Chapter 23: 23 So cool I do drugs.

My vacation proved to be uneventful, and honestly, I was kinda glad for it to be over.

As a child, there isn't really anything for me to do in my free time except sleep, which ???????? good, but I'm starting to get used to the endorphins of being active, which isn't something I ever thought I'd say, or rather, think.

I can't go get laid, go to a club or bar, well technically I can, being an 'adult' legally, which is just wild to think about.

I mean imagine an 'Oooh ????????????????????????????????, the legal age of consent in Japan is thirteen' looking ass guy and they just showing him your six-year-old friend and say how they're an adult that can drink, fuck, gamble and legally murder people.

This world is so fucking wild once you spend more than five minutes thinking about it.

Anyway, me, Bear and Hound got a replacement sensor.

This time someone more experienced than Monkey, who was only like a year more experienced than Hound, who, in turn, is about a year more experienced than me.

The new guy is called Panther and even though Bear could probably still fold him like wet paper, he's about on the level of Hawks squad. Which is to say, among our best.

Something about not putting too many newbies on the same team so we don't all just die.

Now that I think about it, it's kind of like the Jonin sensei program, except they don't teach you anything and just keep you alive so that life can be your teacher.

What was I thinking?

Why am I so Schizophrenic?

That isn't what I was thinking, but it's a good question, but I don't think asking the voices in your head why they're there is generally a helpful thing to do.

Reaching that conclusion, I focus back on my surroundings.

Like when Monkey was here, we are headed to a border as support, in the same formation.

This time was more peaceful, and we made it to the north-western front, which is to say, right in the middle of Ame.

The front I was at last time was around where the borders of Ame, Suna and Konoha meet.

Where I am headed now is a little past Konoha's borders in Ame and only Ame.

Not that we're really fighting with Ame, where we're going is a three-way front between Iwa, Suna and us.

Though some angry Ame-nin will probably crash the party, something about us razing their villages in our war. Which, as a side note, ???????????? as it turns out, started by Konoha, though to be fair, if we didn't start it, I would have given it three years before someone else did.

Honestly on some reflection it's not really all that surprising, I mean despite being a peace-loving old man in the show, from what I hear (I never watched it) Hiruzen ???????????? friends with Danzo, and a student of Tobirama, who was known to have some... strong opinions.

It's not too much of a stretch that, young as he is, Hiruzen is still proud and headfast and wants Konoha to expand. It's probably only after he really understands what this war is doing and will do to Ame that he will mellow out.

Anyway, I shake my head to clear out my distracting thoughts as we approach the base we will be staying at, I only know we're near it because Panter signals us that we are, and once again we are led into a base that I never would have noticed without the guid.

These guys are really good at hiding bases.

When we enter, it's the same story as last time, we walk into a command room, I look around, memorising all the maps while the adults talk, then we go to an ANBU barracks where we basically just sit around waiting to be told to do something.

Apparently, we aren't expecting any action anytime soon, but each front is supposed to have an ANBU presence, so we're just going to be doing regular patrols on rotation.

Apparently, the patrols almost always lead to a fight, which makes sense considering where we are, so we double up for two team patrols.

For now, though? I sleep.

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Have I ever said how Hound is an asshole?

Because he is. A massive asshole.

Now, you might be wondering, 'what did Hound do to deserve such animosity?'

Simple, he woke me up by throwing my ENTIRE BED at a wall!!!

With me still asleep on it!!

It hurt!

Anyway, as I scowl at Hounds back as we patrol the borders of this front, I focus back in on what we are doing.

Me and Goat are both hanging back, full stealth, while Bear and Hound are on the left flank and Horse and Bull are on the right, and in the middle, slightly behind the flaks this time, since we're expecting a fight, is Panther and Dove.

It's also raining, I would say 'again' but I don't think that it's actually stopped, so, rather, It's also ???????????????????? raining.

I hate this fucking country.

Thankfully at least, Goat taught me a water Jutsu that basically just makes water slide right off you, very helpful.

Though he did warn me to not try using it as a defence against suiton, (water release) it doesn't work like that.

Eventually Dove and Panther stop and raise their hands to signal that we should also stop, nearly at the exact same time too.

Obviously, we know what this means, and wait for more information, Dove nods to Panther, letting him go first.

????????????????, ????????????????????, ????????????????, ????????????????????????, ???????????????????????? ????????.

Well, that's a first, not having the element of surprise.

After finishing his signs, he turns to dove who confirms what he signed, sensing the same, though she did add that they are likely elite Jonin.

That would have worried me a little before, and excited me at the same time no doubt, but not only do we have them outnumbered but we also have Elite Jonin in Bear, Panther and Horse.

On the subject, Dove, Goat and Cow are all decent Jonin and Hound barely makes it into Jonin category in terms of danger rating.

Meanwhile there's me, Chunin, well technically I'm still Genin, like how Hound is still Chunin. ANBU don't really get promoted, since rank works differently here so it's deemed unimportant.

The only ranks in ANBU are the Commander, Takeshi, and squad leaders, though if there are more than one squads then one of the leaders will be temporarily known as Captain Commander or Danchou. Everyone else is equal rank and selected based on merit and experience.

Which is to say my superiors are anybody more experienced or with more merit than me. Or both. Which is everyone really, since I'm still new enough to be a number rather than an animal.

Anyway, the enemy squad is retreating apparently, smartly not wanting to fight outnumbered.

But we're not just going to let them get away, are we?

It's a good thing horse is here, because that man is ????????????????, and he quickly caught up with the enemy by himself so that they couldn't just keep running away, and because of the speed we are travelling, we still get there only a second or so after Horse.

Still in that time Horse is already wounded.

Not seriously mind you, but clearly, they wanted to get rid of Horse before we arrived, to even the numbers a little.

As the others move to engage, me and Goat hang back, basically just watching a free show.

???????????????????????? ???????? ???????? ???????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????

I sign to Goat, seeing as he doesn't seem to be wanting to get involved, he gives a careless shrug before responding.

????????????, ???????????????? ???????????????? ???????? ???????????????? ???????? ????????????????????????????, ???????? ???????????? ???????????? ???????? ???????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????????? ???????????????? ???????? ???????? ???????????? ????????, ???????????? ???????????????????????? ???????????? ???????? ???????????????? ???????? ???????? ???????????????????????? ????????????????????????, ???????? ???????????? ???????????????? ????????????????????.

Huh.

Wasn't expecting that.

Still, watching isn't as fun as participating, I'm not a cuck thank you very much.

So, I actually watch for an opportunity, we clearly have the advantage, but you can never have enough overkill.

Which is why, as soon as I see one of the Suna-nin knocked off balance by one of Horses Jutsu, I Shunshin to the enemy, tanto drawn and ready to decapitate.

Only, before my blade can make contact, I feel a bu???????????????????? ???????????????? ???????? ???????? ???????????????? ???????????? ???????? ????????????????????!!

I think I blacked out for a moment, because the next thing I know I'm impacting the trunk of a tree, ????????????????????????????????????.

Looking at the fight, I see that Goat has joined in now, and is fighting someone who definitely wasn't here before.

????????????????, ???????????????????????????????????? ???????????????? ???????????????? ???????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????.

I'm so stupid, just because the people I've fought so far have been a shame to the title of Shinobi doesn't mean that all of them are.

A sharp spike of ???????????????? as I shift slightly from my spot sprawled on the ground reminds me that I have more pressing matters to investigate, not least of which is ???????????????? ???????????? ???????????????? ???????????????????????????????? ???????? ????????.

'oh. that's why.'

Looking down at myself and seeing a sword sticking out of my stomach, I think I know why I'm in pain.

Fuck.

This is bad, isn't it?

I don't really know what to do.

I ???????????????????? haven't bothered to learn any medical Jutsu.

All I know is you shouldn't aggravate wounds.

So, I just don't move, this has the added benefit of not hurting from the slightest twitch.

???????? ???????????????? ???????? ???????????????????? ???????? ????????????????.

I try to focus on the fight, but honestly, it's getting harder to see, everything's getting blurry.

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????????????????'???? ?????????????????????????????????????

????'???? ???????????? ???????????????????????????????? '????????????????' ????????????????.

And then I realise.

It's fucking ????????????????-????????????.

You know, the village famous for its poison?

'I am ???????? fucked'.

Sounds are starting to become distant now, like I'm hearing everything through thin walls. Muffled, that's the word.

Can't believe I forgot such a simple word.

Wait.

What was I thinking about?

Something important.

But what was it?

It's right on the tip of my tongue. Such an annoying feeling. Not being able to remember a word, even when you ???????????????? what you're thinking about.

Am I flying?

I feel like I'm flying.

A quick check in with my eyes show me that I ????????, in fact, flying.

I didn't know I could fly.

Why do I have a sword sticking out of me?

Isn't that bad?

Probably?

Well, it doesn't hurt, so it can't be that bad.

I try to touch it, but a mysterious appendage slaps my arm away.

Rude.

There's a faint buzzing in the background, but I don't know what that is. I've never had tinnitus before, is that it?

The Appendage returns, waving in front of my face.

Mocking me.

So close, yet so out of reach.

A check in with my arms prove it.

After all, if my arms won't move, then everything is out of reach.

I should write poetry.

'oh see breeze, so cold,

Like ice, also cold,

Or snow, also ice,

Like ice, also cold'

Boy am I good.

Why do I feel so cold?

Huh?

Oh, thank you eyeballs.

You're right.

It seems my ability of flight has been struck down.

Like Icarus, my hubris was punished.

By The Appendage, no doubt.

Fiendish thing that it is.

Likely some spawn of Nyarlathotep.

Oh yes.

There are a lot of Appendages moving around now.

Thank you for informing me, Eyeball.

These evil shadowy Appendages of Chaos shall not corrupt me.

I feel hungry.

What was I thinking about just now?

Probably where I'm going to eat tonight, since I'm so hungry.

What else would I have been thinking about?

The Appendages?

They just live here, Eyeball, they've done nothing wrong.

Oh!

Hello Senour Nose, while I am happy you could make it, I would much rather you didn't.

Sorry, that was mean.

What I mean to say is that you only bring suffering. You are a scourge on the world, and we would all be better off without you.

Why won't you leave us Nose?

Me, Eyeball and the Appendages were perfectly happy without you.

Now you, like the Serpent are ruining our Eden.

Is it night-time?

Nose, I did not mean what I said.

I take it all back.

You are lovely and your presence a gift.

Please do not bring this darkness upon me.

I repent!

Please.

It's so dark.

????????????????????????.

...????'???? ???????????? ????????????????????????

...???????????? ????????????..

.......

.......????????????????????????...

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A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!

Suspense! Intense! Is he alive! or is this my way of dropping! find out next time on drag- *cough*

Obviously im not dropping, i thing a certain potato in an alternate universe would bludgeon me with a stick if i did that.

https://ko-fi.com/bored_works

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