Chapter 21: 21: Hot Vest

My eyes fluttered awake like a car trying to start after years of neglect. The noise I made wasn't far off that either. Everything fucking hurt. Goddess what had I done to myself? Who's stupid idea was it to break every part of my body as a coping mechanism for shitty parents? Once again I was proving to the world that Elsie is a dumbass.

When my eyes finally decided to focus, I found Brook laying on her back next to me. She was tapping madly away on her phone and I could vaguely see the Instagram app open from this angle. She wore a dress shirt and black vest, like she’s just been to a function or something. Damn though a shirt and vest looked so damn good on her. Really good. Bad Elsie! Just a friend! Stop noticing how hot she looks in that outfit!

"You came and found me," I said softly, pushing those thoughts away.

Brook glanced over and smiled, "Yup. No one else knows where you might disappear to except me. So I just had to go and find you."

"Thanks," I said gratefully, trying to hide the embarrassment I was now feeling.

“No problem Els. So why did you go and break yourself like that?” she asked, her eyes roaming across my face like she was trying to figure it out via some sort of crazy face reading thing.

I looked up at the ceiling and tried to order my thoughts. My parents had fucked me over, removing my access to my own bank account.

“So I tried to buy a coffee. My card declined. Looks like my parents have closed my access to the account. Locked me out. I just kinda fell apart after that you know? Having asshole parents hurts on a really deep level and I just… I needed to work off my emotions, so I did. Problem was that my powers got a little too enthusiastic about the whole thing and stopped me from noticing how much damage I was doing to my body,” I explained while I inspected the ceiling.

“Those assholes. Fuck I want to punt them into the sun. Wish I would emerge so I could trash their shit or something,” Brook growled angrily.

“Yeah. I mean I don’t know, I don’t really have a huge desire to ruin them. I just want them to leave me alone,” I said, my voice cracking as the emotions I had spent so long at the skatepark trying to suppress came inching back.

Brook shuffled over quickly, but stopped short of touching me, “Yeah we can do that too… I’m sorry for bringing it up. Do you want like, a hug or something? I um, I understand if that’s weird coming from me but-”

She stopped speaking when I rolled over and buried my face in her chest. My arms went around her neck without much thought and I clung to her while I rode out this damn sadness all over again. She very carefully placed her own arms around my waist, and I sighed in relief as the gesture and our hug eased the tension within me. Brook was doing it again, being that friend I needed whenever things were shit. Well, apart from when my parents kicked me out, but she had good reason that time.

I realised then that if Brook hadn’t stuck by my side all these years, I probably would have given in to my parent’s abuse or my dysphoria. I’d probably be dead without her friendship. It was a pretty terrifying thought, to know how close you had come to not existing only after the fact.

“Thanks Brook,” I mumbled into her chest.

“No problem Els. I’m always gonna be here for you yeah? BFFs for life right?” she said, and she almost managed to cover up the note of bitterness when she said that last line.

“Yeah…” I replied, trailing off because honestly I had no idea what to say. She was too good to me.

She was such a comfortable person to hold and cuddle, so I just concentrated on that. There is definitely something to be said for being the shorter person in this type of situation. A few minutes into holding me, she reached for her phone and began tapping away again, using me as an armrest. I didn’t mind.

“What’s happening in Instagramland?” I asked sleepily.

“Ah just growing my followers. It’s kinda fun. Seems like I already had a reputation, and now that people are realising I’ve got an account they are starting to follow me. Rosie is helping by being a signal booster. She’s actually crazy popular,” Brook explained, her breath gently warming the top of my head. Fuck how was this so comfortable?

“What kind of reputation does the amazing Brooklyn Stella Weaver have?” I teased, already giggling at the many options available.

“Um… apparently I’m a heartbreaker of both men and women, but… I have a good reputation in bed apparently,” she coughed, and I swear she was embarrassed by that admission.

“You’re funny. I’m a little jealous to be honest. Now that I am a girl it actually seems kinda fun. I mean I’d only hook up with girls cos I’m a lesbian, but still…” I said.

“Lesbian huh? So you’re full on thinking of yourself as a girl?” she asked, putting her phone down and resting her chin on the top of my head.

“Definitely. I’m trans, there’s no doubt about it now. I love being a girl. I love this so much. It’s like… ah I could get all poetic and shit about it but at the end of the day my life was shit before. I had really bad dysphoria and I had no clue. When I emerged into this body… well yeah. I’m so much better like this,” I replied earnestly.

“Damn that’s heavy. Trans girls are damn fun as well. Not that I’m fetishising or anything, but they can sure find some creative ways to use their equipment,” Brook said thoughtfully.

“Ewww gross Brook!” I said, wriggling a little out of her grasp to pout up at her.

“Hey I’m just saying,” she grinned, then turned serious again, “Really though, it’s been amazing watching you enjoy life for like the first time ever, so I’ll do whatever I can to help you keep going.”

I couldn’t stop a big answering grin, “Thanks Brook. You are actually an amazing friend.”

“I know, I know. I accept credit for my tips,” she laughed.

“I can’t give you the tip anymore Brook, it’s gone,” I deadpanned.

I hope a little flirty joke wasn’t breaking the rules. It was too good to pass up.

I watched her blink at me as she worked through that one, then she gave an amused snort, “I thought you could change back and forth?”

“Um… actually, the more I’ve spent in the girl form, the more my old guy form has resembled the girl one. I haven’t swapped back since I escaped my parent’s house. I’m kinda afraid to try,” I said truthfully.

“You should give it a go. It’s probably important to know,” she told me, rolling off the bed.

I sighed, and followed her shakily. My limbs seemed to be functional for now, but I wouldn’t be skating any time soon. I wobbled over to stand in front of her big mirror, grateful for the reassuring hand she placed on my back.

Looking in the mirror revealed the girl I was so thankful to be. My messy shoulder length black hair, My glowing blue eyes ringed with long dark lashes. Freckles to match my eyes danced like fairies across my nose and cheeks. I watched myself smile at the feeling of wonderful euphoria that swept over me as I took myself in. My body was great. I was a little on the smaller side of average, with long legs and wide hips. My boobs were possibly the best thing about me though. Perfectly shaped and perfectly sized to fit me. I was at peace just seeing who I was, who I had probably always been or yearned to be.

Getting myself to transform proved to be harder than I thought it would. I knew how to do it, but I just couldn’t summon the bravery and willpower to do it. I felt a sick feeling in my gut as I tried. Eventually though, with Brook giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze, I was able to make it happen. Except… nothing happened. My freckles and glowing eyes disappeared. That was it. I felt no different.

“You just turned the glow off. Is that all now?” she asked in awe, “Wow, that old guy body is really gone?”

I wasn’t able to speak. My throat felt choked up, constricted by the multitude of complex feelings that were welling up inside me. I was free. That old guy body was gone. I mean really truly gone. I wasn’t just hiding it like I had previously. I had no choice now. I was Elsie, I was a girl in a girl’s body and there was no going back. I turned to Brook and grinned the stupidest biggest grin I had ever let onto my face. I was so fucking happy!

She grinned right back, “Wow someone’s happy. I guess you really like the new look huh? Wish I’d realised it sooner, I could have helped a little. Also wow your eyes are so blue even without the glow. Damn they are pretty.”

I blushed and felt my grin turn bashful at those last words. I was pretty! My eyes were pretty! Oh I needed to sit down before I fell over. I felt all warm and loose and happy, like a puddle of Elsie.

“I’m going to fall over,” I told her, and then did so.

Well, except my powers had other things to say about that. I honestly couldn’t tell you the logistics of how we got like this, but one moment I was going boneless, and the next Brook had me in a princess carry. My arms were even around her neck.

“Oh for fucks sake,” Brook laughed, “Of course you get the derpiest powers ever. Everyone else is out there throwing lightning and teleporting all over the god damn fucking place and you gain the ability to swoon perfectly.”

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She marched over to the bed with me still in her arms, then tossed me unceremoniously onto it, a startled yelp coming from me as she did so.

“I can do more than that!” I protested from the bed.

“Sure you can princess, but I don’t see any of that right now,” she said rolling her eyes, “I’m going to go find food. It’s midnight so our chances of ordering are slim but there might be leftover chinese in the Refrigerator.”

“Do you never actually have ingredients to make food?” I asked petulantly.

“Why would I cook my own food? You know what I’m like,” she laughed as she left the room in search of leftovers.

Right, that made sense. Brook was a mess. A high functioning mess, but definitely a mess.

 

****

 

The next day, I met Maddy after one of my classes in a grassy patch that had been cultivated for students to sit on when it was sunny. It was not sunny. Autumn was definitely here now, and I knew I’d need warmer clothes, which made the fact I had no money even more pressing. Brook had cheered me up somewhat, but now that I wasn’t in her company anymore it was back to feeling the crushing weight of life bearing down on me.

“So your parents seized your bank account? And they just let them do that? That’s so mean!” Maddy frowned sympathetically.

“Yeah it sucks. Like really sucks. I’m going to have nothing to wear when autumn really gets going, and now I don’t have even my tiny amount of savings to buy stuff. I think Diana wants to buy me things but I’d feel so bad if she did. Someone else dumped me on her doorstep and she didn’t even question it. Just started taking care of me,” I sighed, still wondering what I was going to do.

Maddy seemed pensive for a moment, then shook her head at me, “You should really talk to her about it. Maybe you can get a loan from her instead to buy clothes. You can pay it back when you get a job.”

I watched a group of girls wander past for a moment, absently checking out the clothing they were wearing. It was funny how you could tell what year of uni a girl was in by how well she dressed. There were some, like Rosie, who stayed immaculate throughout their time studying, but it seemed that the general rule was the longer you were here, the less you cared about day to day appearance.

“Maybe…” I said eventually, looking back at her, “But how do I even broach that subject? ‘Hello Diana, please give me money. I promise I will pay it back with the job I do not have.’”

Maddy’s eyes went wide as I was speaking, and she frantically used them to gesture behind me as a particularly chill breeze sent goosebumps racing up my arms.

“You could start with that dear, yes,” an amused voice remarked.

I turned around as much as I could while sitting, and looked up sheepishly into the beautifully cold eyes of Diana.

“H-hi Ms Monahan,” I mumbled sheepishly.

“Diana dear, please,” Diana winced, “And I would be more than happy to take you shopping for clothing. You’ll need it, and I have the money to spare. We’ll go this weekend, how about that?”

“Yeah! Oh my goddess! Thank you! Thank you!” I exclaimed with suddenly watery eyes.

It felt amazing to have someone offer so much generosity out of the blue like that. People were incredible sometimes. Shit I really was going to cry. It felt like Diana had just lifted a weight off my shoulders. I’d been sitting here with no hope of accomplishing something that needed to happen, only for her to swoop in and ease the burden for me, purely out of the kindness of her heart. How the fuck did I end up with such terrible family when people like my friends and Diana existed?

Diana hesitated for a moment, then reached down and ruffled my hair ever briefly, “I’m not a goddess dear, but I may know one.”

What?

“Anyway, I saw you sitting here and came to check on you. You didn’t come home last night and I was worried,” she said, a sincere smile softening her features.

“Oh sorry! I forgot to message you! I stayed the night at my friend Brook’s house,” I said.

“That’s good, so long as you’re safe and happy,” Diana smiled down at me.

I winced at that part, “Actually… My parents took control of my bank account yesterday. They had full access and… yeah well now I don’t anymore.”

Diana stared down at me for a moment and I swear I felt a chill settle around us as her face turned from a caring expression into one of anger. It was hella intimidating, and I had the sudden animal urge to move back a few feet.

“Did they now,” she growled, “I see your father didn’t learn his lesson.”

“Don’t… don’t like hurt them or anything. I didn’t have much money in it anymore, I can just start a new one. Better bank and all that too, and under my new name, without any ties to my old one,” I said, trying to calm my suddenly very angry professor down.

I watched her take a few deep breaths, then nod, “You’re right. It was an extremely petty move on their part. I’ll do some research on which bank would be best for you. We can talk about it tonight. Would that be a better option than putting your father’s head through a wall?”

“Um, yes… I would like that. Well I’d like both of those things but one has you going to court so that’s not ideal,” I said with a grin.

“Yes you do have a point don’t you dear. Alright, do come home tonight won’t you?” she asked, looking a tiny bit apprehensive.

“Yup! Sure thing!” I said happily. At least some people like Diana were there to step in where my parents had failed.

“Good. See you then,” she nodded, then turned and left, taking the chill air with her.

I turned slowly back to Maddy, my eyes wide as saucers. We stared at each other in silence for a moment, each of us doing that ‘Oh shit that just happened’ expression.

“She’s totally the coolest person ever,” Maddy breathed excitedly, “She’s like turning into your scary protective new mum or something!”

“Nooo she’s just looking out for a fellow LGBT person is all,” I said shaking my head.

“Don’t be dense Elsie, come on! Embrace it! You have a chance at a new mum! How cool is that?” Maddy said enthusiastically.

“She is nice to chill with… I wish my mum had done movie nights with me when I was growing up,” I sighed, absently pulling grass out of the ground.

Would she really end up being an adoptive mother to me? Would I like a new mum to replace my… broken one? Diana was acting very motherly. Well, good motherly, not the type of motherly I was used to. Ahh my life was confusing now. I loved it, but damn had things been much more simple before the emergence.

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