Chapter 9: Ch. 9

   In the two days since the incident with Kei, Jens has been left feeling restless. He’s gone crazy trying to calm himself but he can’t seem to forget the lackadaisical look on Kei’s face only moments before destroying his entire reality of what had happened. If Kei’s face held any animosity, Jens might feel better about the fact that Kei hasn’t reached out to him. But the fact that the argument was a non-argument and more-so Jens’ embarrassment causing him to bolt, irks him. He wishes he stayed to listen to Kei’s explanation. He asked for a moment to get his words in order but Jens had to get out of there as fast as possible. There’s a lot of questions on Jens’ mind. But he knows that no matter what he does, there will be no closure. He can’t approach Kei again. He already feels as though he cornered Kei into something he wasn’t willing, or ready to do. He blames himself the most. Kei put on a front for a reason, and given his reactions to their night together, he does in fact have feelings for Jens..at least physically. From what Jens’ over run brain has been able to deduce, Kei is terrified to give in to his affections because he fears a consequence. Jens can’t imagine what that consequence might be, but he knows it’s something nonsensical that only exists in Kei’s mind. Of course, he’d never tell Kei that. Jens has made a mental inventory of what he knows about Kei’s personality.

1. Kei uses a cold exterior to hide the side of him that seeks connection.

2. Kei doesn’t hate him. Rather, he might actually like him a little bit.

3. Kei takes his work very seriously. To his own demise even.

4. Kei has a tendency to psych himself out and jump to worst case scenarios.  

5. Kei is uncomfortable with anything that makes him feel good, unless he’s spiraling. Then he only wants what feels good

6. Kei spirals somewhat frequently.

7. He may be the cause of these somewhat frequent spirals.

8. It feels really good when they touch each other.

9. Kei is not good at taking responsibility for his own actions

10. He is Kei’s muse. Kei has a connection to him that is now very special. 

    This is as far as Jens has gotten. Number eight might be his own biased interpretation, and not at all something to do with Kei’s personality, but on top of everything already rattling around in his brain, Kei’s blissed out face still shines the brightest. Jens’ inability to forget that night has more to do with the pleasure he felt than it does the pain.  Jens contemplates these things as he is at work. His coworkers are hesitant around him as he furiously writes the new schedule. He’s kept himself vigorously busy. Any moment alone turns into a confused, horny, heart broken finishing combo. 

 In need of company and another mind to process his ordeals, tonight he’s with sherry at his apartment.

    “It was honestly just- really upsetting” sherry frowns “yeah, he wants to screw you.. but didn’t want to take responsibility for it? So he tried to make you uncomfortable so you’d be the one to reject him?” Jens shrugs and flops over. He was hoping for a fresh perspective, but she came to the same conclusion after hearing what happened.  “That’s the best I could make of it. I was confused and I stormed out. He didnt get to explain himself.” Sherry frowns, furious on his behalf. “Good. You dont need to listen to that shit. So you’re not seeing him again right?” He shakes his head “I told him I’d still model. I can’t be something that gets in his way of the exhibit. I’d never want to do that” Seeing his anguish over this mystery man breaks Sherry’s heart. Despite Jens not being the sharpest academically, he has great emotional intelligence. So a problem like this that not even he can figure out, leaves her at a loss as well. She’d rather him focus on the possibility that it might be time for him to move on.

    Sherry pats his head “are you okay with him not ever reaching out to you again, if that’s what he decides?” Jens clenches his jaw. Of course he’s not. Jens only just decided he was never giving up on Kei. But what if Kei is the one to give up on him? “I’ll have to be. But- I’m-…he wanted to paint me. Y’know?” Sherry twirls his hair and tugs at his ears. Physical comfort has always been comfortable between the two of them, and at times like this, it’s what Jens needs most. To feel loved. “But that could change. You need to be ready for that. Can you handle that?” Jens stuffs his face in her lap “I don’t know. I don’t want to think about it.” She frowns “I don’t like the sound of this. I mean- this kind of miscommunication, it could get toxic fast..I don’t want him to string you along. It just seems..manipulative? I mean he’s using your emotions but can’t even treat you nicely? It’s ass backwards.” Jens listens to her words well. Hearing someone else say that about Kei is hard. He knows from the outside this is how it looks, but he also knows Kei. He knows just how much Kei battles himself. He saw that painting destroyed in a studio that looked like it was hit by a tornado. He saw Kei’s tear stained face curled up in the bathtub. He shrugs “I just- I don’t know. He’s frustrating and confusing. But when he’s not all chaotic he’s actually really charming, sweet, shy... I know he’s trying to do something with good intentions, I just don’t know what it is.” Jens covers his face with Sherry’s hands. “Fuck, I don’t know.”

   They sit in silence for awhile. Sherry processes Jens’ words and comes to respect his compassionate viewpoint. She feels like she’s said her piece. She can warn him, but she can’t force him to move on if he refuses to. She rethinks all the information he gave her, she giggles. Jens eyebrows furrow “what?” She covers her eyes with her hand. “Nothing.. I just can’t believe a dude who looks like you took it up the butt!” Jens turns over and shoves her off the couch “Get out.” Her laughter is uncontrolled and infectious. “Nooo I’m kidding!” She grabs his feet “Don’t kick me out~ I was kidding” Jens thinks about how silly he must have looked in that moment and laughs “I didn’t expect it okay! It all happened so fast. And SO WHAT. WHAT ABOUT A GUY LIKE ME! I’M ALLOWED TO TRY THINGS!” She pulls herself up wiping a tear from her eye, quelling her laughter. “Was it good at least? First times always suck.” Jens thinks about Kei’s face “It was good. I didn’t really understand what was happening most of the time- but I mean we both” She slaps her hand over his mouth laughing nervously. “That was enough of an answer. I just meant I hoped it wasnt a scary experience.” He looks sullen “No. It wasn’t scary at all” In fact, once he realized I wasn’t going to run away, he actually treated me really gently.

    Kei is standing in Professor Wells’ office. After two days of self loathing, sleeping on the floor, panic attacks and finally resignation to the fact that Jens can no longer be in his life, Kei has decided to try a new route. The Exhibit can’t suffer because of the incident with Jens. No matter how much Kei wants to beg Jens to come back. He needs to admit that this is unsalvageable. “I would like a contact list for the models, I could search on my own but I’d rather use someone that understands the atmosphere.” The professor looks up “oh? Have Jens and you been bickering?” Kei looks away “No- I just dont think he fits what I’m looking for right now.” Professor Wells narrows his eyes “What was that talk about muses then?” Kei stiffens before forcing a level headed voice. “I don't do muses.” The professor pinches the bridge of his nose “Kei- we talked about this-” Kei can’t hear this speech again. He might fall for it a second time “I’ll bring you something worthwhile. Please. Just give me the list” the professor stares at him “Okay. I’ll email it to you today”

You are reading story Amuse You at novel35.com

————

    Jens is at the gym. It’s been weeks. He hasn’t reached out to me at all. Did he really move on? What about the exhibit? What if he’s having another break down? What if he's curled up in the bath tub again? Andrew is watching him furiously work out. The energy around Jens is making the other customers hesitant. “I thought you weren’t trying to cut anymore?” Jens scowls, sweat dripping down his brow as he continues his squats “I don’t care about that anymore I just- need to do this right now.” Jens lowers with his weight and winces as he squats . He puts his knee to the ground and drops the weight, sighing in frustration. Andrew puts a hand on his back “Hey- don't you think you’re over doing it? This is how people end up hurt man. Don’t use my gym as a way to harm yourself”Andrews words are true. Jens needs to escape his thoughts and he’s been using his body to do it.  Jens looks up “I’m just having- a not good time I guess” Andrew crouches beside him. “Did you get dumped?” Jens sighs with a hollow laugh. “Worse. We weren’t even dating” Andrew makes a ‘yeesh’ face “Then it should be easier to get over right?” Jens splays out on the mat, tired. “I dont think so. Not this time. You wouldn’t believe how they looked at me. I know there’s something there but- they won’t admit it” Andrew huffs “Sounds like they’re toying with you then” Hearing the same words Sherry spoke, Jens’ heart aches. Jens grabs him by the shoulder. “No! No..” He drops his hand “He wasn’t doing that. He was clear from the start that he wasn’t totally interested. I just got greedy” Andrew frowns and hides his surprise that Jens is speaking about another man. “Look I’m uh- not even good with advice on dating women so I’m really at a loss here but- you might as well either give up completely or commit completely. It’s not going to help if both people are hesitant and confused” Jens blinks. Andrews words resonated with him. If Kei was going to be the confused one, then Jens will have to be the one to fully commit. “yeah. You’re probably right” He sits up smiling. “Thanks Andrew. I think you just cleared things up for me”

    Andrew watches Jens stand up and go for the weight again, this time with a smile. “Woah woah woah! Don’t you dare touch my equipment. Go home Jens. You need to rest” Jens pauses. Go home? But I’ll be alone there. If I’m alone then I’ll just miss him.. I’ll go into work early instead. Jens smiles “okay, okay, you got me! I’ll get lost. Give you a break from being my therapist” Andrew smiles and easily lifts the weight Jens was using to place it on the rack. Jens watches him He’s pretty fit isn’t he? The red hair is nice too. Jens gives him a once over before his entire body gets a shiver. Did I just find him attractive? I must really be feeling lonely. That’s not great, I’m now fully committed to him. Now isn’t the time to be lonely. I’ll just rub one out before going to work. Jens leaves the gym feeling a little conflicted. He’s never found another man besides Kei attractive. Now he's looking at Andrew in a new light? Is it because Andrew was caring and looked out for him? Did Jens just need someone to support and care for him? These sloppy thoughts are what Jens feared. When his mind is allowed to wander, it often tries to wander far from him and his goals. Jerking off can only quell that need for connection in Jens so much. As an extrovert and very clingy person, Jens finds it hard to be alone this long. He always had a new relationship right after one ended. He needs to be wanted and he needs to have someone to hold. This is Jens personal hell, trying to hold himself back and wait for one person to come around. 

    Nothing could stop him now. Not all the lonely, horny, nights in the world could keep him from trying to prove to Kei that they’re meant to be together. This commitment was unlike him. He’s loyal by nature but he never tries to hold anyone down. If they want to leave, who is he to stop them? But Kei’s different. Because Kei didn’t actually want to leave. Jens can’t picture his life with out Kei in it anymore. No matter how that may look. He hopes that they could date and be happy together forever, but more realistically, it may just be Kei keeping him around for his art. Jens will take anything he can get to make this empty needy feeling in himself stop. 

————

    Kei is painting a woman. Raya, is laying on the couch. He narrows his eyes and sighs. Something is off in the painting. It seems boring and empty. Raya is a beautiful woman. Long auburn hair, hazel eyes with long eyelashes. Her figure is wonderful, well-toned with subtle but noticeable curves. She is an ideal model. She yawns and whines “I’m hungry” Kei looks at his watch Barely two hours in, she can’t sit still. She has no discipline or commitment. He sets his brush down “Okay. We can take a break.” She stands and saunters over, disregarding the robe set out for her, and gets a close look at his work. She leans in to squint at her painted figure. “Is lunch paid?” Kei leans away from her “An hour break is. You can split it up or take it in one go. If you take longer than that then it’s on your time” She sucks her teeth “Fine. I’ll just order something, this place in town delivers pretty quickly” Kei is cleaning his brushes. She sets her phone down and, still undressed, looks through the pile of charcoal sketches. Her eyes light up. “He’s handsome..” Kei looks over to see Jens face sketched onto a paper. “Is he?” She smirks. “yeah. Is he another model of yours?” Kei puts things away “He was” She flips the page and sees the nude sketch from class “Oh my god- do you have his number?” Kei picks up the sketch book and puts it in a drawer “Please respect others privacy. I wouldn’t hand out your number to anyone who asked” She frowns. “But hes a guy, what could I do to him? I just want to ask him out to drinks” she smirks “or ya know, whatever” Her face makes it obvious what that whatever might be. Most people would have similar thoughts after seeing that sketch. Kei makes and upset face. A timid jealousy boiling in him. Suddenly, he doesn’t want anyone else besides him to see Jens. Ah, but now that he's pushed Jens away, he doesn’t have the ground to stand on to think something like that anymore. “I’m going to get some air. Enjoy your lunch.” Kei is standing outside the building. Contemplating this slow burning ache in his chest. Do I miss him? 

  Jens is at work. His uniform requires him to be well dressed. Crisp shirts, well fitting pants and sleek belts. “Hey, general manager Jens” Eric, the host, only uses that titles when there’s a problem. Jens can feel his annoyance build.  “Uh- the delivery guy, I mean Jason, got sick and left in a rush. Kate only has her bike and I took the bus here…what should I do about this order?” Jens frowns. Jason is a problem employee. He has a good disposition with customers and a knack for driving fast so Jens has kept him around, but his work ethic proves how little he respects his job. Jens forces himself to correct his face and then smiles “I’ll deal with it don’t worry. I took my car today so just hold the place down while I’m out.” He gets in his car and slams the door Shitty punk! I knew he was hung over!! Just to ditch work too! Now I need to run his errands? I’m firing his ass. Jens pulls out his phone to check the address. With his current mood, he hopes it’s nothing too difficult. “Oh mother fucker” he slams his head to the steering wheel. “Why today of all days. Why a situation like this!” 

    Kei is smoking outside. He watches as a sleek Volkswagen SUV pulls up. He squints at it, finding some familiarity in it. This must be The delivery Raya ordered. I don’t want to deal with people, just stare at your phone. Jens pulls up and walks confidently with the food. and stands infront of Kei. Kei’s eyebrows pinch when the shadow from the delivery man is cast in front of him Shitty dude, just buzz yourself in and go deliver it. When the shadow doesn’t budge, Kei looks up from his phone, his cigarette falling from his mouth. Jens bends down to pick it up and holds it out to Kei “Your reaction tells me this wasn’t on purpose.” With out taking his eyes from Jens he grabs the cigarette again, dropping it and scuffing it out. Kei looks at the food in his hand. His heart is beating too fast having Jens stand in front of him so casually. Why is he dressed so handsomely? Those pants hug his thighs a little too well. Kei never answered Jens comment. “Oh.. No, I have company.” Jens heart pangs. Looking at Kei, he’s beautiful as ever. The bags under his eyes prove he's still been spending late nights awake in his studio. His hair half-clipped back feels painfully endearing. Jens’ heart aches. He wants to grab him, pull him in and tell him to never leave his side again..But he needs to be tactful about this from now on. He needs Kei to come to him. He needs to wait for Kei.

    Jens forces an air of indifference. “Ah, I’ll head up then” Kei watches him walk past, still processing why Jens appeared at his doorstep, then panics “WAIT WAIT!” He grabs Jens sleeve. Jens turns to him strangely close. “What?” Jens eyes looking so closely into his short circuits his brain. Kei is pale, his heart in his throat. “I’ll bring it up so don’t bother. You can just- head out” Jens looks down and smiles What are you hiding? then looks back up at Kei, leaning in even closer, their noses almost brushing. “No, sorry, if you’re not the one who ordered then, I can’t deliver it to you” He keeps walking. Kei is pulling on his sleeve, desperate to stop Jens before he makes it to the studio. “Please! Jens, stop.” Jens walks on “YOU BARBARIAN STOP! WHY ARE YOU SO STRONG” Kei grabs his elbow and tugs him, Jens not shifting at all. Jens spins around, their faces again meeting too closely. “You’re wrinkling my shirt.” His cold words sound taunting. Kei can feel that he's toying with him.

    Jens keeps walking, ascending the stairs. Kei chases after him, trying to get between Jens and the door “Don’t be petty! Take your anger out on me okay? Just don’t go in the-” Jens opens the door, shoving Kei aside with the motion of it. Raya is lounging naked. “Oh! The foods’ here.” Jens brain takes a moment to process the scenery, his subconscious brain distracted by a beautiful naked woman, but his conscious brain over run with jealousy. Jens is furious. He whips his head to Kei who is standing in the doorway, mortified. “It’s not what it looks like..” Why am I explaining myself? Raya walks up, uncovered, and grabs the food “Oops, sorry! I’m modeling today, I didn’t know you’d bring it right to the door.” she smiles slyly. Jens stares daggers at her. Her smile falters under his gaze, but then it morphs to pleasantly surprised. “Hey! Wait! You’re his model friend right?!” She grabs jens arm. Jens smiles, now forcing himself to not rip his arm away from this she-devil.  “Yeah, I’m his muse actually.” His height looking down on her and his cold tone making it more condescending than intended. She frowns with a scoff “Then why’d he stuff your pieces in a dusty drawer?” Jens’ heart pangs again, then he smiles “It’s hard to look at perfection all day” She makes a face and snatches the food then laughs “Well hey- look I’m finishing early today so why don’t we get drinks after? Talk about being his muses” Jens looks at Kei pointedly. “No thanks” She makes an angry face that she masks under feigned politeness. “Don’t drink? We can get dinner instead.” Jens walks into the studio, brushing past her. I need to see how he painted her. “Sorry, I don’t eat either.” His voice is distracted and disinterested. She makes and angry face and crosses her arms covering herself “So you’re just rejecting me?” He doesn’t turn to look at her, walking straight towards the easel. “Yes. Exactly. I’m actually gay” Her eyes fly open, embarrassment apparent on her face “Oh, sorry..” She snatches and puts on her robe. Jens stares at the painting Kei was working on. His face lightens then sighs and lets out a little laugh. Good. He doesn’t feel anything while looking at her. Kei grabs Jens arm “This is really unprofessional of both of you. Jens I need you to leave.” Jens turns to Kei and smiles. His confidence reinvigorated.. His desire for Kei even stronger now that he knows he couldn’t be replaced.  “Okay. I’ll head out, but I’ll call you later” Kei is astounded. “What?” Jens holds the hand that was just tugging on his arm. “Please pick up okay?” He pats Kei on the shoulder. When he gets to the door he turns around and smiles at raya “It was really nice meeting you- well all of you I guess” His eyes scan her in an unimpressed way. She pulls the robe tighter “Yah, you too.” Jens leaves. This short but chaotic moment left the air feeling electrified. Jens’ aura of levelheaded confidence left Kei feeling much differently than his typical goofy warm self did. The door closes and Kei and Raya are left standing there dumbfounded. There’s a short pause before Raya deadpans “He’s a real asshole isn’t he?” Kei bursts out laughing. He covers his eyes, his shoulders shaking with his laughter. “Yeah. He is. I think we should call it after lunch. I suddenly don’t feel like painting” You. I don’t feel like painting you.

    That evening, the studio is quiet except for the sound of scratching. Kei is working tirelessly. He has multiple sketches of Jens scattered around him. I need to stop. He remembers Jens saying “I’ll call you, please pick up.” Kei sighs and sets down the pencil. He picks up his phone, his finger hovering over the ‘do not disturb’ button. Before he can press it, he gets a call from Jens. He watches it ring. His heart racing, staring at the name on the screen. He exhales quickly then answers “Hello?” Kei’s voice sounds nervous, even to himself. “I’m coming to pick you up.” Jens voice has an unwavering certainty in it. “No.” Jens laughs, the sound of it heating Kei's entire chest. “I should have expected that, what meant to say is- let’s get some food together. I know a place where you can get some good fish.” Kei's stomach growls. He stays silent for a long time then sighs “Fine. But I’ll meet you there. Send me the address.”

 

 

 

 

 

You can find story with these keywords: Amuse You, Read Amuse You, Amuse You novel, Amuse You book, Amuse You story, Amuse You full, Amuse You Latest Chapter