Chapter 16: Chapter 14

"She wants to meet?" Johan asked as he stared at his phone. "Why now? Why suddenly? I mean, she hasn't talked to me in days. I was thinking that I might never hear from her again. Now she wants to meet in person? What is going on?" A whirlwind of emotions started to whirl within. Despite the evidence presented before him, he could not believe what Lucy had requested. "I should have never told her. I don't have any proof but why else does she want to meet? This is ridiculous."

"What's ridiculous?" Johan leaped from fright and fell on his bed when Wendy interrupted his thoughts. "I heard a commotion in here and thought you were in trouble."

Johan got up to his feet and brushed himself, "No, I'm fine."

"But you were panicking a few moments ago."

Trying his best to act normal, "It's nothing. That was me just overthinking things. You know, studying gets to you at times."

"Then perhaps you should take a break."

"Yeah, I probably should."

Giving him a look of uncertainty, Wendy turned around and left his room. As soon as the door closed, Johan reached for the phone and read the message once again. "What am I going to do? I don't think I should meet her. This is probably a bad idea. I don't even know her."

"So it is a girl,"

Johan tosses the phone from Wendy's return as he narrowly grabs it mid-air. "I thought you left.”

"And I thought you knew me by now. Now, what is this about a girl?"

"What girl?"

"Are you still playing this game of ignoring the obvious? You just said you confessed to a girl."

"I most certainly did not. You misheard me. I was just reading a novel online."

"You read novels in a very dramatic fashion?"

"Yes, of course."

"Again, who do you think you're talking to? You don't read novels like this."

"In any case, you're wrong. There is no girl and I didn't confess my feelings to anyone.” Despite his best efforts to convince Wendy otherwise, he knew that he wasn't fooling anyone. “Actually, this may be a good time to let you know that I want you to spreading rumors about me."

"Oh, Margaret said something. I told her to keep her mouth shut."

Johan wanted to shout his indignation but kept his composure. "Stop spreading rumors. I never said I liked a girl. You're mishearing me."

"Johan, are you going to finally grow up? If you like a girl, that's fine. I don't know why you have a problem with liking someone."

"I don't like anyone."

"Don't say that so proudly."

"Wendy, enough. I don't want you to spread anything about me anymore, okay? Now, let's all forget about this and get some dinner, okay?” Johan headed towards the door and towards the kitchen. ”Who's cooking tonight? You know what, maybe I should cook tonight since you like my cooking. I got some new ideas for dinner that I want to try out. Yeah, dinner. Dinner will make everything better and forget about every one of our problems."

An hour later, Wendy sat at the table, expecting another great meal from Johan, and was surprised to see a plate with lasagna. "You made this out of scratch?"

"I was preparing it for my turn but I guess I volunteered today, didn't I?"

"So that's what all that wiggly sheets were in the fridge for."

"Even you should know what lasagna pasta looks like." Both of them laughed and begin eating.

They take a bite and comment afterward, “Of course, you always make the best meals.”

“I keep telling you, the recipes are online.”

“You do something to the food that I can't replicate.” Johan took a bite and nodded with approval. "So, whose Lucy?"

Johan nearly choked on a morsel but managed to swallow it. "What?" he asked exasperated.

"I just peeked at the lock screen. I saw the notification. So who are you meeting on Sunday?"

Johan shot up from the table and went straight to his room. He wanted to slam the door but Wendy intercepted it with their hand.

"Can you please just leave me alone?" Johan groaned.

"Do you want to talk?"

"No!"

"You used to be able to talk to me about anything, you know. Now you're so grumpy and bitter."

"I'm just stressed."

"Yeah, yeah, stressed about mid-terms, but you know what, I think there's something else going on with you. Come on, tell me the truth."

"What truth?"

"Well, for one thing, you don't like me anymore, do you?"

"What are you on about?"

"I get it. You want to be supportive of me. I get it, really, but I feel your support is really disingenuous."

"Where is this coming from now?"

"Ever since the end of high school, ever since I... well... came out, you've been changing."

"Wendy, why are you bringing this up now. This has nothing to do with anything. In fact, I'm angry at the fact that you keep sharing things with Margaret when it supposes to be private. That's why I'm mad."

"I guess you're right. I'm sorry I told Margaret, but this was never you. You used to be so open about anything. Now you're the opposite. You refuse to talk to anyone. I'm worried about you."

"Why don't you leave me alone. Just leave me alone, please."

Seeing as he was in major distress, Wendy sighed, "Fine. I'll leave you then," and took their leave.

As the door was closing, "Wait," Johan said. Wendy opened the door once again to see Johan walking up to them. He had a strong piercing look on him but they could see that he was also starting to relax. "Do you promise to no longer tell Margaret anything?"

"Yes, of course."

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A few minutes later, Johan was offered a cup of tea as he sat on the couch. When Wendy sat down, Johan began, "Listen, there's nothing going on between us, okay? Me and... Lucy, if that is her real name, are just online friends. And we've been chatting extensively in the past few weeks. But then she one day stopped messaging me. She did tell me in advance but didn't mention the reason why. I was so worried about her, I was in a panic about what could have happened to her. And... well... today I go that message, that she wants to meet."

"Uh-huh."

"What do you mean, 'uh-huh'?"

"What's the problem?"

"I just told you. She wants to meet up, as in meet each other in real life."

"Yeah, that's a meetup alright."

"Are you fine with this?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

Johan rolled his eyes as he reclined and rubbed his forehead. "Of course, you wouldn't mind accepting some stranger's invitation."

"Not for a complete stranger, but you've been chatting with this girl for a while, right? She's practically a friend at this point."

"But I don't know her. I only have a glimpse of her life but we've never shared any private details about each other."

"So you spent weeks talking to this girl and never shared anything intimate?"

"No, of course not. You're not supposed to reveal sensitive information to strangers online."

Wendy starts to guffaw. "Johan, you're such a child. I bet mommy and daddy taught you real well about stranger danger, huh?"

"Oh great, more insults. Why are you mocking me this time?"

Wendy continued to laugh which caused Johan to eject himself off the couch. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Wendy said through chuckles as they got up. "I didn't mean to offend you, but listen to yourself. You sound so cautious. I get it, she's a stranger and you're afraid of meeting her, but there's nothing to really fear. I mean, where exactly does she want to meet?"

"At the train station."

"The train station on Sunday, right? A very busy place. See?"

"See what?"

"She is taking caution. She wants to meet in a public area where there are a lot of people around. She's just as anxious, cautious, and maybe as childish as you are."

"Well, I never thought of it that way."

"See, there's nothing to worry about. Just meet up with her and see who she is for yourself. See?"

"But I don't even know what she looks like."

"Then here's your chance." It was at this time that Wendy noticed a panicked look on Johan's face, now more pronounced after what they said. "Johan, are you really that scared to meet a friend?"

"It's not that I'm scared. It's just that... I don't know who this person is..."

“But you've been chatting for weeks. That's enough time to get to know someone."

"But still, I can't..."

"Do you not trust them? Do you think they're bad people?"

"No, I don't."

"Do you think this is some elaborate trick or fraud?"

"No, she is not a fraud."

Wendy leaned in close to Johan, who instinctively leaned away. "Are you afraid she fell in love with you?" He separated himself from them by a few feet. Wendy continued, "Johan, I think you like this girl and you're just afraid to admit it. I don't know what happened to you to end up like this, but clearly you're afraid of having any relationship, be it platonic or romantic."

"What makes you think that?"

"By your actions. Look, it's one thing to say hello to everyone you meet and to make small talk and be a gentleman and whatnot. That's all fine and well, but you don't actually try to converse with anyone. You just stick to yourself and avoid all interactions. I should be lucky you still talk to me on occasion. We used to chat so much back when I was Edwin."

"Wendy, please..."

"And do you know why I can candidly say something like that in front of you and not anyone else? Because I don't care what you think of me. In fact, I trust your judgment more than anyone because I know you care about me so much so that whatever opinion you have of me won't faze me. And you know what? I care about you. I care about you so much that I hate seeing you like this. You're so miserable, so depressed. You can fool everyone else with that facade of happiness you try to emit, but you can't fool your best friend. Your only friend."

Johan was no longer making eye contact with Wendy. His body had pivoted enough that they were not surprised when he just walked out of the apartment.

Out on the streets, Johan was chiding, "Why do I even bother talking to him! I can't believe Edwin spilled everything to Margaret. How can I trust him anymore? I'm never going to tell him anything ever again!"

As the sun was now setting behind the buildings in the distance, Johan arrived at an overpass as the street lights begin turning on.

"So I'm a child now? Since when has doing what your parents taught you become childish? There's a reason why you shouldn't talk to strangers, you know. They may end up stabbing you or something." He sighed. "But Lucy wouldn't do that. Not her. The odds of my mother doing so is higher than Lucy ever committing such an act."

He paused briefly to stares down at all the cars in the evening commute streaking by. "I can't fall in love. I'm incapable of doing so. Love is not in my future. Because the only person I love... doesn't exist. Whenever I go to sleep, I escape this cruel and terrible world and am joined by the one I truly love. The only one I want to be with. But she doesn't exists. She's just a figment of my imagination. I can never hold her in my arms. I can never caress her cheeks with my fingers. I can never... never... kiss her lips."

He looked towards the east as the night was now starting to cover the sky. He looked at the west where the orange glow of the sky was fainting behind the silhouette of the buildings.

He leaned back on the rail that separated him from the depths below. "Why can't I fall in love with the one I want? Everyone else gets to be with the one they love, why can't I? Why must my lover only be a figment of my imagination? Why can't she be real?"

He closed his eyes. The noise of the cars zooming by, the sound of footsteps from pedestrians, the cool wind on his face, all of this world had disappeared as he escaped to the one designed just for him. And as always, waiting in a field full of grass with hills all around him, the girl ran up to him, welcoming him to a joy he can only experience here. Her sweet smile fills him with delight that he could never find outside this confine. He reaches out to her to feel her cheeks but she is so embarrassed that she runs off. He chases after her as she frolics in a playful game.

A great light engulfed everything followed by darkness as Johan opened his eyes and returned back to the cruel reality.

“Should I be grateful for this? My happiness is interrupted, as always, by the world that neither of us want. The only joy I have is temporary. This world is nothing but a prison that one cannot escape from. A prison that I do not belong in but have been forced into. What was my crime that I should be sentenced to this cruel fate?" He turned to the traffic below him. "I did nothing wrong. Why must I suffer so much? Why have you done this to me? Why do I deserve this treatment?"

A rage was brewing within him. One which he subdued through the will that came from his morality. But the stressed expression on his face made it clear that he wanted to let go and lash out at the world. And at this moment, as he fought with his inner demons that tormented him day after day like the sadistic hedonists that were devouring his very soul, a warm touch was felt on his cheek. He gasped as he straightened up. He looked around but there was nobody around him. A smile flashed before him. A smile he had seen a thousand times and wanted to see a thousand more. A familiar laughter echoed in his ear, one that only he could hear.

A tear in his eye started rolling down as he only had one thing to say, "Reincarnation..."

--

The lights were off, her computer shut down, and she was in her nightwear under the blankets. But only until she got a reply would Lucy go to sleep as she stared at the dim glare from her phone. Sleep was starting to overcome her as she struggled to stay awake. She was not used to staying awake past eleven at night.

"Did I wait too long?" she asked herself. "Did he just give up on me? I'm sorry, but I had a lot to think about." A notification popped up. The name Johan made her wide awake as she sat up. Going into the chat, he had left by the time she logged in. Only a single message was left behind.

Sure. What time?

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