Chapter 1: An Exceedingly Normal Harem Story 1

It all began when I woke up to my sister’s ginormous tits smothering my face.

“Nii~chaaaann wake uuuuuuuuup!”

“Jesus Christ! Get off of me you crazy bitch!" is what I wanted to say, but it was all muffled by her cantaloupe-sized tatas.

Something was wrong. My sister didn’t have tits. I mean, she did, but they were barely bee stings yesterday. What the hell happened?

It took all of my strength to force her off of me, and throw her to the floor, where she landed hard on her butt. She let out a cute sound, matching her new cute appearance. She used to have large bags under her eyes and wore a distant look at all times, but now... she just looked... cute.

This was not the same sister I had yesterday. Normally, my sister would do her best to pretend I didn’t exist and give me a solid 10 feet of distance at all times. 

Actually, most women would do that, but that’s beside the point.

For my sister to suddenly be so affectionate… and be so much more well-endowed… something must’ve seriously been wrong.

“Are you having a stroke?”

“... Nii-chan? What are you talking about?”

“Why the hell are you calling me nii-chan?”

“Nii-nii?”

“Fuck you.”

I got out of bed and started to get dressed while my sister watched from behind me. It was a little awkward, but I wanted to interact with her as little as possible. I left her on the floor and went to eat breakfast. I didn’t know what her game was, but I didn’t want any part of it.

I was ready to pour myself some cereal like I did every other morning, but something was different. The smell of bacon and eggs wafted throughout the house as I walked toward the kitchen. I rounded the corner and saw my mother standing next to the stove, with an adorable frilly apron on, making breakfast for my sister and me. This would’ve been a pleasant surprise if it wasn’t so out of character.

My mom had dark hair, and normally had a perpetually crestfallen look about her, but not anymore. She was chipper as can be.

Alarm bells rang in my head. Something was deeply wrong. I thought I might’ve woken up in the twilight zone, and soon enough I would receive an ironic punishment for my sins. Luckily, my thoughts were interrupted by my mother, who just noticed my presence.

“Good morning Nathan, did you sleep well?”

“No.”

“Oh. Well, how about some eggs for my special guy?”

The only time my mother had ever called me special was as an insult. I really might have woken up in the twilight zone.

“... I’ll pass.”

“Aww, hun’ are you feeling sick?” She presses her hand against my forehead before I can swat it away. 

Seeing my mom acting this way? Definitely. “A bit, actually.”

“Do you want me to call the school?”

“That might be nice.”

“Then you can stay home with me and rest your head on my lap while I read you stories till you feel better.”

“... What?”

“And then we can take a bath together.”

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“Actually, I’m feeling better now.”

She rested her hand on her face, cocked her head, and gave me a sad look, “Are you sure?”

“I’m positive.”

“That’s a shame. Oh, your father left a note on the desk for you. He said it was pretty important.”

I could count the number of positive effects my dad had in my life on one hand… actually, I could count it on 0 hands. The number was 0. Normally, I would’ve just ignored anything that had anything to do with him, but with all the weird stuff happening, maybe the letter really was important.

I tore open an envelope, revealing a piece of office paper clumsily folded in on itself a few times. I unfolded it and started to read.

Nathan my boy, I may have made a minor error in my quest for greatness. Last night I had a thought. What if harem anime were real life? Wouldn’t that just be grand? So I set to work, and created a Harem-ray that would allow me to bring my dreams into reality! What a grand invention it was! Then it exploded, killing me instantly and wrecking the space-time continuum. Oopsies. But hey, at least all the ladies are gonna be going crazy for you now. That’s a win! Plus, it could be much worse! Imagine if I decided to get Omegaverse-y on your ass! You’d be getting TOPPED. Anyway, I gotta deal with all this poontang I’m getting in the afterlife. Peace out!

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

Before I could bemoan my new existence, my sister came barreling into the kitchen and pounced at me, glomping me from behind. “Are you ready to go to school niiiiiiiiii- chaaaaaaaaaan.”

The weight of her enormous gahongakoogers was more than I could handle, and consequently, my head slammed into the desk.

I nursed my now injured forehead while my sister clung to my back, “Fuck! What’s wrong with you?”

“My only fault is loving nii-chan too much!” she said and started giving the back of my neck smooches.

I want to die.

Using all the strength I could muster, I launched my sister off of my back, grabbed a slice of toast, put it in my mouth, and booked it out the door, away from this madhouse. I hoped things were better at school.

As I sprinted toward the school, a presence made itself known. Directly to my side, someone else was sprinting alongside me. “Nat-kun~ Ohayou~”

I turned to my side and recognized my next-door neighbor, Sara. She's a short, young-looking brunette with cute round glasses, who hasn’t really grown since middle school. We used to play a lot when we were children, but when everyone started avoiding me, she did as well. I haven’t spoken with her in at least 3 or 4 years, and I never really wanted to again, let alone in some kind of godforsaken pseudo-Japanese.

“Leave me alone!”

“But I want to talk with you!”

I picked up my speed and blasted past her, hauling ass to school in the hopes that at least that would be normal.

Instead, I was greeted by a truly horrifying sight. What was once a standard two-story American high school now looked distinctly like one you would see in a trashy anime.

“What the fuck?”

The school was now 3 stories tall and had a sizable courtyard with a fountain in front of it. Mobs of students, all dressed in uniform, strolled through the open gate while a tall woman in a gym uniform oversaw them.

Sara, panting, finally caught up with me. “Why are you going so fast? We’re not even late!”

“Don’t talk to me.”

“Huh?”

I glowered at her, and she shied away. I kept walking toward what was once my school. As I neared the gate, I could read a placard posted on one of the concrete walls surrounding the school. “Viewmont High School.” 

Yup, this was the place.

I also noticed that everyone but me was in a uniform. A navy blazer and dark slacks for the boys, and a sailor uniform with a navy skirt that barely covered their upper thighs for the girls.

There truly was no escape from the fuckery my dad had unleashed upon me.

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