James
“What’s this shit?” I muttered softly as I came to, in the lounge. Hide0us_Replica was laying with some beastly avatar. They laughed in sync with one another without any care in the world. They were still staring at the screen to their left, despite my spawning in behind to their right. I felt the fire in me seep out for a brief second, but I smothered it.
“Be still. This was always a chance.”
I put my mask on with a laugh and an awkward cough to disrupt them. The man-boy gave me a glare but nowhere near enough to bother me. “Replica, hate to be a bother but…” I mimed tapping at my watch, a learned gesture. Something simple to say ‘we need to hurry this up’ but also something between us to have more depth.
‘Tit for tat, man-boy.’ I gave them both a smile at my dagger fashioned thoughts. The man-boy opened his mouth to say something but Em hindered him, exactly as I planned. ‘I guess you never learned from how annoyed that made Esme either.’ “Come on James, you can’t be telling me to hurry up when you're the one that took forever to finish the match.” They muttered about me losing anyways but I let it go, not biting their bait.
I shrugged and sat down in the lounge chair to their right, forcing them to either not look at me while they talked or get up and shift how they were laying. Either way they were going to be made uncomfortable. “Whatever Emily, I was-” Before I could say another word, the man-boy started to get up and move but Em put their hand down on his chest. They then went and moved to lay into an even more relaxed way with their head resting on his lap.
“My name is Em and you know it, we’ve been friends for years and despite that I’ve about hit my limit with the mis-gendering and mis-naming James. Don’t be a prick and ruin my good mood, or else you can not so kindly fuck off.” I smiled at Em and laid back in my chair, shifting my mask from ‘annoyed friend’ to ‘proud friend.’ “It’s about time.” I laughed and put my legs up on the chair’s rest.
Em tilted their neck and in a cautious voice they asked, “What do you mean, James?” I forced my joy at their plain, raw, exposed emotion to remain hidden allowing only a slight grin to seep through.
I laid on a thick layer of my own awkward emotions careful to mirror their own, and not a tick more. I scratched the back of my neck and stared up at the ceiling as if to uneasy to look at them. “Ah come on Em… Do you really need me to spell it out.” I coughed and stood up walking over behind them, moving from the man-boys side to force him to turn his body and look at me, as I moved in close and rested my hands on each of their shoulders. An action I knew would remind Em of our nights spent gaming with Esme.
‘Ah yes. That’s what I want to see’ They tried to hide it but I saw that flinch back just a little from the man-boy as the guilt and self doubt seeped in. ‘Would Esme really approve of you moving on? To a guy no less? Not even a gamer, not like us. Not a friend. Just some random guy you met?’ As the doubt clouded their eyes I gave them a squeeze on their shoulders. “Em you’ve always wanted to stand in this half-way spot. When you're Hide0us_Replica you are this unflinching commander and I’ve looked up to that but when you're you…” I let it hang in the air for a second as the verbal strike made them flinch just slightly. “But right now. You said who you were and took charge. That’s the friend I’ve been wanting to see.” Em was looking down and in the corner of my eye I could even see the man-boy flashing with some guilt in his eyes for ever doubting me.
Now repeat the act.
I once again let go of them and let the awkward air flow. Stepping back and scratching at my hair as I walked away, this time to the left so I would be present in their vision and my thoughts would take more hold. A clockwise motion, and I ended it sitting in the chair across from them. My presence was in every corner of the room, leading their thoughts and actions.
“I can be an ass sometimes.” I confessed to my flaw, something my old team would remind me of a lot. Mixing my lies and half-truths blurred the lines of their reality. “But I hope you know I have always loved you Em.” I leaned over and rested my hand on Em’s. “You're my best friend, regardless of what you identify as and who you love.” I looked over at the man-boy letting my well meaning ooze outward. “I fully support you always. I know Esme-” I stopped my voice getting choked up before I pushed the words through. “I know she would as well.”
I let the ghost of our dead friend’s name sit in the room. My act coming to a silent mournful close I let myself slide back into the couch.
We all sat there for a good while before Em’s man-boy spoke up. “I know…” He shook his head and quieted down for a second before speaking up again. “I know I don’t really know that much about your life… before. But I think I understand a bit more now.” I forced a sad smile onto my face while sharing glances with Em who seemed lost in thoughts of their dead girlfriend. The man-boy reached down and held Em’s hand in his own.
“Can’t you just be a bit more selfish man-boy!” I cursed him while forcing on a bitter smile at their feelings, and his support. Another breath and I started to say something but was struck off kilter when Em spoke. “Esme was my girlfriend. I don’t talk about her… about that life very much.” Their voice was quiet, like they were trying to force us to listen closer. I saw them grip each other's hands tightly. “It hurts to talk about her, to think about her, it kills me inside whenever I think about the space she used to take up in my life… in my heart. But-” They wiped at their eyes causing the bag-head to shimmer as the avatar head broke apart. They sat up holding the man-boy’s hand. “But she deserves better than that. I spent far too long running away. I think it’s past time I stand up and celebrate her life instead of just regretting how much she isn’t here to be living it.” After a second Em seemed to go quiet, seeming shocked by their own words but not nearly as much as I was.
“Fuck. Shit. Goddamnit!” striving to keep my mask solid. Wrapping myself up with some tears and nodding to Em’s speech I did my best to obscure rage from their eyes.
“This is too much. Way too much. You are angry. Wrathful. So deep in mourning and regret you can’t operate. What is with this growth?! Celebrate her life? How did you even get there?!!” I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. Listening to my heart-beat.
“The now. Deal with the now.” I stood up and hugged Em as tightly as I could. “I couldn’t imagine a better plan for the future Em.”
The man-boy stood up with us and started to say something when the left side of his head began to blink red. “If not gods, at least the devils are still on my side.” I thanked the universe while still hugging Em, gently turning a blind eye to their tears.
After a moment I stepped back and took a breath. “I wish we could do something now,” “Highlight the group. I can’t get rid of the man-boy at the moment so for now I should keep him close.” I smiled as my balance seemed to return the more I felt the world tilt in my favor once more, healing from Em’s sneak attack no doubt. “It looks like your boyfriend’s gear is about to die, however.” Em turned to look at him, I couldn’t see their look but I saw the awkward pain and guilt in the man-boy’s eyes. “Go ahead and disconnect Leo, we’ll be done in a second anyways.” He started to say something but I interrupted him.
“Actually, I meant to tell you this earlier but with everything happening the last couple of days I didn’t get a chance.” Yes, remind them of reality, the pain and anger that still awaits them despite what reprieve the games give them. “I came to town. I honestly didn’t want to intrude, I’ve been trying to stay away, but when you got doxxed...” I let my voice choke and the doxxing reminder sit in the air around us. Em didn’t say speak so I followed up on my verbal assault planting the ground for round two. “At any rate I’m staying at a hotel and I brought a present from Esme’s family for you… We were worried about you and thought it’d make you feel better. It’s some recordings of Esme’s streams where you were mentioned.”
Em looked up to me with pain in their body language. I cherished the time I’ve spent learning how to read them since the bag-head hides all else. I tried to make them at least put a smiley face on the avatar but they claimed it was still a step too far.
“Why don’t you both join me and we’ll watch them together?” I asked, looking not at Em, but at the man-boy. A not so subtle way of saying ‘you want to keep staying with them right?’’
Rather than reply to me though, he leaned down and caught Em off guard with a tight hug. Holding the act for a moment before whispering in Em’s ear and logging off, leaving me with a confused look.
‘I loath wildcard types. Just follow the plan like everyone else.’ I screamed inside my mind while looking towards Em with a quirked eyebrow, cursing under my breath but making sure it was just loud enough for Em to hear that I was bothered. “I’m sorry, something more important than my best friend and dead best friend?” With a tsk I forced myself to smile and let my act, at least to a degree that was safe for them to see, fall apart for them.
“Don’t take it personally James. He and I… were still very new. Like… Very, very new. I just think he was a bit uncomfortable with how close we were acting.”
I sighed aloud and sat down next to them. “I’ll keep it in mind Em. If I’m honest I just wanted to say hi and tell you about the present. I didn’t intend for it to… be a whole thing. I don’t think either he or I were expecting each other.”
‘That’s a fucking understatement.” I swore inside to go along with my complaints.
‘Prioritize them. Don’t let it sit on me for to long’ My thoughts taught me as I moved forward, falling on the plans for guidance. “I don’t want to make any unnecessary drama but I really would like to see you in person before I have to go back home.”
They seemed unsure just a little so I followed up an quick strike. “Bring the boy, you said his name was Leo right? Bring Leo along, my hotel is pretty awesome you know, lets watch Esme together and get drunk. I might be third wheeling a little bit but you guys can call it a date night or something. If I gotta bounce for a bit I gotta bounce, won’t creep on you.” I laughed as my words made them blush, yea. That’s the kind of subtle teasing you always liked. “Let's make this as painless as possible, Em. Well for me anyways.”
They shut their eyes and finally sighed. “Ok. Ok. First gross, you're like my big brother and like I said, he and I only started dating. Nothing like that is gonna happen.” They denied it but I could see the laughter in their eyes as I was joking. “But yea. It sounds like a fun night. I’ll convince Leo. Honestly I hope you guys can get along… I really like him.”
I tried to hide the pain in my eyes at their feelings but I wasn’t sure how good of a try it was.
“I’m sorry, Em.” I worked to smother my empathy in my thoughts as my plans shifted and I knew I would have to hurt my best friend and only friend once more. “I just can’t let Hide0us_Replica go away.”
Em reached up to log off but seemed to see my pain in my eyes. “James?”
I offered her a mournful smile before giving an excuse. “I’m sorry, I was just thinking of Esme. We’ll talk more when you guys get here OK? I gotta clean up a little bit so don’t rush.”
Before they could ask I quickly logged out, not wanting to risk my truth slipping out.
A breath later I opened my eyes to pale beige walls and clear windows sparkling with star light. I tried to keep my thoughts steady but alone once more with them the rage broke through.
“Mother-fucker!” I slammed my fist against the table as hard as I could, bruising my knuckles and with a swipe of my arm I sent the VR gear and my gaming set-up crashing to the ground.
“Stop.” I chastised myself as I moved to slam my foot down on-top the expensive tools laying on the ground yearning to be trampled upon but halted at the last second. “There isn’t time.” I closed my eyes and focused on my fist already bruising over from the punch. The way the pain seemed to beat in time with my heart brought me back down, guiding me. It forced me to stop and think.
I looked at the mess and clicked me tongue before storming out to the porch to chain smoke. Relying on that sweet relief to help me collect my thoughts.
“This is too much of a mess.” I spoke aloud to the empty porch, letting my thoughts out.
“If we hadn’t invited them, they would’ve just drifted farther away.”
I couldn’t say anything in return and fell silent.
“Do we need to bury the man-boy?”
Again I didn’t have a reply, either yes or no . We couldn’t make up our mind.
“Are we certain it won’t trace back to us?”
“Is such expediency really necessary or are we just a bit jealous that another has taken her attention away from us?
“Won’t this just hurt them and make it all harder? Wasn’t the doxxing supposed to be the final step?
“Or the doctored pictures or the shitty fake video? None of this is working! You saw what I saw! They're closer than before.”
The neck echoed with silence as I heard a soft knocking at the door. “Sir? I’m the concierge, your neighbors heard something fall and people shouting, is everything ok?”
I swore and threw on a shirt as I walked to the door, messing up my hair and keeping my bruised hand out of their vision. With a deep breath my public mask slid back on, wearing a sheepish voice. I frowned and opened the door halfway, leaning against the frame. “I’m soooo sorry. I’m doing some script reading online with some friends and ended up tripping over a cord when I went to get a drink. Cord popped out and the volume was much louder than expected.” I added an anxious laugh at the end to try and sell my hasty lie.
They gave me a wary look before just shaking their head. “I understand. Things happen. Please just be more aware of the time in the future, the guests on this floor tend to be sensitive to that kind of thing.” I apologized again and went to shut the door when I remembered Em coming by with her man-boy. “Oh, I was going to call down and let the front desk know but since you're here do you mind passing on a message?”
They shrugged so I went ahead and told them to expect two guests coming to visit me as well as my request to reserve the room for another month. I made clear I would most likely be gone awhile before that but I just wanted to be safe. The girl looked upset at being asked to do extra work, but promised to relay it. She added that the front desk would call me if they had questions and when my guests had arrived.
I gave my most polite thanks for their help and tipped them a hundred for the help. She seemed stunned by my extra tip but I didn’t give her a chance to ask about it and just shut the door locking it behind me.
Counting to thirty in silence I let go of the deep breath I’d been holding in.
“Recklessness and instability will only lead to destruction.” I chastised myself as I sat on the several sizes too large bed. “Stupid lies and stupid actions. Get it together James.”
I nodded and calmed myself. I’d have plenty of time to let it all loose when I had Hide0us_Replica to myself. Secure and safe with me.
With my head cleared I looked around the room and put myself in Em’s head, looking for what would stand out, each and every thing able to go against my lie that I had only been here for a couple of days.
The clothes are put away.
Takeout dinner thrown in random places.
Ashtray over filling on the porch.
Personal PC and gaming PC are both set-up.
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With the plans laid anew I turned on music and went to work. Pulling out my travel bags I packed up all the clothes but three sets, all in a bin by the door. As for the garbage I left some food in the mini-fridge and threw the rest out along with the ashtray. Lastly I turned off and shut down the gaming PC.
It was probably unnecessary but feeling the desire to be extra secure I went ahead and packed up some of my extra peripherals as well, but made sure to leave the suitcase half open on the bed to give the impression of it recently being ruffled through to find things.
Finally I went to my personal PC, I wanted to pack it up as well but the streams I’d long ago captured of Esme talking about Em were locked away on there.
I logged into the device and used the process I had been taught to log into the second secret OS. It was a hassle and still used a command line structure. I had to look up on my phone what to type just to use it but it was also very secure so no one would be finding something on here that I didn’t want them to. It made me feel like a bit player in the 90’s movie ‘Hackers’, I couldn’t stop my complaints but had to admit, especially when I remembered how much I paid to have this system made, that it was all that I had asked for and needed.
I picked five streams at random, typing in the commands to select and burn those to a disk. I grabbed a sharpie and wrote on it “Esme Streams for Em.” I smiled at it before groaning and snapping the disk in two, throwing it in the garbage and trying another ten times to find the right wording.
“Remember this isn’t between the two of us. It’s supposed to be from Esme’s family. What would they say?” I cursed as I started pacing the hotel room trying to find the words.
An hour passed before I gave up and reached down to label the disk one more time when the phone rang.
“Why won’t you just give me a break?” I complained before sighing, putting on my best salesman smile and voice picking up the phone. “James here, what can I do for you.” The voice on the other end gave a brief cough before speaking, I could at once tell from the tone it was the girl working the front desk in the lobby. That judging voice had been vexing day in and out since I started staying here. “Mr. Whiloboiy” she pronounced it like “Whiny-Boy” and I had to bite back my desire to angrily correct her. “Your guests are here, I’ll be sending them right up.” I tried to tell her to wait and that I’d be down but before I could speak she hung up the phone.
“Shit!” I swore and looked down at the disk. “Whatever, I’ll just leave it blank.” I held the power button down on my PC and then reset it back to its normal mode. While it was loading, I picked up the desk trash-can now full of snapped disks and threw the bag behind the trash-can in the bathroom. Not a perfect hiding place but better than leaving them in the open to be questioned.
I spun around the room, checking what else might seem out of place before I remembered the music playing. “Damnnit. James the friend doesn’t listen to this. I moved to turn off the K-Pop I’d been playing and switched it back to my classic rock list, full of Kansas and AC-DC. These guys hit their peak almost forty years ago why can’t I just let my style update.”
I turn the music down so it was just barely able to be heard and popped open a can of red-bull. I checked how I looked in the mirror and started walking to the door only to be spooked by sudden knocking.
I pasted on a smile and opened up the door to see Em and their man-boy, Leo standing there holding hands with a strange awkward tension in the air. Though they seemed to want to hide it they were still clearly a bit nervous over how to act. I wonder how much of Em’s action in the game was an act with him, putting on a show of strength to mess with me.
“Hey! You guys really got here fast huh?” I asked as I stepped to the side and let them in.
Em walked past casually dragging along their man-boy while talking quickly, their nerves leaking through. “Yea well we were already together-” She stopped and backtracked mid-sentence, “I mean not like together, together-” letting go of the man-boy’s hand they ran their hand through their long and messy hair, before turning to face the wall with a sigh. “Yea. I was at his place. It’s nearby.”
I laughed at their show of shyness and walked over to put my hand on Em’s back and offer a hug which they quickly welcomed. “It’s really good to see you, in person this time, Em.”
Em murmured something into my chest and hugged me a bit tighter. We stood like that for a second before letting go and moving to sit on the lounge chairs in the hotel room. We were sitting for a minute before I realized that Leo was still just standing by the door, an awkward look on his face. I forced myself to smile and laugh a bit at him. I stood up and offered him a handshake and a weak ‘sorry’ for not greeting him. “I’m sorry man, come sit down. Leo, I kinda rushed things a bit when we were in the virtual lounge, I had a lot to say. Tonight is a celebration for our friend though. Please make yourself at home.”
He took the handshake with an open and honest smile. As the man-boy and I moved to sit-down I suddenly stopped acting like I just thought of something crucial, “Oh right first before anything else…” I walked over to the bar and pulled out three beers and a bottle of whiskey. “Alcohol.” I offered my most charming smile at them as they both seemed weary to drink.
“James I appreciate the offer but…” Em started to decline but I set the drinks down on the table between us all and turned on the tv, quickly started the show.
It only took a couple of minutes before we were all captured by Esme’s charm once more.
Esme was a young woman, probably in her mid twenties with a curvy frame and a smile that never stopped shining. In this stream she was playing a funny game called “Super Bunny Man: The Hopping Mad Files” where you control a guy in a bunny suit rolling and hopping through a world of pit-falls, spikes, and pure craziness. It was the kind of simple game with a deep concept that invited deep laughter. It was made all the better by Esme’s presence which made you feel as if you were playing along with her. As the stream progressed and the game got harder Esme finally claimed to hit her breaking point and called in a friend, Em, though only known as Emily at the time, to join her on stream.
“This was the beginning of the end for us three.” I thought to myself as my complexion grew darker. “Those guys were so fun together. If only they could have just stayed like this…”
On the screen Em and Esme were laughing and playing. They had a way of acting that made you want to cheer for them, they were a bit playful and a bit flirty. It was a charm that seemed to compound and grow by the second. I hadn’t made any effort to highlight the comments when I captured the stream but the few that did pop up on screen from high-dollar donors, were all full of people pushing to see so much more of the pair. For the viewers both then and now, the romantic aura was clear, I knew though it wouldn’t be for a few more years before it crossed that line.
“You probably died despising me.” I couldn’t help thinking about my final clash with Esme. I was so bitter and full of anger at the time. I’d been so consumed with Hide0us_Replica that I forgot to pay any attention to their player. As far as I was concerned Em and Esme were just useful tools and nice fools. They were there to help build my disguise and nothing more. When I heard that they were planning to come out as a couple after we won the final match I lost control.
It was truly amazing how easy it is to kill someone.
How it feels to snuff their light out with your own will.
“She was amazing…” I muttered my thought aloud without even meaning to, my thoughts pulling me far and away from the plans I was trying to cement tonight.
“Yea… She really was.” To my surprise it wasn’t Em who had replied but the ma-,
“No.” I stopped myself, for some reason feeling sick with my act. “He has gone through all our petty games and gotten stronger, he deserves his name. Leo”
I looked over at the young man, at Em’s chosen partner, for the first time really seeing him.
Leo was a pretty easy to miss person. His body wasn’t bulky and he kept his long brown hair tied up in a simple man-bun. His cheeks were all sharp angles, combined with thin framed glasses he had a tense kind of look. Dressed in slacks and a decal t-shirt of some band I didn’t know I’d be lying if I said I could grasp what Em saw in him.
“Maybe that’s why his avatar is like that. He wants to ensure that at least in the digital world, he can’t be overlooked.”
As the stream moves to a break I grab the bottle of whiskey and pour us all a pair of shots. “Starting off on doubles? Really?” Leo eyeballs the shot as I pick up my glass and offer a toast. Leo is still staring at me with a raised eyebrow but Em just shrugs, picking up their glass, while leaning their head against Leo’s shoulder. They were trying to hide the slight tremor in their hand but I couldn’t not notice it.
“You can blame me, ok? Way back when, I’d always toast a double when the three of us would get together.” Em explained the tradition as I sat silent offering the glass, leaving the choice up to Leo.
“Of course it’s not just whiskey in there…” I thought my mind drifting to the couple of other liquors splashed in to raise the . All without flavor of course to keep all but the gut-punch from giving away my foul plans.
I took a deep breath as Leo picked up his glass, giving Em a worried look for just a moment before lifting his glass up and we all toasted.
“To friends.” I said
“To family.” Leo chimed.
“To love.” Em finished.
First the one shot then right after we picked up the next glass and followed it up with another chink.
I had to bite back the burn that seemed as though it wanted to escape back up my throat.
To much. Shit. Way to much.
I coughed and forced it into a laugh to hide the regret over my face. It was a bad act but hopefully it wasn’t anything that was going to be spotted by them.
“Fuck me. Was that really just whiskey James? I love a good drink but that was just something awful.” Em questioned me through dry coughs.
I didn’t even try to explain as I grabbed the bottle and set it back in the fridge before getting three big glasses of water for us. I needed to make sure I stayed sober and it wouldn’t do for this to keep them from drinking.
“Keep them happy and keep them talking. Just have to drink more if the strong stuff won’t work. Neither of them should be able to handle their drink that well and that bile was more than strong enough to put a dent in it.
We all took big gulps of water before settling back down, Esme’s stream was starting up again but I figured it’d work to keep the words flowing. My bungled toast seems to have made for a good joke if nothing else.
“So, to be totally honest, I actually haven't been drinking in a long while. I just bought that at this shady looking corner store. It was cheap and looked strong, so I probably should have tried it first.” I laughed at myself.
I thought Em might have been upset but they burst into laughter too. For his part Leo was just giving us both a confused stare before adding. “It really wasn’t that bad. Wouldn’t have minded taking another.”
I thought of the Balkan 176 vodka and it’s 88% alcohol label. I’d dumped about a quarter of that in with the whiskey I actually did buy at the corner store. “What are you made out of?” I asked in honest bewilderment.
He shyly rubbed at the back of his neck. “I guess I just have a stronger taste for this kind of stuff than most people. Back home I’d steal my dad’s stuff when some friends and I went snuck out. Guess the tolerance stuck with me.” I shook my head and grabbed one of the hard soda’s I’d grabbed, intended for topping off at the end of the night.
“Cheers to Mr. Indestructible.” I jokingly toasted before adding, “Or his liver at least.”
Em grabbed one of her own and toasted with me.
We were about three fourths through the second stream, having finished off all the tame stuff we cracked open the bottle of bile once more. Both Em and Leo were far drunker than I was, “I wish you’d learned to put down the bottle Em. This shouldn’t have been this easy.” I sadly thought to myself as I slid out of the room. Leo and Em hadn’t even looked at me, off to their own world.
At some point Em had moved themself over to Leo’s lap and began covering him with kisses and leaning in to whisper taunting things to him.
I left them in the hotel room, locking the door behind me as I walked to the closet down the hallway. Checking to make sure that no one was nearby I snuck in and popped open an air duct that I’d found in my first week here. Inside I removed the tablet I had planted.
Turning it on I found it still working and had within seconds connected to the secret security cameras left all around my room.
“First you and Esme. Now you and Leo. Why won’t you let me stop hurting you. Just lay down and surrender Em.” I begged them but knew they couldn’t hear the cries of my heart.
“Just once more.” I whispered to myself as I recorded the video of them stripping clothes and moving to the bed. Drunken thoughts and the burning heat of new love, long purging them of any reasoned thoughts.
I felt the ugly smile growing on my smile as I cursed my friend, blessed enough to host the favor of Hide0us_Replica and a skill level I’ll never possess.
My targets grew more intimate, and I noticed the quiet secret that Leo no doubt kept deep with himself. “Now watch as you force me to strike down another one you’ve poisoned Em.”
I kept the video recording as I pulled up the browser on the tablet and used the tor browser to log onto the dark web page that had been used to kill Emily Burdowe and would be used once again to strike them down, this time with their trans boy lover Leo.
I typed the headline out as my heart beat faster and I uploaded the pictures and video from the secret cameras.
“EXILED GAMING DYKE FUCKS TRANS FREAK AT HOTEL TO VIDEO OF DEAD GIRLFRIEND”
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