I Couldn’t Tell You Who It Was Extra Whoever It May Be Fuzzy light seeped into my eyes, opened just a sliver. Was it morning or already midday? Or if neither, did I mistake the light from a lightbulb as one from the sun? Too tired to check, I merely closed my eyes again. Singing. I could hear faint singing in the background. The singing voice whispered to me, and I was uncertain whether it wanted to rouse me or send me to sleep. The words that I heard were familiar. Diamonds, roses, snow, moon, paradise. It was Yeonseon’s song for his fans. The melody, diction, and breathing were all the same as I remembered. Just the voice was completely different. I couldn’t ignore the strangeness of it and opened my eyes. The room was bright. Only the bed was partially shaded. “Are you up now?” The man who was looking down at the brilliant roads through the large window turned around and smiled at me. At the same time, the singing stopped. He came over and made coffee with the pot and mug in the room. The nutty and sweet fragrance of the coffee spread throughout the room. Before he handed me my drink, the man kissed my forehead and cheek in turn. I could feel the warmth of both a lover and parent from him. “The weather is nice today as well,” he said. I looked at the coffee that I received from him and gently bit my lips. It was a cup of americano, just warm enough to drink right away. That itself made my head sore, but once I took a sip, it was extremely sweet unlike its appearance, which made my headache intensify. When he saw me frown, the man muttered, taken aback, “I put in some sugar because I thought you had a nightmare, but do you dislike it? Should I make another cup?”
“No…” The sweet coffee passed my parched throat surprisingly smoothly. That was why I was reluctant to have more. He knew where my hesitation stemmed from, so he didn’t press further. He simply looked at me with enamored eyes. He didn’t ask what my nightmare was about.
He merely waited for me. …Until I made a choice. “…” As I drank the coffee, I recalled the song that Yeonseon sang for me. “I’ll bring you a rose made of diamond dust, filled with warm sunlight and pure snowflakes. As you sleep more tranquil than the moonlit forest, I’ll place it next to your head, so you can sleep soundly in the paradise of roses in your dreams.” Those were the lyrics that the man sang moments ago. Wrapped around the warm mug, my fingers trembled ever so slightly. I knew why the man borrowed the body of someone who majored in psychology this time. It was so he could understand the puzzling words that I said to him before—like when I said that it was useless to be nice to me now. However, the meaning they held had long lost legitimacy due to the truths that were revealed. Even so, the mere fact that I didn’t like something was why he chose this body. He was so persistent and meticulous. I felt like I was hanging on the edge of a cliff, desperate to let go due to the strain. However, the choice of letting go and becoming free didn’t exist. If I gave up on everything and took the fall, he would save me and hang me on the edge of the cliff again. Then, he would nonchalantly extend his hand toward me. Only one choice remained—to keep on enduring before taking this man’s hand. That was it. That was why he simply waited without doing anything. He waited delightfully. Between the two of us, only I grew fatigued by the day.