Chapter 13: Chapter: 13 Grasshopper Mage

We were ambushed the moment we entered the village of White Bridge.

Chimera baboons circled us. They snapped at our hands and then pulled back out of range each time I swung my rusty pole at them.

Damn Polyblade.

Blood ran down the side of my head and the Twilight Titan lay shattered at my feet. It had been a bloody battle and we were losing.

The elders and townsfolk had fled indoors at the first signs of trouble and now they peered at us from bedroom windows.

“We need to get out of here before they tear us apart,” Ahri said breathlessly.

“There are too many of them,” I said. “They are different this time, stronger.”

A chimera attacked Ahri and she spun around and the sleeves of her tunic shot out and wrapped around the creature. She twisted her body and flung the beast away from her. She was surprisingly good at fighting. Her god’s raiment could change into any form and it made a pretty decent weapon.

I deflected the attack of a chimera’s snake tail and smashed the head of a second attacker. I’d noticed that I was no longer getting experience from these creatures. Which made sense they were summoned monsters so it was possible that I could only receive experience from the first time I killed them.

“I don't have much to work with,” I said. “Now would be a great time to reveal the awesome god powers you’ve been hiding from me.”

Ahri hesitated for a moment.

“Talasin?”

“Yes?” I said.

“I'm sorry I brought you to this world.”

I tightened the grip on my rusty pole.

“I always knew you had a kind heart deep down.”

“What? No, what I mean is that I wish I’d brought someone stronger. If you can't even defeat a monkey, there's no way you could challenge a god.”

Even in death Ahri had a way of making me feel inadequate. I held up my rusty pole and waited for the baboons to deliver their killing blow. The largest ape let out a cry which I took to be the signal for them to finish and the creatures, sensing the end was near all pounced at the same time.

Silver threads of brilliant light lanced out of the sky above our heads and wrapped around the chimeras midair, binding them in place.

“Someone call for a hero?” boomed a loud voice.

I looked up and saw a man with long blonde hair, green dress robes and a large shit eating grin beaming down on us. He was sitting on the back of a giant grasshopper. The baboons strained against the silver threads but the man paid them no mind as he winked at Ahri and completely ignored me.

The man nudged the sides of the grasshopper with his feet and the monster reared on its hind legs like a warhorse. It made odd clicking sounds and then its powerful legs propelled it into the air with the chimeras dragging behind.

Once the grasshopper had reached the peak of its jump, the man twisted the silver threads around his hand and launched the baboons into the distance with awe inspiring strength. If I hadn't completely hated the man and everything he stood for I might have swooned - I think that's what damsels in distress do- or at the very least I might have been mildly impressed.

As the chimeras drifted through the air they dissipated and vanished just like they had been unsummoned. Which I guessed is exactly what the man had just done.

The grasshopper hovered overhead and the man leapt from its back and landed lightly on the balls of his feet. He made a dramatic gesture in the air and the creature returned to its card.

He ran his eyes down Ahri's body and lingered for a moment on her chest before speaking, “I'm glad I made it in time. It would be such a waste if the world lost one of it's shining stars this day”

Dammit and he was charming too.

I had to know who this asshole was. I squinted my eyes and scanned him.

*

Name: Marrick Holden

Race: Human

Level: 6

Health: 54

Skills: Charm: Tier 1

Status: Aroused

*

Marrick, Level 7, with a charm skill and a semi in his pants. Bloody brilliant. I really wanted to punch the smug look off of his stupid face.

A cheer went up as the villagers came out of their homes and the elder, followed by a redheaded girl wearing a low cut top, walked over to us.

“Thank you hero,” the girl said in a husky voice that made her sound aroused. She batted her eyelashes and chewed on her lower lip in what was meant to look sexy but made her look a bit deranged. “How can we ever repay you?”

Marrick, that’s what the asshole’s name was, tossed back his long blonde hair. He knelt down and kissed the girl’s hand like a hero out of the most cliched movie.

“Call me Marrick, not Hero. I am humble and seek no fame. Knowing that you are all safe is all the reward a man like me could ask for.”

He was the kind of asshole that bragged about how humble he was. I’d met people like him in the before. He was the kind of person that rated his own farts and evaluated passing breasts out loud. He was in essence a true asshole, the kinda person that genuinely believed they were god's gift to humanity and sadly the kind of person that girls fell in love with.

The elder cleared his throat and pulled his eyes away from the young girl’s heaving chest. Even in this world old men were creepy.

“The Ward of Monster Protection has failed us," said the elder. “The last traveling mage to visit our fair village promised the ward would last a year but it's only been eight months. Hero, are you able to restore it? We will pay you in ‘any’ way we can?”

The creepy elder really emphasized the word ‘any.’ I was surprised he didn't slap the redhead’s ass and wink at Marrick.

“I only seek to help those in distress,” Marrick said in his slimy voice. “If you have a binding card to spare, that would be all the payment I require. I seek to grow stronger and to protect the weak wherever I travel.”

The elder stroked his yellow stained mustache and nodded sagely. “You are a true hero.”

Fuck you Marrick, I screamed in my head and then I noticed that Ahri was staring at the man in a way that made me very uncomfortable.

“Maybe I could keep you company later when you ‘erect’ the ward around this quaint village,” she said.

Marrick smiled at her and held her hand.

“Join me for a drink in the tavern. The ward can only be ‘erected’ at midnight.”

What the hell. Am I the only person that sees through this guy?

I wished I had been born as an asshole. It seemed that no matter which world I was in, assholes always got the girls and I always ended up alone.

I had grown up dreaming that I’d have a life of adventure and romance but the only adventure I’d ever had was from video games. As for romance, staying up late watching porn and drinking energy drinks was the closest I'd ever gotten to a date. It looked like even in this new world things would stay the same. The only problem was there were no video games in Umbra or porn or even energy drinks. If I lost Ahri I would truly be alone.

Marrick put his hand on the small of Ahri's back and led her towards the tavern and as I watched them leave, Marrick slid his hand down her back and grabbed her ass.

---

The door to the Rusty Flagon creaked and a bell rang shrilly, as I stepped into the tavern.

A barmaid who’d been painting her nails a lurid shade of pink, looked up at me and flashed me a well-practiced smile.

“Welcome to the Rusty Flagon,” she said. The words rolled off her tongue in a thick accent.

She gestured lazily at an empty table.

“Eating or drinking?”

I looked over at a table where Marrick, Ahri and the redhead were seated laughing and drinking.

“Drinking,” I said.

The barmaid led me past a group of miners who all leaned out of their chairs to watch her ass walk by. Then she stopped at a small table beside the fireplace and I took a seat.

“Do you have any food?” I asked

“Two coppers for the stew. Pork chops are one copper each. Bed and dinner’s five coppers, that doesn't include the chops though.”

The barmaid tapped her nails as she waited for my response.

I pushed five coppers onto the table.

“Bed and dinner.”

The barmaid nodded then slid the coins off the table and deposited them into her apron.

“Drink?”

“Something strong,” I said.

I watched the barmaid leave and stop in front of Ahri’s tables.

“A plate of meat,” said Ahri.

The barmaid said something I couldn't hear.

“All the different meats on the menu,” Ahri answered.

The fire was beginning to die down and I leaned out of my chair and tossed in another log. Sparks scattered across the floor and I stamped on a glowing coal that slid too close to the table.

“Where did you bind that warding spell?” I heard Ahri ask Marrick.

He laughed cheerfully and I saw him walk his fingers up her arm and then he touched her nose in the most condescending asshole way possible.

Ahri giggled.

She never giggled with me.

“The spirit of the secret waterfall casts a spell of protection over a sacred valley each full moon,” said Marrick. “It's deep in the Mystic Mountains.”

I was sure he was making up the story as he went along but I still found myself leaning in closer to hear the rest, you know for science and shit. His charm ability was definitely not working on me.

“The spirit is a Water Drake that lives in the pool below the waterfall,” Marrick continued. “And each full moon the drake swims up the water to the top of the falls and flies into the night sky.”

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Ahri giggled again.

Even I could tell that she was faking her laughs.

What is she up to? Is she after his secrets or is she looking to recruit him for her quest?

“As soon as the Water Drake began casting the ward. I summoned the Colossal Grasshopper, Kuna, and launched myself into the air to bind the spell as it was released from the Water Drake’s mouth.”

Ahri and the redhead both gasped.

“That wasn't the end of it though. The drake wasn't happy about that. It attacked me with a Mind Flail spell, almost knocking me unconscious. If it wasn't for Kuna who flew us out of there I would have died and never had a chance to meet you beautiful ladies.”

Someone cleared their throat above me and I realized that I was leaning across the table and the barmaid was standing above me.

“Your drink,” she said as she slid a mug of some foul smelling liquid in front of me.

---

An hour and a few too many drinks later Ahri stumbled up to my lonely table.

“Keys to the bedroom,” she said.

“Can't your pet mage get you a room?” I asked.

Ahri hiccupped.

“I don't like this either, just give me the damn keys.”

I slid the keys onto the table.

“Guess you’ve finally found yourself a hero that's up to your standards. Who knew that smug asshole was your type?"

Ahri shrugged indifferently.

“I'm doing my part. What are you doing? We have a mission. Maybe you don't get that but I will do whatever it takes.”

I shook my head and took another sip of my drink. What was I meant to say to that? She’d given me an impossible task with zero information. Kill a god, that was the quest. She didn't actually know which one or why they’d stolen her realm but I had to find them somewhere and kill them.

“Can you do me a favor?” she asked.

“Sure, Ahri.”

“Can you sleep in the passage by the door tonight?”

“What?”

“I’ll call you in when he leaves.”

“Whatever, princess.”

Ahri frowned at me then scooped up the keys and left.

A few hours later I saw a giggling Ahri leading Marrick up the stairs to the bedrooms. I stayed by the fire until it burned out and then I stumbled up the stairs and banged on the bedroom door. There was no response.

“This is bullshit,” I yelled. “I'm not sleeping out here.”

I sat down against the door, closed my eyes and soon I was fast asleep.

---

I woke up to somebody kicking me in the ribs.

“Get it up you drunk.”

It was Ahri. Her face was pale and she was wearing a semi transparent nightshirt and had her arm covering her chest.

I looked away. Before I would have given anything to see Ahri in a skimpy outfit but at that moment it made me feel sick inside.

“Are you done?” I asked.

She held out her hand.

“I have something for you.” Her voice trembled as she spoke.

I slapped her hand away.

“I don't want some sloppy seconds.”

Her eyes narrowed and she kicked me harder this time.

“You’re a mean drunk, Talasin? Now get up and come with me before I break a toe kicking the shit out of you.”

I was too drunk to resist her so I let her pull me into the room and she shut the door behind us.

I looked up and saw Marrick bound, gagged and tied to the bed with Ahri's magic clothes. Apart from a purple thong, Marrick was naked.

“What the hell Ahri? I don't want to see what kinky shit you get up to.”

“That's not it,” she said.

“What?”

“His spellbag.”

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

“You want to rob the guy?”

Ahri sat on the edge of the bed beside Marrick who was groaning in distress.

“Why not? We are on a mission, we need spell cards and this guy is using his cards to screw over ignorant villagers.”

I stepped away from the bed.

“There’s a line Ahri and you’ve launched yourself right over it.”

“Don't you want to get back home while you can still remember that you have a home?”

“Don't put that shit on me, Ahri. You were the one who brought me here.”

Marrick groaned again and Ahri without missing a beat punched him in the throat and continued to speak whilst Marrick made strangled choking sounds.

“You don't get it Talasin, we aren’t on some bum fuck adventure. This is real. If we fail here we die.”

“Who’s after us?” I asked. “Where’s the threat? All I know is what you have told me and I'm beginning to think that you are full of shit.”

Ahri raked her hands across Marrick’s chest in frustration.

“That worm in your brain will kill you in three weeks if we don't have it removed.”

“What? I don't believe you.”

Ahri stood up and adjusted her thin nightshirt and said, “Things aren't the way they seem. I need you to trust me.”

 

I gestured at the man tied to the bed.

“This is what happens to people who trust you.”

She clenched her jaw and gave me a tight lipped smile.

“He has something we need. The Null Magic spell he used to destroy the wards could cure you of the mindworm and save your life.”

She looked down at my crotch and smiled playfully.

“And it will cure your other little problem as well.”

“So you did all this to help me?”

“To help us both. This guy is a parasite. He’s attacking defenseless villages for profit. He deserves worse than this. Just take the Null Magic card. To survive we are going to have to do things we wouldn't usually do.”

What she was saying made sense. Maybe I could borrow the spell card. I could cast it on myself and then give it back.

“Fine Ahri, have it your way.”

I reached inside of Marrick's spellbag and instantly my hand seared with such intense pain that I immediately pulled it out again and clutched it to my chest.

Ahri bent over Marrick.

“If you scream I’ll rip off your balls.”

She removed his gag.

Marrick coughed and spluttered.

“You can't steal from spellbags,” he said when he’d stopped gasping for breath.

Ahri gagged him once again and said in cool calm voice, “So we need to kill him."

Screw that. Enough of this bullshit.

I might have been transported to a new world and I was sure I would have to do somethings I normally wouldn't do to survive but at the end of the day I still needed to be able to live with myself. There was no way in hell I was killing and robbing this guy no matter how much of a jackass he was.

I backed away from the bed and while Ahri's back was turned, I opened the door and ran for it.

---

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