Chapter 45: CH 45

Gu Jiuxing looked at the tears in his eyes and hugged him slowly. “It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. No one can predict an accident. You’re just an ordinary person. You can’t control the unexpected, life or death, so it’s not your fault.”

But Gu Jiuci didn’t listen. He only knew that if he had told Tang Ziyou that he liked him early, then none of this would have happened. Tang Ziyou wouldn’t have an accident.

He was still so young. He liked him so much. How could he leave like this before he got the love he wanted.

Even when he hated Tang Ziyou the most, he just blamed him, not hated him, nor did he wish him such an ending.

He couldn’t accept that Tang Ziyou just left and ended his life in such a hurry.

He didn’t accept it and he couldn’t bear it either.

Gu Jiuci didn’t close his eyes all night. He sat quietly beside him and looked at him quietly.

Gu Jiuxing barely slept for a few hours. When he woke up, he saw that his younger brother was still guarding Tang Ziyou’s body as before.

He pressed his temples and started a busy day.

Tang Ziyou was cremated, along with Gu Jiuci’s passion and love.

From that day on, he became silent.

In accordance with the consciousness of the contract, he finished filming the last part of the movie and then proposed retiring to Qin Ge.

Qin Ge knew about his relationship with Tang Ziyou and persuaded him, “You are in a bad state and want to rest, I can understand. You go and take a rest. When you have a good rest and you will come back to filming, take a rest for two years if one year isn’t enough. Take a rest for three years if two years isn’t enough, as long as you don’t want to, I will never take any job for you, okay?”

“Sister Qin, I really don’t want to act anymore.” Gu Jiuci said calmly, “I can’t act in the romance drama now. I know my own state. I can’t go back.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Qin Ge smiled, “I said, if you don’t want to, I will never take over the job for you. You just want to rest for 50 years. I have no opinion. I just don’t want you to leave.”

Hearing this, Gu Jiuci didn’t say anything. It seemed that he had lost the strength to argue since the day Tang Ziyou left.

He nodded in agreement.

That was how Gu Jiuci started a long rest. Maybe it wasn’t a rest, because he went to work at the Gu family’s company and helped Gu Jiuxing take on some of the work.

Gu Jiuxing carefully observed him, but he could only see his increasingly mature character and way of doing things.

He was originally the most natural and energetic person with the most dashing smile in the family, but he became mature overnight.

Gu Jiuxing didn’t like his maturity. He preferred Gu Jiuci’s happy appearance, but he also knew that Gu Jiuci’s smile had long disappeared with Tang Ziyou leave.

No matter how many times he said to Gu Jiuci that it was just an accident, Gu Jiuci still trapped himself at the place of the accident. He didn’t come out and didn’t allow others to go in and pull him out.

That was the knot in Gu Jiuci’s heart, a knot in his heart that he didn’t intend to untie at all.

This year, Grandma Gu had aged a lot and Gu Jiuci had matured a lot.

Gu Jiuci said to her, “I’m sorry.”

Grandma Gu shook her head and said, “I don’t blame you. I didn’t take good care of him, not you.”

“It’s me.” Gu Jiuci said softly, “You treat him well, but I’m not good enough for him. I didn’t treat him well.”

“Don’t blame yourself, Xiao Jiu. If I knew this would happen, I wouldn’t have let you both get engaged. I know you’re not happy, but now, Xiao You is no longer here, I’ve been sorry for you from the beginning. Now, I’m sorry for him. I shouldn’t have listened to his words and promised him at that time. He was still a child. He didn’t understand feelings that he couldn’t force it. Can I still not understand when I’m at this age? I was wrong from the beginning.”

Gu Jiuci walked to her side and patiently persuaded her.

Grandma Gu took his hand and said softly, “Xiao Jiu, Xiao You is gone. I only have you and your brother left. Grandma only hopes that you don’t live in Xiao You’s accident all the time. It’s not your fault. You can feel uncomfortable and painful, but after suffering, can you, like before, live a good life?”

Gu Jiuci was stunned for a moment. He nodded and agreed, “Okay.”

But he knew that this could only be a verbal promise.

He had long lost the passion and vitality of life. His days were dull and busy.

Gu Jiuci felt very fulfilled, but Gu Jiuxing felt too fulfilled.

He gave Gu Jiuci a holiday and let him go out to play.

Gu Jiuci was too lazy to go out and went back to his and Tang Ziyou’s house to stay.

He said before entering the door, “I’m back.”

No one responded. He changed his shoes as usual and walked in.

It still maintained the appearance of Tang Ziyou when he left. Gu Jiuci went to the study, read the book, and then looked at Tang Ziyou’s paintings on the bookshelf for a while.

Tang Ziyou’s painting skills were good. He drew very vividly on each page.

Gu Jiuci turned the page quietly. Although he had seen it many times, he still saw it with interest until he saw a page that read: Xiao Jiu is not at home today.

Under that line, Gu Jiuci replied after seeing this picture book for the first time: Xiao You is not at home today.

Gu Jiuci’s eyes were instantly sore.

He looked at the two lines carefully. Finally, he picked up the pen and slowly wrote: When will Xiao You go home?

Gu Jiuci thought, he probably wouldn’t go home again. He thought he didn’t love him, so he didn’t want to go home again.

Go home, he thought. I like you. I’ll treat you well.

Will you give me another chance?

Gu Jiuci lay down with the picture book and closed his eyes.

He really, really missed him.

* * *

Time passed slowly. One year, two years, three years, five years, and in the blink of an eye, ten years passed.

Film Emperor Gu, who once swept countless girls, had also become President Gu, who lived in seclusion and rarely showed up.

He was still handsome. Even because of his indifference, he was more sought after by boys and girls.

There were always people who wanted to pursue him, but no one succeeded.

Gu Jiuxing looked at his brother and persuaded him, “It’s time for you to find someone.”

Gu Jiuci touched the ring on his ring finger and said to him, “No need.”

“You can’t live your whole life alone. If Xiao You was here, he wouldn’t want you to be like this.”

“I know.”

“Then why are you still doing this?” Gu Jiuxing said earnestly, “Xiao Jiu, people can’t come back from the dead. You can’t live in the past all your life. You have to move forward. Xiao You is no longer there, but you are still alive.”

“I know.” Gu Jiuci said calmly. Looking at the ring in his hand, his voice was calm and indifferent, “I know everything, but I can’t do it.”

He had long since lost the ability to love.

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He couldn’t even act in a romance drama again.

Tang Ziyou loved him until he died and hoped that he would love him until he died. He owed Tang Ziyou a love that should have been given to him but wasn’t given to him, so he returned this love to him after Tang Ziyou left.

He couldn’t travel through time and space and let himself fall in love with him early on when he had a good impression of him.

But he could do the same as Tang Ziyou and love him until his death.

This was what he owed him and what he was willing to pay back.

Gu Jiuxing looked at his calm eyes without any waves. His heart was full of sadness.

Gu Jiuci smiled and said warmly, “Well, Brother. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m at this age. I know what I’m doing.”

But how could Gu Jiuxing not be worried?

He looked at his younger brother. After so many years, he still lived on that day in that year. He never came out and never wanted to be pulled out.

Gu Jiuxing had quarrelled with him and scolded him. However, Gu Jiuci was as quiet and peaceful as the sea was ebbing. He asked him, “Brother, if it was you, would you have no grudges, would you still be the same as before?”

Before Gu Jiuxing could answer, he said again, “You have seen him and got along with him. He was still so young, so fresh and liked me so much. He just liked me, just wanted me to like him, can’t I satisfy his simple request? He’s gone, everyone will slowly forget him, but he liked me so much, do I have to forget him too or remember him but like others?”

“It’s so cruel. I don’t want to.”

“But can’t you not live in the past forever? Xiao You is gone. You have to have a new life.” Gu Jiuxing said.

“Am I not living my life seriously now?”

“Do you think you are living your life seriously?” Gu Jiuxing sighed, “In addition to your home and company, you don’t care about your life at all.”

“Of course, I care.” Gu Jiuci smiled and said, “I care about you, my parents, and Grandma. I care about the family’s property. I care about all of these. I just don’t want to care about my love life.”

“But the most important thing you should care about is your love life.”

Gu Jiuci shook his head and said, “How can you control something like feelings?”

What’s more, he had made up his mind.

Gu Jiuxing looked at his calm face and could only sigh in the end.

* * *

In the late summer and early autumn, Gu Jiuci went out to run errands and heard the locals talk about their famous tourist attraction—Huixian Temple (回仙庙).

“This temple is very spiritual. Mr Gu, you can go and pay your respects when you have time.” The other party laughed.

Gu Jiuci nodded, “Okay.”

The day before he left, he drove to the foot of the mountain. He walked up the mountain road step by step and entered the temple.

The temple wasn’t big, but the incense was very strong. Probably, tourists would come to visit and worship.

Gu Jiuci put his hands together, made a serious wish in front of the Buddhist hall, and then put the incense he bought in place.

When he was leaving, a young monk asked him, “Benefactor (施主), do you want to do a fortune-telling? Our fortune-telling here is very effective. Let me give you a fortune-telling.”

Gu Jiuci shook his head.

“Really.” The young monk actively said, “I think you have a fate, so I want to give a fortune-telling to you. I won’t charge you any money.”

Gu Jiuci still shook his head.

He looked at the young monk in front of him and said warmly, “Everywhere I go, as long as I hear about a temple, I will go there. But I go to the temple to burn incense and worship Buddha in the mountains. Not because of my piety, but because I have obsessions in my heart, how can I receive fortunes?”

“Whether your fortune-telling is accurate or not, I only accept the result I want. It makes no difference whether it’s counted or not.”

After he finished speaking, he nodded slightly to show his respect.

Then, he turned around and went down the mountain.

The monk looked at him and clasped his hands together, “Amitabha, then I hope the benefactor’s wishes will come true.”

Gu Jiuci walked down the steps to the foot of the mountain. The mountain road was very long. He walked slowly. As he was walking, he saw a pair, young boy and a young girl, walking up the steps hand in hand not far away.

Walking, the girl seemed tired. The boy bent down and carried her on his back. As a result, before taking a few steps, the girl fell off his back in distress and walked up hand in hand with him again.

The two were talking and laughing. When passing Gu Jiuci, Gu Jiuci vaguely heard the boy ask, “Are you still tired? If you’re tired, let’s visit here and go back to the hotel.”

“That’s so boring. I want to visit a few more scenic spots.”

“All right.” The boy said, with a good temper, “I’ll carry you back at night.”

“En.” The girl smiled.

Gu Jiuci looked at it, feeling a little envious for a while.

He suddenly remembered a long time ago, when he and Tang Ziyou were still young. He was ill and asked him to hug him coquettishly.

He hugged him. The sun came in from the window, illuminating his whole life.

Since he left, the sunlight had also disappeared.

A passing parent walked up the mountain with their child. The child went up a step and recited a poem. It was a poem that Gu Jiuci would have learned a long time ago (read at T/N):

Cherish not the gold embroidered dress, treasure your youth.

Cut the branch while the flowers bloom, least the empty branch regret unloose.

Gu Jiuci looked down at the ring on his hand. The ring was cold.

He gently stroked the pattern of the small wine jar on the ring.

It was the pattern his lover once designed for them.

Gu Jiuci lowered his eyes and slowly went down the mountain.

After so many years, Xiao You, I hope to see you in the next life.

The poem “The Gold Embroidered Dress” 《金缕衣》translated from here:

劝君莫惜金缕衣，劝君惜取少年时

花开堪折直须折，莫待无花空折枝

“Cherish not the gold embroidered dress, treasure your youth.

Cut the branch while the flowers bloom, least the empty branch regret unloose.”

Okay, the next one isn’t sad ending, kinda angst tho but they have happy ending~

See you in the next chap! (~‾▿‾)~

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