Chapter 1: The first ever ROB

Being dumped in a desert by a mickey mouse head-shaped portal was not in my plans. Heck, I don't think it is or will be in anyone's plans unless they are living in the world of Disney XD because I distinctively remember people jumping into those portals when it was still a thing.

Anyway, you know how deserts are known for their heat? Well, they should be known for their cold too. I think I am going to get hyperthermia, or is it hypothermia? I don't know; anyway, I have it.

A few nights later.

I think I have both thermias anyway; why do I see a giant sand tiger head? Like the one from Aladin?

I might be hallucinating, but if it's real, I can wish for food and water, and those of you morons who are whining about a wasted wish or something can shove a coconut up your back entrance. I WANT WATER AND FOOD IN THAT ORDER!

I might or might not have yelled it at the tiger that was saying something about something or the other. I might still be hallucinating.

The tiger had its maw open; If I weren't so desperate, I would have been scared shitless at how realistic it looked. Instead, I bolted down its throat, ignored the treasure, the cars, the flats, the game consoles, the portals to other worlds, anime props like the fountain of youth from 7 deadly sins anime, the literal gate to heaven, and a Micky head shaped portal to my home and single-mindedly ran towards the LAMP!

I desperately rubbed it, and as smoke slowly started pouring out, I yelled.

"We can do the whole show and dance afterward, Genie! For my first wish, I want enough water and food to fill my stomach and then some!" I yelled, probably ruining his/her whole show. I didn't bother hearing what they said but focused on the heavenly drink called plain water in front of me and the feast and started devouring it.

A few minutes later.

"BURRRRRUP!" was the only sound that came out of my mouth also, owww! my torso hurts! No regrets tho.

"Are you done?" asked the blue floating half-man.

"Yeah, thanks for the food, man; sorry about ruining your entrance thingy," I apologized.

"How did you know?" asked Genie.

"I saw it in two movies and listened to the song 'Frend like me' hundreds of times already, but I still can't remember the lyrics for some goddamn reason," I muttered.

"So you are like a God?" asked Genie warily.

"What?! NO! I am just a man from another universe(probably) that got dropped in a desert and is dying from the two thermias and is imagining all of this, or I am just a man from another universe(probably) that got dropped in a desert and found the cave of wonders and is currently talking to the very first friendly wish-granting being in the entire omniverse. I am torn between the two realities, although according to multiverse/AU theory, both of them are possible and I am in a Schrodingers cat situation, except the reality is what I choose to be? In that case, this would be a case of a dead man's dream, which makes it likely that all of this is a hallucination my mind came up with to make my passing easier, but that doesn't explain injuries on my foot or the pain of overeating *blinks* Sorry where were we?"

"You talk a lot," stated Genie, dressed in a Pajama and getting ready for bed.

"Only when I feel confident or a case of  'I don't give a fuck' for consequences. It would be the latter in this case if you were wondering," I elaborated.

"What do you know about me? And please give me the short version," asked Genie, still dressed in Pajamas.

"PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER, Itty Bitty Living Space. 3 Wish rule limit, no restriction, killing or mind manipulation wishes, no wishing for more wishes or beings to grant more wishes, and your wish to be #*$*" I said, and Genie winced,

"What's wrong?" I asked; he looked hurt.

"Whatever you said at the end, it hurt me," said a surprised and worried Genie.

"Huh, so I have the 'free'dom of speech, but you can't understand it? did something hurt this time?" I asked.

"No, but why, tho?" asked Genie, looking like a detective.

I started walking back and forth, thinking.

"Genie, I am going to say a few things; stop me when you get hurt. Okay?"

"In the near (&#^$Q(*^" 

"STOP!" yelled Genie, nearly collapsing the cave; he looked ready for war with the Futuristic armor and shields, but I didn't think he needed them.

We stared at each other in silence.

"I think I get it."

"Get what?" asked Genie, looking serious and down.

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"I can't say anything related to your future or anything I know of the future related to you."

"Oh! That's it? That's what's hurting me?"  asked Genie looking completely elated.

"Yeah, why?" I asked, puzzled.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I thought you found some mysterious way to affect/hurt me," he said, waving it off.

"Okay, that also means I can't use my wishes for you," I said, sounding depressed.

"Why would you use your wish for me?" asked Genie.

"I ruined your whole entrance thing; I might have also pissed the tiger cave off. Yet you still gave me a feast with food that healed me. I consider that a favor, and I always repay my favors to the best of my abilities."

"You pissed the Tiger cave?How?" asked Genie in wonder and with a look that said you are dead.

"Hey! I was Thirsty, hungry, and dying of both thermias. I thought he/she/it/they were a hallucination," I defended myself.

Genie sighed.

"What now?" he asked.

"Before I make them, I need to clarify a few things if that's okay?" I asked.

He nodded and summoned bean bags for us to sit on.

"If I wish for powers, will they be limited to this universe, or will they work in the wider Omnivers?"

"What kind of a question is that? of course, it is going to work in the wider omniverse, but it can be overruled by the big guy of that universe/ big boss of the omniverse." 

"Can you travel to different verses in the omniverse?" 

"Obviously"

"Then, for my second wish, I wish for the ability to visit YOU no matter the state, dimension, or any changes you might have experienced."

"Granted. But why? and that was all of a sudden," said Genie.

"Eh, I wanted to have someone to call a friend or ask for advice."

"Advice for what?"

I just smiled, and he looked like he was about to stop me.

"For my Third wish, wish to have all the powers of a Genie without becoming a Genie myself."

He huffed.

"Granted, Life with that much power is torture and a warning you will have this huge urge to grant people what they 'wish,' so be careful around them," advised Genie.

"See? You are trapped in this shitty lamp, yet you give me advice even tho I have been an annoying little shit. This is what makes you a Bro and makes you so likable," I beamed at him, growing to his size.

"You are odd. Just don't cause too much chaos," he said, which caused me to grin like a madman.

He sighed and returned to the lamp to sulk. How do I know that? I don't know.

I placed his lamp back in its place and teleported out of the cane and found myself in the desert. I conjured up a giant sand deer its size proportional to the tiger cave and stuffed it with energies that the cave would like and initiated a random omniversal teleport. Time to cause unharmful CHAOS!

As soon as I did so the sand deer was eaten by the sand tiger cave which grew big enough to swallow it whole, and Genie found an Omniversal T.V in his lamp that showed the life of various people as episodes or movies.

 

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