Chapter 19: 13.1 | Coming Out

Chloe

Feb 15, 2014, Saturday.

We are silent the entire trip back home.

My hands tremble as I tug the jacket wrapped around my body. A bouncer gave it to me after the incident, and I find it comforting to curl under it. Wherever that was exposed, whatever was touched, is now hidden from the world.

RJ sits close to me, my backpack on her lap and a protective arm draped across my shoulders. The usual intensity in her eyes is multiplied tenfold, keeping every other passenger on the train a good distance from us. When we reach the train station near my house, her guiding hand on my shoulder remains even as we trudge home, not a single word uttered between us.

It is still early in the evening, so my mother is not home yet. As I step into the living room, I glance at RJ.

"Thanks for bringing me home," I mutter, breaking the silence. "You- You don't have to come in lah."

She enters the flat anyway. Taking off her shoes, she winces in pain, and that is when I notice her injuries.

"Your hand!" I gasp. Hurrying to the cabinet, I pull out a first aid kit. "Why didn't you tell me sia? Come, sit down and let me wrap it up for you."

"Don't worry about it lah."

I rush back to her side and pull her to the couch. Her knuckles are bloody and skinned, and the gory sight stabs me in the chest.

"What do you mean don't worry?" I protest with a soft whimper. "Look at this lah... You shouldn't be endangering yourself just to..." I trail off, knowing that I am the reason RJ is hurt right now.

"This is nothing lah." RJ's scowl deepens as she adds with a growl, "Nothing compared to what that guy did to you."

My stomach churns. I avoid her furious gaze and focus on dabbing her injury with an alcohol wipe.

"Thank you... for saving me," I whisper.

Her hand clenches up in mine. A vein pops up on her wrist, and I am afraid that she will reopen her injury.

"How did that bastard even get in there anyway?" she growls.

"Mang—" I notice the growing glare in RJ's eyes and stop myself from saying the name. "A- A colleague let him in..."

"Who?" RJ demands.

"Not telling you lah. Later you end up beating up more people."

"Tell me. I want to beat up more people. Whoever that fucker is, I want to permanently ruin his fucking face."

"RJ," I chide exasperatedly.

RJ looks away from me. Her jaw clenches and I can see the jut in her chin. She has always been fierce, but I have never seen her this furious. She looks like she is about to take someone's life.

I sigh. "Clementine will handle it one lah. She- She told me she will question everyone and then decide on a punishment. And she's also giving me the day off today and tomorrow as compensation."

"That's not good enough."

I let out yet another sigh. I don't think there is any way to calm RJ down, so I drop the conversation and focus on wrapping up her hand with bandages.

"Done." Pushing myself up from the couch, I put the first aid kit back. "Have you eaten dinner yet? Want anything to eat or drink?"

There is a slight pause before RJ says, "No need lah."

I find that hard to believe, so I trot over to the kitchen to grab a large bag of milk bread and two cups of tropical punch juice. When I return, RJ's expression is still hardened with anger, and she averts her head as I approach.

"I already said no need," she mutters.

"You have to eat something lah." Setting the cups on the table, I push the milk bread towards her, but she pushes it back.

"I don't want to eat this."

"What do you want to eat then?"

RJ does not respond, so I push the loaf towards her again. "Just eat this for now lah. I'll cook something else later."

Once again, she tosses the bag back to me. "I'll buy something for myself later. Keep this for yourself."

I cannot help but chuckle. "Are you trying to help me save money or something? It's just bread, RJ. I'm poor but not that poor. Eat it lah."

"I'm not letting you spend a single cent on me until you're done with your stupid job."

"RJ, you ran away from home. You're broke now too."

"At least I'm not fucking working at a shady ass bar full of perverts."

I flinch, both at her statement and her tone. My voice begins to shake. "Why are you like this? You said you wouldn't judge me anymore."

Guilt flashes across RJ's face. "I'm not judging you. I just hate that you're working there."

"That's literally judging me," I snap. The plastic around the milk bread is now taut with tension as my fists tighten around it. "I want to work at Tropic Falls, okay?"

"Why? A man almost raped you there, Chloe."

"That doesn't happen normally."

"I don't even like what happens normally lah!"

"What do you even think happens normally? I just serve drinks, RJ."

"They touch you."

"Over my clothes!"

"And why do you think that's okay?"

"Why are you all up in my business?"

RJ grits her teeth as she glares at me. "Can you just stop being so money-face and quit this stupid fucking job?"

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"I'm not money-face!" I yell as tears sting my eyes. "I told you already, I need the money! You grew up rich so you don't know what it's like, okay? In fact, you're homeless right now because you chose to be lor! I didn't choose for my mother to be sick!"

Silence falls between us. Even as tears blur my vision, I can see the regret rising on RJ's face. I blink my tears away and turn away from her. I hate that I still have to argue with RJ about this. I thought she understood my situation. I thought she understood me.

When RJ speaks, her voice is a strained whisper. "I'm sorry, Chloe."

I am still facing away from her, but I feel her soft thumb wiping the tears away from my cheeks.

"I'm really sorry," she continues. "I was just... I don't know lah, I shouldn't have said all that. I'm sorry. I promise I won't judge you anymore, okay? I'm sorry."

We sit in silence for a long time. Finally, RJ grabs the packet from my hands and opens it. She tears a few pieces of milk bread and feeds them to me before she places a cup of juice in my hands.

"Drink up," she orders softly.

I take a few gulps and then glance at her. She gives me a wry, apologetic smile as she takes a few sips of her own as well. A mix of emotions swirls inside me. I'm upset about RJ screaming and cursing at me, but I understand how she feels. I don't even like what I do for my job. I've been pushing away my discomfort and only focusing on the salary, the tips, and how it can help me achieve my goals as fast as possible.

And after today, I'm starting to really not like this job...

After a long moment, RJ asks, "Do you really not do anything more than... serve drinks?"

Dread knots inside me and I shift in my seat. There are some things I may do for more money, but she doesn't need to know that. Especially when I don't want her to explode again. "Not- Not much lah," I lie, "not anything for you to worry about, really."

Her scowl returns. "What about kissing? Do you kiss people for money?"

Oh god, I swear this girl can read my mind. This is not good. "W- What kind of question is that sia?" I say, trying to hide my panic with a laugh. "I, um... Well, I don't have to kiss my customers for them to become my regulars, you know? I've been told that I have a very happy and contagious smile, and that's why they like me and choose me as their—"

"Yes, I know you're fucking stunning lah, but don't dodge my question," RJ cuts me off. The poor cup in her hand may break soon. "Do you kiss any of those fuckers at Tropics?"

"W- What kind of kiss do you mean? There's like so many kinds of kisses you can give people, you know? Like a peck on the cheek, or a peck on the forehead, or—"

RJ's injured hand flies to my chin and tilts my head up. And then she plants her lips on mine.

The world freezes around me.

My eyes widen before I let them flutter close. RJ's hand remains on my chin as her tongue spreads my mouth apart. Cold and sweet from the tropical punch juice, it twirls around mine—exploring, invading, battling. I sit there, motionless, as our lips gel, as our tongues dance, as I taste her as much as she's tasting me.

After what seems like forever, she pulls away, giving my lips a little suck before moving away. The puckering sound seems to echo throughout the room.

My eyes blink open, and I find myself staring right into her dark, alluring eyes.

"A kiss like that," she says, her voice as soft and enchanting as her kiss.

I finally remember to breathe. Panting, I keep my shaking hands stable by gripping onto my empty cup as if my life depended on it.

"Y- Yeah..." My voice is raspy from my heavy breathing, but I manage to squeeze words out of my throat. "Uh, I- I mean, no... no. I've never... Your... Yours is so much better..."

RJ presses her tongue against her cheek. "So you do kiss people in the bar?"

"No, I... Well, yeah, but... They're nothing like... like... that. That was..." I trail off, not knowing what I can say to stop my face from combusting.

"Good?"

"Um, yeah... good." So, so good.

RJ lets out a low, throaty laugh. "Of course lah. I'm a good kisser."

I laugh too, but with a nervous shiver. "You- You practice a lot with boys?"

Her eyebrows twitch. "No. I don't kiss boys."

"Oh." Realization dawns on me. Mango's words from more than a week ago ring in my head. A lesbian. "You- You kiss girls?"

"Mmhm."

Memories flood into me. I am suddenly reminded of every interaction RJ has had with Jon, with Logan, with every one of her friends... with me. It answers so many questions I had, so many. My cheeks begin to burn.

"How..." I clear my throat. "How do you know?"

"How do I know what?"

"How do you know... that you... like girls?"

"I just know lor." RJ shrugs as she twirls her cup around. "I don't remember when, but, you know, growing up, I watched all these TV shows and Disney movies and stuff, and there came a time that I realized I didn't care for the prince at all. I wanted the princess instead. And then it just hit me lor."

"Oh." I frown. I try to remember what I felt when watching shows and movies. "Interesting... I- I don't know if I ever think about that sia. I just... I don't know, I watch for the plot?"

RJ raises her eyebrows. Her hand still hovers near my face, and I feel my body burning up in flames thinking of a possible second kiss with her.

"Really? So in a Disney movie, you don't know if you'd rather kiss the prince or the princess?"

My heart is beating out of my chest, but I try my best to think. "I- I don't... I don't really think about kissing. I... I don't know..."

Now my mind is fluttering as crazily as my heart. I'm so confused. Am I weird for not knowing? When RJ just... knows?

"It's okay, it's okay. Everyone's different lah. You don't have to know. Let's break it down, okay? Forget princes or princesses." RJ's eyes flicker downwards. "Do you want to kiss me?"

My heart stops, before rattling wildly against my ribcage.

"Yes," I murmur.

RJ's lips pull upwards into a smirk. Sitting up, she takes my cup from my hands and places both our cups on the coffee table.

"Okay then," she says. She lays her bandaged hand on my neck, while her other hand wraps around my waist, pulling me close.

And she goes in for another kiss.

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A/N: :)))))))) eeek

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