Chapter 10: Chapter Nine

It was like looking at a crazy horde of hungry wild animals who all wanted a bite from a small prey. 

My hands were already aching from the swinging and soon after I lost feeling of them entirely and didn't even know when the bat fell off.

I was tripped to the ground and so many rough teeth sank into me, and soon after they were all over me.

I couldn't breathe. 

It was like I was at the bottom of the ocean drowning. My heartbeat became slow and erratic. I was overwhelmed by a new feeling of hopeless, of endless fear. I couldn't shake it off. 

It was excruciating, it was dark and it felt like no dream at all but then I opened my eyes.

I was still wrapped in darkness but their weight was off me and I was surrounded by a comfortable familiar scent.

My breathing was rapid and I was soaked in sweat. I couldn't take my eyes off the ceiling to be sure I was truly back and I couldn't close my eyes for fear I might go back.

I laid still in the discomfort of my sweat trying to calm my breath. I couldn't tell if it was tears or sweat rolling down my eyes until I heard my sob. 

"Are you awake?"

The sound of Sarah's voice jerked me up.

The mere thought that Sarah could be here was too frightening to conceive but as I sat up I saw Sarah standing in front of Mom and Dad's doorway, all dressed up illuminated by the light of the hallway behind her.

I glanced left, then right.

I was indeed home.

It had all been a dream. A very long weird dream.

"We will be late for school"

Schoo--fuck!

I hurried down from the bed.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I complained as I was taking off my soaked shirt. I turned on the light. The dream had felt so real that the thought of school seemed foreign to me.

"I tried to but you were too deep asleep" she explained, eating the last of the bread we had. "I even poured water on you"

I turned to look at the bed. The part where I laid was visibly soaked. I should have known the sweat was too much to be just sweat.

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"Next time just wait for me to wake up" I told her as I stripped to my boxers. "Give me 2 minutes"

I couldn't do it in 2 minutes.

Anytime I closed my eyes I got flashes from the nightmares. The hollow eyes and the mouth choking with black blood. I couldn't bear it and I had to figure out how to take my bath without closing my eyes. 

And that cost about 10 minutes. 

As we were coming down from the hill where our home was I saw Maddie. She was coming out of her house and walking to her car. I waved at her to get her attention but she gave me a cold response, walked into her car and drove off.

"She hates you" Sarah said. "Why?"

"I don't know" I lied.

Normally something like this would bother me but I had a lot on my mind and in every step out of the corner of my eyes I thought I saw those monsters and that they were ready to pounce on me. Every strange foul smell got my heart racing. It really had me fucked up like I've never been before. 

With time the accident nightmare became like been in a movie of some sorts. It was terrible and kept me up at night but it was still livable. Still escapable.

The new nightmare was not like that. It was more about what I was feeling than what I was seeing. The depression. The sadness. They hung heavy in the air and made it very hard to breathe. It was like it was my life and I was living every second of it.

"I'm happy you don't scream anymore" Sarah said.

"What?" I asked looking down at her but again she wasn't looking at me.

"At night" she said again. "You used to scream when you have nightmares but now you don't, which means you don't have nightmares again."

"I guess I'm older now" was the reply I gave her after a thought but I was wondering why she didn't hear last night cries. It should have been the loudest of them all. Even if I don't cry out in every nightmare I should have done so in this one because it was the worst one ever. I knew it didn't feel right but my mind was telling me maybe she just didn't hear it.

And then fast forward school was over and I was back at home, alone. I had gone to the supermarket to get a much needed restock, and then came across the beverage section. Since alcohol was out of the question I went for coffee and now after downing so much of the coffee I'm wondering if I should just go and get the alcohol. It wouldn't take 30 minutes and it would be an exercise to keep the sleep at bay too. I couldn't afford to sleep. I didn't want it. Just the thought of it alone scared the shit out of me but still with so much coffee in my system my eyelids were getting heavy and out of my control,and I couldn't stand walking around no more.

I have been here so many times before and I have lost so many times before. I knew I was just one blink away from sleep. One blink away from nightmare. My hands were holding tight on mom's chaplet even though I know it didn't work the last time I tried but I was desperate. Desperation of a man been carried away by a wave. Clutching at everything, and anything. But sometimes the wave is more than you can handle, and before you know it in one blink you are gone. 

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