Chapter 52: Chapter 51

Jackie sprung upward in bed Saturday morning, and before any other need came to her mind, she picked up the phone, and called the Hewitts. Meagan picked up after just two rings.

"Hey Jackie."

"Hey Meagan," she said with a widening smile.

"Sorry to say," Meagan sighed, "but Matt and Ashley haven't shown any change."

Jackie's ears, perked up before, now slumped down.

"Oh."

"Lucas is working at it honey, don't worry," Meagan said. "We'll figure it out."

"Okay."

"But if you want to come over, you're totally welcome. You could always take Matt for a walk. I'm sure he'd really appreciate it."

"Yeah, I guess."

She didn't make any small talk, just said see you later, and hung up. At least nothing worse had happened to Matt and Ashley - but gosh she wished that she could've gone to their house, and been greeted by him running to the door, and getting a hug from the real Matt again.

When she got there, he did run to her - just on all fours. He had been at the ready up against the door long before she even reached their porch. It was funny how easily he recognized she was here - but she in turn recognized his scent from a distance, and so he surely knew her smell too. Interestingly, Matt and Ashley had shown a cautiousness, and even an animosity at times, towards normal humans. It felt, at least to Jackie, that the two of them felt that canis people understood them.

 After opening the door and calming Matt down, Jackie scratched his head, and he licked her hand. He suddenly stopped, and looked up at her. She hadn't smiled very widely at him, or given him a good belly rub right on the spot. Did he sense her disappointment? Or was she misinterpreting his random instinctual actions?

Walking inside, she greeted Meagan and Lucas, who badgered her into having some waffles. Though Jackie still felt nervous about imposing on the Hewitts, they seemed to be trying quite hard to wear down her inhibitions. Lucas made some really good waffles, aided mostly by homemade syrup. While Jackie enjoyed hers, Matt and Ashley seemed extremely eager when two waffle halves were placed in their food bowls.

Jackie was able to get herself to chat a bit with Meagan and Lucas, responding to questions about how classes were going - but Jackie was eager to just get out and walk without any further conversation.

She was careful to not say the word "walk" while grabbing Matt's leash to his collar - the one that didn't have scary electric shocking bits on it. Matt was very happy as soon as he knew what was going on. Poor Ashley was smart enough to know what was happening, and she had to be held back by Meagan. Despite being told that she'd go on a walk later, she obviously didn't quite understand. Eventually though, Jackie got out the door with Matt.

She looked down at him as they began the walk towards a nearby bike path. He panted without a care in the world. She sighed, wishing she could be as happy as he was. She wagged her tail slightly, and intentionally. Unfortunately, she couldn't force herself to not feel disappointment.

****

Me was happy. Dog girl was taking me on a walk. Days where she walked me were good days. There were many good smells around me.

"You like the smell of all the flowers, don't you?"

Me didn't know what she meant, but she seemed happy about this, so me happy too. Me smelled her. She smelled like the other things around me. Those things... what were they? Flowers? Me didn't understand. Some humans and dog humans smelled like flowers, others smelled like dirt. Others smelled boring. Had dog girl been digging up flowers?

Me didn't want to go fast. Me liked the smell of dog girl. Me didn't want other smells right now. Dog girl seemed confused. Why she confused? Was she not happy me was not going fast? Did she want to go fast?

Dog girl let me off my leash. Now me more happy. Me wanted to be good boy for dog girl so me not be put on leash.

Dog girl wanted to stop. She sat on weird human thing. Me sat down and scratched a bad itch. Dog girl scratched me there. Me felt very good.

"I like this bench," dog girl said. "the area around it is very peaceful."

Me not understand her. Me liked this place though. Trees smelled nice here. Interesting sounds were in my ears too.

"In the past," dog girl said, "I'd come here when I needed to think about things... I've got a lot to think about today."

Me did not understand, except one word. Think. Me did not like that word. Thinking was bad. Me did not want to think.

"I've been doing well in school," dog girl said, "which is weird considering how messed up these past several months have been."

She seemed unhappy still. Everyone always slightly unhappy. Me wanted to make them happy. Why they unhappy? Me and girl dog play with them and they still unhappy.

Me got up and put my head on her lap. Me whimpered. Me sad.

"What's wrong boy?" she asked.

Me did not understand.

She scratched my ears. Me was not happy. Scratching makes me happy, but does not make her happy, so me not happy.

"I love you Matt," she said. "I miss you."

Me knew that word. They called me that word. They called me good boy. Sometimes they call me bad dog. Matt did not mean me was being good or bad. Matt meant... what did Matt mean?

Weird thoughts... weird thoughts... me no like weird hard thoughts!

"Matt," she said. "Do you... do you understand? Are you thinking?"

Think. Think. Think was that bad word wasn't it? It meant weird hard thoughts! Complex thoughts. Me liked simple thoughts. Why did me like simple thoughts? Simple thoughts made me happy. Sad simple thoughts happy too.

But... there were happy complex thoughts. I... remembered complex happy thoughts. I did not understand those thoughts. Where had I remembered them from? They were from dog girl... no... her name... she had a name. Her name... her name was...

No! Hard thoughts! Me no want to think! Me... I... I want to... what do I want!? Me whimper and howl. So many hard thoughts! Me want it to stop! Head hurt head hurt! Me wanted it to stop!

"Matt?" dog girl cried out. "Matt?! Oh gosh I've broken him haven't I? I've messed up his brain!"

Dog girl put me back on the leash. Me howled. Weird thoughts weird thought weird thoughts... it all hurt so much! Dog girl was very upset. She wanted me to run. Me only hurt. Only weird thoughts! Me wanted to help her not be upset but me hurt! We went back home. She was very sad. Me feel very bad because weird thoughts wouldn't go away. Me still hurt bad even when home.

"Oh thank goodness!" dog girl said when we were back, "thank goodness both of you are still here!"

"What's going on?" Dog man asked.

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"Matt," dog girl cried, "he... he's acting strange. He's howling... looks generally like he's in pain... I was talking to him, trying to get him to think..."

She cried hard. That made me very sad. Why did it make her sad? I wanted to know! Hard thoughts hard thoughts!

"Look!" she said, "I broke his mind! I hurt him somehow! Now he's going to be messed up, and brain dead, and -"

"Calm down," dog man said. "We need... to stay calm."

They were all looking at me, like they did when they wanted me to do tricks. I didn't like those tricks, they made hard thoughts come.

Hard thoughts... what were hard thoughts? Why didn't I like hard, complex thoughts?

"Matt," dog man put his hands against my head, looking into my eyes. "Do you remember Matt? Do you remember us?"

Remember... that word... what did that word mean... it was a hard thought I was thinking... it was scary...

"Matt," dog girl said through tears, "I know you are in there somewhere. I know you are there. Please come back!"

You. What did that word mean? I was tired of these hard thoughts - but I wanted to make them happy. They were happy when I thought hard, even though hard thoughts made me hurt. What did "you" mean? They said it to me, just like they said Matt. Did "you" and Matt have the same meaning?

I felt... I felt more hard thoughts. Me meant the same thing as Matt. I was Matt. What was a Matt? Matt was me. It was... it was... my name. And... and these others... they had names. The other dog near me, staring at me... her name was... Ashley. And the dog people... they were... Mom and Dad.

Mom and Dad. I... I knew what that meant. I... I was their child. That... these thoughts didn't make sense. They looked different from me. They were dog humans. I was a dog. I could not be their child.

Wait... was I a dog? What was I?

"Matt... do you understand me?"

I looked to the dog girl. I... I understood. Those words. The dog girl was asking if I understood her. She... I knew her. She... she was... Jackie.

Jackie... I... I cared about her. I... I loved her. She was... she was my friend. My girlfriend. I felt more and more complex thoughts hammering into my mind. They hurt, but not in a physically painful way, it... it was strenuous, it took effort, but I pushed through, I kept thinking. I was... I was... I was Matt... who was Matt?

I... I did not think I was a dog. It was not right for me to be a dog. I was... human.

My mind suddenly became flooded with... everything. I was suddenly scared and confused. A tsunami of information flooded me, throwing me about, and I was lost in crashing waves of memories, random facts, feelings... and then those mental waves settled. I was deep in this ocean of information.

And then I... I remembered. I remembered who I was. I.... I was human. I felt... I felt wrong. This ocean of thoughts did not fit with this body. I wanted my body to be different.

I began to change.

"Matt," Jackie said stooping down to meet my gaze, "please... please say something."

My eyes quivered as I looked into hers. Her beautiful eyes - eyes that now changed color, filling with their unique and vivid blue and green. I let out a small bark, a slight smile on my face. Awareness came to their faces, and they... they understood.

I was able to communicate with them, and they understood. It... it felt amazing.

Stuff began to crack all over me, inside and out. Despite the pain of my mind flooding back in, somehow, these physical changes didn't hurt. Instead, it felt surprisingly right - like I had gotten over a hill, and now was riding down a roller coaster, feeling more elated the more time I had to process the experience. My hind legs shifted, growing. I fell to the floor as my knees shifted back into place. My forelegs became arms, and my paws became hands. I was not an animal. I was human. I was not meant to be on all fours... but to stand!

My legs began positioning into the right places, and I felt Mom come up to me just then with a towel in hand, that she put around my waist.

But as I regained the feeling of more familiar muscles, of things bending in all the ways I expected, I felt more. My tail... it was becoming shorter. My ears traveled down the sides of my head. My muzzle pulled into my face, and I felt my fur draw back in all over.

As quickly as it had begun, it was suddenly over. I breathed deep and heavy, moving to a kneeling position, and looking over myself. I shakily got to my feet. Not only could I think again, not only was I able to stand up straight, but everything canine about me was gone. My skin was once again smooth, only lightly covered with hair. I reached up to my face and felt no snout, but a downward facing dry nose. I touched my lower back, and felt no tail.

"I... I..." I spoke, trying out my tongue - my normal, human tongue.

Nausea struck me like a freight train.

"Iuugghh... I think I'm going to puke my guts out."

I held a hand to my stomach while Mom held me from my back, keeping my towel on, and maintaining my decency. Dad ran to grab a container from the kitchen.

"Okay...," I held up a hand, "I'm okay... I'm fine. I'm fine..."

As soon as I had tamed my stomach, I immediately felt warm, fur covered arms clamp around me.

"Don't you ever, ever scare me like that again Matthew Hewitt!" Jackie cried. "I thought you were as good as dead!"

I felt tears come to my eyes. "I'm... I'm human again. Fully human..."

Jackie looked into my eyes. She had massive pools of tears blurring her own.

"You... you were really a dog... I thought I had lost you... that you were gone forever."

"I... I feel like I very nearly was."

Then my parents hugged me both tight. I ignored the fact that their fur was likely shedding little hairs all over me - and just enjoyed the warmth - both inside and out.

It... it was going to be alright.

After taking in several breaths, they released their hug. I glanced off beside us where a golden retriever looked at us. She seemed very perplexed. I saw something in her, a struggle happening.

"Yes Ashley," I got down on one knee and smiled to her, "you can do it too. It's hard but I know that this is what you want!"

The dog winced in pain, a deep struggle obviously happening there. She whined, shutting her eyes and showing gritted teeth. Then silence.

A wet glimmer formed in her eyes as she opened them. She slowly smiled, and stamped her paw twice.