Chapter 7: Small Euphoria

This was madness.

How did it all come to this?

I looked hopelessly down at my hands as they shook at the mere thought of what came next. What was supposed to be a simple weekend turned into a gut wrenching disaster. Or at least it would be very soon if I didn't figure out what to do. How could he do this to me? Why all of a sudden?!

"HOSEOK-AH! HOW COULD YOU SET UP A DATE WITH SEOKJIN-SHI WITHOUT TELLING ME?!" I wailed.

I sat in front of a mirror fussing over my hair. Everything I tried only fell limp or couldn't look the way I imagined.

The room wasn't mine but one of those at the Hot Spring. I had just finished washing up after my shift and was now getting ready to meet Seokjin at a near by restaurant. I was not prepared for this! He could've at least told me he was planning on setting this up! My arms went lifeless when I expelled a puff of defeat. I kept replaying yesterday in my head.

Hoseok and I was on our way down to the first floor at school when I came across Kim Seokjin who was walking in the opposite direction. I nearly missed a step when we both saw each other at the exact same moment. He smiled at me.

"Oh? It's Yurim-shi! Have you been well?"

"Y-Yes, thank you for asking." I blushed. He said my name. And then I felt ridiculous that I hadn't noticed his slung arm first. "And you? How's your arm? Did you rest well?" I began worrying about his sleep. I wondered if his shoulder bothered him when he went to bed.

He looked down at his arm, "it's not as bad as it looks. It took me a while to convince my parents to let me come to school. They worry too much." Seokjin's eyes flickered to the side at the mention of his parents. I wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Well I'm glad I got to see you." I said. Then I gasped. "Doing well! I'm glad I got to see you doing well." I nervously pushed my hair behind my ear. My fingers brushed my cheek, feeling just how fever-like my face had gotten.

"Oh that's right!" Hoseok jumped in. "We couldn't help but worry about you while you were gone. In fact, Yurim actually came up with a good idea to cheer you up."

"She did?" Seokjin looked at me with curiosity. Not knowing what Hoseok was talking about I just smiled, though it probably looked unsure.

"She suggested treating you to dinner to thank you for what you did."

My body froze. I didn't know how to respond. No, I knew how to respond. I wanted to slap Hoseok on the head and yell at him for lying. But I couldn't at the moment. What could I say? I couldn't pretend it was really my idea. Anyone could tell I was bad at saying things that weren't true. Nonetheless, Seokjin looked at me for an answer.

"Is that true?" He asked.

I couldn't lie. I began to explain, "well after what you did, I felt terrible. I felt partly responsible for you getting hurt. So, if there's anything I can do to pay you back, I'll be more than happy to do so." I felt better that I was able to reply with the truth. But couldn't rest easy seeing as he still needed to say yes or no to spending time with me.

Seokjin nodded, "I see. Honestly, I don't believe any part of what happened that day was your fault. So owing me back isn't necessary."

"Oh, okay." I chuckled nervously. My heart sunk at the kind refusal. It was silly to feel that way. After all, this meant he didn't blame me or hold any ill feelings toward me. This was a good thing.

"However," he added. "I'd still like to have dinner with you, if you don't mind."

I screamed into the nearest pillow. The last part kept playing on a loop in my head, giving me both butterflies and a heart attack. I don't recall much of the conversation after that point since my mind couldn't function after Seokjin's response. Hoseok must've given him my number since I had received a couple of messages from him already.

This was all so strange. It was exciting and what I've only daydreamed about, but it was also scary because I had never been on a date, had a boyfriend, or even spent time with a boy outside of school- except with Hoseok. What if I disappointed him? What if I scared him away like everyone else I've tried becoming friends with?

***

An hour later I arrived outside of the restaurant and texted Seokjin to tell him that I was there. But to my surprise he texted back that he had already gone in and saved a place. I looked into the window of the restaurant just to confirm. Surely enough a head popped into view. Seokjin gave a big smile and waved me in.

When I approached the table, he stood and greeted me before we both sat. At first I didn't know what to say or how to go about this whole thing. But Seokjin took care of the conversation where I lacked. He was so patient with my inexperience. It was also very apparent that he had a  natural skill at making others feel comfortable. It didn't take long before I was able to relax and speak normally.

"Wait. We were in the same choir class last year?" Seokjin placed his chopsticks on his empty plate. I nodded, finding it a bit embarrassing that he hadn't noticed me at all. "I wish I were more mindful of you earlier on."

"I dread to think what that would have been like." I chuckled. But then I realized that what I said could've easily been taken the wrong way. Aish! It's exactly this type of situation that made me a loner! What am I gonna do with myself? "What I mean is, I struggled with making friends before. I just suspect that if I did have a chance to befriend you, I'd fail miserably."

"Oh? Really? Why is that?"

I hesitated. My palms grew sweaty. It was embarrassing to talk about how utterly undesirable I was as a friend to people. "Well, my family blames my honesty. Which I figured must be true since many people have taken my honest thoughts to be...less than ideal. Though, sometimes I like to joke that my honesty is my parents' fault since they practically raised me to share my thoughts without hesitation. No doubt to make sure I didn't keep any secrets from them. Thanks to them I'm not very good at lying. My sister, on the other hand, came out differently than I did. Sometimes I wonder how we can be related." I paused to realize I had started rambling but Seokjin nonetheless looked to be listening intently. My face grew warm. "And another problem with my honesty is sharing information that wasn't asked for. Sorry." My eyes shut tight with shame.

"No need to be sorry. I wanted to spend time with you to learn more about you. You can share as much as you like. But..." he rubbed his chin, thinking.

"'But?'"

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"If you ask me, I don't think honesty itself is the problem. I think it's just the fact that you say the first thing that comes to your mind. Yes, it's your honest thought but it's unrefined to fit the listeners needs. Sometimes people need to hear the truth in a specific way in order to digest it more easily. Saying the first thing you think can also cause misunderstanding if what you said lacks context. Such as: 'I dread to think what that could've been like.'" Seokjin gave a playful smile as he quoted me.

No one's ever told me that before! But it makes complete sense! Why couldn't I figure that out by myself? As I was connecting the dots, Seokjin must've gotten worried that I had taken offense since I had gone quiet.

"I hope you're okay with me saying that."

"Oh, yes, of course! I just hadn't thought about it that way before. I wish I had known sooner. Maybe things would've been different." I theorized.

"Maybe. Though," he shrugged. "I've never been a fan of dwelling on the past or anything else you can't change." A look of glum acceptance flashed on his face before disappearing almost instantly. "Also, there's no need to be careful about your honesty with me, okay? I'd prefer it unfiltered."

"Really? Even after everything you said?"

"Even then," he confirmed resolutely then chuckled. "That might seem like a strange request, but to be honest, I consider myself to be a very straight forward person. I guess you could say I lost my taste for guessing games. Doubting whether or not people mean what they say or trying to figure out if they're keeping secrets...it kind of bugs me. I think your honesty can be the breath of fresh air I need."

I searched his face for any hint as to what he could've meant. His face was still flawlessly serene, but there seemed to be an undertone that I couldn't put my finger on. It was like staring into a still pond with pretty lilies and seeing the enigmatic movements of the fishes underneath--never showing themselves completely. And then I remembered his face when he mentioned his parents the other day. I wondered but decided it wasn't any of my business so I shook off the thought.

A big bowl of what looked like marshmallows was placed on the table. My eyes went wide at its enormity. "W-what's this?"

"Ah, I almost forgot. I ordered this before you arrived. I wanted it to be a surprise. I hope you have more room for dessert." Seokjin distributed our spoons with an excited smile. Those teeth shined through his soft lips. Warmth exuded from his eyes and comforted my soul. It was a contagious energy that one couldn't help but mirror. "A brownie-ice cream sundae topped with whipped cream and marshmallows. The name of it is actually...um..." he thought hard to recall the name of the dessert before finally shrugging. "Meh, I can't remember. It was French though."

I laughed. I had never seen this side of him before. He was much funnier and impulsive than I thought he was. Seokjin the prince was already a beautiful person but so far away and beyond reach. Now knowing him a little better made him feel closer, ordinary, and relatable. Did I just form an impossible new friendship with the one person I happened to admire most in school?

It was weird. I'm probably the teenager with the least amount of friends. But finding Hoseok and now the one and only Kim Seokjin...I felt like the luckiest.

"Should we take a picture of ourselves before and after eating it? I'll take one of you and you can take one of me."

"I don't think I'll look happy in my after picture." I laughed.

"Ready? 1, 2, 3!" His phone made a sound. "My turn, go ahead." Seokjin grabbed his first spoon and held it up. I blushed at the thought that I was taking a picture of him with my own phone.

The two of us dug into the bowl of sugar. Seokjin seemed to predict he'd be the one that will last longer, but he didn't know my appetite for sweets was great. I took my first bite an danced in my chair. The mixture of ice cream and the soft fudgy brownie was heavenly. However it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. The two of us reached the half way mark of the bowl which he was surprised to see that I was still going. But I was about ready to call it. 

Eventually we both reached that point of slowing down. So slow that there was nothing but a puddle of melted ice cream left. I wasn't a fan of melted ice cream so I tried appeal for a tie. But to be honest I was afraid of going on or else I'd feel sick.

"Shall we call it a tie then?" I tried to manage a strong grin. But Seokjin lifted a finger. Then, I couldn't believe it. Seokjin lifted the bowl to his mouth and began chugging the melted ice cream! "No way!" I was flabbergasted. Just the thought of eating any more made me sick.

When he was done, he then placed the bowl down with a satisfied look. A look that consisted of an ice cream mustache. I laughed and quickly wiped it off his face with a napkin. When I did I noticed he looked a little shy. Feeling embarrassed, I sat back down unsure of what came over me. Besides feeling a little flustered it didn't exactly feel like a bad mistake. My chest felt strange. Physically it hurt but for some bizarre reason I was happy about it.

***

It was an early dinner so we headed back toward my house at seven. Seokjin caught the bus with me and proceeded to walk me home. I know I'm supposed to say that I didn't want the day to end. But I'm afraid if it didn't I'd explode and fly away among the bugs that danced around the glow of the street lights. And why not? I never thought I'd make any friends past Hoseok. And before him, there was no one.

A cool breeze blew through the air. I smiled as I felt it caressing my hair and skin. The evening was finally beginning to cool. An exciting, giddy feeling flowed through me. It was the magical feeling of the cold again. Except this time Seokjin was with me. Everything was perfect.

Is this what euphoria felt like?

I couldn't help but laugh at myself. Here I was talking about euphoria for making exactly two friends. How sad.

"Hm? What's funny?" Seokjin strolled alongside me.

"It's nothing. I'm just glad we did this." I admitted.

He nodded, "me too." I smiled, glad to hear that he felt the same. 

Unfortunately, our smiles didn't last. A figure approached us under the shadow of a nearby building, making us stop in our tracks. As the person stepped out of the darkness, I watched as the light creeped up from their feet to their face.

"Ohhh!" Kim Namjoon waved while feigning a look of surprise. "Don't I know you two? Ah, that's right! Don't we go to the same school?" My eyes squinted with suspicion as the bully smirked.

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