Chapter 4: Chapter: 4 Binding Spell Card

I woke up, realized what my hands were groping and quickly released Ahri before she punched me in the throat. It was a freezing cold winter's morning and I had a pounding headache.

Ahri groaned and rolled over, pulling a bolt of black silk over her naked legs.

“What the hell is that?” I said pointing at the silk blanket.

She rubbed her eyes, yawned, then blinked and looked around in confusion.

“I gave you my coat for the night,” I said. “And you had a blanket all the while. Where did you keep that thing?”

Ahri rolled onto her stomach and brushed the straw out of her hair.

“It's the raiment of the god's. It changes according to my body’s needs.”

As I watched, the silk drew back and shifted color, becoming Ahri's red dress once again.

“So why did you need my coat?”

“Seriously Talasin are you going to make a big deal out of every minuscule thing? You got to sleep in the same room as a goddess, that's more than any apeman could hope for.”

She poked me in the stomach.

“Let's have breakfast in bed.”

If it wasn't for my pounding headache or the fact that Ahri had killed me and brought me to another world against my will, I might have been turned on at that moment instead I ignored my morning erection and looked around for a place to urinate.

Ahri looked like she had just realized that she was in a stable lying down next to a pile of horse manure.

“What did I drink last night? Bring me breakfast Talasin.”

“Sounds like a you-problem.”

She grabbed a fist full of straw and threw it at me.

“You don't understand, I always have breakfast in bed. It's a thousand year routine. You can't just break a thousand year routine- it can kill you.”

I stretched and felt bones clicking in my back. Gus had really beaten the crap out of this body.

“I had the craziest dream last night. There was this guy--.”

“Excuse me,” said Ahri. “Do you know who I am?”

“Shhh, please can we have a touch less craziness so early in the morning?"

“I am a goddess and I expect to be treated--”

I stood up interrupting her and noticed something gold and shiny lying in the hay beside her.

“What is that?”

I walked over and picked up a gold disk and as I touched it the disk transformed into a golden card.

“That's my binding card,” said Ahri. She snatched the card from me. “Is it your birthday?”

I had no idea what she was talking about.

“Well technically yesterday was my birthday or death day… Why does that matter?”

Ahri flipped the card between her fingers.

“It's a god's duty to give these to people on their birthdays. I usually manifest a couple thousand a day but it looks like there's just one now. Most likely because I'm not drawing power from my realm anymore.”

“So you are kinda like a chicken that lays eggs each morning?”

Ahri shot me a look of disgust.

“Were you raised by trolls, you vulgar uncouth waste of peasant sperm?” Her eyes brightened. “Oh, that gives me an idea.”

“Peasant sperm gave you an idea? I guess if you had enough.” I looked at the horses. “You could make something like scrambled eggs but I think I’ll pass on that.”

Ahri gagged then coughed violently until her eyes watered and her face turned red.

“Why are you so broken?” she asked when she’d caught her breath. “I was going to say that we could sell the card and buy breakfast, but now I just feel sick.”

---

We stepped outside and into the bright morning light.

“Merry Samhain,” said a stable boy.

“Likewise,” I said, not knowing what he was talking about.

I pulled a blade of straw out of Ahri's hair, stuck it in my mouth and chewed on it. I felt like a cowboy as I surveyed the city.

The first thing I noticed was the plants. I like to think of myself as having a bit of a green thumb but whoever had done the garden here had a green arm. The trees were as high as skyscrapers and flowers bursting with color grew everywhere even amongst copper gears and steam outlets that protruded from the red bricked houses.

Strange people walked the streets dressed in dramatic looking frocks and suits with top hats or conservative robes and floppy wizard caps. Some had brightly colored hair and others had animal ears and in one man's case a scraggy tail.

“Ahem,” Ahri cleared her throat to get the attention of the stable boy.

“Stable boy?” she said.

“I prefer, stable manager,” replied the boy.

“Of course you do. Where are we, stable boy?”

“In the Master's stables.”

“Which town, you idiot?”

“This one.”

“I can't tell if there’s something wrong with you or if that is just the average intelligence of humans.”

The stable boy mumbled something under his breath and returned to mucking out the stalls.

The more I looked around the more unusual the city was. I saw a saw mill attached to a device made of cogs and gears. It also had a chimney that pumped out orange smoke as a giant blade sliced through trees effortlessly without any human aid.

As I looked closer I thought I saw metallic spider-like creatures removing the cut log and placing a new one on the mill.

Everything in this world was different but familiar. I was more interested in what we had in common though. One thing I had learnt from anime was that simple ideas from our world were overpowered in new worlds. Like pizza and gunpowder, neither of which I knew how to make.

“Merry Samhain,” said an elderly couple that passed us by.

I smiled not knowing what they were talking about.

“Is today a holiday?” I asked.

“Beats me,” said Ahri.

“You don't know much about your world.”

“I know that you shouldn't eat wild honey because it could be poisonous.”

“Thanks for that useless information. Does this world have Christmas?”

“Never heard of it,” said Ahri.

“It's a holiday tradition where we go outside and chop down a tree and put it in our living room.”

“Sounds like something a drunk would do.”

“No, it makes sense,” I said. “Then we decorate the tree and hang our socks over the fireplace and fill them with candy.”

“What I'm hearing is that everyone in your world is an alcoholic.”

You are reading story GOD OF CARDS [DECK BUILDING] [LITRPG] [COMEDY] at novel35.com

---

Ahri nodded absently as she stared at a food vendor selling some purple meat on a stick.

“I want to eat that.”

I ignore Ahri. She’d said she wanted to eat every meal we’d seen as we walked along the busy streets. But something did draw my attention. In the center of the city a great spire stretched high above the clouds reaching towards the sky.

“I’ve seen this spire before,” I said.

“It’s the background image we used for the Hero Seekers menu screen.”

“You made Hero Seeker?” I asked.

“Us gods made it. It's sort of a proving ground for potential heroes.” She gave me an odd look. “It's in the name, Hero Seeker. What did you think you were competing for?”

“I don't know- bragging rights, a lifetime of virginity and unlimited energy drinks.”

She laughed.

“Well you definitely won one of those.”

After staring at the vendor for ten awkward minutes the man eventually tossed Ahri a chunk of purple meat. She caught it and juggled the steaming flesh in her hand then stuck it in her mouth.

“Did you want some?” she mumbled.

---

I craned my neck around like a tourist taking in every unusual sight I could see. There was a strange blend of fantasy and steampunk mixed with the whimsical architecture of a mad man.

We passed a woman with butterfly wings and a toad sitting outside a tavern smoking a pipe. I also saw a door floating in mid air with no walls around it and a series of top heavy buildings that looked like they were held together with magic.

People seemed to be in a festive mood. Most wished each other a merry samhain and I noticed many were wearing orange and red clothing.

As we rounded a corner into a quieter street the sounds of shouting drew my attention.

“What’s happening?” I asked.

Ahri looked around and shrugged.

“Sounds like kids.”

I spat out the blade of straw.

“It sounds like fighting.”

We reached a large dusty field and saw a group of kids standing around a makeshift arena. In the center of the arena a boy and a girl were facing each other with spell cards in their hands.

“A duel,” I said in awe.

The boy’s hair was combed to the side and he wore the finest cloak I’d seen all morning. If I had to guess I would say he was the son of a noble.

“Get him Dark Arachnoid,” shouted the boy.

He raised a card and slammed it onto the ground. The card burst into flame and a giant spider emerged from the fire. The spectators jumped back as the spider shuffled towards his opponent.

The little girl who was facing him had her hair in pigtails and wore a yellow silk dress of equal quality.

Rich kids.

The girl reached into a bag on her hip and pulled out two gems that transformed into cards. She placed the first card on the ground and long shadows stretched out from the surrounding buildings and converged on the disintegrating card.

The spider that was shuffling towards her paused then drew back from the girl in obvious hesitation.

A high pitched cackling laugh came from the converged shadows and a lanky scarecrow stepped into the light.

“Laughing Scarecrow into Embrace the Madness,” the girl shouted. She placed the second card on the ground.

A shiver ran up my body, through my spine, into my skull and images of dark malformed shapes appeared in my mind.

What the hell was that?

I looked at Ahri and she gave me a ‘why are we watching this shit’ kind of a look.

The spider hissed and made odd clicking sounds as it tried to scramble away from the scarecrow.

The boy drew a card and a streak of light shot across the dueling ring and hit the scarecrow and got stuck. The shard of light protruded from the scarecrow’s chest casting shadows all around the scarecrows’ feet.

The boy had made a mistake, the more shadows in the area the stronger the Laughing Scarecrow became.

The scarecrow remained motionless but the shadows all around it twisted together like jungle vines and formed one giant shadowy hand that stretched across the playground. It caught the spider by its legs and shadow fingers entered the spider’s mouth and filled it with dark magic.

The spider shrieked and a faint popping sound was heard as the spider exploded from the inside out. It twitched a final time then dissolved into the ground and became a card in the boy’s hand once again.

“Stupid Laughing Scarecrow,” said the boy. “It's too powerful, how am I supposed to beat that?”

I’d watched the battle with a mixture of terror and excitement. The game I’d played every day for the last three years had come alive in front of my eyes.

My mind struggled to grasp the implications of that. If the game was real then that meant demon lords and dragons were real. It also meant that with the right spell cards I could be a god in this new world.

I laughed. It was more of a ‘I just thought of something funny’ kinda laugh not an ‘I'm an evil villain about to destroy the world’ kinda laugh.

The boy glanced at me and his pimply face broke into an angry scowl.

“You think that's funny old man?”

“Old man. I'm like a year older than you.”

“Sure, Gramps, tell that to your friends in the retirement village.”

Ahri laughed and nudged me in the ribs.

“What is it, grandma you have something to say?” asked the girl.

Ahri's face turned red with anger.

“What did you say, dumb shit? I will tear off your tongue and shove it up your ass if you talk to me like that.”

“Grandma forgot to take her meds,” said the girl.

Ahri leapt at the child but I caught her arm and held her back. If it came to a fight, these kids would kick our asses.

“We're looking for someone.” I said.

“Your grandchild?” asked the boy.

The kid was annoying but it was good to know that he thought I was having sex with Ahri.

“I’m looking for a spell card merchant,” I said.

“You don't even remember where the Cardshack is?” asked the girl. “Wow, you are old. It's down Lanray’s Lane, fifth building on the right. Hopefully you don't die of old age looking for it.”

---

“What is wrong with this place?” I asked when we were out of earshot. “It seems like everyone is on edge all the time. Where are the friendly tree hugging elves?”

“Elves, ugh. They’re the worst. They sleep all day and spend their nights eating magic mushrooms and singing to the stars.”

“That doesn't sound too bad.”

“Until you eat meat in front of them and they try to claw out your eyes.”

We rounded the corner and stopped in front of a building that looked like an upside down top hat with a giant rabbit sitting on it.

A sign hung above the door.

‘Cardshack - Gabbro’s Wonder Emporium.’

---

You can find story with these keywords: GOD OF CARDS [DECK BUILDING] [LITRPG] [COMEDY], Read GOD OF CARDS [DECK BUILDING] [LITRPG] [COMEDY], GOD OF CARDS [DECK BUILDING] [LITRPG] [COMEDY] novel, GOD OF CARDS [DECK BUILDING] [LITRPG] [COMEDY] book, GOD OF CARDS [DECK BUILDING] [LITRPG] [COMEDY] story, GOD OF CARDS [DECK BUILDING] [LITRPG] [COMEDY] full, GOD OF CARDS [DECK BUILDING] [LITRPG] [COMEDY] Latest Chapter