Chapter 5: Chapter 1 – Ailith

I descend the stairs and enter the living room where my father is arranging the wood in the fireplace. I shiver and breathe out, watching the small white cloud dissipate in front of my face. Walking over to the calendar we keep on the wall, I put a red X on today.

December 23rd, my 18th birthday.

But today is not a day of celebration. It is a day of mourning for the woman who lost her life birthing me. The woman whom I murdered. The woman my father says was his one and only love. Today my father and I both wear clothing devoid of color, though I will not be going with him to pay respects at her grave. I never have.

"You will bring her nothing but pain," he said.

"Your presence will disturb her."

So, after watching him leave on horseback towards the village graveyard, I return to my room and sit by the window, tracing the outline of the village in the distance. I know he will not be back until after dark as usual, so I roam out to the garden beside our home. I run my hands along the dead and dying plants, hoping that maybe the small warmth from my fingertips will give them enough willpower to return in the spring.

After my mother died, my father decided to teach me everything she excelled in. It started as a way of remembering her. After my features began to grow and mold into a clone of her, I think my father took it to an extreme. He wanted me to be exactly like her, do all the things she did, know all the things she knew. Part of that included gardening. If the herbs I planted died, I would be reprimanded.

"Your mother never let her garden suffer," He would say. "You bring nothing but death, child."

I studied books about plants and how to care for them for months until our quaint, dying garden became something so beautiful it would bring the queen to tears. Still, he paid it no compliments. Though I suppose silence is better than being scolded.

I looked over towards Bristleton, the local village. Our home was on the outskirts of the village, as my father never wanted people to see me. To know me.

"This is your punishment, girl. You have left me eternally alone, so you too will be alone forever."

Sometimes I allowed myself to dream. Dream of the bustling streets of Bristleton, and the people I could meet there. Dream of cities beyond that. Dream of my mother, holding me close and forgiving me for killing her. Sometimes I even dreamt of my father apologizing. Telling me he was proud of the woman I had become. I never let myself dream too much though.

A rustle in the woods near the house shook me out of my thoughts. I examined the trees, looking for whatever made the noise, but I find nothing. I tread slowly back into the living room and rest near the fire. I warm my hands, but I know that despite my yearning, the warmth will never reach deep enough.

It never does.

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