Chapter 51: 52-The girl waits for time in her shell....

The day after visiting the Nippa family.

Lunch break. During dinner with Makoto, I told him what I wanted to say yesterday.

Makoto, you should have dinner with Ryuka instead of having dinner with me.

I'd like to do the same, but it takes courage. Ryuka eats at Ryuka with her friends.

I'm sure Ryuka would love to eat with you at the table. You should be bold enough to say it.

'Oh, my God.'

'Would you like to have lunch with me?'

'Comet, that's terrible.

'I'm kidding. Just ask her out. You'll be glad he asked you out. It's probably the best thing you could have done.

'But you know what? I'm nervous. I'm so worried about whether I'm eating it the wrong way or not that I don't even taste it.

'You're a maiden, aren't you?

It's unlikely that the ladylike Ryuka will ask you out, so you'll have to go first, Makoto.

Well, we'll just have to keep getting closer and closer. Good luck.

And then Alina came into the classroom again.

I saw her classmates looking towards the entrance, and I saw her standing there. A classmate said to her, 'Comet is here!

Two days in a row.

She came to me in a straight line.

Your mother asked me to give you this.

It's a brown envelope. The opening is glued shut. No sign of having been opened.

I wonder what it is. Thanks, I'll take it.

I blurted it out. Alina would ask me if I knew she was going to send this to me, so I'm going to call it a salty response.

'Well, why did you leave on your own?

I just wanted you and your son to talk alone. It would have been awkward if I had been there.

'I don't need you.

Don't play the tsundere character. Makoto's surprised.

Makoto is expressing awe with all his might on his face, as if he had just encountered an alien. In other words, her face was contorted with fear.

'I don't remember Nippa being such a character ......?'

'Who are you? Horseman, right?'

'Ugh, flashback.

Recalling bitter memories of the past, Makoto plopped down on the desk and died.

'Alina, there is nothing special to do today. I'm free.

'So. Thank you.

'Why are you thankful?'

'Ki, it was yesterday.'

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He looked away and left. After she vanished like the wind, all that was left was a brown envelope and Makoto's dead body. I took the envelope and left the classroom. I will attend Makoto's funeral.

I opened the envelope on a bench in the courtyard.

Inside was a piece of paper. The first sentence was "To Sui-kun. I didn't explain the kanji.

Dear Sui-kun.

I was very hesitant to pick up the brush.

I wasn't sure I could talk to Sui-kun when I just met him. I'm sorry. So I decided to write this down.

Please keep this confidential. Do not tell anyone.

Alina was abused by her divorced husband.

Alina was beaten by her father while I was away from home for modeling. I was completely unaware of this. I feel so sorry for what I have put my daughter through, and even now I feel like I am crushing my heart with remorse. I want to be crushed.

The abuse started around the 4th grade, when a teacher noticed the abuse and reported it to the authorities. It was around the end of the 5th grade. I am an unfit mother. I cried, hugged and apologized. But there was already no light in my daughter's eyes.

I took custody of my daughter in a desperate attempt to save her life. I divorced my husband and resumed my maiden name, 'Hiha'.

Even though her father was gone, the light in her eyes remained. Shortly after entering the sixth grade, something unusual began to happen. Alina's personality changed like a wave. She could be a cheerful and full of energy, or she could be the strong-willed Alina that she is today.

The former Alina sometimes appears as if a switch has been flipped. Most of the time it is the latter. This is the Alina of the past. The bright and cheerful Alina was not so easy to remember. I was worried because of the discrepancies.

And from late sixth grade to the end of eighth grade, she was a cheerful Alina who remembered nothing of the abuse. It was as if the abuse itself had never happened. I was too scared to ask. I was too scared to ask her if she remembered, because I felt like the slightest thing could break her like glass.

I was too much of a coward to do anything.

One really ordinary day in the third grade, I came home from work and Alina was the same Alina I knew before the sixth grade. It was obvious from her facial expression, her behavior and the way she talked that Alina was back. Alina had to leave early that day because she was sick.

Since that day, this is the Alina you know. Today Alina told me about her dual personality and it all fits. After Sui left, she told me that at first she did not recognize me as her mother. I think this is my punishment for neglecting her. I also told her about her father's violence.

He told me that he had spent his life relying on the notebooks he had written before he lost his memory.

I suggested that she go to a hospital, but she said 'absolutely not' and wouldn't listen to me.

This is her past.

My daughter's heart was broken because of the abuse. I was such a stupid woman.

All I could do was cry.

I know it's too selfish to ask, but please be good to Alina.

I felt my lachrymal gland loosen after reading this. I tried to hold it back, but I felt an immeasurable anger welling up in me, and a single tear rolled down my cheek.

The cause of her dual personality was probably abuse, as Alina's mother said. The image of Alina trembling and enduring the violence made all my insides burn. To be beaten and kicked by a big man alone, and to endure it in silence is just too unreasonable.

The nature of memory oblivion is self-preservation in the face of suffering beyond its limits. That is why Alina has erased her past. It's unbearable, it's painful, any more will cause a mental breakdown. She is on the edge of such a state of mind.

In this hellish world, Alina chose to erase her memories.

If I had a time machine, I would have changed the future to save Alina, who was in elementary school. Even if we never met in the future.

What will you do now? That's what I ask myself.

What can I do now that I know about Alina's past?

What can I change?

The first thing that comes to mind is to get rid of some deep-seated trauma. I've forgotten, but I'm still affected. It must be connected to Alina's tongue.

That's why I need to talk to the other Alina first.

I decided to start there.

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