Chapter 37: Chapter 35

Garthrust, the scarred Orc priest from the Dearth Conglomerate was approaching in the road, flanked on either side by two armed BlueCleave hobbs. One of them was Tollya, and she was glaring at the priest, hard. 

He raised his arms as he walked toward us and reached out to me.

“Tyson! I like what you’ve done with the place.” A stump of a tusk jutted from his scarred lip at me as he spoke. “You’ve even gathered more guests. Gives this affiliate a real sense of . . .” there his lip curled. “Legitimacy.”

I put a hand on Phyllis’ arm as I walked by, removing it quickly to avoid being burned. Still, she looked at me and nodded, and the cannon reverted into a metal hand. “Thank you for the kind words . . .” I paused and put my hands on my hips. “What do I call you? Priest?”

He sneered. “No difference to me if you do. Foolish to forget a name.”

I blinked. “Or just busy, sheesh. I meet so many new people lately. Very well, Valued Guest it is. Welcome back to the Happy Trails Campground, now Silken Sands. I do hope you’ve an appointment this time, I am so looking forward to showing you our hospitality.” I stopped and stared him in the eyes. “We’re very serious about our hospitality here.”

“Not guest, Garthrust.” He blinked at me a few times, looking at Phyllis and the hobbs. “My name is Garthrust.”

I smiled and nodded. “Oh, of course, Valued Garthrust. How can I help you today, Valued Garthrust?”

His eyes narrowed and he glared at me. I maintained my very best robot butler routine and smiled politely at him. I enjoyed that my normal customer service routine was enough to throw this thug from his natural ability to intimidate others, and I leaned into it, hard.

“I, uh, have an appointment.” He waved a hand at Molls’ Lincoln and started to move toward it.

I took a quick step to the side and smiled again. “Oh, I am so sorry, our priest is unavailable today, something came up. Unexpected but unavoidable situation, we’ll make sure she reaches out to reschedule at her earliest convenience.”

Garthrust moved to step past me, and I blocked him again, waving the BlueCleave hobbs forward. The Orc stopped and stared at me. He stepped closer and moved directly into my face. I held a hand out for the BlueCleave to hold back and smiled back at the Orc in my face. “Move, servant!” He growled in my face.

“No, Valued Garthrust.” I kept a chipper tone in my voice and grinned openly at him. “I have my duties to perform. As you say, I am a servant.” Then I stopped smiling and stared directly into his milky eye, to further infuriate him. “Take another step if you’d like to see what my duties require of me. Please.” I squeezed my hands into fists at my sides, and the smile slowly crept back onto my face as the Orc priest stared in confused fury. Then he noticed the armed hobbs at his back and relaxed with a barked laugh that sprayed spittle into my face.

I continued smiling and wiped it away without blinking, before returning to my staring contest with the Orc. He had already lost though, and it seemed like he knew it, as he physically retreated a step to complain. “Not very professional to break an appointment last minute. I may have to leave an unfavorable review.”

“Unavoidable, I suppose, on both accounts.” I stepped forward aggressively and grabbed Garthrust’s hand. He tried to pull back, but I clenched my hands and held on, dragging him into a handshake. “Silken Sands would like to apologize, Valued Garthrust. If you need to take it out on the reviews section, I fully understand.”

He scowled and yanked his hand away. This time I let him. He blinked rapidly and looked between the gathered people surrounding him. Phyllis flexed her mech's fist, and Tollya racked her SPAZ-12 shotgun. Garthrust turned to stare at me again, and I met his gaze with my steady smile. He faltered, eyes narrowing as he took another step back from me and adjusted his robes. “And what happened, to so rudely cancel an appointment?”

Tollya scowled and grunted. “Not her fault. We were attacked.”

Garthrust turned and smiled at me. “Were you? How unfortunate. Are you even capable of defending this priest in your care?”

I lifted my chin and straightened my shoulders. “We’re still here, in spite of cowardly attempts on our lives that will not go unanswered.”

The Orc’s eyes narrowed at me. “See that she reschedules.” With that, he stormed away. “Or perhaps I’ll have to report an unsuitable location to The Church missions board.”

The hobbs immediately assumed their positions behind him, and Phyllis started moving in that direction too. I jogged to catch up, walking briskly alongside Garthrust. He glared at me, and I said nothing. Just smiled my customer service smile and stared back at him. The priest didn’t want to keep my gaze, and turned away, shaking his head. We marched through the campground to the front gates, which had been significantly overhauled since last time I saw them.

The mud-crete wall extended over the main entrance, with a single large portal installed to allow entrance. The old entrance and exit gates were torn down and lay in piles at the side of the construction site. A new gate had taken their place, a wider version of the metal gate protecting Mr. Sada’s driveway. I could hear vehicles rumbling on the other side of the gates and see the rest of the convoy on the road just past the gates, because the wall was not complete. It ended just past the gates, and a pile of construction materials were heaped there.

Garthrust began turning to walk to the edge of the wall, and I moved to block him with another wide smile. I extended an arm toward the gate instead. “Right this way, Valued Garthrust.”

He glared and stumbled, grabbing his robes with an Orcish curse. We walked on the road to the gate, and I stood by as the hobbs moved to swing it open. It took two on either side, but the slab of metal parted in the center, and opened enough to let the Orc priest out. That same convoy of armored vehicles was present, but the Toyota at the end was missing this time. Probably blown up and left to burn out front of Mr. Sada’s gate, then sold to BuyMort by some ornery ravens.

There was definitely a tank this time. I looked closely, and while several of the vehicles had smaller turrets, one of them bore a significantly sized version. I looked closer and noticed it was also hovering above the ground a few inches, a pad of distorted air beneath it. 

Garthrust walked to the vehicle in front of it, looked back at us in confusion while I waved cheerily, and then climbed aboard. They rolled out in a small cloud of dust, a mix of mercenaries visible through windows and manning turrets.

Phyllis let out a huff and turned away. “I’m going to go watch television dear, let me know if you need anything.” She waved a metallic arm and clanked her way back to her deck. As the vehicles rumbled away in the road toward Prescott, I got a pop up from BuyMort, notifying me that our affiliate had its first review.

“One out of five stars. Confusing customer service. Manager seems possibly insane. Unclear what affiliate even sells or makes. Fake business!”

I chuckled. Fuck you too Garthrust. We’ll work this out someday soon. 

I just needed to figure out what to do about that tank. Maybe it would be just as simple as siccing Phyllis on it, but something about its armor made me doubt that. It looked different than the other vehicles. Far sturdier. 

For the meantime, the threat of the church would keep him and the Dearth Conglomerate at bay. As I stared at the unfinished wall, I realized for the first time since I had arrived that the goblin work crew was missing.

When I turned to find a hobb, Tollya was there waiting, in her helmet, staring at me. “Oh, good. Hi Tollya, I need to talk to Rayna. You know where she is?”

Tollya nodded and pointed across the campground, in the direction of Mr. Sada’s mansion. I nodded and began looking for the golf cart. It had been parked near the mobile office that was still in place beside the raven’s grove. A hobb still wielding an older AK-47 was guarding the vehicle for me, and I nodded at him as I approached. He left the moment I sat down in the golf cart, which made me realize I needed to be careful about where I left this thing in the future. I also didn’t want to be wasting the hobbs’ time guarding stuff I could just put away.

I drove to Mr. Sada’s and parked in the garage, after being let in and out of the gates separating us. As soon as I had it plugged in to charge, I went looking for Mr. Sada’s hidden power source. How he managed to have power and water while the rest of us went without was something I was tired of not knowing. 

You are reading story BuyMort: Rise of the Windowpuncher – How I Became the Accidental Warlord of Arizona. Apocalyptic GameLit at novel35.com

The first room I searched was the garage, but nothing out of the ordinary was apparent, so I began searching the rest of the place. I started outside, walking the mud-crete barricade, and looking at every single item and building wall. Nothing stood out, aside from a small device in the pool. It looked like it might be a robotic pool cleaner, but on closer inspection had arms that looked an awful lot like pipes. Then I noticed how low the pool was and blinked. The pool was sizable, but it was clearly down almost a foot in depth already.

Mr. Sada had been using his pool’s water to shower in and drink. I had used his shower just that morning. I shook my head and hoped that little machine filtered pretty seriously as well as pumped as I walked away. On my way by, I stopped in at the mordren’s shed.

The hobb guard nodded at me as I walked past but held his position while I peeked around the corner of the shed. Doofus was back, hanging out with the awake mordren, who was casually running his cast across the dog’s back. Doofus seemed to love the scratches and was thumping his leg happily against the mordren’s hip. The mordren was stoned, clearly, and still didn’t move very easily, but he had a dopey smile on his reptilian features, and he seemed to be without much pain. Doofus was also clearly loving the company, so I left without disturbing either of them.

I continued my search in Mr. Sada’s house, looking for how he managed to keep the lights on. The basement was clear of everything except the giant metal hatch to the Sleem’s lair, and the pallets of goblin d’jhz that were stored there. With no gobbs to manage, Hord was nowhere to be seen.

Moving upstairs, I wandered into Mr. Sada’s room after passing Hord in the hallway. My boss was watching TV and lounging in his bed, exactly where I expected him to be. “Oh, hey Tyson, you get that whole bird thing squared away?”

“Yes Mr. Sada, that shouldn’t happen again. I get the distinct feeling that they sold all the bodies and vehicle wrecks from last night, cause the BlueCleave hobbs mentioned that scavenger birds often do that with BuyMort. This also felt like it was pretty expensive, so I suspect the ravens don’t have a lot of money left for stuff like mercenary takeovers.” I spoke absently while I inspected the rooms windows. Each of them had a strange sticker on the glass, with a thin tail that led to a small white box plugged into the outlet. Each sticker was the size of a fingernail, and the tails were all hair thin. The box itself was hand held and would easily fit in a pocket. “Mr. Sada, what is this?”

He glanced over and blinked a few times. “Oh, that’s my solar. Bought it off BuyMort day one, knew we would lose power.”

I blinked again and looked at the device and stickers closer. “This tiny little thing powers your whole house? Plus the AC?” He had it running again, of course. Weirdo lived in the desert and liked his house to be freezing.

He crossed his legs and nodded, sinking deeper into relaxation. “Yep! Pricey, but worth it.” Mr. Sada reached the remote and changed the psychic TV’s channel. The news station he liked began playing again, telling us about the recent Sleem infestation in remote parts of Arizona. “I got a little water robot for the pool too. Should treat it like a cistern and just refill when it rains. You want ‘em when I leave? Cut ya a deal.”

I looked at him, expecting to be angry again. His face was just so sincere that I couldn’t be mad at him. He genuinely couldn’t think beyond his own needs to the campground or his guests. My guests. “Yeah, Mr. Sada. That’d be great.” I stood to leave but snapped as I remembered the goblins. “Hey what happened to our gobb workforce?”

Mr. Sada scoffed from the bed. “Little bastards got to leave when we got taken over. Apparently, it’s a clause in their contract, and the mercs all honor it. Guess it’s more trouble than it’s worth to try and manage goblins on top of everything else a violent takeover requires. Canceled our contract and we lost the pay for it.”

I sighed. “Well shit, we need 'em back. They gotta finish up the walls, and we still have all the materials.”

“My walls are done, I dunno what the fuck you’re talkin’ about.” Mr. Sada chewed on a thumbnail and stared at the TV. “You hear about these Sleem things? Seems like they’re everywhere, they haven’t showed one yet though. Wonder what they look like.”

“Yeah, jackass, that’s the slimes in your basement. It’s probably all our fault for housing them here, we probably caused this entire infestation.” The tv screen showed an aerial view of Prescott, and a large ball of slime was visible rolling through one of the streets. Land wasps rushed into the camera view as the ball of slime rolled forward. More smaller slimes followed it, and the two forces clashed.

The female orc host giggled and intentionally shook her breasts with the movement. “Wow Vicsor. Looks like a rough night in Prescott, huh?”

Vicsor, the male Nah’gh host, eyed the camera seriously and nodded, while shuffling the papers on his desk.

“Anyway!” I shouted to get his attention. “Can you get the gobbs back, please? We need this wall finished. I don’t have the morties, just use the affiliate.”

“Well, the affiliate is all my morties, how much is this gonna cost?” He whined.

“Mr. Sada.” I said, pointing at the TV. It showed a war in the streets of Prescott, between the Sleem and the land wasps. The Sleem were winning, easily, consuming the poor dumb insects and shrugging off their claws and stingers. “We need to protect the guests from that. Protect our priest from that. We lose her, we lose the church. We lose the church, we lose the entire campground and probably our heads to the Dearth Conglomerate. I’m gonna refill it later anyway, don’t worry. You’ll get your money.”

Mr. Sada stared at me for a minute, and then sighed and began swiping at the air in front of his face. “I liked it better when you didn’t talk back so much, Tyson.”

“Yeah, I bet. We’re partners now, not employee employer anymore.” I crossed my arms over the starfish suit and frowned seriously.

He met my gaze but cracked almost at once and broke into a grin. “Yeah, yeah partner. I’ll get the gobbs back, stop worrying so much. Anything else?” he leered.

I sighed in relief and shook my head. “No, just that for now. We have food downstairs if you want some. I’m gonna take off now. Got some work to do.” I said, turning to leave.

“Awesome, we can work out a price for the solar later. I won’t gouge you too badly.” He laughed from his position on the bed.

My head shook automatically as I left, and when I passed Hord in the hallway, he stood to close the door behind me. I stopped and watched, then decided to talk to him. “Hord, what do you plan to do after Mr. Sada leaves?”

The gray alien blinked his oversized eyes at me before answering. “Hord bodyguard. Go with. Contract not up.”

My eyes widened a little, and I nodded. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Well, let me know if you change your mind. You can work here with me.” I hesitated, then met his eyes and reached out my hand. “I am sorry for how I treated you when you first arrived.”

Hord stared at my extended hand and blinked. “You boss. Hord wrong before.” Then he shook his head and waved his hands. “No sorry.”

“No Hord, I was wrong. I struck you. I won’t do that again if you choose to work here.” I kept my hand level, and the alien kept looking between it and my face. After a few seconds, he placed his hand gently into my own and I shook it lightly. “Thank you. Call if you need me.”

Hord blinked rapidly and nodded. “Yes boss.”

I flinched at that but smiled at him and turned to leave. Didn’t want to confuse him with my passing guilt any more than I had to. There were Sleem to manage, against the direct wishes of my boss, so I left Hord in his hallway and went to go find Rayna. This time I left the golf cart plugged into its charger. I was in no rush and that thing was low.

 

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