innermost self crack. I shatter.

 

I fly apart. A thousand grains of sand spread across the infinite expanse. All I am fades.

I coalesce in a supernova of LIGHT 

 

I WILL DRIVE BACK THE UNKNOWN.

 

I AM THE LIGHT OF KNOWLEDGE.

I comprehend a single strand of the darkness around me. It is 1/1,000,000,000th of a single idea in this infinite expanse but it is still too much. I am undone again.

 

[Congratulations You Have Formed Your Core]

 

[You Have Advanced to Tier 1]

…

I gasp. I am back on the stairs. I am falling forward. I have a body. 

 

WHAM

I am in a pile of heaving, gasping, flailing bodies at the bottom of the stairs. My disorientation is immeasurable and my day is ruined. I can’t tell if the pair of angry gnomes clogging in my skull is from going through the worlds worst acid trip a minute ago or Carters chest and the wood floor making my head into a sandwich.

 

“Gahhhhhuuhhh ohhhhh fucckkkkkkkkkk.”

 

Tactus is alive at least, good sign.

 

“Everyone still breathing?”

 

Calder wheezes out as he shifts from beside me. In a small mercy me and him were at the front and managed to not land on each other or any other squishy members of the family. 

 

“Nothing broken here.”

 

“I had a soft landing, but everyone stopped shouting its driving icepicks into my eyes.”

 

Carter rolls off me to the side in a weirdly fluid motion for him. Everyone else groans and is back on their feet in a moment. We all shift our eyes back and forth asking a silent question.

 

“Soooo, anyone else have Meryl Streep explain how the universe works for them then lose your body and become a blob of jelly in outer space?”

 

“Really Calder? Meryl Streep? I always knew you thought she was hotter than me. And yes but I got the tiger from the jungle book.”

My mother and Calder’s experiences don't seem dissimilar from mine, outside of the choice of guide, what is going on inside my subconscious I should know about.

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“Yeah badass Shadowy Samurai and a speck in a cosmic ocean for me.”

 

Yeah, that checks out for tactus.

 

“ Umm yeah I just got…Barack Obama and an ocean for me.”

 

Carter's addition is just stilted enough for me to know his guide was likely not family friendly.

 

“Son, what is up with your eyes?”

My mothers concerned eyes meet mine with their new pinkish glow around their brown centers.

 

“Um, what is up with yours mother?”

 

“Hay dickweeds have you all checked out these cool new panel since you've been back?”

My sister amelia’s entrance is followed by my last two siblings. While amelia is a slightly taller and more wirey version of my mother, I swear Calder is a factory for making blonde haired blue eyed babies. Both Victoria and Clayton, the last two Warricks in the house are looking less than pleased as the walk through the door.

 

“Umm No?”

 

Following Tactus’ reply their is a family chorus of

 

“Panel”

 

[Pax Kane]

[Tier 1]

[Statistics:

Physical:

Vitality:          12

Strength:       11

Agility:           13

Dexterity:      15

Perception:  21

Stamina:       13

Mental:

Processing:   12

Wisdom: 17

Memory: 18

Acumen: 18

Charisma: 15

Intuition:        17

 

Bloodlines:

 

Kane(Primus):

 

200% bonus to skill acquisition

50% bonus to skill leveling

 

Aremia(minor)

 

15% increase to all nature related skills

10% increase to all bonded non-humans and their related skills.

Skills:

 

None

 

Boons:

 

None

Titles:

 

None

 

Concept:

 

THE LIGHT OF KNOWLEDGE

 

Affinities:

 

Knowledge: 5%

Light: 1%

Void: 1%

Mind: 1%

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