Chapter 12: CHAPTER 12 COLORFUL LOVELIFE

I am pathetic for not confessing to my true love. Sigh… Alas, I can get more pathetic than I am now. Well, the very two girls I was two-timing were actually my true love’s best friends!

If I were to confess my feelings to another person, I’d be three timing at that point!

I am a fucking scum! Why are emotions so volatile and so vulnerable to change? Why do we live with this defect that is too fickle for our own good? I admit to my lack of self-control, but I am not hopeless.

True, I am a two-timing bastard, but I’ll never resort to premarital sex at high school to get that unimaginable spike of dopamine. That’s too much for me.

Fuck, even morals can unpredictably change! I am so fucked up! It is okay that I am two-timing since I didn’t pop their cherry? I wish I could hear myself back then.

The worst I did was masturbate under the bedsheets!

Graduation comes, and like always, my true love was ranked one in the class. Like always, I was ranked two. I breathe in relief I manage to maintain this rank. Another nerd was about to steal it from me. Luckily, I was able to up my game before all was lost.

I recall the third quarter of the year, which really made a number on me. Lots of things come and go. The most memorable part is definitely after my official girlfriend breaks up with me. Why did she even break up with me?

It is not because she realizes I was two-timing her. Thankfully, she doesn’t know I was two-timing one of her best friends. Anyways, the reason for the break up is something else. It is because my whole class realizes that I have a strong crush on a certain someone, my dear secret true love.

This true love I speak of, as the constant rank one of the class, is getting quite an attention lately. While a rank two like me also has some level of popularity, it cannot compare to rank one.

The rumors accumulate, word of mouth circulates, and belief propagates. The gossip of like turns to crush, crush to love, and love to obsession. I ignore the ridicule. What I can’t ignore though is my ‘true love’ suffering.

What I did… was unfriend every one of my classmates on Social Media. Hopefully, that changes things.

After graduation, prom comes. Truthfully, I didn’t expect that. Isn’t should it be final exams first, prom second then graduation last? I attend prom like it doesn’t mean anything. I wear jeans, sneakers, and my nerdiest shirt ever.

I was like a superstar as my classmates surround me. With their stylish coats, sleek pants, and dates, my whole class starts chiding me silly. Suddenly, there was an uproarious roar.

Coming to the venue is my true love in her hoodie and slack pants. Is this destiny at work?

True love, I keep calling her like that in my mind. I have become obsessed with her. Rather than true, this is more of an unrequited love, doesn’t it?

Her boyish strides, that unkempt long hair, and her smug smile— to my eyes, it is beautiful, truly and outrageously. She doesn’t care about the norms. She adheres to her own set of beliefs, she is open and strong. She is admirable.

How in the world can I say to her my feelings?

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You see, I am more afraid of rejection than her. This feeling inside my heart is special, and I don’t want to lose that. What if I do take that step? What if she isn’t as admirable as I imagine? Is she not worth the risk?

So, I take huge strides towards her risking my all. There is conviction in my steps. Reaching her, I hold my hand out. “Do you want to dance?”

She looks at my hand, beautifully smiles at me with her pearly whites, and then…  she... shakes my hand. “Sorry, but I already have a date.”

Looking behind her, I see a familiar face. It was the girl I was having an affair with. This feels terrible. I had a plain love, an affair, and an unrequited love… My love life was a mess.

I force myself to smile. I gaze at the vindictive girl who is giving me that annoying look. She’s my mistress, shadow, and childhood friend. Slowly, her lips open, mouthing the words I dread. ‘Fuck you, three-timer. I am now dating the dream girl of your life. How is that for revenge?’

This is what my love life was like, a very colorful teenage drama.

I hear a snicker on my side. It was my Ex brutally commenting on how miserable I was. “Ha, you deserved that, idiot.”

Since then, I promise myself to live a neet’s lifestyle. Yes, I am aware of how lame my coping mechanism is. I don’t want to glorify it, as self-deception is not really the right way to move on.

Recalling that piece of memory, I realize how laughable that was. It's comedic gold.

I leave the mental world to its own. Opening my eyes, I see Drouot weirdly staring at me. “Excuse me, teacher Drouot?” It is like Drouot is seeing a very strange creature in front of him, which makes me infinitely curious.

Drouot awkwardly coughs. “Agem, ahem!!” He starts rubbing his chest, fixing himself right away. “Young man, do you see this box?”

Showing the strange box idly lying on the table, Drouot rubs his beard sagely. “This is a magic item called Trauma Inhibitor! By activating it, a target will be trapped in a trauma! Its only disadvantage is, the item doesn’t care about your privacy. This item works very well for the recent magic discipline I was offhandedly researching!”

Disadvantage? Privacy? Recent? Offhandedly researching? Did I just entrust myself with this unreliable person?

Drouot looks at me grandly and stretches out his hands. “This Trauma Inhibitor? Tell me of the ‘Enlightenment’ you received. Tell me, who is mana to you!”

I stand up, steady my breath, and answer the old man. “Mana is like a naughty jester, she’d hurt you, she’d prank you, she’d toy you, but in exchange... she will make you laugh.  So to me, mana is like a joker.”

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