Chapter 19: Chapter 19 — What the heck is a willy whopper?

CHAPTER 19

As I awakened the next morning, I was filled with a sense of determination and resolve to do something special for my wives and my new friends, Apple and Cinder. I had set my arcane alarm for an earlier-than-usual wake up time, eager to get a head start on the day’s tasks. As the dawn’s early light filtered through the windows, I sprang into action. I gathered ingredients to prepare a breakfast that would surely delight all those who would eat it.

I collected eggs from the chicken coop, picked fresh berries from the garden, and retrieved some fresh bacon and sausage from the arcane cooler. I also grabbed some flour, sugar, and spices to make a batch of my famous biscuit dough.

With everything I needed at hand, I quickly got to work. I started by preparing the biscuit dough, mixing the dry ingredients together, and then adding in just enough holstaur buttermilk to bring it all together. I kneaded the dough gently, being careful not to overwork it, before shaping it into biscuits and placing them on a baking sheet to rise.  The sweet smell of the yeast made my mouth water.

Next, I turned my attention to the bacon and sausage. I diced the bacon into small pieces and set it aside, then ground the sausage meat in a meat grinder that I had designed. Once the sausage was ground, I formed it into patties and set them aside as well.

With the dough rising and the meat prepared, I turned my attention to the eggs. I cracked a dozen into a bowl and beat them until they were well mixed, then added in a splash of Claire’s delicious holstaur milk and a pinch of salt. I poured the mixture into a large skillet and cooked it over medium heat, stirring constantly to ensure that it cooked evenly.

As the eggs cooked, I fried the bacon and sausage until the meat became crispy and golden brown. I also put the biscuits into the arcane oven to bake.

After what seemed like an eternity of eager anticipation, the breakfast was finally ready. With the utmost care and attention to detail, I expertly assembled the plates for each of the five gorgeous women with sizable portions of eggs, bacon, sausage, and biscuits. To add a touch of finesse, I scattered a sprinkle of fragrant herbs over the top of the dishes and presented them with a garnish.  I felt an immense sense of pride in the delicious meal that I had created for them.

The breakfast was met with great reviews, with everyone present expressing their fervent gratitude and admiration for my culinary abilities. Their heartfelt thanks and praise filled me with a sense of contentment and joy, knowing that my wives and friends had thoroughly enjoyed the meal that I had prepared with my genius level cooking skills.

******

As the gorgeous ranger grasped the doorknob to the restaurant, I inquired about her intentions. “Are you leaving, Apple?”

Apple nodded. “I really need to get back. I’ve overstayed my welcome, I fear,” she said, expressing her self-consciousness about her prolonged stay.

“Nonsense, you just got here yesterday. Please don’t feel you have to go,” I said, expressing my desire for her to stay.

Apple smiled gently and shook her head, reaffirming her decision to leave. “I think I need to go. I’ve got some stuff to do, anyway. I’ll drop by in a couple of days. I’ve been wanting to try your blue waffles I’ve heard so much about,” she said, expressing her curiosity about the restaurant’s signature dish.

“Yeah, they are sticky and sweet.  You’ll love them,” I replied with a grin.

“For fuck's sakes Chad, stop flirting with the girl,” Koshiro scoffed.

I smirked and shrugged. “I’m not flirting.  I was just describing the delicious waffles.  Don’t listen to Koshiro.  She’s wrong most of the time.”

The kitsune’s eyes widened and punched me in the arm with a surprising level of ferocity.  I winced and smiled at Apple.  “She abuses me too.  You just saw it. “

Apple giggled.  “I’m going to leave before I get you into any more trouble.  Thanks again for the breakfast and for saving my life.  I appreciate it.”

I waved off the comment. “Rescue is my middle name.  Chad Rescue Stone.”

“Gods, Chad’s jokes are extra bad this morning,” Koshiro hissed.

Apple gave me one last look that made my heart skip a beat. Then she walked out the door, ringing the little bell over the top.  Was I flirting with the girl?  Maybe I had been.  She was beautiful.  That’s for damn sure.  

Muni plopped down in the chair closest to me and smiled.  She was looking particularly gorgeous this morning.  “Hey doll face.”

The blue-haired cat girl raised a brow.  “Doll face?  That’s a new one.”

“You don’t like that term of endearment?  It means pretty...you know, like a doll’s face.  I guess.”

“I’ll take your word for it.  What are your plans for today?  Are you going to stay in the kitchen or work on the farm?”

“I’m going to check out the progress on the farm.  I’ve been hearing excellent reviews of Claire’s cooking.  She may take over permanently if I’m not careful.”

“Psh, that’s sweet of you to say, but you’re the only genius level chef in the region... maybe the country.  You’ve got great job security.”

“That’s good to know.  I’d hate for you girls to fire me.”

“We won’t fire you.  We would just tie you up and spank you...violently. Reeeooow,” Muni slapped the table, then my thigh.

“A violent spanking sounds delightful.”

Koshiro slammed the salt and pepper shakers on the table nearest to me in frustration. “Can someone please get to work?  Am I the only responsible person around here?”

I considered Koshiro’s suggestion and agreed that it was a good idea. “You’re right. Let me go see Jamison and Malthar on the farm,” I said, outlining my plan to visit the farm. I headed towards the door and stopped, raising my index finger as an idea occurred to me. “Why don’t you girls show Cinder the ropes here? Train her to be a waitress if she likes. That would free another person up to learn how to cook,” I suggested.

Koshiro responded positively to my suggestion. “I think that’s an excellent idea,” she said.

I expressed my surprise at her quick agreement. “You do?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t I?” Koshiro replied.

I teased her with a deadpan remark. “You’re Koshiro,” I said, implying that I had expected her to resist the idea.

Koshiro’s cheeks reddened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

I shrugged and backtracked. “Nothing, I was just expecting some resistance when I suggested Cinder work here,” I said with a dash of regret.

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“She has no one. Her family is in the underworld. We are the only people that the poor girl knows,” she said, explaining the circumstances that made Cinder’s situation unique.

I nodded in agreement. “I guess it’s settled then. Do you have an extra uniform?”

Muni stood up from the table, ready to take action. “Yes, she can use one of mine. I think we’re the same size.” 

I nodded in victory. “’Good! Then go give her a tour of the joint, and I’ll meet you guys back here later.”

Muni agreed. “Sounds good to me.”

******

As the owner of a new, growing farm, I had always prided myself on my ability to anticipate and solve problems. But when my hard-working lizardkin employee, Jamison, approached me with news of a new threat to our crops, I have to admit it stumped me.

“Boss, we’ve got a problem with the crops,” he said, looking worried.

“What is it?” I asked, immediately concerned.

“It’s the wooly whoppers,” Jamison replied. “They’ve been coming around at night and eating the vegetables. It’s been happening for a few days now, and it’s starting to really cut into our yield. It’s getting to the point where we’re barely breaking even.”

I raised a brow in confusion. “What in the hell is a wooly whopper?” 

“Malthar, killed one that was hanging around the farm,”  Jamison began waving at the drow. “Malthar, bring over that wooly whopper.  Chad hasn’t seen one before.”

Malthar pulled out something brownish green from a bucket and darted over.  The thing looked kind of like a rabbit/beaver hybrid.  It wasn’t an attractive beast at all. 

“That thing is ugly.  What crops are they after?”

Jamison cleared his throat and looked over at the field of carrots.  “They love carrots mainly, but they have been in the lettuce field as well.”

I grabbed the beaver-looking tail of the wooly whopper and lifted it to my line of sight.  Blood poured from its mouth unexpectedly and I retched. 

“How can we stop them?” I asked.

Jamison shrugged. “I’ve tried setting up fences and traps, but they always seem to find a way through. They’re hard to spot during the day, too, since they blend in so well with the ground. I think the only way to really get rid of them is to hunt them down and kill them, but that’s easier said than done.”

I knew that Jamison was right. I couldn’t afford to let the wooly whoppers continue to damage my crops, but I also couldn’t afford to waste time and resources chasing after elusive creatures that might not even be caught. I needed to come up with a plan, and fast.

Malthar raised his hand, adopting the posture of a student seeking recognition from their teacher. “I have a suggestion.”

“Let’s hear it,” I eagerly replied.

“I asked around my village and a couple of men mentioned the plant–jude lily. The wooly whoppers will avoid those plants like the plague.  That’s what they said at least,” Malthar shrugged.

This new information piqued my curiosity. “Did they have any success using the jude lily?” I inquired, seeking further details on the effectiveness of this potential solution.

Malthar nodded. “They said it worked like a charm. The wooly whoppers avoided the fields with the jude lily and went elsewhere for their meals. It might be worth a try on your farm, Chad.”

“I appreciate the suggestion, Malthar. Thank you for the information. This gives us something to think about.”

Malthar nonchalantly waved a hand, dismissing the gratitude. “No problem, Chad. Anything to help. What do you think, Jamison?”

“Jude lily? Interesting, I’ve never heard that that was a deterrent.  However, I’ve had no issues with wooly whoppers before either.  I was just a simple, stable hand before Chad came along and offered me this wonderful job.  I’ll go to get some now. Barnabas sells the plants at his shop, if I’m not mistaken.”

I nodded in agreement with the lizardkin’s suggestion, expressing my willingness to follow their guidance. “You guys are the experts. I’ll try whatever you two want,” I assured them. “Are these plants harmful to other people or animals? I don’t want Henegar getting sick or worse,” I added, expressing my concern for the safety of those around me.

“No, they shouldn’t harm anything else or anyone else.  I say we plant them on each corner of the lettuce and carrot fields.”

“I’m on it,” Jamison replied while walking toward the town proper.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Malthar asked.

“No.  Prepare the spots to plant the jude lily when I return. I’m hoping this works.”

I confidently declared that this was a good plan. “I’ll help you plant the jude lilies when you get back,” I offered. “Maybe this will work and keep the whoppers away,” I added, expressing my hope that our efforts would be successful in deterring the pesky creatures.

Besides planting the jude lily, Malthar also set up a series of live traps around the farm. The traps were designed to catch the wooly whoppers without harming them, and he planned to release any whoppers that were caught back into the wild.

I was grateful for Malthar’s help and expertise. He had been in the farming business for many years and had a wealth of knowledge. I knew that his live traps would be an effective way to catch the wooly whoppers without causing them any harm.

We spent the next few hours setting up the live traps around the farm. It was a lot of work, but we were determined to find a solution to the problem. As we worked, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of camaraderie with Malthar and Jamison. It was nice to have someone to share the workload with and to bounce ideas off of.

Finally, everything was set up, and we were ready to see if our plan would work. Malthar baited the traps with carrots, lettuce, and some over-ripened fruit.  The blue-leaved jude lily had a very distinct smell to it.  It wasn’t a foul smell to me, but I hoped it was a terrible smell to these willy whoppers.

Early the next morning, to our delight, our plan had been a success. All the crops were unharmed, and we caught three of the willy whoppers in Malthar’s traps. 

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