Chapter 5: Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Leo

I quickly slid into the dark cafe, out of the bitter winds and early morning cold rain as a burst of thunder shook the silent city. A heavy fog had settled across the ground, brought in and magnified by the lake hiding the bits that still remained of last night's icy rain. “I hope it’s not like this all day.” I muttered aloud as I went about preparing to open the store. Readying machines and making notes of the various tasks shoved off onto me by the previous night's closing team.

 

“Hal, play some blues.” I spoke to the digital assistant on the speaker in our cafe as I tried to figure out how to talk to Em later. “Hey, I’m sorry I freaked out when I found out you were some super famous pro-gamer.” I shook my head and slammed back a cup of nitro-cold brew in frustration. “At worst I thought they had some ‘I ran from my biogoted family” kind of backstory not… not whatever this is.” 

 

I absently read over the some notes left by last night’s closers and added some of my own about the open as I thought of what I actually knew about Em. Non-binary, they work as a game journalist and do beta testing for some popular game that has a big e-sports crowd. They are usually pretty soft spoken and don’t really talk about what they want but will fly off into a tangent if it’s about games, or at least specifically Tactical-Respawn. They are quiet but can be intense. They have a soft smile that brightens the day when it’s been awful otherwise. They have a horrible sweet tooth that makes me want to laugh but is absolutely worth the labor just to make them happy.

 

I shook my head free of my day dreaming as I realized it was time to open up. I was wondering where the other opener was when I felt my smart watch buzz showing a text from the store owner and manager, Rina. “Hey, Jacob got into a bar fight last night and was detained. I only just found out so I’m gonna call around and try and find coverage for him but just go and get the store ready for now. Don’t open though, Kelly said some weird guys were hanging around last night and I don’t want to risk anything happening when it’s just you there. I’ll be there in a little bit if nobody responds.” 

 

I groaned and shot back a text telling her that everything was already done  but that I’d wait until someone gets there. Scribbling a quick note onto a piece of paper I walked to the door and nearly jumped in fright when I saw a frail and terrified, sickly looking, young girl knocking on the door. 

 

I hesitated for just a moment as I remembered Rina’s warning, before casting aside my worry when I saw a familiar tattoo on the wrist of a game controller and below it the famous “Konami Code”. I mouthed to myself “Em?” before rushing to unlock the door and let my friend in from the cold. 

 

After waiting a moment as I fumbled with the lock Em thanked me and slid inside waiting for me to lock the door again as I led them to the back office, explaining that it’ll be annoying for people to keep interrupting us talking when they see the door still locked.

 

As we walked by I grabbed us both a cup of hot coffee and sat in the back office closing ourselves off to the world in our own little bubble of hesitant sips and awkward silence.

 

I waited, staring at anywhere but them unable to keep from glancing at the wall clock slowly ticking as the second grew into minutes. I finally gave in and started to ask them about what happened, but before I could do that I realized I had to apologize for something first.

 

“When they showed that last night… outing who you were… I should have support-”

 

Em just shook their head. “Forget it. I knew it was only a matter of time before it happened. I just… I’d actually let myself have fun and then-” they just shook their heads in frustration. “Anyways just forget it.” Em took a drink of their coffee, cringing just a little at the bitter black flavor. I guess they did always have the Pentagram, covered in sugar and delicious garbage, something like black coffee is probably out of their usual taste range. I groaned at myself inwardly swearing knowing I should have planned for that and gotten her something else, at the very least I should have got some cream and sweetener for her. 

 

I wanted to protest just pushing it aside but I guess there were much more important things to talk about anyways. “So… Do you mind telling me what happened after you left?” I hesitated before quickly rushing and adding. “If you don’t want to, that's OK too, I won't push you, I just… I’m worried.” I admitted my feelings as Em stared at the rim of their cup seeming to fear making eye-contact right now. 

 

“If I’m honest… It's all kind of a blur. After they doxxed me I was freaked out and angry and just… It was all just too much. I went to the bar to drink it away. When I came to, I was laying in the park freezing. I ended up stumbling back to my apartment but-” They scowled furiously. “Someone had broken in and messed it up. I-” They sighed and shook their head wearing an exhausted and broken expression. “I just can’t go back there. I meant to just call you but every time I tried I couldn’t think of what to say… How I was supposed to just explain this…I know I probably shouldn’t have just shown up here but...” They left it hanging but I understood what they meant. 

 

“I was scared and alone and you're the only one I could reach out to.”

 

I pursed my lips in frustration, I should have been there to support them. I was so worried about the date that I missed the person struggling. Cursing myself I promised, “I won’t mess it up this time. I’ll be there for you.”

 

“I understand.” I reached out and gently rested my hand over theirs. 

Em looked like they wanted to say something before closing their mouth and just letting the silence hang around. After a moment I forced myself to ask, “We can go over the details of stuff later but I guess right now, what can I do for you? If you want help going to the police to ask about the break-in or the doxxing I’ll happily go with you.”

 

Em stared off into the distance for a moment before shaking their head and quickly wiping away some falling tears. “I think I'll be fine in a minute. I know you're busy-” they quickly stood up and started scrambling to head out the door before I stopped them gently grabbing and holding their hand tightly.

 

“Hey, hey, just pause a moment. I wasn't trying to get rid of you.” Em was shaking from emotion as they stood in place holding my hand but facing away from me so I couldn’t see their face.

 

“Everyone who stays by me ends up dead or hating me.” They spoke quietly with their voice low and empty of all emotions. They just seemed to be stuck wallowing in a resignation I could scarcely comprehend.

 

I moved close to them and gently hugged them, letting them hide their tears from my face, burying theirs in my chest. “I’m not going anywhere Em.”

 

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As I politely ignored the crying I let myself speak of a past I’d long chosen to let go of. In a way it felt like I was reading from someone's biography. A story of a person gone from this world. “I’m not trying to wager tragedy but we all have baggage. Maybe it’s just the way small towns work, they're either a place you run away from, or a place to stumble into to escape somewhere else. I was running from… everything I guess. A family who’d discarded me before I even turned 16. A partner who cursed and beat me when I tried to be who I was meant to be. A world that held acceptance in their outstretched hand while holding a dagger behind their back.” I shook my head before I distracted myself too much with self-pity. “When I got here I didn’t have anything to my name and I definitely didn’t have friends to help me. I…” I uncomfortably rubbed at the scars on my wrists before coughing awkwardly and forcing myself to keep talking, “ I had dark days. Times when I didn’t think I’d pull through.” I let go of Em slightly knelt down to one ear to look them in the eyes. “I don’t want to ever let anyone else go through that, when I’m able to stand there and support them.”

After I finished saying all that I realized that Em had been silently staring into my eyes for the last few minutes and I quickly felt my cheeks begin to flash up. Followed by my heart rapidly pounding and the air seeming to burn an extra ten degrees as Em leaned in closer to me. Our lips were just about to touch when I heard a cough and knocking at the door.

We both scrambled back from each other in panic, I didn’t even need to look to know that Rina was standing there trying to hide her laughter at my expense.

 

“Leo, a word?” I nodded and mumbled to Em that I was gonna just check in with my boss here and that I’d grab us both another coffee too.

 

Em looked like they wanted to ask me to stay but decided against it. She instead reluctantly nodded at me and sat back down, looking awkwardly at Rina who just smiled and waved at them.

 

I gave Em as gentle a smile as I could before turning and following Rina into the lobby. The more we walked the more I could feel their cheeriness falling apart and by the time we were at the edge of the bar far from the door to the backroom Rina was wearing an annoyed and frustrated scowl.

 

“I’m already down two employees today and the one I trust the most is sitting in the backroom making loving eyes at a person I don’t recognize, INSTEAD, of opening the store and doing their damned job.” They were trying to keep their volume low but I had little doubt that Em could hear it even if it required a little bit of straining. For my part I just stood there and accepted my fate. I’d known I was going to get punished the moment I let Em into the store while we weren’t open. If I were anyone else Rina probably would have had to fire me. 

 

After giving her a moment to breathe and take a deep drink of some coffee to calm down I took a chance to reply and try and explain myself. “Ok, I just want to clarify that I finished opening a while ago. We weren’t open because you told me to stay closed until another person arrived. And we weren't making ‘loving eyes’ at each other!” I felt my voice raise in irrational defense before I shook my head and interrupted Rina’s reply, sensing the conversation would go in a weird direction if I let it continue this way. “Besides all of that, Em was in a really bad spot…” I explained as well as I could what Em went through over the night and how they’d shown up looking like they were going to collapse and turn into a icicle before my eyes when they showed up here. “Come on, you know me Rina, I would never let just anyone into the store like that. But Em is a friend and she was in danger.  I won’t apologize for helping them.”

 

I looked Rina in the eyes and held my ground as we stared at each other unflinching.

 

The air grew tense and hot before Rina broke down swearing at me. “Damnit. Fuckall of this. It's too early for this Leo!” She pulled at her hair and grabbed the opener's book, moving to double check what I’d written in there. Looking away from me she added on. “You better find someone to work your shift. If you cared enough to let them in here and not tell me then you better care enough to ensure they’re taken care of for the rest of the day at least.” 

 

I started to thank her when she looked back and glared at me. “Don’t. We aren't OK. You chose not to let me know what’s going on and now I have to double and triple up on work to make up for it. I’m happy you want to help your friend and I probably would have made the same choice but I can’t for the life of me figure out why you didn’t just call me and ask for help. We’ll talk about that on a different day though. Just take care of what you need to for now.”

 

 I nodded silently and grabbed my phone calling everyone I can think of while walking to the back to tell Em that I got the OK to head out and help them for the day.

 

I chugged another glass of cold brew as I got up the courage to go and speak to Em, trying to explain why I was still doing all of this. 

 

“I don’t even know myself.” I admitted with a depressed scowl. “I’m not really this desperate am I? To throw away everything and ditch work just for a smile?”

 

I shook my head firmly at the edge of the door, feeling Rina’s glare on my shoulders as I psyched myself up. I was just about to go through when I felt my wrist vibrate, receiving a text from one of my coworkers, James, the same one who got into a bar-fight and got detained this morning. 

 

“I guess we both had a fun night. Your date and my fight hah! You’ve been talking about this Em for so long I thought you’d never shoot your shot. I don’t know the details but Rina said you had to leave and help the girl with something right? I gotch you. Don’t worry about work.  You had Thursday off anyways, I can pick up today and tomorrow. Go handle your business Superman.”

 

I started to write back multiple messages but kept deleting them and starting over. Wanting to question why he was already out of jail if he couldn’t show up this morning, then correcting him on mis-gendering Em, and finally just being flabbergasted as his nonchalant attitude about everything but finally I found myself just laughing. 

 

I replied with a simple. “Thanks. Beers on me next time.” and went to talk to Em.

 

I opened the door and to my surprise Em was standing there fidgeting awkwardly, obviously ready to leave. Before I could say anything they interrupted me. “I need to apologize. I shouldn’t have shown up here… You're so nice and I-” Their voice was cracking and with it I felt my heart aching. Who wouldn’t want to help you when you look like that. Like someone carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. “I don’t really have anyone anymore. My friends… my family… Esme-” They were staring down at the ground hiding the tears. “They’re all gone and now I showed up here and got you in trouble with your boss.” They took a deep breath and wiped away the tears looking up at me with a determined stare. “You're such a good guy Leo… and I’m worthless. I tried figuring out why you even let me in but I can’t come up with anything other than that you were just being nice.” I tried to interject but they wouldn’t let me, walking towards the door and speaking over me, stepping by and resting their hand on it. “I’m sorry for bothering you… Just forget about-” 

 

Before they could leave I trusted my instincts and reached out grabbing ahold of their hand and pulling them towards me. Leaving them silent in surprise. “I’m not some lost puppy Em. I’m helping you because I want to. I let you in because I wanted to. I asked you out because I wanted to. You're right that I wasn’t expecting-” I shook my head in stupor, “Any of this. But I don’t regret it for a second. Please don’t ignore me like that and decide for yourself what's best for me.”

 

Em looked at me stunned at my declaration, seconds turned into minutes as we just stood in silence staring at each other. My embarrassment rapidly grew until Em leaned into me and kissed my cheek softly before hugging me. I returned and we held each other. I thought for a moment I could hear them quietly whispering, begging me not to leave them alone.

 

I couldn’t find the words to promise what I wanted to in my heart, some nugget of fear perhaps keeping me silent but I was at least able to return their hug as tight as possible, trying to share just a portion of the weight that’d been restraining them. 

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