Chapter 14: Chapter: 14 Baskin Tommelson

It was a cold moonless night that found me trudging down the road in silence. The alcohol had mostly worked its way out of my system but it had left me with a deep sense of paranoia and a throbbing headache.

I heard hooves of cobblestone and moments later a carriage pulled by a team came down the road going in the opposite direction to what I was heading. The driver cracked his whip over the animal's heads and shouted at them to get a move on.

The wagon which had the initials S.M on the side swerved to avoid a puddle and I stumbled out of the way before being run over. I stepped onto a loose stone and fell into a muddy ditch on the side of the road. I got up again, dusted off my cloak and kicked the mud out of my shoes and kept trudging on.

My head was a whirl of emotions. I couldn't believe how quickly my life had been turned upside down. The day before I’d been imagining a future with Ahri, maybe on a farm with some kids but then she’d had to go completely crazy. In her defense there were signs. I mean she had stabbed me in the stomach repeatedly and smiled while doing it. So her seducing a man and then stripping him naked, tying him to a bed and then robbing and threatening to kill him wasn't that out of character. Maybe I was blinded by her smile or the sound of her laughter or maybe it was just her amazing body. Whatever it was, I had learnt a powerful lesson. Just because someone is hot doesn't mean they aren't psychopaths.

An hour later and a few miles down the road I saw a brightly colored caravan turned onto its side. My first thought was bandits or maybe an orc attack, that's the kind of thing you’d expect to see if it was a game but after poking around for a bit I realized there was nobody in sight.

I thought about flipping the caravan open and having a look inside. There could be some valuable items inside or maybe some food both sounded good at the moment.

I tapped on the caravan and then shouted. “Hello.”

I heard scraping sounds inside the caravan and then I heard a gruff voice shouting, “Thank Teon’s hairy balls. Get me out of here.”

I pushed against the side of the caravan before realizing that I was a cardmage and I didn't need to use all my energy on this.

I rummaged through my spell cards and chose the Twilight Titan. Tiny green lights flooded out of the card and moments later Flint appeared beside me holding what looked like a pair of white briefs.

“You really need to knock before summoning me,” he said. “What if I was getting changed?"

I looked at the briefs and then back at him and said, “Please tell me those aren’t mine.”

The titan deposited the underwear in his mouth and then smiled at me like he’d not just done the most screwed up thing ever.

“I have so many questions right now,” I said. “But we will talk later. I need you for something a bit more urgent right now?”

Flint eyed the caravan.

“You want me to break it open so you can rob it?”

“What? No! Can you flip it over, there's someone inside.”

The old man inside the caravan yelled again but this time his voice was muffled by the sound of the caravan squeaking as Flint rolled it back into its wheels.

“Where is Ahri?” Flint asked once the caravan was upright. “Is she in there? You know she's going to be pissed when she gets out.”

“Ahri is gone,” I said.

“Gone-gone or just gone?”

“Just gone.”

“What? But you two were made for each other. Like rich and poor, hot and cold, sane and crazy.”

“Those are opposites,” I said.

“Opposites attract.”

“Not in our case.”

“Well, I would be lying if I said I’d miss her. You know she called me a pile of rocks. One time when she thought I was sleeping she cleaned the gunk off the bottom of her boots on my head.”

“Yeah that's the reason we parted ways, the gunk thing.”

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Flint gave me an odd look as if he wasn't quite sure if he should believe me but before he could say anything an old bearded man climbed out of the caravan.

“About bloody time,” said the old man. “Three wagons have gone by and no one bothered to stop and help me.”

“What happened?” I asked.

The man shrugged and dusted himself off.

“I don't know. I took my eyes off the road for a second and something smashed into the side of the caravan. Before I knew it I was lying upside down with my dick in my mouth.”

The old man cocked his head and raised his hand to silence us.

“Do you hear that?”

“What?” I asked.

“A hissing sound.”

I heard it then, it was coming from the edge of the forest. Eighteen red eyes appeared in the gloom and fixed on me.

I stared back into those eyes and felt a moment of terror and then a bright flame wooshed through the air directly at me.

Flint dived over me and used his body as a shield to block the fire. It bounced harmlessly against his stone body and fizzled out.

“Hey master,” said Flint, inches from my face. “You’ve got a pretty mouth.”

“We really need to work on your timing, Flint.”

The glowing eyes drew nearer and in the dim light I saw a long thick tail slithering across the ground. A choir of snakes hissed and a creature the size of a house moved across the ground towards us at a frightening speed. It had nine heads all raised into the air and ready to strike.

The old man drew a spell card and cast it. A bolt of yellow lightning streaked across the air and ignited two of the hydra's heads. The monster's faces melted off and the air filled with the smell of burnt flesh. Blue light swirled and moments later the hydra’s decapitated heads reappeared perfectly unharmed.

“Son of a biscuit,” said the man. “The bloody thing regenerates.”

I ordered Flint to attack and he raised both of its hands and pointed them at the hydra’s heads and fired. His fists shot forward and crushed two of the monster’s heads.

Another swirl of blue light appeared and the heads regenerated just as fast as before. The hydra rose up and fired another ball of flame which streaked towards me at a blinding speed.

I raised one hand to blow my face and with the other I drew a binding card. I tossed it in front of me like a shield. Fireball and binding card collided in a burst of brilliant sparks which lit up the night's sky.

* Congratulations you have bound: Mimic

Not what I was expecting.

* Spell Card: Mimic

-Makes multiple copies of a single target.

Have you ever heard of the illusion of choice?

Never mind, of course you haven't.