He was trapped in the mansion when he was living, and he was trapped in my body after he died. I felt slightly sorry for him.
After retrieving his memories, he put one foot into the world that he used to be a part of. He reached the point where he could sense things beyond the capacity of a normal human. Sadly, he seemed to believe that he broke free from the body’s influence, but despite his beliefs, he was still bound by my body’s influence.
He was still affected by that foolishly naïve brain of Haeseo Nam—the kid who would get his crackers stolen by seagulls and cry for the corpse of an earthworm that he happened to pass by. The innocence and virtue from being raised under an overprotective mother remained in that body.
The mind was bound to the body.
I wondered where his patience and willpower to return my body came from. Was that meek thought from Haeseo’s brain or the Child’s mind? Whatever the case may be, it didn’t really matter. It was merely a question stemming from my desire to learn more about the person I loved. Simply having the answer regardless of its substance would be a sweet reward for me.
‘…See? That body means nothing more to me than the house of your soul. Of course, since that was your place of rest, I would treat it with utmost care. Is my body warm? It’s probably softer and kinder than that cold mansion.’
With every pump of the heart, hot blood circulated to every corner of that body. With every breath, that chest and abdomen would gently rise and fall. According to his thoughts, those limbs moved meticulously with every pulse. The hairs that grew and fell and the nails that spread from beneath fragile nail beds—everything was wondrous and beautiful. I felt like I could understand why the dead coveted the bodies of the living. A moving and breathing body was the vessel of miracles.
‘That living body is my biggest gift to you.’
However, I still felt sorry for him. That gift wasn’t completely for his sake. There were some of my selfish desires in it as well.
It wasn’t because I didn’t trust him, who felt more loneliness than spite and vengeance, despite being brutally murdered by other people. What he had said to me before bothered me.
“…He said he decided to be friendlier to me. But that couldn’t make me like someone I disliked. Deciding to act nice now didn’t erase my painful past. Being nice to me couldn’t compensate me for his past actions.”
I still couldn’t understand the things that he said.
“No, I felt pretty bad. How about you think about why I must have felt that way?”
I also couldn’t understand why he cried every time another person died.
“Y-you loved your mother, didn’t you?”
‘…Please don’t hate me.’ I could understand being scared. Having just regained his memories, he was like a child who saw the world for the first time. He could ignore me and shake me off because I felt unfamiliar and awkward. However, I couldn’t let him hate and resent me. I didn’t want him to hate me.
So, I was thinking of taking advantage of my easily trusting and empathetic brain.
As such, I hoped that he could continue to be trapped patiently in my body—until he could wholly accept me because he was bitterly alone and he kept having soft-hearted thoughts. When that time came, we would never part with each other again, whatever container we may be in.
Afterward, we would continue to love a love that only needed each other.
This time, without the interruption of anyone. Forever.
“I love you,” I whispered as I licked his lips as always.
* * *
When I stepped out into the living room in the morning, the mansion that I decorated was still on the table. I walked over and rubbed the small animal figurines with my fingers. They were plastic toys with felt-like exteriors.
I stared at them for a while, then I brought a needle from the drawer. Then, I shoved it in the middle of the doll’s stomach. The doll, impaled with the needle, still made a charming face.
I kissed the doll’s face. Then, I placed it carefully inside the well-decorated mansion. I was thinking of buying batteries in the evening and lighting up the dark mansion.