Chapter 10: 2.4

Chapter 2: Great things are not done by impulse, but a series of small things brought together.

Translated by 64990022
Edited by Fen01lalune

 

Chapter 2: Great things are not done by impulse, but a series of small things brought together.

 

Part 4

 

 

“Hmm” mused Sensei.

 

The following week, after school. Across the desk, my homeroom teacher, Yoshioka-sensei scowled at me, then at the printout once more. The title of the printout read, “Career aspiration”. 

 

“I know that You want to go to an art university in Tokyo… But have you decided on your specific dream for your future?”

 

“Yes,” I replied, “I like oil paintings, so I want to major in it. I also wish to make a living with it.”

 

Of all times, the school decided to hold a student-teacher meeting now. For the past record, the meeting did nothing but worsen my depressed state. The discomfort was because of the fact that I had never received a positive response to my future plans. 

 

“From your personality, you might not like what I am going to say… but as an educator, I need to say this. Art schools are bound to have two to three dropouts every year, even if you could manage it, it doesn’t mean that you could be a painter. Only a handful of people made it. To be honest, I don’t recommend it,” claimed Yoshioka-sensei.

 

Yoshioka-sensei was a biology teacher. Despite being outside his field of expertise, his statements weren’t wrong. But to me, who had already done a lot of research on my career path, it was a fact that I had already accepted a long time ago. I clenched my fists. Even though I had already expressed my passion, he had flatly rejected my resolve, my dream of pursuing a career in this field. 

 

“I know Kashiwazaki has more achievements, but you are not far behind, and you have the confidence. However, Maimori is a small town, being confident just because you draw better than most people is no different than a frog in the well. There will come a day when you will be pummeled by the wider world. Do you still wish to advance on that path?”

 

“I do.”

 

He sighed, “Being stubborn is not going to take you anywhere, you know?”

 

“I’m not being stubborn. This is just who I am.” I locked my stare to his. 

 

After exchanging stares for about five seconds, the stern-faced Sensei suddenly relaxed, his expressions softened.

 

“I already thought you would say that. You sure are adamant,” said Yoshioka-sensei, unable to keep amusement from his voice. He swept his pen over the printout, writing comments somewhat happily. “I haven’t talked to your parents yet, so I don’t know what they think about your future plans. However, if you fail to get into your desired university, whether you will be a ronin, or whether you are considering technical school, in these cases, you need to convince your parents. At such times, having a way with words will be important. You are quite persuasive and have a lot of achievements, right? But if you can present your future aspirations in a more concrete manner, it will be easier for me to support you.”

[TN: Ronin, term for graduates who failed to enter a school at the next level, and consequently is studying outside of the school system for entrance in a future year.

 

Compared to past records, that response was good enough, so I obediently nodded in agreement. 

 

“If you want to go to an art university, then you need to prepare for the practical exam fast. You are almost in your third year now, right? Face your dreams and consider things you need to do.”

 

“I will,” I nodded.

 

I believed I had been taking this seriously, yet why did adults around me only see it as a childish dream? Shoulders slumped, I left the room and headed straight to the art club.  There was no activity today, but several members were present, each of them painting. I made my way to the easel holding my canvas, put on my apron to prevent the paint from staining my uniform, and dipped my brush into the paint. 

 

Colors, shape, and shades, you cannot paint unless you could envision where these elements were to be. I drew a breath. I stroked my brush. Carefully, carefully. I might be repetitive about this, but I put my love into every piece I paint. I ran my brush over the canvas, the painting taking shape, coming closer to completion. Yuri’s painting I covered was still as it was, still awaiting its creator. Naturally, every member of the art club, Hiiragi-sensei included, were all eager to see it completed.

 

But no matter how I urged her to draw, she always refused, one way or another. According to her, “This painting is no longer fun to draw.”.  I tightened my grip on the paintbrush. What’s wrong with you? There’s no way someone who couldn’t even finish a painting could make a living of it.

[TN: Sousuke, I heard that Da Vinci didn’t finish lots of paintings] 

 

Of course, I could imagine her face as she said, “I don’t intend to make a living as an artist in the first place.”. My hands trembled. I didn’t think someone who left their work unfinished could be a decent member of society!

 

…Damn you. I was the one who drew more painting, I was the one who put in more effort.

 

 Why was it Yuri who received all the attention? 

 

Why was it her that got all the praise!?

 

…Why!!!

 

“Uh, Sousuke, why do you seem on edge?” 

 

“Did I look like that?”

 

“Aura of anger is flooding this room, and it came from you.” 

 

Wait. That comment could only come from one person…

 

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“Yuri!?”

 

With a start, my head snapped up. 

 

As I gaped, Yuri said, “Don’t be so loud, I would be in trouble if Hiiragi-sensei finds out. I went out of my way to find a day that there’s no club activity, you know?”

 

Huh? My eyes swept the room; the other club members were already gone.

 

Pouting, Yuri examined my painting. She was not the type to criticize other people’s drawing, much less giving pointers, but I was anxious about what she might think of my work.

 

“Um, Sousuke, why are you usually drawing with a frown?” she asked, her eyes still on the painting.

 

“W-why, you say… It’s quite painful when you are giving birth to something, right?” I parried.

 

I thought it was decent for a spur-of-the-moment answer, perhaps a bit curt. 

 

Yuri tilted her head, then professed nonchalantly, “Hmph, that sounds difficult. Whatever the purpose, I only thought about whether I am enjoying it or not.”

 

I didn’t really understand what she meant, but what she said displayed our difference in class. She, a genius, I, an ordinary person. My eyes became hot. When did it start? When did I start prioritizing surpassing Yuri over having fun. When did my source of determination come from frustration, from my grudge against Yuri? I felt like screaming. Tears started collecting in my eyes. 

 

“So that’s how geniuses think? Good for you. You can draw anything with ease, win awards as much as you like, like it was nothing.” I shuddered. “Has art ever worried you!?”

 

Sometimes you become sober the moment you put those emotions into words. This time too, I regained my calmness just after I foolishly revealed my jealousy. 

 

Eek! The realization hit me. That was totally presumptuous. At best, she would look at me in contempt…

 

I turned away in embarrassment, but her ultramarine blue eyes did not let me go. I cowered under her piercing gaze, as if she was judging me. 

 

“…You have no idea of the pressure of having to draw nothing less than a masterpiece… nor the pressure of having to come up with an awe-inspiring concept. Despite you understanding none of that, you still…” 

[TN:The text in italics were inaudible to Sousuke]

 

Yuri’s whispers were barely audible, the only thing I could make sense of was  “…Pressure…Despite you…”

 

“Sorry, what did you say?” There was no way I could piece together what she meant by those three words.

 

But when I asked her back, that piercing gaze earlier was nowhere to be seen. Instead, she placed her hand on my shoulder in an aloof manner. 

 

“I didn’t say anything? I didn’t come here to paint, I just wanted to check on you.”

 

“Wait? What do you mean?” 

 

She turned on her heels and said, “I meant it as it is. Now that I have seen your face, I’m going home, see you later.” 

 

“Wait, Yuri!” I rose and gave chase. But at that moment Sugawara-senpai entered.

 

“Eh!? What was that? So you two are really like that!?” she gasped.

 

I frowned. “How could you show up at the worst possible time again…” Then I remembered. “No, I was the one who asked you to come here… Well, I’ll repeat again, there’s no way I and Yuri are dating. I’m not interested in her as a girl.”

 

People like Senpai, who were neither too far nor too close, always found teasing our relationship funny. I ran my hand through my hair and then beckoned Senpai to sit. Today, I invited senpai over for the painting for the Kouji exhibit. 

 

“Sousuke, you look a bit down. Do you want to talk about it?” said Senpai, concerned.

 

Those kind words were effective on my weakened spirit. The next thing I noticed was that I had asked Senpai for advice.

 

“I’m a bit unsure about my future… You plan to go to Tokyo immediately after high school, right? Have you thought about getting a degree first?”

 

“Hmm. I haven’t thought about it at– all.” She flung her head back, staring at the ceiling. “My parents and homeroom teachers advised me to take the entrance examination, saying that it would be better to have something to back me up in case things didn’t go well. Insurance, you could say that. But I don’t need insurance. I only see a vision of success. If your passion matches your talent, what’s left to worry about?”

 

How she answered without a moment’s hesitation gave me goosebumps. I realized how frightening it was to see people who were aware of their talents, set goals, and pushed forward. 

 

She was so cool. If I were some manager, then I wouldn’t hesitate to hire her on the spot. She was someone that you could trust to do the job.

 

“But… Well, you are not talented like me nor Yuri, so continue worrying, young man.” She patted my head, shattering my hope.

 

“Why do I get the feeling that you would say that?” I sighed. Senpai giggled as I failed to brush away her hand on my head. 

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