Chapter 11: 2021 (Age 29)

Katie still hadn’t heard back from the gender clinic (they had a very long waiting list), so instead found a GP who offered hormones through an informed consent process.

3 Jul 2021:
I had an appointment with a GP who does informed consent. I explained that I wanted a more feminine appearance and wanted to start hormones. She asked me whether I had come out to anyone about it and I said no. At first I was worried that she would tell me that I need to talk to a psychologist/therapist first given that I wasn’t out about it. However, she said that only 1% of people regret the decision and that I was okay to give informed consent (I don’t have any mental problems that would prevent that). I had a blood test (I hadn’t eaten that morning because I left in a hurry, which was actually lucky because it means that I had been ‘fasting’ for the purpose of the blood test). She also gave some paperwork that I have with me now.

Katie was sick of presenting male, so came out to her housemates.

12 Jul 2021:
I did it. I came out to my housemate as transgender. I told him “I’m not sure if you noticed, but I’m planning a gender transition”. At first he was a bit confused, and asked “what’s that?” I think because his English is still not perfect. I made a botched attempt at explaining hormones and said “male to female, transgender”, then he got it. He gave me a big two thumbs up, and said that he hadn’t guessed. He said that because he comes from the Philippines, it’s quite normal, and that they have friends that are trangender or same sex couples. He said that he’ll talk to his wife about it. I asked him if she would be okay with it and he reassured me that she would be fine with it. I asked if he could call me “Katie”. I also asked if it would be okay to wear more feminine clothes like makeup or a skirt and he said that’s fine. Then at the end of our conversation he used my preferred name, “Katie”.

Katie came out to her parents. Katie knew that they wouldn't be accepting, but on the other hand, there wasn't anything they could do to stop her now that she had moved out.

1 Aug 2021:
I told my parents!

I met with my mum to go for a walk. Not long after we started walking, she asked what I wanted to tell her. I explained that I was planning a gender transition. Strangely, she showed little reaction. So I continued to proceed with explaining hormones.

She said that God made male and female and that I would always be her son. She said that she hoped I was not planning to cut off family because of it. She mentioned that she had noticed some indications prior to me leaving home in terms of my choice of colours and shoes, but had not really expected it. She asked if I thought it would make me happier. I explained that I knew it wouldn’t fix everything, but thought it would at least allow me to be more myself. I also told her that I had been seriously unhappy in the past. She said that being female also had problems; that being female makes you more of a ‘target’.

She wanted me to talk to Dad before I started hormones. I agreed. She called Dad, then we went for another short walk while we waited for him to arrive.

When Dad arrived, the three of us drove to the park and sat on a bench together. I explained to Dad that I wanted to transition. He asked why I wanted to transition, and stressed that one would need a very good reason for that. I explained that answering why is not easy. I gave the analogy that if he were to wake up female, or if Mum were to wake up male, they would want to change gender back, but it would be hard to explain why.

He said that it was ‘wrong’ to transition to a female and that I would just be a bloke pretending to act like a girl. I asked why he thought it was ‘wrong’ but he was unable to provide an answer, other than because God made male and female. I countered that we try to surgically fix people who are born with disabilities rather than accepting that’s how God intended it. He said that being male is not a disability that needs to be fixed. He said that this time I had gone too far. Nevertheless, he said that he would continue to love me unconditionally, no matter what I do.

In an attempt to alleviate some of their concerns I explained that the effects of hormones are (mostly) reversible. I left my parents with a pink envelope containing a written letter to my siblings.

When Katie's siblings found out, one of her brothers insisted on a meeting.

4 Aug 2021:
I met with my brother. We drove to a picnic ground to go for a walk. The first thing he asked was “why?”. I explained much the same as I did to mum and dad previously---that ‘why’ is hard as it’s based on who I feel to be.

My brother said that he felt that transitioning was “evil”, however, upon questioning him it seems that “evil” just means that it contradicts what he feels to be God’s word. He said that he feels that being trangender (or LGBT in general) is as bad as being a murderer, as he lumps these all into the same category.

My brother also said that he had been losing sleep over it and that he felt that transitioning is hurting my family by taking away his brother and making them worry about me. I responded that it was my decision to make and that I will always be his sibling.

The final step was for Katie to bank sperm in case she wanted biological children later. After that, she was finally ready to start hormones!

6 Aug 2021:
Yesturday, I had an appointment to bank sperm. They take you to a room with a toilet and even porn magazines (weirdly the porn magazines they provide are mostly filled with white females, I would have thought that they would have had greater diversity or at least featured some males), then you are asked to lock the door and ‘provide a sample’ (cum) into a container. They keep the sperm for up to 10 years and charge each year for storage. Not that I was intending to have biological children anyway, but there is no need for me to worry about the infertility aspect anymore.

Anyway… today’s the day! I’ve had my breaky and am going to start hormones. I’m going to be a girl ♡♡♡

Katie came out at work.

3 Nov 2021:
I told my supervisor that I was planning a gender transition today, and requested him to call me Katie. Strangely, he didn’t say much, then went on to ask about scheduling the next meeting for a paper. Although he sent me a message afterwards to thank me for letting him know and acknowledging that it must have been hard.

I’m not sure why I stressed out about it so much when I know that it’s a supportive environment compared to telling my parents. The thing that makes it difficult is that there is a larger number of people, who you don’t know at a deep enough level to know for sure how they will react, and there is a good chance that you will have to face them later that same day for a meeting with others present.

Katie changed her legal name and sex:

26 Nov 2021:
I submitted my application for a change of name to “Katie” and sex to “Female”. Even though I think that non-binary may be a more accurate description, non-binary can cause problems on passports, etc. and makes it obvious that it’s not my birth sex, so I decided that “Female” would be a more convenient approximation.

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Katie came out to her neighbour:

3 Dec 2021:
I decided to write my neighbour a note explaining that I’m trans.

I just posted the note in her letterbox on my way home, then went inside and locked the door. I’m nervous about how she will react, and don’t want to bump into her for a while until I’ve had a chance to calm down. I’m not sure why I feel this way, telling work and family should have been harder. I guess it’s because I don’t know how she will react (she is elderly, doesn’t have Internet access, and can be a bit opinionated about things) and possibly also because she lives so close nearby.

Katie came out on a guy. Katie never had much freedom back when she was living with her parents and wasn't really interested in being with anyone as a guy anyway. It was time to let loose and explore. She met up with a guy she found on Grindr. Some of the things he said at first were a bit offensive (he didn't seem to understand the difference between being trans vs a crossdresser), but once he understood to treat Katie like any other girl, they had a lot of fun. Although it hurt afterwards when Katie realised that he seemed embarrassed to be seen with her, which made her not really want to do anything like that again.

24 Dec 2021:
I had sex with a guy!

In my hotel room I installed Grindr and took a photo of myself sitting on the bed. I got a lot of taps and messages, but were mostly way out of my age group or seemed like a scam. But then eventually I found someone around my age. I didn’t believe it at first (assumed it was just another scam), but agreed to meet with him at a McDonalds near where he lived. The one catch is that he wanted me to come dressed in boy clothes rather than ‘drag’. He said that he would explain why when I met him.

He said that he had been in a relationship with a girl before, but ended it recently and was relieved to be out of it. He mentioned that he had a colleague that was trans, but didn’t talk to her much, and was curious to know more. He explained that the reason that he didn’t want to be seen with me in girl clothes was because he had recently moved to the area and was worried about what his friends and people around him would think. I tried to explain that it doesn’t really matter and that his way of thinking is a bit offensive. He apologized, but said that he was flying home to India soon, so didn’t see it as worth it to damage his reputation.

While I was a bit concerned about his attitude towards trans people, I felt more sorry for him (i.e. that he lacked the confidence in himself to be seen as anything but straight around his friends) than offended. I asked if he would like to come to my hotel. He asked if he would be staying the night. Now that I had met him in person and seen that he seemed reasonably safe, I told him yes.

We caught an Uber (rideshare taxi) back to the hotel. During the ride he reached out and caressed my hand. I didn’t want to say too much with the driver present, but reassured him that whatever happens, it was going to be fun.

He asked if we should strip off and shower. I wanted to, but suddenly felt nervous about the thought of stripping in front of someone. I’d never done anything like this before.

He sat me down on the edge of the bed with him and put an arm around me. I shuffled up closer to him. He lay me back on the bed and kissed me. Then he slowly took my top off and kissed my nipples. Once we felt comfortable with each other, he finished stripping me off, then I stripped him down too!

Once stripped down, we showered. He rubbed soap on my body, then I did him. I enjoyed rubbing soap in his hairy chest. His belly had a little bit of chubbiness, but I really didn’t care, he was perfect as far as I was concerned.

We then dried off and moved to the bed. He was big on foreplay. He bit my nipples a little, and I enjoyed it. He taught me how to give a blowjob (initially I tried to just swallow it in my mouth, but it led to gag reflex, and he had to keep saying ‘teeth’ to remind me to keep my jaw open… the proper technique seems to be to act more passively, kind of like a fish, and then move my head up and down, or at least, that’s what he liked). We eventually moved on to anal, he fingered me, then I put the toy in (he was worried about hurting me if he did it), then finally he put his penis in. It didn’t hurt at all, and wasn’t much of a step up over the toy! I was particularly glad that there wasn’t any sign of poop (I’d been eating fibre for the last couple of days and douched earlier that afternoon). Once in he smiled and told me “you are no longer a virgin”.

We tried a few different positions, I particularly liked lifting a leg out in a scissor-style, and when I lay face down and he fucked my butt. Afterwards I got on top of him. I really liked touching his dick and feeling it against my body. I also kissed him a lot, to the point that he commented “you really like snogging!”. Although it never really felt like a long romantic kiss, it was always a bit short and even when I kissed him, his lips were firm and in control.

He never cummed. I asked him about it, and he said that it only happens for him when in a romantic relationship. Then we cuddled, using each other as a blanket. We fucked again during the night.

In the morning, I gave him a blow job and he filmed me with his phone camera. He then asked me to give him a “fashion show” where I dressed up in all the clothes I had bought. He said that it made him want to “jump me” (i.e. fuck me). After that we showered and kissed, and I mentioned “you were my first kiss”. He knew that it was my first time having sex, but hadn’t expected that. I liked that he satisfied the emotional side, particularly all the foreplay and cuddles, rather than just sticking his penis in. He said that for him “sex is never about just sticking it in”.

We left early morning. I offered to have breakfast with him, but he had worked in the area previously, specifically the 7/11 store nearby the hotel, and didn’t want to be seen with me by his former colleagues. Later he texted me thanking me for the wonderful night. I felt on top of the world.

Having sex was so much fun! I particularly enjoyed the cuddling. The only issue is that I don’t like the fact that he was uncomfortable being seen with me in public.

Katie decided to start living as a girl (or some form of feminine anyway).

31 Dec 2021:

So, the letter to my neighbour actually went pretty well! She sent us a Christmas card greeting us as “Katie, …”! I didn’t see my neighbour for a while after that, but eventually she came knocking on our door. She asked “so, you’d like to be called Katie now?” and then continued “that must have been hard”. Then she was on to talking about how she thought someone had stolen the tomatoes off her tomato plant (presumably the reason she was at our door).

I’m still not quite sure whether I’d consider myself fully “female” or just “non-binary”. The closest label I’ve found for the way I feel is “transfeminine”, which is defined as “a person whose gender identity is partially or fully feminine and differs from the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth”

Happy 2022,
♡ Katie

 

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