Chapter 51: Ch 51 – Civility Lost

“Naan.” I began.

There was a delay in response but the dungeon finally replied, “What?”

“We need to rethink how we are doing things.” I replied directly.

“In what way?” Naan asked.

“Neither of us have really been doing our best to make this work.” I admitted. While I personally thought I had been doing a better job, I had also assumed that the dungeon cared one way or another. That was in many ways, my fault. Naan wasn’t human, it wasn’t even beast kin or an elf. It was an entirely different existence that cared nothing for us beyond what we could provide. Still, I had to at least try to bridge the gap that was currently hanging between us. I felt like I had to try and get Naan to understand us. If just a little bit.

“I’ve already proven that I am willing to listen to suggestions, I have and will always be in charge. I don’t understand why you are suddenly resisting what is simple, and obvious." Naan stated firmly.

“You are wrong about that Naan.” I rebuked.

“You seem confident in that assessment, yet, you and the goblins have followed my directions almost unquestioningly.

“Almost questioningly.” I repeated its words, “But I’ve never liked doing things I didn’t like, or sitting around in your cave.”

“And look where that got you.” Naan noted.

“If nothing else I’ve gained quite a bit for what I’ve done. Sure I might have been able to do the same slower, longer-term, but something tells me that those elves would have found you eventually.” I mused.

“We handled the first one.” Naan noted.

“What about the others? How many elves, and humans died when they fought? Do you have any idea?” I asked.

“No.”

“I’m asking you nicely Naan. I want us to work together, I always have. I’ve only just recently realized that there are some things I simply cannot let you do.”

“You intend to save that man anyway?” Naan asked.

“Yes, but I’m also talking about Kay. The other soul, our goblins. People I care about, you clearly don’t give one shit about any of them. Me included. But I do give a shit, and if that means standing up to you then it's what I'm going to do.” I said with rising confidence.

“Don’t be silly. I see their worth quite clearly. It is you who views them as more than they are. Your judgment is clouded by your innate attachments and strange ideas.” Naan stated.

“It's those attachments that make us work Naan. The goblins want to protect me because they have accepted me as one of their tribe. Devin would probably die to defend me, even though he himself can’t decide if he's willing to accept that I'm a terrible match for his wants. Even Gerl wants to be more than one man in a world that doesn't give a shit about him. It's these attachments, connections, and bonds that we make that make us more than we are alone. Even you are stronger because the goblins look up to you, or when we work together to solve problems.” I pointed out.

“Mostly nonsense. Ideas have merit on their own, but the value of something doesn't change because of others.”

I tried again, “You’ve seen the effects Naan.”

“What effects?”

"Do you deny that you can be more effective because of us?" I asked.

"That is like asking if a swordsman is more effective with a sword."

"But a swordsman should always clean and take care of their sword!" I insisted.

"Why? When you can get a new, and better one?" Naan asked.

That one felt like it squeezed my very heart. "I'll leave." I said, though it didn't solve half my problems, I just wanted to make Naan think about it.

"Your cooperation is desirable, but considering your focus, I doubt it matters."

And yet my worth was intrinsic wasn't it? Unless I took a vow of celibacy and abandoned sex Naan really didn't care where I was, or what I was doing. Not that I really saw myself doing that. But the real crux of the issue wasn't that I couldn't, or wouldn't. It was that it wasn't an option to begin with. I couldn't protect Kay by leaving, and I could still hear her soft sobbing in my mind. I couldn't ensure that my goblin friends wouldn't be sacrificed without purpose. The moment I left them, Naan would do what it wanted, sign them into slavery, force them to bend to its will, and when it was done it would no doubt focus on gaining more souls and trying to expand its power base and survivability.

"If not me, then the rest." I decided.

"What are you saying now?"

If Naan refused to see it, then I'd just have to show it. “Fine. I’ll take them all from you then.” I didn't know how I could do that with souls. Maybe there was something. But I was never one to hold back when it came to stupid ideas.

“What?” The dungeon said obvious concern in its tone.

“You are refusing to listen to me when I’m trying to teach you something. I’ll show you just how worthless your approach is to the creatures you are ‘in charge of.’” I said slipping back into the dream.

Kay was mostly done sobbing, and I felt a little bad for holding her while doing something else. But at the same time, she was a pivotal reason I was doing what I was doing. “I need to go for the moment. I promise we’ll talk again soon though.” I said gently pulling back.

She gave me a tiny smile, “Okay…”

I noticed that she was wearing the poncho I’d given her. Had she always been wearing that? I didn’t think so. But this was a dream after all so I suppose strange things could happen.

I gave her one more squeeze.

Kay returned it and spoke, “By the way… I don’t think I’ve ever actually asked your name.”

I pulled back, “My name is Anna. We’ll talk again soon.” I said pulling back.

Kay nodded tears in her eyes, "Thank you for being here for me... I've never done anything to deserve it. But... I have this second chance, and I want it to mean something."

I nodded and removed myself from the dream and all at once felt a wave of disorientation as I lost a full set of senses I’d been focused on moments prior. I took a few breaths and slowly stood up. What was clearly weak nausea was receding, but I dared not even walk at full speed.

I wasted a few moments of slow pacing while my mind readjusted to being back in the real world and not being entirely stuck, quite literally in my or someone else's head. I walked down the stairs and checked the first room, then I pushed open the second door to find Devin leaning against the wall thinking.

He glanced up at me, “Hey… are you alright?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, “But I need you to answer a simple question for me.”

He frowned, “Alright… What is it?”

“If I asked you to ignore the dungeon forever, would you?”

“Uh… sure, I mean I’m not really one of its lackeys right? But… I thought you said you were working with it.”

“If I asked you to help me destroy it, would you?” I asked.

“Sure. Anna… I don’t really understand what your talking about.” Devin admitted, clearly confused by my serious questions.

I gave him a smile, “I just need your honest replies to prove a point.”

Devin frowned, “So…”

“Sorry to bother you. I’ve still got shit to do.” I admitted and slowly pulled the door shut.

“Anna! Do you need my help?” Devin asked just before I was about to close the door.

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I gently peeked back in, “No, it's alright. This is something I need to do. But thanks for offering.”

He nodded a bit worried but he replied, “Alright.”

I closed the door and moved to the end of the hall feeling like the unsteadiness and queasiness had mostly cleared.

“Anna… What point are you trying to make?” Naan asked.

There was no point telling it something it would ignore or dodge again. I just climbed down the ladder.

I turned to find the goblins sitting in a circle, minus Kosue who was sorting through junk from unrolled packs.

The goblins were all gathered around two males who were looking like they were wrestling.

Now it was time to risk it all. If my hunch was wrong this would prove nothing, but if my gut was right then this would potentially change everything.

“Excuse me.” I said not quite sure how to begin.

As if I’d chimed a bell every goblin in the passageway looked toward me. Ten sets of yellow eyes fixed upon me, and even the one being pinned to the ground paused to stare up at me.

I considered my options briefly, but really what was there to do but go for it? Besides goblins rarely were creatures of many words, best to do this as straightforwardly as possible.

“I have to ask you all a very important question.” I began.

“What… are you doing?” Naan asked again with more urgency.

The men turned, giving me their attention if not exactly gathering around me. Kosue took a few steps closer to me and I knew that all of them were very much giving me their undivided attention.

“You all know who Naan is right?” I asked.

Some replied with a simple, “Yes.” Others just nodded. But not a single goblin looked confused.

“If I asked you to follow me instead of Naan. Would you?” I asked.

Kosue seemed shocked by my question, and she quickly glanced toward the male goblins.

They all seemed to be considering, and quite a few glanced at Scout, which I wasn’t surprised by. He seemed to realize that they were looking for direction and he stepped out of the circle he had been seated in as part of looking up at me.

Then scout asked as clearly as he could, “Why?”

This was probably the real issue here. The goblins wouldn’t understand the hypothetical nature of this question. They saw this as me actually asking me to turn on their leader. Was I willing to do this? Was I willing to really perform a coup?

The truth was that these goblins were subject to the same consequences as the rest of them, and I had to admit that they weren't exactly rousing conversationalists, but I found it hard to dislike their earnest and straightforward bravery and actions. Even if their own societal norms didn’t quite sync up with my own I thought I could get along with them quite well. Besides, in many ways, they were more willing to learn and to listen to me than Naan was. The last thing I wanted to happen to them would be for them to be sent to their deaths in some plan that didn't value their lives. Naan only valued results, and the goblins were useful not just as fighters, but as a resource that could move the gemstone and gather things.

“Stop.” Naan stated firmly.

“Do you understand?” I asked Naan.

There was no reply. The moment lingered.

"I will not allow you to supplant my order." Naan stated.

So it came down to this. I'd just have to shove, so meeting Scout's eyes I began, “Naan’s-”

However, at the exact same moment stone tendrils lashed out from the wall shoving me to the ground with surprising speed.

“Stop it!” Naan’s voice boomed in my mind.

“No!” I shouted back, realizing I probably shouldn't have done this inside it's body of influence.

“Naan thinks we are nothing-” Stone curled around me shoving itself into my mouth and down my throat. My body instantly shook at the cold stone invasion.

But then I remembered something important. I pushed backward and let my flesh and bones more flow then shift out of the way gasping as I pulled my body around it in a way that I imagined would only give anyone watching nightmares. Having removed the stone pillar from my mouth I finished, “Nothing but tools! If we-”

I felt something shifting around me. Something below, glancing down I saw the outline of what was clearly the dungeon body expanding below me. It was a pit, Naan was going to try to kill me!

I didn’t know what to do, but something that had crossed my mind before came to me at that moment. After all, we shared our contracts even if we had none. This dungeon was as much mine as it was Naan's. It was using my mana to claim it to attack me with stone.

If it was all the same, if we both owned it, then couldn’t I just… Un-claim it? Not quite sure what I was doing I focused on that sensation I felt that it was claiming space downwards under me. I focused on the dungeon’s outline around me. Then not sure what else to do, I mentally heaved on it wanting to be rid of it.

In a rush, a terrible ripping sensation filled me as the dungeon body around me quite simply ceased to exist the outlines and sense of it splintered and cracked then dispursed in a violent display that felt more like smashing something with a hammer than the careful shifting that Naan itself preformed.

I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed for an instant as the sensation left me feeling more than a little sick.

“What have you done!?” Naan yelled into my mind.

I drooped to the ground, pulling myself away from the stone tendrils that had assaulted me.

“My mana!? Gone! Give it back!” The frantic dungeon screamed in my mind.

What was it even talking about? Alright... I felt more than a little sick, I felt like I'd just torn something out of me.

The goblins rushed over to me pulling me away from the stone tendrils and looking all around with panic. They had heard my words, they had seen what had happened. They were very much aware that I'd been assaulted.

The moments almost seemed to hang there. The goblins shifted uneasily, the seconds ticking by terribly slowly. Yet… nothing? Naan didn’t reclaim the space. Naan didn’t try to attack me again… but then again could it?

What was I thinking? I wasn’t sure what I’d done, but the reality was that I’d pushed Naan to do something it wouldn’t normally do. But… had it mattered?

“I understand now…” Naan weakly said after several minutes.

Not the words I expected. But could I even trust it? Wasn’t this too far? I had wanted to prove a point. I had wanted Naan to see that working together was the better option. Instead, I had pushed it into a corner from which it felt the need to lash out. That was my mistake. But what now?

I glanced around at the goblins all crowded around me like tiny sentries. I took a breath and slowly sat up. I found Devin was peering down from the hall above too.

“What happened?” Devin asked, clearly looking around at the strange stone growths that had attacked me.

No one but me really knew how far Naan had been willing to go at that moment. But still, why had it stopped? Was it afraid of losing the goblins? Afraid of starting over? Did it remember I was its mana well?

“Naan, what do you understand?” I spoke into its mind.

“The goblins are loyal to you, not the dungeon. You’ve quite soundly made your point. So now what?” Naan said.

That wasn't really the point. I didn't care about who was loyal to who. This wasn't some stupid contest I wanted to win. Which was probably why I felt so terribly empty about the whole thing. This was a complete and abject failure.

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