Chapter 8: Ch. 8 (MATURE)

     Kei wakes up startled. He’s curled up on the studio couch in a blanket. Shit, fuck when did I get here? He looks around, trying to remember his hazy actions last night. His phone is on the table in front of him. He grabs it and checks the time, it’s 3 p.m.. He jolts. FUCK. Jens is going to be here soon. He gets up with a clatter of things he threw yesterday at his feet. He stands staring at the room Ahhhh, I need to clean this up. Before he can lament too long, his phone rings. The words “Jens-Uni-Model” lights up on the screen. “Hello?” Kei regrets answering. He’s far from being ready to paint today. “Hey, I’m gonna be a bit late I hope that’s okay.”. Kei holds in his sigh of relief. “Uh yeah, that’s fine. Something came up anyway. Are you willing to come over at six?”

     Jens is standing outside the studio. “Yeah let’s do that.” He listens to the dial tone after Kei hangs up. Jens looks up at the studio and scuffs his foot, he mumbles to himself “Shit.” He looked terrible. I can’t even guess what happened in there. It looked like a war zone. Moments ago, Jens had shown up early to their meeting. His intention was to get some quality time with Kei, to continue the sweet energy they had yesterday. He couldn’t stop thinking about the shy looks and red cheeks. However, instead of an extra hour of time to goof around and flirt, what he saw was concerning. 

    2 p.m., Jens knocks on the studio door. He doesn’t get an answer. He cautiously opens the door himself. “Kei?” Jens walks into the studio. Is he not here yet? Things are thrown about. Half dried paint coats the floor, canvases and supplies are scattered across the room. It’s a mess in here. He wasnt robbed was he?  Jens anxiety prickles his skin. Kei didn’t seem like the type to treat the supplies he took care of so diligently after each session with such reckless abandon. “Kei? Man you here?” Jens pops his head into the bathroom. He sees the rags at the paint-stained sink. He looks further, his eyes settling on Kei curled up in the tub. Why are you in the tub? He is a weirdo. Was he drunk? He stares down at Kei. He bends down and sniffs the top of Kei’s head. You don’t smell like booze..kinda like turpentine…so what the hell happened? He taps Kei’s foot. “Hey, I don’t want to freak you out, wake up” Dead asleep. Kei shifts with a soft exhale, he curls back in on himself. Jens frowns. Your backs gonna be all fucked up like that. Should I just come back in a few hours? Artists do weird shit for inspiration. He turns to leave. His conscious screaming at him, he stops at the door way. God damn it. He scoops up Kei, walking back to the main room and places him on the sofa. He stares down at the dead weight of a man he just carried. He sighs. At least take care of yourself if you're going to agree to this exhibit. Which you clearly don’t actually want to do might I add.. This one sided conversation in his head has Jens feeling extra tender for Kei. He looks at him and laughs at the paint on his face “Even like this youre pretty.” He wipes the paint off Kei with the rag from the bathroom.

     On his way to the sink he pauses and looks at the painting on the ground. He studies the remains. He can see the details, even under the mess. His eyes drag across the painting, taking in every inch of it. His heart picks up pace seeing himself through Kei’s eyes. He puts his hand over his mouth and contemplates it for a moment. Is THIS how he sees me? He looks over his shoulder towards the softly snoring lump on the couch. A smirk emerges on his face. His heart beat sounds loud, even to himself. You’re done for Kei. I’m really not giving up on you now. He closes the door behind him. “I’ll call in an hour. Get your beauty sleep, Pretty Face.”

     6 p.m. and the apartment is tidy once more. Jens knocks and opens the door for himself, eager to see Kei again. It’s like nothing ever happened. Jens finds Kei laying out supplies. He walks to stand beside him. “Hey, I brought that bag I stole by accident.” It was just new toothpaste, a face mask and lotion..Jens already looked, his drunk and nosy curiosity got the best of him last night. “Oh and I got you a coffee.” In his time waiting outside the studio he found a cafe in the area. Proudly remembering how Kei takes his coffee, he made sure to get them each a cup. He sets it down on the small table beside the easel. Kei doesn’t look at him “Don’t bother. It’ll make my hands shake” Jens smirks, though he can feel his heart tighten. Today will be like every other day. Their magical bubble of flirty interest popped the moment Kei got in his car yesterday. “I should have thought of that.” Kei finally looks up at him.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why should you have thought of that? There’s no reason for you to have assumed that, it’s not your fault you didn’t know. I was rude to you and you just accept it and say you should have known? Why would you have known?”

Jens is dumbfounded. Okay…so he’s still not all there. What ever disaster happened last night is clearly still happening. 

“I just meant it makes sense, sorry”

Kei frowns “Why are you apologizing?!” His words are sharp, but the sharpness sounds more directed at himself than Jens. There is an underlying tone that Jens can’t place. Maybe remorse?

Jens is stunned “I really-” Jens laughs unsure what to do “I don’t know…what do you want me to say, because I’ll say it”

Kei sighs and sits down, looking at the equipment he just picked up off the ground only to put back out to be used again. “I don’t feel like painting today”

Jens stands infront of him, he feels the need to meet Kei’s eyes. He wants to see what’s going on in his head. “okay.” He pauses “Well wait, is that okay? Are you okay?”

Kei looks at him. His face really is thinner. I had it all wrong to begin with. I can’t even get that right. Kei waves Jens in. Hesitantly Jens leans down. This feels like hes gonna kiss me. I should prepare myself. Instead of a kiss, Kei reaches out and pinches Jens’ jaw feeling the fat there. He then stands up and holds out Jens’ arm, looking at the defined muscle. “Take off your shirt.” Jens is dumbfounded but does as he’s told.  Kei stares at him and then sighs, turning around to sit again. This is what Jens was afraid of. The look of disappointment in Kei’s eyes. This is the moment where Kei will tell him he’s too shredded to be a model anymore. Jens panics, blurting out “I’m sorry!” Kei spins on him furious “Why are you apologizing again!?”

Jens looks down. “I’ve been overdoing it at the gym. I lost weight. That’s why you can’t paint right? I’m not like..ideal or what ever anymore?”

Kei is shocked “Wait, you lost weight?”

Jens is confused “Yes..isn’t that why you were pinching me just now?” Kei huffs and then bursts out laughing. Jens is stunned. Kei grabs his face “Thank you!” He flops down in the chair “At least I’m not totally insane.” Jens blinks “What?” Once again, Jens doesn’t understand why Kei is laughing, but he’s glad he is. Kei covers his eyes still recovering from the embarrassment of remembering his breakdown yesterday. “I thought I got everything wrong. I had been staring at your painted face for hours but then I saw you in person and it ended up looking…off”

So that’s why he tore the room apart yesterday? Because he thought he wasn’t skilled enough? He’ll beat himself up that cruelly? I caused him that much pain? “I’m really sorry” Kei picks up the coffee, taking a sip and nudges Jens’ leg. The physical contact waking Jens from his spiral of regret.

“Don’t, I’m not mad you lost weight. I want to paint you, what ever form that may be, I was just- I don’t know. -if I had portrayed you incorrectly -I wouldn’t forgive myself”

Jens stares at him, Kei’s rare and direct words ,asking his heart pound. “Why not? I thought it should be your interpretation..I’m just the subject- I mean that’s what the old man said”

Kei looks away, a bashfulness laces his voice “Because I don’t want to interpret you”

Jens staring firmly. This is the same feeling he felt while standing outside Kei’s car yesterday. “Then- what do you want to do to me?” His voice has lowered in-spite of himself.

This chaotic energy coming from Kei is hard to read and harder to resist.
Kei fiddles with the coffee cup then looks Jens in the eyes “I want to capture you.”

Jens closes the gap between them quickly, his hands rest on either side of Kei. Staring him in the eyes, Kei’s gaze doesn’t waver. The look on his face reads ‘I dare you’.

    “That might be the hottest thing anyone’s ever said to me” The embarrassing confession leaves his mouth with out a second thought. He wants to tell Kei every unfiltered word he has. Kei puts his hand on jens chest to stop him “I didn’t mean it like that.” Jens ignores him, he knows this look on Kei’s face is not the same detached glare he usually wears. These dark eyes are pulling him in. The hand on his chest that was once stopping him is now slowly sliding down his arm. “I know it’s not professional, but I’m not working for you today so-” he leans in. “I’m going to kiss you.” Their eyes meet. Jens waits a moment to give Kei the chance to push him away again. Kei’s eyes go wide, but they glance to his lips, then back to his eyes. He doesn’t move as Jens leans in and kisses him gently. He doesn’t resist once Jens leans in further to deepen the kiss either.

   Kei gets lost in the sensation. The smell of Jens, the heat coming from him, the gradual pressure building in his stomach, all of it pulls him in more. He wants to exhale a sigh of relief. He wants to pull Jens against him as closely as they can possibly get. The breath of fresh air he needed after his spiral yesterday is coming from Jens’ every exhale. What happened to him keeping his distance? What happened to all his defenses? What will happen if he allows himself this pleasure? He needs to stop this, but he can’t convince himself to. He can’t find an excuse strong enough to stop his tongue from brushing against Jens’. He can’t talk himself into rejecting Jens’ embrace. Kei is not strong enough to take responsibility for this. He’s not strong enough to break this off himself. He needs Jens to be the strong one here. He needs Jens to be the one to come to his senses.

    Kei gasps for air, his mind over run with the need to push further, but he pulls away. Kei covers his mouth with the back of his hand and looks away, flushed. This is the look I needed to see on his face. This is him opening up to me. Jens wants to punch the air and celebrate, but his mind is only working in one direction right now. His white knuckled grip aches from keeping his hands to himself. He needed to wait for Kei to show him he’s not backing away. Jens leans in and breaths in his ear, his voice igniting every green light in Kei’s body.  “Can I touch you? My hands hurt from holding back.” Kei nods feverishly. Yes. Yes, touch me. I don’t want to think about anything else.  Jens slides his hands up Kei’s waist. His mouth moves to Kei’s neck. His hands snaking their way under his shirt and feeling every groove of his back. Kei lulls his head back, his vision feels blurry. He looks at the ceiling fan spinning, wobbling in its place. I feel like I’m spinning out too. What am I doing? Kei stops him, pulling Jens back by his hair. His lidded eyes focused only on Kei. Kei’s throat suddenly feels dry, Jens’ love-drunk face is too beautiful to speak to directly.  “But once I’m back to working on the exhibit, n-never again- got it? Never again Jens.” Jens sneers and licks up Kei’s throat. “Sure, we’ll say never again…so if this is the last time, why are you holding out on me?” Kei shivers from the tone of voice. Jens hands slipping into his pants, groping his butt taunting him. His mouth on Kei’s collar bones daring him to let it all go. Kei’s head rolls back again. Gasping from the light scrapes of Jens’ teeth. His rough hands kneading and gripping anything they land on that’s soft. That wobbly ceiling fan threatening to crush them both. Kei feels like he’s being crushed already. He pulls Jens back by the hair and forcefully kisses him. I can’t do this. I can’t be the one to stop this. Desire building as he grabs at Jens’ chest and shoulders. The second firm muscles are under his fingertips, Kei knows he’s lost, crushed alive by his own conflicting emotions.

You are reading story Amuse You at novel35.com

     Jens eyebrows pinch as hes figuring out their dynamic He’s being more assertive than he was a minuet ago. Kei pushes him back guiding them to the sofa. Jens follows his pace, not wanting to do anything to make Kei back down. Kei pushes between Jens legs and continues kissing him as he rubs over Jens’ pants. Finally! Jens throws his head back a groan clawing at his throat. Kei pushes Jens legs wider and undoes his belt. Jens pulls off his shirt, his hands gently gripping any bit if him he can reach. Kei yanks down Jens’ pants and strokes him a few times. Jens fully bare, suddenly feels very vulnerable beneath Kei’s stare.  Jens pulls him in to kiss again, his hips grinding upwards against Kei’s. He can feel how stiff he is even through his pants. This pace is too rushed. Jens can’t keep track. This side of Kei doesn’t feel stable. His forcefulness leaves Jens wondering if this is a mistake, but when those sharp eyes look at him with so much need, he can’t deny them. Was this part of his mishap last night?

    Kei reaches under and grips Jens’ ass. Jens flinches Maybe I’m confused. Kei works his way down Jens’ chest licking and lightly biting, his mouth leaves a sloppy trail to his erection. Kei sweeps his hair to the side and takes Jens into his mouth. “Hn, yes” Nope, not confused. The flat of Kei’s tongue strokes him as he lowers his head slowly, taking more of Jens in. “ah! Fuck, yes.” Kei’s eyebrows pinch as his nose barely brushes the now ever present neatly trimmed hair. He’s huge. I can’t do this. I shouldn’t be involved with him like this. But this is why he's my muse isn’t it? Because I’m so drawn in by how he looks? And looking at him like this- it’s too much. I can ruin everything if we start this, but- I don’t want to stop. My hands feel like they’re on fire- like I have to touch him or I’ll die. I need him to be the one to push me away, or I’ll ruin everything. Kei pulls off Jens with a pop of his mouth. I need him to be the one to stop this. Maybe if I ruin his idea of what this was going to be- he’ll chicken out and we can preserve some of our professionalism. He was straight right? I know how he was expecting this to go. Kei travels downwards and licks Jens entrance. In Jens’ world, this has only been an exit. Ok I’m confused again. Kei is focused on what he’s doing. His new plan to reverse roles in hopes that Jens’ hetero-masculinity hinders him. “Uh- Kei” I knew it. But why is this so exciting? Why am I still thrilled by his vulnerability? I want him to stop me, but I’ll be disappointed when he does. Kei looks up, his roaring emotions, desires, hunger, fear, all apparent on his face.  This need is reduced to a look so seductive that Jens forgets what he was going to complain about. Kei’s roaming fingers, spreading his cheeks reminds him. “I’ve never- ya know” Kei looks down then back up, he got carried away with the idea of touching something untouched. He almost forgot his plan. “Oh.. do you not want to? We can stop here.”

     Jens panics Don’t reject him now. He won’t ever let me get away with this again once were back to work. Just roll with it. Jens desire to be beside Kei overrides any qualms he might have had. “No- no this is fine but uh- I’m lost..” Jens’ shy voice shakes out of him. Concern about the logistics of how this works is there too, but he mostly hates admitting he’s the inexperienced one here. Kei is surprised.  He wants to continue? This isn’t what I expected! I need to stop this now! Is what Kei thinks, but his dick jumps in response to the meek voice that just tugged at his heart strings. This vulnerability…I’ve never seen this face of his.  

    Jens grabs the hand that’s on his thigh. His search for reassurance. He’s relying on Kei right now. Kei loses any thought of giving up “Okay…I’ll do everything then.” The sudden shift of responsibility sends Jens reeling. He doesn’t want to be the virgin on her back. Jens leans forward “I want to do it too- just tell me what I need to do” Kei pushes him back down “All you need to do is lay there and take it” Jens turns bright red and his erection bounces. Kei’s smirk makes his stomach twist “It’ll feel better if you let me do it” Jens believes those words. Virgin be damned. He would be useless to try and intervene. Knowing this, and seeing the thrilled look on Kei’s face, he lays back comfortably and nods This side of him is hot too. The second I thought I had him, he surprises me. Jens hears a click of a cap. Something cold rubs against where a warm tongue was earlier. “Just relax” Kei found the lotion in the bag Jens returned to him. It’s not the best option but with enough of it, it’ll make do. Kei moves Jens hand, encouraging him to grip himself, “Make yourself feel good until down here starts feeling good.” The childish walk through makes Jens feel silly, but it does the job of putting him more at ease. He can trust Kei.

    Jens is slowly stroking himself.  Kei slowly pushes a single digit in. Jens makes a tense face and then exhales relaxing. He knows enough about preparing someone else to understand what’s expected of him. This wasn’t so bad. It didn't feel good, but it didn’t hurt like he expected. Kei is watching him amazed. I offered to top because I thought he’d back out. I thought he was just building up some fantasy in his head.. I knew this isn’t what he imagined..so why- why is he trying so hard. Too far gone in his own arousal, Kei is now determined to make this as good as possible for both of them. Kei leans forward and licks Jens’ erection as he squeezes in another damp finger. “Just relax more, It’ll feel good, just let me figure you out” Jens exhales slowly, half moaning just from the eroticism of the situation he’s in. He doesn’t feel all that much in the way of pleasure, but seeing Kei sprawled out between his legs makes his mind run haywire.

   Kei has two fingers in. He has a mind of steel. No one is ever this relaxed their first time, he’s already so pliable.  Kei sucks on Jens’ thigh “You’re doing so good, just a bit more” Jens is gripping the couch tightly. Kei’s praise ringing in his ears. This soft as satin voice sending waves of pleasure through him. He can now feel Keis nimble fingers prodding his insides. Kei twists his wrist and Jens jolts forward. Letting out a raspy grunt “That- there-try that again” Kei is smiling amazed He really has no reservations. Kei does it again and Jens thrusts his hips forward. Instinctively seeking contact from the front at any hint of pleasure. Kei smirks “Wrong end.” Jens huffs a laugh, pushing at Kei’s forehead “I’m still a little confused I guess.” Kei fingers him faster. Hitting his target over and over again. Jens grunts turn to groans and eventually soften to the sweetest moans Kei has ever heard. Staring at Jens the whole time, Kei is having trouble holding himself back now. Everything about him is perfect. I can’t believe what I'm seeing right now. How- how could I ever capture this? Jens is rutting back on Kei’s fingers. His hand that’s stroking himself speeds up. “You close?” Jens’ eyebrows pinch “I don’t know. Ah!” His head is pressed firmly into the arm of the couch behind him, his hips confused about which end they seek contact from the most. “It’s a different feeling- I think I’m gonna-” Kei pulls his fingers out and Jens gasps “Kei!” His hand reaches out protesting, begging to keep being touched. So focused on the pace of Kei’s fingers, he stopped stroking himself as well.

   Kei lines himself up. His eyes focusing on every flex of Jens body. The subtle twitches. The way the muscles along his ribs shift with his heavy breathing. His eyelashes fluttering as he watches Kei rub himself against his hole. Kei’s vision feels hyper aware. I can’t go back now- emotionally I’m too involved, his reactions are pulling me in. How could I ever resist him when his face looks like that? His rushing thoughts are silenced as he presses against Jens and slowly squeezes in. Jens head falls back again. “That’s- ahhhh-” Jens voice is ragged. He sounds exhausted. Kei pushes in with slow back and forth movements until he’s fully in. I can’t move. Kei leans forward and looks down at Jens. His hair slipping over his shoulder, curtaining down either side of his face. Jens could have believed he was looking at a painting. “You okay?” Jens nods, his head bobbing incoherently and leans in to kiss. Kei rocks forward slightly and Jens gasps into their open mouths. Kei takes Jens hand that’s yanking on the couch and brings it to where they’re connected. A finger on either side of Kei’s member. “It’ll be easier like this.” Jens does as he’s told. He knows this move. When women complain about his size, he recommends the same thing. This also means he knows how good it feels to have the extra pressure added simultaneously. Jens squeezes his fingers around Kei, creating an extra point of tight contact.  Kei hisses in pleasure “Tsss! You- that’s a dirty trick” he pulls out slightly and presses forward again. Jens’ cocky grin disappears when Kei’s pelvis is pressed up against his hand. His stomach feels strange and full. From what he’s seen of Kei, he’s not small. Yes smaller than himself, but most men are. Kei knows this too, which is why he tried to help Jens by recommending a buffer layer.  After feeling  as full as he does now, Jens is thankful for Kei’s consideration. He’s been gentle and sweet this whole time. I feel like I don’t even know him. The way he looks at me is so tender. It makes me feel like I need him.  Jens’ face mixes between awe and confusion. Kei picks up a short stroke and steady pace. Jens grunting with the thrusts. The sensation scares him. He can’t figure out how his body feels. It’s all too foreign. He needs to be consoled. He moves his hand from where they’re connected to hold Kei’s wrist, searching for any kind of comforting contact. In his search, he forgot that without his hand there, Kei reaches much deeper. “FUCK” Kei watches Jens as he writhes beneath him. Kei gasps at the new depth too. I want him in me. Why did I top?? Why didn’t he reject me like he was supposed to? This is too hot I'm losing my mind. 

   Jens’ hole grips Kei tightly. His body is tensing up. He can’t figure out how to relax it. That spot keeps getting hit and the vibrations running through him come in steady waves. Kei clenches his eyes “You’re really tight. Nnh, Jens, relax a little, hm?” Jens doesn’t know what to do with his hands. One stroking himself, the other clasped tightly to the wrist that’s supporting Kei’s weight. “I can’t. It feels good, it’s good, right there” Picking up his pace, the slapping sound of their skin contact increases. “You’re killing me, you're too tight- ha, shit-” Jens grunting below him. Kei moves Jens hand and tugs at his erection. Jens mouth hangs open. His now free hand gripping any part of Kei it can reach. “Your hand- more.”

    Kei is amazed. Most people can’t even stay hard the first time? But he’s asking for more? Kei’s eyes move from where he’s entering Jens to Jens’ face at the perfect moment. “Please-” Jens grunts as he comes, spurting onto his own stomach. The sight was too much. Did he say please?! Kei hunches forward cursing as Jens tightens on him. “Fuck, Jens” He pulls out stroking himself a few times staring at the mess of a man below him. His eyebrows twist and he comes on Jens stomach with a moan louder than he wants to remember. They sit in this position catching their breath for a moment. Jens stares up at the rickety ceiling fan and laughs. Kei looks down at him “what?”. Jens covers his face. “I just really thought it’d be the other way around.” Kei snorts and laughs too. He flops down on Jens stomach, ignoring the stickiness between them. Jens holds him, brushing his hair over his sweat-damp shoulders. “Was it not good?” Jens closes his eyes, the ceiling fan making his head spin. “I think I’d like anything you do.” The sincerity in his voice, Kei wants to see his face. Kei looks up at him, resting his chin on Jens’ chest. “It didn’t hurt right?” Jens shakes his head, his eyes closed, his fingers combing through Kei’s hair. “No, I just had to relax. I guess I just made a lot of assumptions about you.” This energy feels too sweet. Jens soft voice admitting that he thought he’d be the one topping felt endearing. Kei blinks staring at him then laughs “Well your assumptions weren’t totally off. I didn’t actually want to top.” Jens makes a confused face and opens his eyes to look at Kei’s  “so why-“ Kei shrugs smiling and flops his head back down. “I thought it’d scare you away but you ended up letting me go that far” Jens hand stops moving, his eyebrows pinch. “So you didnt actually want this?” What’s with that tone? Why is he pouting? 

Kei pauses “I just- I didn’t not want to- I wanted to but just- anyone would react to a situation like that.”

Jens leans forward with a hurt face, trying to make sure he heard Kei properly “Anyone would react that way?”

He stands up, with little to no effort, Kei is left toppling onto the sofa. He’s reminded just how much larger Jens is than him. Just how willing to surrender he had to be. How he could have easily fought Kei on the positions but didn’t. No, Jens didn’t force anything, he only followed Kei’s own lead. The guilt that wells up is immense.

“You tried to make me uncomfortable enough to back off instead of just saying no?” The pain in his voice is shaking Kei’s heart.

Kei sighs. Yes, that’s the truth, but it doesn’t feel like the whole truth. Jens doesn’t know his reasoning. Kei feels like hes being misunderstood. “Jens it’s just the exhibit is really important. I didn’t want to-”

Jens cuts him off “What was that? Some weird power play? When it didn’t scare me off you just did it anyway despite not wanting to be with me?”

    Jens pulls on his clothes frowning at his sticky stomach. Kei is sitting on the couch, his mouth opening and closing as he tries to figure out how to explain what went through his head. “We were just laughing about it- I didn’t think it would hurt you to admit that. You ended up enjoying it so I thought-” His throat feels too dry to come up with anything compelling. “Jens I’m sorry.”

   Jens looks at him, his face looks angry but his eyes give away how hurt he is. “Look, I wanted to be with you not just- not just fuck you, I wasn’t about to get driven away by something as minor as who puts it in who” he scrubs at his hair “shit. This is just embarrassing.” He walks to the door. “I’m- I’m gonna go. Text me if you need me to model. I’ll be professional, so there’s no reason to try and scare me off anymore. Sorry I made you feel like you had to resort to that” he stares at his hand on the door knob “I’m really sorry I put you in a situation where you felt like you had to do that.” Kei is sitting there dumbfounded Why is he the one apologizing again? “No Jens- it wasn’t like that- I don’t know how to put it in words, shit, just give me a second.” Jens looks down “I’m- really sorry Kei” he closes the door behind him gently when Kei expected him to slam it. Even furious, Jens tone was soft, hurt more than angry. Kei is sitting on the couch shocked. Make that two faces I’ve never seen from him. What did I just do? He chews on his thumb. Rethinking his hought process through that whole situation. He realizes he only made excuses to put responsibility on Jens. He wanted to be with Jens too. So why did he ruin that? Why couldn’t he just allow himself to feel pleasure? Why did he have to barter with himself? And why did he use Jens as a pawn in that barter?

    Jens slams his car door and grips his steering wheel. “SHIT!” He presses his forehead to it. “WHYYYY? WHY COULDNT YOU JUST BE HONEST” Makes me feel like I forced him. I feel disgusting. I can’t believe I didn’t realize he was uncomfortable. But he wasn’t acting uncomfortable. Jens starts driving off faster than legally recommended. God! And I just had his dick in my ass! Because that’s what he asked for just to find out he was toying with me! I feel humiliated but I also feel like I lost all the trust I’ve built with him. How could he ever possibly trust me if all he sees me as is a sex crazed monster that he had to try and scare off?  Jens thinks back to Kei laying on him smiling. Then what was with that reaction afterwards? Wasn’t he taking it too lightly? What other reason would he have for trying to push me away? He pulls his sticky shirt away from his stomach. Fuck. I said i wasn’t giving up on you. You really want to make things as difficult as possible don’t you. Jens huffs an exhausted laugh why should I be the one to stop it when you wanted me? How is putting a joint decision on my shoulders fair?  

He shakes his head laughing. He feels like hes going insane. He looks the part, laughing alone in his car, flying down the main roads. I think I’m starting to figure you out. You’re making this so convoluted when it really could be as simple as, you want me, and I want you. Who are you fighting in that pretty little head of yours?

    Kei is sitting on his couch. He’s staring into space, his cuticle is raw from picking at it. Did I really just fuck everything up? I was so worried that if he screwed me it would ruin our partnership so I tried to chase him off with childish tactics. Who would have thought he’d be the type to be okay with doing that. I didnt expect that from him, and he seemed shocked at himself too. So why did he agree? Why didn’t he turn me down then? Kei thinks about Jens pained face ‘why didn’t you just say no?’ Kei sighs then screams “BECAUSE I COULDN’T SAY NO. THERE WAS NO WAY I’D BE ABLE TO DENY YOU WHEN YOU LOOKED AT ME LIKE THAT” He balls his fist in his hair. He exhales. His emotions want to run wild but he’s too exhausted. Thoroughly spent and still spinning from the intoxication of Jens. I already destroyed my main piece for the exhibit last night. Then in an attempt to not destroy our work relationship, I destroyed it anyway.  Maybe it’s best to just find a new model. He said he would still model for me but- that look on his face was too painful for that to have been true..

Kei pulls a pillow over his face and screams into it. Letting it fall from his grasp when he’s done. His stomach feels sick. He wants to curl up and cry. His eyes burn.

 “How do I manage to destroy everything I care about?”  

 

 

 

 

 

You can find story with these keywords: Amuse You, Read Amuse You, Amuse You novel, Amuse You book, Amuse You story, Amuse You full, Amuse You Latest Chapter