Chapter 2: An Exceedingly Normal Harem Story 2

“I-I-It’s not like I like you or anything, baka~!”

“I just need to borrow a pencil.”

“W-Well fine! But don’t even think about giving it back or anything! I don’t want your otaku germs!”

The girl sitting next to me in class was what I think you would refer to as a tsundere. She had vibrant pink hair, tied into twin tails that are way too long to be feasible in day-to-day life. Also, she had a tooth fang, however that works. Snaggletooth fuck. 

Honestly, I felt a little more at ease around her, because harsh treatment is what I was used to. Before the change, all the women in my life were tsunderes, just less in an “I secretly like you way,” and more of an “I want to kill you with my bare hands,” kind of way.

She unzipped her pencil bag and gave the inside of her bag a shameful look. She paused for a second, then pulled out a pencil covered in heart graphics.

“It’s the only one I have! Don’t think this means anything, baka!”

“I don’t. Thanks.”

She handed over the pencil and let out a sigh of relief; her secret was safe for another day.

Y’know, now that I was in school, everything almost felt normal again.

Almost.

The teacher, a tall, elegant woman with auburn hair and a tasteful mole placed just above her upper-right lip, stepped into the room. Her eyes scanned over the class, paused on me for a second, then continued. She stepped toward her lectern and began English class.

Yup, school still fucking blew, so at least that hadn’t changed. After the first class ended, I got up to go to my next class, but quickly learned that is not what I’m supposed to do anymore. Now the teachers move, which makes a lot more sense if you really think about it.

The time until lunch passed by at a crawl, and the moment the bell rang I pulled out my phone and began frantically googling things. So much had changed overnight and I didn’t know even a fraction of all the things I needed to. My new life was going to be fraught with peril, and I was going to need every bit of information I could get to survive.

Before I could learn anything meaningful, 2 separate bentos were slapped down onto my desk. One from my sister, and one from Sara. Both of them entered my class as soon as the bell rang, and were ready with my food before I could even act. Before I could respond, the 2 of them began to bicker with each other.

“Nii-chan needs the vitamins that only little sister love can provide!”

Sara responded, “What Nat-Kun needs is a balanced diet! You can’t just give him a box of hot dog octopuses!”

“Those are his favorite!”

Say what you will about my little sister, She really had my number on this one.

Suddenly, a few more bento boxes found their way to my desk and a few more girls entered the fray. As the fighting escalated, A few more saw what was going on, added the bentos they made for me to my desk, and began to fight as well. This continued until my desk was a small mountain of bentos, and factions of girls began to form over whose bentos were going to be eaten.

Fuck this.

I nabbed the box full of hot dog octopuses (Octopi? Octopodes? Who knows?) from the bottom of the pile and walked toward the roof for some peace and quiet. I opened the door and found an empty roof with a few benches for people seeking solace, like me. I sat down, clapped my hands together, and said, “Itadakima-”

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I stopped myself. Shit, was the atmosphere affecting me a bit?

Whatever.

I began to chow down on the cute little guys, when I noticed that I was, in fact, not alone. There was a lone girl up here, gazing wistfully at the sky. She glanced back for a moment, just to make sure that I was seeing how stoic and cool she looked, before continuing to gaze. She was tall and had long blue hair that almost reached her hips. I was content to let the silence continue, but after a few more seconds, she spoke in a whispery, but still very understandable voice.

“Have you… ever been in love before?”

“What?”

“Never mind. That was a silly question.”

Then, the quiet returned. I was enjoying the silence before she spoke, but what the fuck was that? We had a peaceful silence going on, now it’s awkward as hell! Do you need to give off your forlorn vibe here? Go find somewhere else!

The revelation that I was not alone has somewhat soured my vibe. I couldn’t really go anywhere else because the whole school was a tribal battleground, but it’s not like being locked up here with her was a great outcome either.

Suddenly, she climbed atop the railing, and effortlessly leaped off.

Did she just…?

I ran over to the railing she’d just jumped off of. We’re high enough up that a fall from that height would definitely kill someone! What the hell was she doing?

I reached the edge of the building and peered over the edge, looking for what happened to the poor girl. My eyes were greeted by nothing. She’d disappeared into thin air.

Ooooh. How mysterious.

Armed with the comforting knowledge that no, she didn’t just kill herself, it was actually just some anime bullshit, I returned to my bench and resumed eating. Now that I was alone, I was quite a bit more comfortable. Solace is what I’m most used to, and the way I prefer to be. Being thrust into the middle of whatever shenanigans are going on is sapping what little will to live I had left.

I downed the last hot dog octopus, whipped out my phone, and began researching what I would need to know for my new life.

To put it simply, things were grim.

My dad turned the world into a harem anime. If his past track record is anything to go by, it probably wasn’t a very good one either. All of the women in my life were fighting (literally, at the moment) over me, when a day ago most of them could barely stand the sight of me. It was an unnatural state of things, that’s for sure.

So, how am I going to fix this?

My dad is dead, and he’d be the only one who could reverse this, so that wasn’t an option. I couldn’t just tell all the girls off, because that would just make them pursue me more, at least according to my research. There’s only one way to fix this, seemingly. It’s to end this harem anime the way harem anime should end. I need to pick a girl. I mean, most trashy harems just leave it ambiguous, or never finish, but those that have an actual ending end with the protagonist picking a girl.

There’s only one small problem with this plan. I fucking hate everyone and don’t want to have to pick a girl to blight my existence for the rest of my life. I guess only having to deal with one annoyance as opposed to half of the Earth’s population would be a noticeable improvement, but still isn’t acceptable. I need to get out of this, but I can’t come up with a solution that doesn’t end in my day-to-day life becoming much more irksome. I can live like this for a while longer, but I need to come up with something eventually.

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