Chapter 13: Scene 13 – I Can Haz Cheezburger?

Venus merrily snacked on one of the cheeseburgers in her inventory while Gaia and Mars fought with the most recent Malice to crawl out of its incursion point. Outwardly, she seemed relaxed, but the waves of monsters had left her reserves dry and her body haggard. Mars wasn't doing well either. She'd periodically doubled back from her scouting duties to join the main unit, but Venus could tell she was running low on Faith. A phone sat in her lap as she leaned against a lamp-post and relaxed.

If they continued to contain Malice as planned, none of this would be a problem. They could keep the marathon of violence going for a whole day if they needed to, but everyone was physically and mentally messed up from the nonstop fighting. Even Venus had to stop and eat, or she'd double over.

An exhausted Divinity meant lapses in judgments and bad calls, which resulted in Malice breaking from containment on more than one occasion.

When a Malice broke from containment, like the potted plant strangling Gaia right now— "Hot." — it meant more destruction, and they had to face it head-on. That meant pulling out weapons, exhausting reserves of faith, taking strikes human bodies weren't designed to handle, and spending the last drips of their aura.

"Why do humans have such terrible designs?" Venus muttered, staring at her half-eaten burger. "If we were on Mars, we would have dealt with this already."

"Gaia! Help us out a little?!" Mars shouted from within a mass of vines.

Venus snapped her fingers, and the vines loosened around them, sending each fighter back into the fight and tearing at the planty tendrils. "Just so inefficient. They have their breathing and eating holes as shared tubes. Why not eat with your fangs and use the mouth part for breathing?"

Gaia squeaked as the potted plant grabbed her by the ankle and yoinked her in the air. She did a good job protecting her purity and preventing any onlookers from seeing under her skirt. Still, Venus was already reasonably aware of what a girl's inner thighs looked like. She didn't need to see it to complete the picture in her mind.

"Even if you have teeth, you aren't allowed to use them." Venus loosely sticks her tongue out and frowns. "That's messed up, honey. I want to file a complaint against HR, give them the what for."

"I don't think that's what human resources means?" A very clueless gyaru spoke on the other end of the phone, listening to Venus talk while a short Nebulossom lay nearby. That Nebulossom was panting heavily, and the grass in the park was a nice soft place to lie down. "I think they're supposed to use the humans as resources, not make them better or whatever."

"What department do I go to get my human shell exchanged for something better?" Venus groaned. Living in this body was painful.

"Who'd you get the teeth from?" Luna rightly wondered, playing with locks of her strawberry-blonde hair. She would typically be chewing gum while she rests but ran out some seven Malice fights ago.

"My form on Earth came with it. Are they not a standard feature?" Venus gnashed her teeth, showing off her pearly whites while her friends were beaten black and blue. "They even let me drink blood."

"Oh, that's not fair. I wish my form had those." Luna pouted, and her companion groaned.

"You do have those, you daft git! You keep fergettin' that you've got shape changing!" The short Nebulossom to her side, Mercury, covered her face and loudly groaned. "I want a break from her antics! Venus, ye gotta take her, please."

"No 'cannae' do! I'm guiding the newbie at the moment, and as the eldest magical warrior, I take my duties very seriously." Venus paused to watch Gaia get launched into the air and fall on a nearby rooftop. "Very seriously. But you can be sure I'd take you any time, Luna." Venus gave a wink through the smartphone, and Luna giggled.

"Sure! But we're live-streaming it next time, okay? My LonelyFans page is like, begging for content, and I'm worried that my moons aren't doing it anymore?" Luna pouts, feeling her ample rear.

"If you just wanted sex, you only had to ask! I should have time after the ceremonial orgy on Thor's Day." Venus checked the calendar app on her 'smart phone.' Gaia dropped in quite literally as she hopped from the rooftop, leaving cracks in the asphalt on impact.

"Venus! Is now the time to be checking your calendar and eating a burger? We're in the middle of a fight!" Gaia hissed.

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"You've got it handled, hon! I need time to recover and check in with the other teams. Now, be a good girl and exterminate the Malice, okay?" Venus gave Gaia a dismissive wave. Gaia huffed and went to deal with what was left of the potted plant. "Where were we, Luna? Discussing where my mouth goes on your twat?"

"When, actually, I was thinking of mixing things up a little. Like, you know, a hen and stuff? That sounds totally exciting!" Luna's eyes sparkle. "Maybe I could knock you up, and we could have, like, star babies or something!"

"I'm certain our biology is incompatible, but stranger things have happened. The hive could always use more members." Venus considered the offer carefully.

"That's why I'd have the hen, so our biology was compatible and stuff." Luna pointed downwards at her waist. "Unless you'd rather I didn't? I can go with my normal bits."

"Ladybits or not, it's all fine to me. We don't even have gender on my planet; it's all the same in my eyes." Venus reassured Luna that she could give it to her however she wanted.

"I cannae tell what is worse, listenin' to you ijits blithely ramble about sex or goin' out to fight Malice in my condition." Mercury groaned and forced herself up and into a seated position. "I'd rather chance it with the Malice. At least I won't be losin' me plot armor passively."

"Oh, grow up, dear." Venus grinned slyly. "It's just sex. Everyone's done it, even your parents."

"Aye, and I wish they'd gone through protection so I wouldn't have to 'ear this conversation. I'm gonna have a word with Jupiter, and see what's the hold-up. Mebby find somewhere to help." Mercury picked up a wrench her size and spun it in the air, eliciting applause from Venus and Luna.

"Ah, shove it, you two. I don't need the praise; I'm just doin me job. Something you could learn about, Venus." Mercury huffed and wandered out of view of the selfie camera.

"Hey! I do my job!" Venus folded her arms, letting out a pout. "I'm an essential part of this team!"

Both exhausted and covered in dirt, Mars and Gaia exchanged a look. An essential part of this team?

"Hey, I'm wrapped up here, Venus. Can you watch Gaia? She isn't feeling so great, and we've got one place left to scout." Mars rubbed Gaia on her back. According to the human, her nose has been clogged all afternoon, and she feels both woozy and warm. Maybe she'd come down with some kind of fever?

"I can take care of her, of course!" Venus let out a coo, ready to dote on Gaia without hesitation. "This is the last one? For certain?"

"Last one, Jupiter's orders. This Malice set up at the amusement park; I'll zip in and out, see if we can make this demolition quick. We already have Honeybees in the area." Mars popped open the trunk, pulling out her biking helmet.

"Come back in one piece, alright? We're all exhausted, and we don't need you playing the hero." Venus gave the dizzy Gaia a stroke on the top of her head, pressing the human's face against her bosom. "We'll be right here when you're done."

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