Chapter 36: Chapter: 36 Snail Race

“For the seaweed pickling competition Mr’s Fletchley walked away with the prize,” said the village elder. “But don't you all worry she didn't get far.”

A few muffled laughs rose from the gathered crowd.

“And up next,” said the elder. “The main event, the one you’ve all been waiting for, it's the 35th annual snail race. I’ve had a sneak peak and it looks like our last five years winner, Baron von Slime has some real competition this year.”

The elder waved his hand at the event organizers and said “Let the parade to the arena begin.” 

Giant snail floats led the parade and behind them the villagers trailed singing and dancing and waving orange flags. They passed through town, over the boardwalks and towards the racing ring. 

“They eat the snails,” said Ahri. “They race them and decorate the town with them, I just hope at the end of this we don't have to watch the snails fuck.”

Chip laughed beside us and said, “Snails are incredibly sensual creatures, who knows, you might enjoy the performance.”

“Please,” said Ahri. “I don't need snails ruining sex for me.”

“Ignore her, Chip,” I said. “She's still pissed about eating those thirty snail hotdogs.”

Chip laughed again. “Snail dogs are a real delicacy,” he said. “You have to try them with pickled radish, the way the chewy fatty meat melts in your mouth when combined with the tangy pickles.”

Ahri held a hand over her mouth and groaned, “Enough, I think I'm going to be sick.”

---

The competitors arrived all throughout the morning. Some came by carriage, other's can trudging up the boardwalks on horseback and a few arrived being hauled by large wooly gruffalos. All of them brought their racing snails in boxes or cages and the crowd cheered as each competitor placed their snail in the arena.

The five time champion, Charles Hunton-Blather. A fat mustached man led a procession of villagers all the way through town from his mansion on the hill. When they arrived at the racing ring. Baron von Slime, the champion snail, was treated like royalty and carried to the center of the ring in a box ornately bedecked in jewels. 

His snail was twice the size of the competitors snails and immediately it slid on top of the next biggest snail and sat on its shell.

“Please tell me they are just playing,” said Ahri.

Chip shook his head then leaned in close to me and said, “The race is about to begin. Are you sure this plan of yours is going to work?”

I shrugged and looked around making sure nobody was overhearing our conversation.

“Trust me,” I said. “Nobodies going to find out.”

“Yeah but isn't it cheating?” Chip asked.

“Cheating is a big word,” I said.

Chip frowned at me and said, “No, it's not. Incarceration, now that's a big word.”

I reached into my spell bag. I fumbled around and felt my collection of seeds. I frowned as I realized that one of my spell cards was missing.

“Bel’s gone,” I said to Ahri.

Ahri shook her head then peered inside my spellbag. “The spell card returns when she’s unsummoned,” she said. “If she's not there then she didn't return last night.” She smiled mischievously. “Maybe she found herself some company for the night.”

“I don't like this, Ahri, after what she's been through we can just leave her.”

“You’re not her father Talasin. You said it yourself, she’s a hundred years older than you. What do you even know about her?” She sighed. “If it's bothering you so much then just unsummon her yourself.”

I hesitated a moment. I hadn't even thought of that. I concentrated on my faint connection with Bel and attempted to unsummon her the way I had done with Flint some many times before. Nothing happened.

“Hey, Talasin,” said Chip. “Are we doing this or not? The race is about to begin.”

I was worried but from my connection with Bel I could tell that she was unharmed and close by. So I turned my back to the crowd and drew Rapid Growth and placed it on Chip’s new snail, Leonel.

---

Chip placed Leonel into the inner ring of the racetrack and the crowed ‘oohed’ and ‘awed’ over the giant snail and commented on how impressive it was. It was impressive. Rapid Growth had made it ten times larger than it was originally. It was now the largest snail in the arena.

“It's not the size that matters,” said Charles Hunton-Blather. “It’s how it moves that really matters. My snail, Baron von Slime, shits out more impressive turds than this upstart.”

A few men in the crowd nodded approvingly.

One by one the rest of the snails were placed into the center ring. A group of race officials placed a glass dome over the snails keeping them all in the same place. The event organizers then proceeded to break up heads of lettuce and scattered them all around the other ring and soon the race was about to begin.

Ahri held her Karakul tightly against her chest and peered through the glass dome at the twenty odd snails. 

“On three,” shouted the elder. “One, two, three.”

A single firework exploded in the air and the dome was lifted off of the inner ring. 

The crowd went nuts. They screamed and cheered for their favorites like their lives depended on it but the snails didn't share their owners enthusiasm. They extended their weird antenna things and looked around in dazed confusion and slowly one after another they began to haul their fat asses towards the lettuce and the outer ring.

Ahri had already forgotten Chip’s snail’s name so she chanted ‘Go Snail’ over and over again and the karakul in her arms squeaked along with her.

Chip was beside himself, he shouted and feverishly pointed at Leonel and willed the snail to keep going. Leonel’s scintillating shell sparkled in the morning light and the snail, sensing its owner's urgency, slowly began to pull ahead of the pack. 

Baron von Slime stretched his large neck forward and stuck onto Leonel’s shell. It pulled itself up onto Leonel and rode him like a pig.

“That's a good lad,” said Charles Hunton-Blather and he blew out his mustache and nodded approvingly at his snail.

“He's a bloody cheat,” shouted Ahri. 

The two snails drew nearer to the finish line but then all of a sudden Leonel began to shrink. It was subtle at first and only I seemed to notice it but then the shrinking became obvious to everyone in the crowd. At first the crowd fell silent in confusion and then they began shouting, because that's what you do when you don't know what the fucks going on. 

Leonel seemed to disappear beneath Baron von Slime’s massive bulk and then inches from the finish line two snails suddenly stopped moving. Baron von Slime’s antenna twitched as the tiny form of Leonel appeared sliding out from under the hulking snail. Leonel crossed the finish line and Ahri, Chip and I cheered while the crowd stared in amazement.

After an awkward pause the elder raised his hands and shouted, “Holy Teon’s Tits I don't know what just happened? But it looks like Leonel is this year's winner.”

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Of course Charles Hunton-Blather wasn't happy with the result. He puffed out his chest and strode about accusing Chip of cheating. But as he had no way of proving it and because he was such an ass the crowd sided with Chip and Charles was accused of using shrinking magic on Leonel.

There was no way that I was going to get involved in that mess. Ahri and I drifted away from the crowd to begin our search for Bel. We’d searched the area for less than an hour when the smell of something dying filled the air. Feet shuffled along the ground and I turned to see a beggar ambling towards us with a hopeful grin on his face.

I had nothing against beggars personally, I just didn't like strangers coming up to me and asking me for money. So I did what any good person would do. I looked at the ground and pretended that I didn't see the beggar standing in front of me with his hands outstretched. 

 

The beggar shifted around and scratched his beard and finally when he realized that I wasn't going to say anything he said, “Spare me a penny good sir and I’ll sing you a song as good as any.”

“Can we pay you not to sing?” asked Ahri. 

The beggar smiled broadly and said, “That works just fine for me, truth be told I can't sing for shit.”

I laughed at the man and then I rummaged through my pockets for loose change. 

“Maybe I could pay you for some information?” I said.

The beggar’s brow creased in a frown but he nodded in interest.

“I'm looking for a girl,” I said.

“Aren’t we all,” said the beggar. He flashed me a toothless grin. “Try ‘The Rusty Flagpole,’ a copper to cop-a-feel if you know what I mean.” He winked at me knowingly and smiled again.

“That’s not what I mean,” I said. “I'm looking for a specific girl. She's short and has bat wings on her head.”

“Ah,” said the man. ““Gray tinged skin?”

I nodded.

“Cute,” said the man. “With breasts the size of champagne glasses.”

I nodded again and Ahri elbowed me in the ribs. 

“You’ve seen her?” I asked.

“A silver coin,” said the beggar. 

I fished in my coin purse and handed the man the last of our silver coins.

The beggar gave me a toothless smile and then pointed behind me.

I turned around and frowned. All I saw was a crowd of people and a man dressed in green robes with long blonde hair. Someone in the crowd moved and then I saw her. Bel stood beside the man. Her face was downcast and she wore a large wooden bracelet on her wrist. 

“Is that Marrick?” asked Ahri.

“Who?” I asked.

“The grasshopper mage,” she said. “You know the one we tied to a bed and tried to rob.”

My face fell

---

Marrick the cardmage with his long blonde hair, his green dress robes and his large shit-eating grin came striding up to us as if he owned the village.

 

“I thought you’d come looking for her,” he said. “I guess you don't care much about this half breed.”

Bel’s eyes fell to the ground and she shuffled forward uncomfortably. She scratched at the bangle on her arm and began to speak and then decided against it.

“I'm sorry Bel,” I said. “I thought you were safe. I could feel you through our connection. I just thought you were exploring this new world or something like that.”

The excuse sounded bad even to my own ears but Bel’s bat wings flapped and she seemed to perk up my words.

The crowd parted and I saw Chip pushing his way through the crowd. In one hand he held Leonel and in the other he held a large trophy. He walked straight past us, threw his arms around Marrick and hugged him. 

Finally the two guys stepped back and Chip said to Marrick,“So you know Talasin? That's great, he just helped me win the snail race.” He fished a coin purse out of his pocket. “This should be enough to pay off the taxes dad owes.”

“He's your brother,” I stammered.

Marrick looked from Chip to me and then back again.

“Yeah,” said Ahri. “I'm sure your bro could tell you some great stories. How about that one where you burnt that village to the ground because they wouldn't pay you to fix the ward you destroyed?”

Marrick grimaced and said, “We will have plenty of time to catch up once I’ve dealt with these vermin.”

Chip frowned at his brother, “Is that true big bro?”

“Don't listen to them,” said Marrick. “Talasin and his blue headed whore tried to rob me.”

Marrick had gone too far, he’d raided villagers, scammed the poor and now he’d kidnapped Bel and insulted Ahri to her face.

I moved before my mind had even made up its mind to do something. My fist collided with Marrick’s face and I felt bones crunching as his nose gave way under the impact. 

Marrick fell back into the mud and before he had time to recover I drew Polyblade. Light glinted off of steel as a scimitar appeared in my hand.

---

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