Chapter 22: 22: Little Silver Studs

When I got home that night, Diana was waiting for me in the kitchen looking pensive and holding a cup of tea. She looked kinda cool like that. Stoic, but with an undercurrent of feeling and emotion that made you want to trust her despite yourself. She was a good person, if a bit frosty on the outside. Oooh, like a marshmallow. Wait, that makes no sense. Nevermind. 

“Eloise, hey there,” Diana said with a smile. “Keep your afternoon free tomorrow, if that’s okay? I’d like to take you shopping then instead of the weekend, I’ve had a… change of plans in my schedule. But we do need to get you some clothes and other necessities.”

“Oh! Um… okay! That’s… really… you don’t have to. I’ll just find a job or something, if you don’t want to,” I said awkwardly, trying to do the right thing by saying no.

“Don’t be ridiculous Eloise, I’m offering to do this because I want to do it,” Diana sighed in exasperation.

“Right… sorry,” I smiled slightly, thankful she’d taken my denials and tossed them out the door.

Giving me a genuine smile, she nodded, “It’s settled then, I’ll meet you outside my office at four.”

“Sounds good!” I said, realising only just now that this meant I would get new clothes. So many new clothes! Oh but what did I even want? What was my style?

“I made some dinner for you by the way,” she said, “It’s in the fridge when you need it. Chicken Korma.”

“Oh thanks M- Diana!” I said, stumbling over my words and almost calling her Mum already.

Diana gave me an amused, but also strangely vulnerable smile that said she knew what I’d almost said. Oh geez. Embarrassing.

I made my way over to the fridge and extracted my leftovers, already dreaming of what style I’d be rocking. I knew that I kinda liked the way Brook dressed, but I wasn’t sure if I liked it because she was hot and I wanted to… anyway ummm, yeah I wasn’t sure if it was that, or if I liked it because it looked good. I also wanted to try cute dresses and stuff, so like, maybe a bit of both?

Oh! What if I bought a cute black dress, and then a really cool badass coat or something to put over the top. Maybe like… a suit jacket or something. Leather jacket didn’t seem like me. Maybe denim? So many options! I had a lot of googling to do. I could already feel the rage as I clicked on an image and it opened a pinterest page.

 

****

 

Wow, we bought… a lot of stuff. How did Diana afford all this? I was deadly curious about it, but I was also too anxious to ask. Like, surely a professor didn’t earn enough to just throw this kind of money around. I had six bags worth of clothing sitting on the chair next to me while we ate in the food court.

I’d gotten so much stuff, it was making my head spin, but the general gist of it was, I want butch clothing! No wait.. Femme clothing! No wait, more butch! Wait… but what about that cute dress? Oooohh that vest looks great! I hadn’t been able to decide on a style for myself from the tried and true lesbian categories, so I’d just mixed and matched all over the place. Not only that, but I’d gotten my ears pierced, and my earlobes now sported little silver studs.

I was definitely going to have to write a blog post about this. This trip had sparked so many ideas and commentary on lesbian fashion and how lacking our current terminology for it was, that I just needed to get it out. I needed to word vomit my thoughts onto the internet and let them deal with it. Maybe I should start an instagram too so more people would find my blog? Oh! I could post outfits on instagram to accompany my thoughts!

“Eloise?” Diana asked with an amused smile. “Earth to Eloise, would you like some more of the prawns, or can I take a few?”

“O-oh! Uhm, yeah sure, take some… I think I’m finished,” I said gratefully.

Diana had been awesome too during our shopping trip, always on point with advice about what went together, and what didn’t go together. She’d mentioned some stuff about how lesbians used to dress back when she was growing up and figuring herself out, so that was pretty cool. 

We’d gotten pretty in depth with our conversations about the clothes we were picking out, and it was like I was getting a second lesson at times. Except, it was a lesson about a subject I really loved, so I had been super into it! She was really totally cool, and I was so happy she’d taken me in. Like, wow! How lucky had I been to end up on her doorstep that night?

“Thank you… so much, again. Diana… you’re really great,” I said bashfully, unable to express my full gratitude without acknowledging the strange parent-child relationship that was forming between us.

Like, did she feel like I did? She was already feeling like a pillar in my life, immovable and always ready to steady me when I needed it. I smiled as I thought about the almost possessive way she’d gently chided me both times I’d tried to avoid having her help with my clothing situation.

She gave me a smile in return, waving her hand dismissively, “It’s fine. I have other sources of income besides my job as a professor. I am considerably more well off than you might expect, so this is nothing. A drop in the bucket.”

“Really, what else do you have?” I asked before I could stop myself. That was really rude! Bad Elsie!

Diana saw my look of horror as I realised what I’d done and laughed that rich laugh of hers, then replied with a wink, “Nothing I can talk about yet I’m afraid. Confidential.”

“Oh, right… okay,” I nodded, still feeling very stupid.

The banter returned quickly after that, much to my relief. My stumbling foot in mouth syndrome paired well with Diana’s cool calm amusement. We sat and talked long after we’d finished eating, and even into the car. The conversation eventually settled into a peaceful silence when I started to feel drowsy. Talking for that long was absolutely exhausting. How did people do it?

When we got home, I wandered into my room and got out my shitty laptop, deciding I might try and install some older games on it in the hopes I could play them. It would never run Stellaris, but maybe I could get it to run Europa Universalis 3?

I also installed Discord, and immediately flicked a message to Maddy, asking if she was up to try playing EU3 with me.

Cetri: Hey, feel like trying to play EU3 with me? Gonna see if this piece of shit laptop will run it.
Cetri: Also… Hey :)

I sat for a while, waiting for the three dancing little dots to indicate she was replying, but I didn’t get a reply for ten or so minutes, so I gave up. Before I started the game though… I had something I needed to do.

I pulled my phone up and opened the camera app. I was wearing a new black dress, one I’d liked so much I’d asked to wear it out of the store, and along with the little studs in my earlobes I looked very feminine right now. More feminine than normal, but it would get the point across rather well I thought. I tousled my hair a bit until it fell in a pleasing way, then snapped the selfie and uploaded it to discord as my profile pic. I was still called Cetri on discord, and I didn’t feel the need to change it. It was such a cutesy name anyway, I don’t know how I hadn’t gotten shit for it before.

The game finished downloading pretty quickly, my laptop might be slow, but Diana’s internet speeds were not, and it was a small game. I started the game and quickly got into it, happy that I could at least get it to run. The graphics might be crap, but simulating so many parts of the game took a toll on the CPU.

I sighed and smiled, settling further into my pillows and getting lost in the game. I had decided to play as the Incas, desperately trying to fortify my position before the Europeans arrived with their guns and cannons. I loved playing scenarios like this. Chances were I was going to be overrun in a matter of a year when the spanish arrived, but whatever, it was fun to try.

I heard the ba-doop of a message coming in, and rushed to see if it was Maddy, but it wasn’t. It was Torus. My old gaming friend who’d asked to see what I looked like now.

Torus: Is that you? In your picture?

Cetri: Yeah it is

Torus: Wow… you’re pretty. That’s really crazy. You used to be a guy too?

Cetri: Not entirely.

Torus: Huh? How can you have been a guy and not been a guy? What does that mean?

Cetri: I don’t really feel like explaining it to you. Sorry.

You are reading story Falling Over at novel35.com

Torus: Oh ok. Well, you look really pretty, you’re really lucky.

I was about to type another cagey reply in an attempt to end the conversation when I paused and reread what he’d just written. Lucky. He’d said I was lucky… which implied he thought that being turned into a girl was something good? Oh no.. Ohhhh Torus.

Cetri: Yup. I didn’t realise it, but I’d been wishing for this my whole life. That’s why I said not entirely. Sure I was born with those parts… but I never really felt like they were mine…

I was going out on a limb here, testing the waters. It would be wild if there were two of us in our little friendship clan… but I couldn’t just ignore him if what was going on were confused cries for help. He took a very long time to respond. The little dots above the message field appearing and disappearing over and over.

Torus: wow… how did you know?

Cetri: It was pretty obvious when I absolutely hated being in the body of a boy again after being a girl for a day or so. My Emergence was weird. I could swap back and forth, but the more time I spent in my girl form, the more my boy form transformed.

Torus: Kinda like Ranma ½?

Cetri: Pretty much yeah. You watched that?

Torus: Yeah! I love it! I rewatch it sometimes. And read the manga.

Alright, that settled it. I saved my game quickly in case having my browser open as well as the game and discord ended up crashing things, then began browsing. Let’s see… I’d read a few stories that had done something similar, but I needed something overt. Something that actually covered what it meant to be transgender, which meant nothing coming from anime or manga. Damn, I wish I knew some people who were trans like me.

I eventually found something, a story on a random story website, and gave it a skim read. It seemed good, the tags looked fine… here we go! I found a chapter title that might indicate what I was looking for, and read over it. Definitely a trans girl main character, good, and the rest of the story was fluffy as all hell.

Cetri: Try this story, see what you think. I’m here if you have questions :)

Torus: Oh… thanks! I will… what are you doing by the way?

Cetri: Playing EU3. I only have my shitty laptop now, I got kicked out of my parents' place for being emerged and trans.

Torus: That’s fucked up! Where are you staying?

Cetri: A cool older lesbian’s place. She’s neat.

Torus: Nice! Ok thanks for the story and stuff. I have to go! Raid time

Cetri: Good luck!

Damn… I’d thought Torus was being a creep back when I’d last talked to him. Damn, damn, damn! Hope that story helped him… them, her? Them, for now, I hoped it helped them figure out their questions a little more.

Back in my game, I was almost on the time when the spanish would start to appear on the continent. I had maybe a few years where my technology would take a huge jump as their ideas bled into mine. There was a mechanic in the game where tech would bleed over borders etc, and I needed to take full advantage of that fact. I didn’t have long before I’d be fighting their conquistadors after all.

I also needed an ally, someone who spain would think twice about fucking with, and maybe end up avoiding the war altogether. This meant, unfortunately, that I probably needed to suck up to either the English or the French. Feeling a little american at that point, I decided to suck up to the french, sending a few diplomats over.

This ended up being the wrong choice. I got my alliance, sure… but europe erupted into a war, and I was dragged into it. Almost as an afterthought I was steamrolled by a combined force of Spanish and English troops. Rip me. Just a minor forgotten casualty to the superpowers of Europe.

I sighed and exited to the main menu, tapping idly at my covers with a pillow. It was at that moment that I got another ba-doop.

This time, it was Maddy replying, and I opened the conversation eagerly.

Maddy: Hi sorry, can’t. Busy with something, but maybe later?

Cetri: Oh um, sure! How are you doing though?

Maddy: I’m ok. Sorry, cya.

Wow, that was abrupt. I wonder what she was doing that took up that much of her attention? I tried not to feel hurt by her curt dismissal, people had shit they needed to do and it probably didn’t mean anything. I hoped it didn’t mean anything, and ignored the bitter feeling that pooled in my stomach.

We still had our date coming up though! We hadn’t made any plans of course, but… that would happen. I can’t believe she asked me on a date! Apart from Brook, no one had ever asked me out. I smiled as I remembered the last time Brook had really tried.

We’d been walking home after high school in our senior year, and she’d been trying to convince me to go to a party with her. I mentioned that I wouldn’t really know anyone there. They were the social crowd. I knew the nerd crowd. The two were almost entirely different worlds. Brook had made a joke about us having our own party then, that way I’d know all the people there. I’d said that just sounded like a date, and I wasn’t interested in dating.

She’d gone quiet for a while after that, and then turned abruptly, blurting out a line about wanting to take me out on a date like that. She’d apologised straight away, blush and all, saying she was sorry, I had literally just said I wasn’t interested in dating.

I couldn’t help a silly smile as I looked back on the moment. It had seemed stressful and awkward at the time, I was a dysphoric wreck of a person who was in no way emotionally available. It was cute though, remembering how she’d been back then. She’d been the same, but with a teenaged insecurity that was definitely no longer present. She’d become an impressive girl, and impressive woman.

I wondered what she was up to right now. Probably chatting up someone in a bar I thought with a sigh. Damn, I’d have loved to have her here right now. I was bored. Games weren’t gripping me the same way they used to. Like, I still liked them and enjoyed them, but there were other things to do now too. Women’s fashion was a hobby I could engage in now, rather than just looking in from the outside like some sort of voyeur.

Damn, being a girl felt good. I had new clothing! I let out a squeal of delight as I was suddenly overwhelmed by just… GIRL. I AM A GIRL. I reached for my phone and sent a text to Brook, who would understand my stupid giddy excitement.

Elsie: BROOK. I’M A GIRL. I HAVE LIKE, BOOBS AND STUFF, AND I CAN PUT CUTE BRAS ON THEM. AND I HAVE SO MANY NEW CLOTHES AND I’M WEARING A NEW DRESS. WHAT THE FUCK IS MY LIFE??

Brook: Whoa, hey there Elsie. I noticed you were a girl, something about how you’re absolutely gorgeous tipped me off. Maybe it was just the boobs though yeah.

Elsie: Shut uuuup. Seriously! I can’t believe this!

Brook: It makes sense when I look back. You always acted pretty girly. Remember that time your mum made a jab at how I was more guyish than you were?

Elsie: Ugh, don’t remind me…

Brook: Good thing you yote that lot! It’s good to see you happy.

Elsie: Thanks :)