Chapter 19: Chapter 16 – On days like these, folks like you… should be burning in hell

It was barely 6 am. All this traveling and moving around, and it was still earlier than most people were up. The only people up were bakers, chefs, and people who took all nighters. Nobody working an office job got up before 8. And Saul’s skyscraper base was all offices.  

The three of us stood in front of it, the rain having stopped for ten minutes now, letting Bournie stash away the umbrellas in some sorta hammerspace he had access to. As we stood in front of the doors, none of us knew how to begin our approach. “So… Bournie, you got anything in your notes about this place?” I turned to the fallen angel of the group, who shook his head. I then turned to the furry of the group. “Leonard, any scrying spells or something? I really don’t feel like busting down the front door and running up to the penthouse to kick this bastard’s ass.” He scratched his chin in contemplation, taking his phone out to scroll through it. And then he started typing rapidly. 

“Best scrying spell around, archive of building plans. Viva La Freedom Of Information.” Leo kept clicking and searching. Right, yeah, office buildings and company stuff had to have their things available publically. Your personal information is protected, don’t want to get outed or anything, and doctor confidentiality is a thing. But this kept them out of being shady, because not providing the information meant they were being shady. “The penthouse was added when Luxton Corp took over the building. It has a balcony that’s hard to see from down here. If we could fly that’d be the easiest route. Or if I found a teleport spell.” 

“The last time you tried moving stuff around with magic we ended up with Hell, and I do not want to get wet two ways by seeing Lucifer again thank you very much.” I had to shoot down Leonard’s teleport plan fast. I do not need another existential crisis on top of the one I already got. There was a sound, as if a murder of crows took to the air all at once, which made me and Leonard turn to face the source. The 5’4” Bostonian in an ill fitting suit was now a four winged feathered demon, a flat bronze mask with a number of different sized eyes for a face, feet were bird talons, and the bottom pair of wings had hands attached to them at the second fold. 

“Literal Fallen Angel here kids. I can fly. and it’s early enough where I won’t freak people out with it.” He gestured to himself. It was way too uncanny to hear his voice without seeing any mouth moving, especially with the amount of eyes he had. 

“Oh. Well then. Can you carry two people up?” I raised my eyebrow at him. 

“I threw Buck Angel into the frozen wastes to Chill Out myself, no wormhole for him, and he’s buff and big. I can carry a twink and a shortie easier than I can carry my stash of pretzel sticks.” He grabbed me and Leonard by the waist, swiftly flapping up and into the air. 

“C-come on! Don’t make me flash the whole town! I forgot to buy shorts to cover my panties!!!” I was desperately trying to hold my skirt down, before we landed. I was expecting healing items and ammo drops in front of the door. I guess ‘get the fallen angel companion to transport you straight to the boss entrance’ counts as speedrun strats. The balcony had a mosaic of a sun as the ground, with some outside furniture under a tarp to keep it from being rained on. I walked up to the door, expecting handles, and seeing it was a glass sliding door. I sighed and approached them. Nope, not the automatic kind. And they were clearly locked. “Smashing the glass would make the alarm go off.“ Leonard walked past me in that moment, the chicken bone in his hand, giving a light tap to the door as it opened. 

“Skeleton Key.” He shrugged, I shook my head, Bournie walked past us inside. I was hit with strong smells coming from the kitchen: Bacon, eggs, toast, sausages. Fucker was getting a whole buffet cooked up for himself in there. 

“Bournael, dear warden of mine, I wasn’t expecting you to visit quite so soon. Or to do so in the company of two young adults.” The voice came from a landing above us, making us all turn to face the source. An average sized man in a shirt and slacks, cleanly shaven with short hair, looking downright sunbleached.. “No fat on the boy, he’d be more fitting as bones for stock. The young lady would make a good roast. Do tell me…” He adjusted his cuff link. “Are either of them Hormone Fed stock? I do much prefer my meat to be natural and organic.” Okay this guy wasn’t just a capitalistic cannibal, he was a capitalistic cannibal with transphobic taste buds. 

“We have come to reclaim thy soul, and to bring thee to the Lake of Fire, where thy Rotten soul shall turn to ash.” Dammit Bournie at least warn me when you code switch from Bostonian to Messenger of God. “If thee surrender thyself willingly to thy earned punishment, thou shall avoid a pummeling.” 

“Oh trust me, Bournael, I would love to join you back down there, it was a delightful vacation to avoid having to deal with my employees. But I have a lot to do now that I’m back.” He snapped his fingers, the sliding door closed and got covered in a sheet of metal, locking us in. “Please do mind you don’t stain the Persian rug as you bleed to death, dry cleaning that would cost quite a pretty penny.” 

There was the clicking of a lock unlocking, the shifting sound of a door moving, the wall underneath Saul opening to reveal a cabinet of bodies, standing upright, yet looking dead. He took a ring out of his pocket and slipped it on, as the dozen or so creatures awoke from their slumber. You might expect a horde of pale humanoids to start yelling and to immediately lunge for you. I was definitely expecting it. What I wasn’t expecting was for them to shuffle out of the cabinet huddled together, as if they were a bunch of units selected in an RTS game moving together. 

“Ghouls are quite handy. I do not like to waste stock if I won’t eat it, so why not make a soulless horde of mind controlled soldiers to throw at my problems?” He pointed with the finger the ring was on, drawing a circle in the air. “Due to the whole nature of them being a brainless mob of flesh eaters, however, I do not get to use them quite enough. Have fun.”

The twelve ghouls turned to us, preparing claws to rend us with, as they rushed us. I barely managed to knock Leonard back and to turn on my flaming fists in time before one of them was on me. Most of the horde was focusing on Bournie, leaving me with only three. This wasn’t going to be a pretty looking choreographed action sequence where each enemy comes for the hero one on one. This was gonna be a street brawl. Two of them leapt forward, trying to fall on me to pin me down from above, as the third ran to try and tackle me. It was all I could do to move out of the way in time, getting a satisfying thud as they all fell on each other. They were back on their feet within seconds though. Sometimes being brainless means being effective...

I decided in that moment, if they won’t fight one on one by rushing me one after the other, I’d force them to. I burst into a sprint, tackling one of them right as he got up, forcing him back through the room towards the cabinet they emerged from, giving me space. The ghoul was clawing at my back. With a swift toss, the ghoul was now flying across the room, smashing into the ceiling above Saul with enough force to crack it. I spun around to face the other ghouls rushing me, punching one right in the face as I turned. There was a satisfying crunch from the impact. I kept the spin going, managing to throw broken nose into number three, carrying the momentum of my swing with my fist buried in the face of one, who was effectively a battering ram of the other, aligning myself and stopping the swing, which threw them back into their cabinet, right against the wall. Two of them flew by me, covered in deep cuts, landing in the cabinet as well, burying number three under a pile of bodies. It made me turn to see Bournie clawing with his talons and his lower wings. It was like he had shifted his stature to be quadrupedal instead of bi-pedal, giving him access to the sharp shiny talons on his feet for kicks. Kicks that had thrown the two identified flying fuckers past me. 

There was one target that would end the combat encounter right away. With a running start, I leapt forward, hoping to catch the railing of the landing, only to experience a profound sense of deja vu, one of the ghouls having had jumped me from the side, now holding onto my waist. As I fell to the ground, another came over to join the free hugs dude. And now the one holding me was getting drool all over my skirt, opening his mouth to a bunch of broken teeth. Broken so as to be sharp and good at tearing flesh. The bit of my waist he was holding me at was somewhat awkward to reach with punches or kicks, and his friend was seconds away from pinning my arms, which would leave me as a perfect snack.

This wasn’t how I hoped my first experience of being eaten would go. But as the hugger got close enough to bite me, there was a splash on his face, making him visibly confused. Both him and the other one had stopped.

“I-I’m helping!!!” Leonard yelled out from across the room, from way back, a small sphere of water conjured in his palm. Did he seriously just toss water at a ghoul?

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“Dude this is a fight for our lives, not summer at a pool where we throw water balloons!!!!” I reminded Leonard, the distraction was enough to allow me to spin around, effectively letting me straddle the hugger ghoul, as I drove my fist right into his already broken teeth. Enjoy needing dentures, fucker. I jumped off of him, kneeing the other ghoul that had approached me, who was drenched from head to toe. “Do you seriously not have fireballs or something?!” I yelled back to Leo, as I grabbed the ghoul before me by the shoulders, tossing him back into the cabinet.

“I don’t want to burn the place down!” Leo called back, now with a ghoul of his own to face. Luckily Bournie was close enough to lift that one up and toss him my way, so I elbowed him right in the ribs, and then turned to face the big boss. 

“Bournie, you too busy to Fastball Special me?” I was staring down Saul, who was beginning to look visibly nervous, looking down on us from up top. Seconds later, I felt the familiar softness of Bournie’s wings as he picked me up, tossing me right at Saul. He threw me fast enough that Saul had no chance of reacting, and I quickly acquainted his face with my shoes. The impact from my dropkick sent him flying, only stopping when he crashed into his dinner table. Casually strolling over, I pulled the ring off his finger, tossing it to Bournie, who promptly hammerspaced it. The remaining ghouls stopped moving, as if the controller ran out of batteries and disconnected, and they just stood there, looking creepy. 

Now that the threat was dealt with, my brain began processing stuff. First of, I made someone whose boots get licked lick my boots. Second of, THOSE FUCKERS RUINED THE ONE OUTFIT I HAVE. The realisation made me pull Saul up by the neck of his shirt, to headbutt him right in the nose, breaking it. I suppose when you got horns you oughta be thick skulled as well, to deal with the impact. “YOU BASTARD FUCKED UP MY BLOUSE AND SKIRT. THEY’RE LITERALLY THE ONLY CLOTHES I HAVE. WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!!!” He looked at me, fear in his eyes, blood spilling not only from his nose, but also his mouth. Oh, guess I aimed badly and also smashed his teeth in with my headbutt. Sweet. There was a taloned hand on my shoulder in that moment, Bournie’s other hand holding Saul by the nape. Ilet go, Bournie dramatically taking Saul to the railing. 

“Thy soul is rotten. Thy soul is irredeemable. Thy soul shall perish and cease to exist in any way, shape or form. Saul Raymond Luxton, for thy sins and lack of repentance, thy sentence is The Lake of Fire.” The smell of sulfur filled the room, along with an  ominous light from the floor down. Peeking over it, I saw a portal to nothing but fire. Bournie held Saul over the pit, and let go, the portal closing the second Saul was through, only leaving behind a lingering smell of sulfur. Bournie turned to face me and Leonard, who had also managed to run up to us. “Well this’ll be a field day for the damage control folks. Here, let me sort out one of them for ya, I always feel awkward seeing girls cry.” His comment made me touch my face. Wet? I was crying? Was I crying because of the outfit?... 

I was. Fuck. Bournie held both my shoulders for a second, before he wiped away my tears. “There, I fixed the outfit for you. The ghouls and the furniture, I’ll call some helpers for that. You two oughta go home now.” 

“Uhm. Would love to do that, Bournie, one problem: Penthouse of a skyscraper with no way down.” I gently reminded him of the predicament we found ourselves in. I did not want to take the stairs, and did not want to be on camera doing so. 

“Oh, right, shit. Here.” He took the umbrellas out of the hammerspace, it was quite fascinating to witness. He just put his hand underneath his wing, and pulled out the borrowed umbrellas. “Here. Just Mary Poppins it down. They’re enchanted for that. Leave them near your windows when you get home so they can be reclaimed. Oh, and hand me your phones for just a second.” I took the umbrella, as did Leonard, but I was more apprehensive about the phone situation. Especially as I had no pockets to keep mine in still. Definitely thrifted early 00’s clothing. “I’m not going to smash them or anything, I’ll just put in my contact in case something shady happens around you two.” This reassured Leonard enough for him to hand over his phone. “Oh. Alright yeah, cute wolfboy fursona kid, I’d get smut of him too if he was mine.” So Leonard kept his laptop and phone wallpapers thematically linked, did he? Bournie tossed it back to him and ushered us out shortly. “On the one hand, I hope I never have to see you two again. On the other hand, you kids are fun.” 

With a deep breath and hope that a demon hadn’t bullshitted us, myself and Leonard opened the umbrellas and leapt off. I could hear the Mary Poppins theme in my head the second we were in the air. One childhood fantasy fulfilled. 

 

I took the longest hottest shower of my fucking life the moment I got home, and having decided I wanted to lounge and chill, I pulled out one of my old more neutral graphic tees to chill in. Turns out I had accidentally bought a girl’s cut when I bought it, so it was like I was wearing a larger girlfriend’s clothes when I wore it. During my unwinding, there was a knock on the door, which made me groan and go check who it was. 

The lady standing at my door was at least 6’ tall, had bronze skin and oddly yellow tinted eyes, black hair tied back in a ponytail. Wearing a bike rider’s jacket, along with some ripped skinny jeans and stompy boots. “Excuse me miss, is this the residence of one Peter Donnellan?” Her voice had a familiarity to it, an instinctive familiarity if you will. 

“Oh, uhm, let me… get him for you.” I closed the door and groaned to myself, hard. I just wanted to relax, watch some cartoons, go grab something from The Question as Lily, and not bother turning into Peter again. Alas, that plan was dashed right away. I concentrated and changed, opening the door. “Yeah, what is it ma’am?” 

“I’m just here to confirm a few things. Any odd cravings recently, skin discoloration, unusual growths?” Her smirk seemed practiced, not really relaxed or real. How much did she really know.

“Who are you? Why are you here?” 

“May S. Lugubra, and as I said, to confirm a couple things. So, any of those happening?” She pulled a notepad from her breast pocket, along with a pen, writing down something quickly.

“I… guess you could say that.” I scratched the back of my head. I felt awful like this. The only thing I liked was the height. That was it, the one thing I missed when I was Lily. 

“In that case, one more question. Have you been enjoying your time as a girl, dear?” Her eyes flashed, and I found myself exhausted, falling down, only stopped by a pair of strong arms catching me. “Apologies for this, Lily, I have more to confirm, that we can’t do here. Sleep now, it’s okay.” Were the last words I heard before I passed out.