Chapter 12: Chapter 12 – Full moon dungeon fun

CHAPTER 12

“Are you nervous?” I asked Koshiro as we stood at the entryway of the Stonerock Dungeon.

Koshiro tilted her head from side to side.  “Well, kind of.  Having a S-rank barbarian by my side helps calm my nerves, though.”

“How about you, Joel?”  I asked the gnome mage that stood a few feet behind us.

“I shouldn’t be nervous.  I’m paying you a lot of credits to keep me alive… correct?”

Joel stood four and a half feet tall and was rather chubby.  He had a blue silk robe on and a wooden staff with a purple gem on the top. The gnome was a B-rank aqua mage.  Joel was the highest bidder today when I told the crowd that I only had time to carry one adventurer through the full moon night dungeon.  Most of the adventurers were either drunk or ready for bed.  It was a full moon, so the night dungeon would be even more challenging to the regular adventurer.  There were six adventurers that wanted to go through with me, but I wanted to put most of my focus on Koshiro, since this would be her first dungeon.  I was hesitant about starting her out with a night dungeon, especially on a full moon, but she was emphatic that we do it.  Initially, I thought it would just be the two of us going through, but I thought it was stupid to miss out on the opportunity to make a sizeable chunk of credits.  Night dungeon carries were expensive on their own, however, they were extremely expensive on a full moon.  Only the richer adventurers could afford a competent carry.  Currently, I was the only dungeon carrier in the region that was a sure thing on a full moon dungeon run.  Joel was paying me the whopping sum of 75,000 credits to get him through.  Koshiro wanted more, but I wasn’t in the mood to haggle with these adventurers.  I was ready to get started. 

“Yeah, you’re right.  Just do what I say when I say it and you’ll be fine.  You need to spend most of your time kiting the monsters.  Get a couple of hits in before I take them out and you will maximize your essence gain.”

Joel nodded.  “I have a ring that increases my magic find as well.  I’m good to go.  I just hope you are as good as they say you are.”

Koshiro exhaled loudly.  “Chad is the best on Solaire, you little man.  Be respectful or I will kill you myself.”

“For fuck's sake, calm yourself,” Joel shouted, waving both hands, then he looked at me.  “Is your friend serious?”

“Friend?  Friend? This is my husband—short stuff,” Koshiro said through gritted teeth.

I stood behind the angry kitsune and rubbed both of her shoulders.  “Shh, it’s alright. Breathe.”

I’d been working with Koshiro on managing her anger better.  I wasn’t a psychologist, but I gave it a go, anyway.  She’d done pretty well recently, but she had her moments.

“I’m fine.  I’ll be nice,” Koshiro replied hesitantly.

“That’s my good girl,” I replied and kissed her on the top of her head.

“I apologize if I offended either of you.  Are we good?” Joel asked.

I nodded.  “We’re good.  Koshiro is just very passionate.”

Joel raised a brow. “Passionate, eh?”

Koshiro groaned.  “You’re making me angry Joel.”

The door to the dungeon began to slowly open, and the familiar stench of death and decay filled my nostrils.  Luckily, you get used to it after a few minutes, but there are a lot of enemies that stink.  They stink even worse when you’ve splattered their guts all over the place.  Goblins and imps were some of the most disgusting enemies I’d faced in my dozens of runs.  They would shit during fights.  They’d get frightened and piss themselves.  Some of the little perverts even masturbate when a beautiful adventurer would walk in.  The enemies were always changing with each run, however, you would usually run into goblins and imps at some point.  

“Is that a sulfur smell?” Joel asked as his hands tightly gripped his magic staff.

“That means there are going to be demons and other hellish monsters in the dungeon tonight.  Dammit,” I scoffed.

“Dammit?  Is that a problem?” Joel asked.

“No, it’s not a problem.  The dungeon is usually hotter when there are demons.  I’m hot-natured.  Demons are scary looking creatures, but they don’t put up much of a fight. Well, they don’t put up much of a fight during the day.”

Joel’s eyes widened. “You haven’t fought demons during a night dungeon before?”

“It seems like I have once, but I might be wrong.  I know for certain that I haven’t fought demons in a full moon dungeon.”

I heard Joel make a gulping sound.

“Don’t worry.  It’s fine.  Let’s get started.  Are you ready, Koshiro?”

“Yes,” Koshiro replied nervously.  She was trying to be brave, but I could tell that there was some anxiety there.  It was only natural.  I began mentally kicking myself for agreeing to do a full moon dungeon with her for her first time. She had on her waitress uniform as well, and that was it.  She didn’t have a dungeon robe yet, so that seemed irresponsible as well.  However, Koshiro is someone that you can’t say no to.  Those beautiful eyes and big titties get me every time. Hopefully, she would get some protective gear early.  I performed a couple of shouts that would raise both of their defense and attack stats for a few minutes.  I told them to let me know when the timer was out and I would shout them again.

Demon bats bombarded us immediately initially.  They weren’t powerful, just incredibly irritating.  I was pleasantly surprised that Joel could take out several of them by himself with his aqua magic.  I kept forgetting that he was B-rank, so he should be able to be somewhat helpful.  If this was FFO back on Earth, the night dungeons could be considered hard difficulty and the full moon dungeons would be considered very hard difficulty.  This was how my mind saw it, at least. 

Koshiro crossed her arms under her mammoth tits. “How do simple balls of water kill something?”

“I make these orbs of boiling water.  They are extremely hot. I can add distinct elements to the water to cause different reactions.  I can electrify the orbs, for instance.”

“That’s pretty cool,” I said nonchalantly as I pressed on. “Did you two get anything to drop worth a damn?”  I asked, but knew the answer.  These small bats would drop nothing of real value.  I got a few credits and a small amount of essence from my kills.

“I got 10 credits, and that was it,” Joel replied.

I shrugged. “That’s not bad, actually.  Bats like these usually reward adventurers with one to two credits in the day dungeons.”

“I got nothing.  I am not used to stabbing anything this small with my butcher knife,” Koshiro scoffed.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be geared up pretty good by the end of this thing.  I’ll keep my shouts going continuously.  You’ll be fine. Make sure that I’m always in front of you.”

“If I get a staff, that won’t work well for me. I’ll give it to you,” Joel announced.

“See Koshiro. Joel’s a good guy.”

The kitsune furrowed her brow.  “Hmm, I’m not so sure yet.”

Sounds in the darkness in front of me caught my attention.  I heard the pitter patter of small feet in the shadows.  They sounded like a toddler running around the house.  I held up my fist like I was a Navy SEAL, or something to let my group know they needed to stop in their tracks until I motioned for them to continue.

A group of three-foot tall crimson imps with small obsidian pitchforks darted toward me.  There were fifteen of these snarling creatures.  A few of them were cackling maniacally as they moved in to attack me.  I wielded two giant great axes and slashed at my attackers.  Tiny body parts went everywhere.  Joel was attacking the imps that chose him, but Koshiro looked terrified as two imps charged toward her.

“Ooo big… bazoombas… me suck bazoombas!” shouted one of the excited imps.

“Yeah, nice.  I suck!”  the other imp agreed.

“Chad!  The nasty perverts want to suck my ta-tas! Help!”

I dashed over and grabbed each of the imps by the neck and raised them off the ground.  “Stab them so you get 100% of the essence.”

Their small legs continued to run, even though they dangling in the air.  Koshiro nodded and stabbed each of the imps in the neck viciously.  “Fuck you pervs.  My titties belong to Chad and no one else!”

“That was good.  You okay?”  I asked as I tossed the limp corpses.

“I’m fine.  Thank you.”

“Are you okay, Joel?”

“Mostly, however, one of them bit my hand.  Do you mind healing it, Koshiro?”

“Sure, that’s my job,” Koshiro replied with excitement.  “Hold out your hand.  Yikes, he got you good. Give me a second and you’ll be as good as new,” Koshiro held her hand over the wound and closed her eyes.  The healer’s hand glowed brightly, and the gnome’s wound began to close immediately.  The healing took only a couple of seconds before completion.

Joel looked at his healed hand closely. “Wow, that was quick.  Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.  I even received essence from the healing.  Wonderful.”

“Here, I looted a rapier from one of the imps.  It isn’t anything very special, but it should help you kill things at a distance.  Your butcher knife is sharp, but its range is quite limited.”

“You are a delightful fellow, thank you,” Koshiro accepted the sparkling rapier from the gnome and smiled. “This weapon is very light.  I should be able to handle it well. Let me try something,” Koshiro’s hand glowed once more, and she moved her hand down the blade, causing the steel to glow white as well.

I cocked a brow. “What was that?”

“I can imbue divine arcane energy to the blade to make it more powerful.  Isn’t that awesome?”

I pumped my fist. “Hell yeah, that’s awesome.”

******

We proceeded into the dungeon for the next fifteen minutes, fighting more imps, demon zombies, and fire snakes.  I was perfectly fine, but Koshiro and Joel took some damage from the creatures.  The higher level of difficulty in the full moon dungeon was revealing itself more than before.  Koshiro had received no armor she could use, but I was certain she would loot something soon.  So far, the loot had been fairly mediocre, other than a lot of credits and essence.  I was certain that we would run into an elite demon mob soon.  Not even five seconds after that thought went through my skull, three seven foot tall demons dropped from the top of the dungeon.  These were elites.

Each of them looked the same.  They were six feet tall with only a loin cloth on their bodies.  They had the familiar elite glow to them, signifying what they were to the adventurer.  Each of them held a club made of bone.  Giant macabre horns protruded from their skulls and sharp teeth filled their growling mouths.  Each of the elites had an enormous tongue that they flicked toward us.  Nasty saliva dripped from the tips onto their muscular chests and onto the floor.

“These are elites.  Be careful.  Joel, protect Koshiro while I take these guys out,” I commanded as I shouted again, giving them higher defensive stats and attack stats.

“I will,” Joel nodded as he stepped in front of my wife and pointed his staff at the monsters.

Each demon screeched as they stomped toward me, holding their bone clubs high.

“Come on assholes.”
I blocked a club with my great axe and shattered the bone instrument of death easily. I spun counter-clockwise and cut both of the middle elite’s legs off at the thigh.  Screams of agony pierced my eardrums as the elite fell to the granite floor legless.  Dark red blood, almost black, pooled under each stump.

“Get those bastards!” Koshiro shouted.

I sliced the next one in half at the waist, causing disgusting steaming intestines to plummet to the floor.  The last elite bypassed me and charged quickly toward my partners.  Joel fired aqua orbs out of his staff.  Each of his orbs just splashed on the demon’s chest, causing no damage that I could see.

“Fuck!” exclaimed Joel as he strengthened his stance for coming impact.

I dropped my great axe on the skull of the huge demon, splitting it in two.  He dropped his club and fell to the floor, dead.  Pulverized brain matter oozed out of the top of his skull and pooled at the feet of the aqua mage.

“Thanks, these monsters are no joke in the full moon dungeon.  You don’t seem to have any issues whatsoever,” Joel added with a sense of wonder.

I chuckled as I flicked the gore off of my blades. “That’s why you pay me the big bucks, right?”

“My magic only caused a small amount of damage. This dungeon is nasty,” Joel observed.

“Why don’t we take a break?  I packed some boar meat sandwiches. Does that sound good?”

“Yeah, I could take a break to build up my stamina a bit.  You have a sandwich for me by chance?” Joel asked.

“Sure, I made several.  I wasn’t sure how big the party would be.”

I handed both of my party members a sandwich and watched them take their first bite.  “This is a new recipe, Koshiro. Let me know if you like it.  If so, I’ll put it on the menu at the restaurant.”

“Mmm, this is great. Thank you,” the gnome responded with a moan.

“Yeah, this is good. What are the ingredients?” Koshiro asked.

Ingredients

3 1/2 lb. Boar pork loin

6 lb. boar butt

3 Tbsp. ground coffee 

1 onion

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2 Tbsp. chopped garlic

1/2 cup cider vinegar

1/2 cup ketchup

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup stone ground mustard

1 tsp. salt

1/2 tsp. Pepper

A perplexed expression formed on Joel’s face. “What in the name of the gods is ketchup? I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

“It’s a condiment from where I come from.  I had to make that from scratch as well to use in the sandwich,” I replied after I swallowed my first bite.

INGREDIENTS

• 6 oz can tomato paste

• 1/4 cup honey

• 1/2 cup white vinegar

• 1/4 cup water

• 1 tsp sugar

• 3/4 tsp salt

• 1/4 tsp onion powder

• 1/8 tsp garlic powder

“It’s fairly simple, really,” I added.

“I commend you, my new friend, your cooking is impeccable.  This is one of the best sandwiches I’ve ever put in my mouth.”

“Next time you are in Summerstar, you should come by the restaurant,” I said as I chewed.

“What’s the name?”

“New Beginnings.”

“Ah yes, I’ve heard of that place.  I will stop there on my next trip through that beautiful town.  I may order this same sandwich.  It’s delicious.”

“Everything on Chad’s menu is delicious,” Koshiro added.

“Do you work with him?”

“I’m a server.  I don’t work as a cook.  I would like to, but Chad just wants to train Claire right now,” Koshiro replied with an eye roll.

“Psh, that’s not true.  I plan to show you and Muni how to cook as well.  Claire was first because you and Muni were the more experienced servers.”

“I think her giant titties made that decision for you.  I think you enjoy sucking them more than mine.”

Joel coughed and spit out a mouthful of pork.

Koshiro patted the gnome on the back.  “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m sorry. Your comment just caught me off guard.”

“Chad has more wives.  I was the first, however. Isn’t that right, Chad?” Koshiro glared at me for clarification.

“Umm, yeah, she was the first.”

“Thank you.”

“How many wives do you have?” Joel inquired.

“I only have three,” I replied nonchalantly.

Joel’s eyes widened.  “Three?  By the Nine!”

“Gnomes don’t have multiple wives?” Koshiro asked.

“None where I’m from.  We are highly monogamous people.”

“It appears that Chad will add a new wife soon,” Koshiro interjected with a frustrated expression.

I wiped my mouth with a rag. “What the hell are you talking about?” 

“Well, you’ve gotten cozy with this new girl that did your quest?”

“I have not gotten cozy with anyone new.”

Koshiro’s brow furrowed immediately. “You flirted with her yesterday, not to mention let her spend the night in the room above the restaurant.”

“It was getting dark, and I didn’t think it was safe for her to walk back to her village or camp outside of the town.”

“Why do you care so much?  I know why… you like her! Just be honest!”

My cheeks reddened.  “I do not like her. You’re being ridiculous.”

“In the name of the gods, this girl was a ranger with a fucking bow and daggers on her belt.  I think she can take care of herself.  She didn’t need you to provide her with lodging.  She’s still hanging out at the restaurant in the name of the Nine.”

“How do you know that?”

“I have eyes, Chad.  She was still there when we left.  You are my perfect Chad, but you are clueless sometimes.”

“Well, I won’t disagree with that.  However, I just let her stay because I was trying to be nice.  There wasn’t some sort of ulterior motive.”

“I guarantee you that she sees things much definitely.  I saw her eye fucking you before we left today.”

“Do I need to leave you two alone?” Joel asked.

“No,” Koshiro and I said sharply in unison.

Joel held his hands up in surrender. “Okay.”

“Joel, guess what her name is… fucking Apple,” Koshiro laughed.

Joel’s eyes transformed into saucers. “Her first name is… fucking?”

I burst into laughter and slapped my thigh.  “No, it’s Apple.  That’s a nice name, I think.”

“Psh, that’s a nice name, blah,” Koshiro tried to mimic my voice. “I knew you liked her.”

“Of course I like her, but not in the way you think I like her.”

Koshiro stood from her sitting position on the floor and stomped away with her back turned.

I cringed as I looked at Joel. “She gets perturbed easily.”

“I can hear you.  I do not get perturbed,” Koshiro growled.

I drank a gulp of water from my sheepskin.  Koshiro screamed, but this time it wasn’t out of anger.  She was terrified of something… maybe even hurt.

I equipped my two axes and ran in her direction.  Another elite had stepped out of the darkness.  He snarled and back handed Koshiro with his unarmed hand.  She went flying ten yards, then slammed into the wall.

“Koshiro!”

“I’ll check on her.  You just kill that thing,” Joel replied, dashing over as fast as he could with his short legs.

I felt something large slam into the back of my skull.  The impact knocked me forward.  It hurt, but I was alright.  If Joel or Koshiro would have been hit like that, they would be dead right now.  I hoped Koshiro was still alive.  I don’t know what I would do without her.  I was supposed to keep her safe.  I let my guard down and now she’s lying against the wall like a bag of trash.

I narrowly dodged the next swing from the elite. I tossed my axes down.  The clang of the granite floor echoed in the chamber we were currently in.  I kicked the elite in his left flank, obliterating his ribs on that side. He swung at me with the club once more.  I grabbed it and yanked it from his large hand.  I picked him up with my free hand and choke slammed him on the hard floor.  I heard the demon’s back snap and his limbs went limp from his newfound paralysis.

“Take this, you son of a cunt bastard,” I growled through clenched teeth, then hammered his face like a carpenter pounding a nail into a hard piece of lumber..  The second impact busted his skull and sent gory debris all over the floor and walls.  I continued the hit the mush that was left behind in my rage.

“Chad! Chad! I’m alright,” Koshiro shouted weakly.

An incredible sense of relief blanketed my entire body.  “Thank god.  Are you injured?”

“Yes, but nothing I can’t fix in a few seconds.”

Joel was on his knees beside her, shaking his head.  “I feared the worst when I saw her flying across the room into the wall.  Thank the Nine she survived.  I’m doubtful that I would have.”

“Kitsune bones are flexible, which makes them hard to break.  See, I’m all healed.  Are you alright Chad?”

“Yes, I’m fine.  I’m sorry.  I’m supposed to keep you safe, and I failed.”

“You did no such thing.  I shouldn’t have walked off like I did.  I was angry, and I didn’t pay attention to my surroundings.  This is all my fault,”  Koshiro replied as she embraced me. “My goodness, your heart is pounding.  I’m fine.  Relax.”

“I love you so much. Seeing you getting hit and flying into the wall was too much for me.  If something happened to you, I don’t know what I would do.”

“Well, you won’t have to.  I’m perfectly fine.  Now, let’s get going.  I don’t want to get caught by a surprise attack again.”

I pulled away and nodded.  “We won’t.”

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