Chapter 16: Thoughts About The Past

After a few minutes the result was clear, the four of them left the room. Following Jord back to the temple entrance, the three after the one leading them walked slowly and the atmosphere between them was a little sad.

The reason for this relatively depressing situation was the two weapons that were next to them. The first weapon was Kamaell's saber, the second and last…

— It's hard enough to have contact with just one weapon like that, even finding one without a user. Yet she was refused by six of them. This is really bad luck. — Kamaell mused as he walked.

Illye and Noella were in front of him, Illye was checking the weapon he'd gotten, a whip until he looked back angrily.

— Shut up you vampire! — It's enough that she didn't make it, no need to keep reminding her of something so depressing. Illye complained, pointing the whip at his face.

It wasn't like he was wrong, Noella knew that, but for some reason he seemed in everything he spoke to them to be digging into them little by little. Earlier he had found out about secrets that each of them kept to themselves and now according to what she imagined he continued to seek out whatever they let slip.

Noella still didn't know, was he really an ally? It didn't look like that to her.

— Despite what I said, don't worry too much about it. Different people have different abilities, as well as their convictions and life routine greatly influence the result. These weapons simulate the authorities a bit, maybe if you had a shield you could be accepted as you are the princess's guard. — He explained after he stopped arguing with Illye. — Still, it's kind of depressing..."

He chuckled at Noella as he started to walk more slowly so they were following Jord ahead of him.

— Makeup Old Man. — Illye cursed him as she came up with new 'affectionate' nicknames.

— Rest of Princess. — Kamaell said in response to her, accepting the challenge.

— Lord of Rotten Flesh.

— Dirt from Hartgar's boots…

The two started calling each other names and ironically they were having fun doing it. Obviously they hated each other, but they seemed to enjoy the conflict.

— You seem to like to piss people off. — Noella pointed out when she saw them arguing.

— I won't deny it. — He said when he got tired of cursing the princess.

— Why do you do this? I think when you were an Imperial Prince you should behave well at all times, don't you? – She questioned him doubtfully.

As far as Noella knew during the Empire things were a little stricter than they are now. The six royal families of thrones and the imperial family were supposed to behave with honor at all times, just as any Phase 4 Lord who proved his strength would be able to rule a city, village or even directly become a general, among other possible things that she didn't remember.

The Imperial Family had to show their strength not to be thwarted, although it would be difficult to find any Lord who had the courage to antagonize the Blood Emperor. Who would openly consider going against the Blood Lord knowing all those who took his side?

None of the seven kings at the time dared even think of such a thing and among one of the six kings was also the Lord of Beauty, one more reason for this not to be considered.

— Prince Imperial… — He said with a distant vision rambling on to the past.

— What's it? Did the vulture make you forget the upbringing you were given? — Illye mocked, taking advantage of the moment by turning around and laughing.

She was satisfied with what she said and thanks to that the subject had changed from Noella's failure to get one of the weapons to something far from it. Illye didn't care if he was sad, as long as Noella wasn't would be good enough for her.

— I've spent a lifetime holding back, hiding my real thoughts in favor of an 'honor' for my father, my empire and my people. — Kamaell explained.

For a moment he held his right arm showing a certain insecurity about something, but then he looked at Noella who was walking with her back to him as she walked in front of him.

— Just like you now, royal guard to the princess. How does it feel living for years trapped inside your own mind not knowing if one day you can really go out to be whatever you want? I got tired of it, a lifetime of it was more than enough and it only led to death. I'm not going to hold on to anyone anymore. — He asked, showing his own example of what his life had been like.

Noella felt her heart pound in response because something she kept in the back of her mind was being exposed like this out of nowhere. There it was, he was probably waiting for such a moment.

— Is it just me or do you want her to lose control and look just like you? If that's the case, I refuse to let it happen, one crazy person between us is enough! — Illye complained, holding Noella by the right arm.

— I don't care what you two want to do because it doesn't make any difference what I'm going to do. But when one is just following the course of the river downstream, what to do? Will you wait until the waterfall appears to decide if continuing is dangerous or not? – He questioned her quickly.

Noella looked back and only saw him staring straight into her eyes. The meaning of what Kamaell said was clear in a way to her, he didn't care what would happen or what she wanted mainly because she didn't show any desire for anything.

— I don't…

— I liked the comparison you made, is this to make me happy by any chance? Well, if you noticed, we already have to leave because soon it's going to be dark and you need to get ready to leave tomorrow morning. Come on, just do the opposite and follow me, you can argue outside. — Said Jord as he intervened in their discussion after stopping.

By this time of discussion they had already reached the bridge, perhaps Jord's intervention had something to do with that.

Jord threw himself and was followed by Illye who didn't take long and just wanted to leave.

— It's not like I never have a will of my own, just that I have something I cherish more than anything else. — Noella explained before jumping down.

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She didn't explain what it would be that she valued so much, she just decided to leave it to him by showing that it existed because she felt that explaining it wouldn't be enough.

After the three threw themselves, Kamaell who was left on the bridge looked back at that Silver Temple.

— I'm too hypocritical to say that, I have no desire to do anything. — He rambled on to himself, mocking his own advice.

Despite that, he had a desire, yes, it was to do something that would lead him to that conclusion. Maybe fly to a far and isolated place where he could spend the rest of his life waiting for his end. Besides that idea, there wasn't much, what stopped him from making this decision was Noella's freedom to take risks in this way. Who knows when she would be at risk again and because of that he would have to be there to make sure he was alive.

He didn't throw himself either when he should have.

Turning around he entered the Silver Temple again and headed towards the altar, he didn't care if they noticed his delay. Already in front of the altar he sat down, throwing himself on the ground carelessly, showing no respect for the place.

For a few seconds he thought about what he was doing and continued after reaching a decision. There was no one else here to judge his actions anyway.

Sitting watching the objects placed on the altar he prayed anyway. In silence it was not his voice that was being demonstrated but his thoughts.

[The last time I was at an altar I was still one of the seven kings under the Emperor, or rather a reserve king among them. Funny, isn't it? Here I am in front of the altar of the one who denied me the future and yet I cannot feel anger or hatred. I just feel lost... I have a lot of questions, about why I came back to life, how that place came about, why I was denied the chance to succeed, but now... After all this... I just feel tired waiting for things to happen.]

He he looked more at the blue fan than at the bell hanging from it, a clear result represented by the one who ruled the blue. He didn't know much about the Silver God, the presence of the Gold God and the Silver God was more difficult to understand than that of all the other gods, nobody had their Auras either, so any possibility of indirect action of these on Az was mysterious. He even thought that maybe they never acted on the planet, although that was just a thought too.

Underneath the long right sleeve of his coat was a blue light that was glowing in answer to his prayer. He noticed that, but he wasn't interested in this strange response from his body, it was natural in a way.

[Have your hopes dashed just before reaching the goal. With every new thing I find out about that time, it seems to me that it's not that I've been rejected, it's that I've rejected myself.]

He touched the bell with a finger and there was a momentary slight tinkle, it was soft and good to go. to hear. After that he didn't play again.

[After more than five hundred years I am finally able to think. "What kind of dreams do I have?" No one in Az has been able to dream since the Battlefield, it's as if a god has stolen our ability to imagine a better future. The only thing I know about dreams is what they told me, dreams they had during times leading up to this one. I've imagined a lot of what it would be like to dream and what desires I could have, but nothing ever came to me...]

About this he reached a conclusion. Gold ruled space and reality, Silver ruled time and dreams. So could no one else be accepted as Emperor? It was a doubt he had, but after he learned of the current King Illias it could just be a faulty conjecture on his own part because at the time he lived before there was no Silver King, it was a vacant position.

[There is so much in this unanswered world, but maybe in this case the problem could have been me. That day I wasn't enough…]

He didn't care before, he never thought about a future, he also never thought that the Emperor would suddenly disappear. He lived in response to things around him and of himself he had no will. He lived like a prince and never saw himself as anything else.

[What do I want in this world?]

In this last thought he was no longer seeking to vent through this prayer. This thought was a question for himself and his only certainty was that he had no answer.

[Ah Yell… I really feel more and more like disappearing far away.]

He thought and talked about people he didn't even know if they were still alive, however in the latter case he seemed more certain about a certain person. There were actually some things that were certain for him and in time he hoped that such "certainties" would not be unfounded.

Getting up not to take too long he was about to leave, but before that he felt something strange and rang the silver bell again. Again he heard that sound which curiously soothed his conflicting thoughts. He tightened his right arm over his coat, there was still resentment about his past, but on top of that there was a sadness and melancholy that masked a loss greater than he imagined, even with his calmer emotions now.

The silence of the Silver Temple made his situation more depressing, he didn't want to feel too much about the past because it could become a considerable weakness and yet he saw that it might not be possible to ignore everything. If he wasn't a half-blood then any emotion would have no way of getting in the way of his decisions, unfortunately he was a half-breed.

Finally he rang the bell a third time and turned around after hearing the sound, it was time to leave. The saber at his waist was now his only memory of the past that accompanied him, so he was truly indebted to Cardinal Jord, who could have done nothing and simply dispatched them the next day without even commenting on this temple.

[After all, now I'm not the one who needs answers.]

He wanted answers. But there were people who needed answers more urgently than he did, and as much as he didn't care that much about it, there was something he couldn't ignore.

There was a feeling of unease that was being passed on to him. Kamaell could seek to ignore it, but he didn't want to. Deep down he was starting to like it.

It was only one day, so because of that he took a while to realize this effect of the ritual. The effects of the Dragonheart Ritual were still unclear, but the main thing that their lives depended on each other was clear.

Yet, feelings were also being carried through this ritual. He didn't know what other effects this ritual could have and because of that he was being careful not to stir up his emotions too much even before, but now during that outburst of his maybe Noella was feeling it.

She probably hadn't noticed yet and he was going to use this time of naive ignorance to learn more about her. On that side it was great that he was a little sad at the moment, probably that sadness would be passed on to her and with that there was the possibility of her letting her guard down even if just a little.

Now he had one more weapon and he would use it in secret.

Actions and words were not enough to express one's worth.

He noted that possibly their appreciation for this realm could get in the way and maybe again they would both be dying soon. If that proved to be a danger he would do something against their will to survive, even if it cost them their complete hatred.

[Don't get me to that point. I really hope I don't have to do that...]

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